Summer Indiscretions

by Tamara Mataya

  “I know you’re right. But not being ready for him isn’t all of what’s holding me back. We practically grew up together because he didn’t have a family. And now, just finding out about us? Shawn has already cut Blake out, called him names. What if their friendship is wrecked for good? If we… If I fucked this up, there’s no way things will be the same between him and my family. I can’t do that to him. It’s not fair. So I told him I can’t be with him.”

  “So don’t fuck things up. Give things a chance. Shawn will get over it.”

  “I want to be the person Blake deserves. But I feel like it’s too late.”

  Her hand slapping my desk shocks me.

  “Bailey!” I snap.

  “That’s bullshit, and you know it. You know the big difference I saw in you in Florida when we talked? Down there, you finally let yourself be happy. And maybe things fuck up, but there’s a difference between things not working out and you not giving a good thing a chance to even begin. I haven’t even seen you guys together, and I know you’re perfect for each other. When you find that in life, Mel, you don’t get to let it get away from you. Fuck what anyone else thinks. Do you know how lucky you were to get together? Most people will never find their soul mates. Don’t you dare let him get away because you’re scared.”

  I sit back. “Geez. When did you get so assertive?”

  She bites her lip. “I don’t know, but I sort of like it.”

  “Me too. But I’m pretty sure I already wrecked things. He was pissed at me for trying to protect him from losing my family.”

  “So? Do you want to be with this man?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well? What are you going to do to fix your life and get him back?”

  I prop my head on my hand. “I’m not sure yet, but you’ve given me a lot to think about.”

  “Good. Family is about love, Mel. And from the looks of it, you’re the best person for him to have in his life. Fight for him—for both of you.”

  My phone beeps—message received.

  “Go ahead and check it.” Bailey leans forward. “I bet it’s Blake.”

  I open it, hands trembling in fear and anticipation, but it’s from Shelby. I laugh at the picture she’s sent and show it to Bailey. She frowns. “Are they topless? What’s that say on the ground behind them?”

  I nod. Shelby and Ariella are sitting on the beach without tops on, just showing me their bare backs. They’d never gone topless on the beach before. On the sand behind them, they’ve written Wish you were here.

  Me too.

  * * *

  Nine p.m. rolls around. My fingers tremble when I call Blake, having had more time to marinate in my stupidity. I pace around the apartment while the phone rings, trying to work off some nerves. It’s taken until now to decide what I’m going to say to him.

  “Yeah.” His voice is flat, but he picked up—a good sign.

  My carefully planned script evaporates. “I’m an idiot. Please don’t hang up on me.”

  He sighs but stays on the line.

  “Blake, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry about what happened today.”

  “What happened? No, don’t make it sound like something completely out of your control. It wasn’t a random thing that occurred.” His words are clipped and betray the fact that he’s not as calm as he normally is.

  I’m already fucking this up. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Seeds were planted from my conversation with Shawn, and then I just panicked when Thaddeus showed up and saw us together.”

  “If you called to justify—”

  “No! I take it back. I want to be with you. I overreacted today.”

  “You didn’t overreact. You treated me like I’m nothing to you. Like I was an embarrassment or an inconvenience. I’ve had enough of that in my life, thanks.”

  I cringe. I hadn’t even thought of it like that. This is worse than I thought. “Blake, no, you have to know how much you mean to me.”

  “You have a great way of showing it.” His anger is palpable, even through the phone. “Your family is the closest to a true family I’ve ever had, but I was willing to take a chance on you—on us. I risked the only family I know to be with you, and it kills me you didn’t do the same. And the first time something… Hell, I don’t even know what the hell it was, but you bailed over nothing. I was bringing you lunch, and you freaked the fuck out. What happens down the road when a real conflict comes up? Maybe that was just an excuse. Maybe it’s all a big excuse because at the end of the day you just don’t want to be together.”

  “That’s not true. I do want to be together! I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to fuck it up and ruin what you have with my family either. I didn’t want to disappoint you. I was so stupid. Please give me a chance to try to do better.” I feel about an inch tall.

  “I’m sorry, Melanie. I can’t do this.”

  The silence when he hangs up thunders through my heart.

  Chapter 34

  Blake

  The funny thing about getting drunk in public before two o’clock on a weekday is that no one pays close attention to one another. None of us are here looking for hookups. I can be as pathetic as I want—though I’m not exactly crying into my beer, I’ve received more than one scowl—and no one judges.

  Well, maybe they’re judging, but no one’s staring at me and that feels A-OK.

  Where did it all go wrong? Not that it matters. I gave up my family for her, and what did she give me in return? Excuses for some legendarily shitty behavior.

  If she’d overreacted and didn’t mean the words she’d said, she would have followed me out of the office or called before she got home from work instead of blowing me off. Maybe she thinks she wants another chance, but how long until she gets buyer’s remorse again? Actions scream volumes. Work is where her priorities are.

  I shove my phone into my pocket and order another beer. Then I realize all that beer feels lonely sloshing around in my stomach, and I order some wings—not because I’m hungry, but because if I eat a little something now, maybe I’ll be just drunk enough to pass out when I get home.

  Jerry, the bartender, cocks his head when I order wings. “Don’t you want the pizza? It’s all you ever get.”

  Pizza reminds me of Mel now. The last thing I ate was the half a slice with her at lunch yesterday. Could I eat pizza again without remembering that night in Shelby’s house, or yesterday when her face closed off and she… Nope, it’s ruined. “I’ve gone off pizza.”

  Regardless of her intentions, I’ve lost her and my family in one fell swoop. Shawn’s pissed and not returning my texts or calls. I can’t look at her parents without seeing Mel’s face. I can’t be in their house without worrying about running into her or remembering her in the kitchen that last time…

  I’m so close to tears that Jerry should put a rubber nipple on my beer bottle.

  He nods. “Wings will be right out, then.” He hightails it to the kitchen, not that I blame him. The rejection hangs from me, surrounding me like an off-putting poncho. Or a cloud of bad stench, like those assholes who wear too much body spray.

  Is that the type of asshole who’s going to take my place with Mel?

  I squeeze more lemon into my beer, just to see something ruined, crushed like the future I thought would happen for us. She can say it was all about not taking her family from me, but maybe that’s a lie. Maybe she really only meant for us to be a Florida fling, and I was the only one who didn’t get that memo.

  By the time the wings show up, I’ve drained another beer.

  By the time the last wing is finished, I’ve waxed poetic with a stranger about New York women being ruthless.

  By the time the stranger leaves, Shawn has perched himself on the stool at my side.

  “Wow.” I blink hard a few times. “Am I ever glad to see you, man. It’s like you’re psychic and kn
ew I really needed a friend.”

  “Not really.” He orders a rum and Coke. “You pocket-dialed me, and it sounded so uplifting I had to come find the party.”

  “Ah, a robust Sarcasm 2016. Great vintage.” I take another gulp of beer, surprised to find this bottle’s empty as well. I order another and pull out my phone, disengaging the call and turning the phone off. I should feel more embarrassed that Shawn heard my diatribe, but I can’t scrape up enough sobriety to care. I’m just grateful I hadn’t pocket-dialed Mel instead. Then again, maybe if I had dialed Mel, I’d have the ability to feel stupid. I shove her violently from my mind. “How’s my best friend? You’re still my friend, right? You haven’t rejected me like Mel said you would?”

  “I’m fine and not rejecting you. Right now, I care more about how you’re doing.”

  “I’m fair to middling.”

  “Fair to bottoming.” He flicks my bottle. “You don’t drink like this. What’s up? Look, if you’re going to date my little sister, I don’t want you doing shit like this. She deserves better.”

  “I’m better. I want the best for her. Wanted the best for her. Can you tell her that, please?”

  He narrows his eyes. “What does that mean?”

  “I tried.” My sigh comes out. It feels good, so I do it again.

  “What did you do?”

  I glare at him. “Don’t make it sound like I did something wrong. I didn’t cheat on her or hurt her. I’m the innocent victim in all this. She’s the one who stomped on my heart. She up and decided I’m not the one for her. Yeah. I literally have no idea what I did to change her feelings. This is all on her. I made a few reservations at places I thought we’d both enjoy. I didn’t know reservations were evil. Are they? Are reservations a new faux pas? Because I never meant them like that.”

  Shawn frowns. “No, you’re fine. What else did you do?”

  I’m getting a little offended that he thinks I did something wrong, but it’s good to have someone to talk to about this. Someone who knows exactly how frustrating and amazing Mel is. “I surprised her.”

  He grimaces. “Melanie’s not one for surprises.”

  No shit. “It was just a picnic lunch—at her office so she wouldn’t even have to leave. I know she had a lot to catch up on, but she basically threw me out.”

  “A picnic? If I’d known what a quivering pussy you were, I’d have made you date Melanie ages ago.” He sips his drink.

  “Shut up, Shawn.”

  “For real. I’m confident she’ll be safe in your hands with your Amish wooing. You’re a real smooth guy—reminds me of my grandpa’s moves.”

  I gulp more beer in lieu of an answer.

  His teasing side-eye turns to a full-on stare. “Wait, what’s wrong? She didn’t fall for your homemade preserves and hand-churned butter?”

  “Why are you being a dick? I’m in real pain here, and you’re supposed to be my friend. It’s over, Shawn. Stop joking about it.”

  His expression grows serious. “Sorry. I seriously thought it was a little tiff, not a real-deal fight.”

  “Well, now you know.” I check my phone again. “She called me with a half-assed explanation, but it was all excuses. She’s in love with her job, not me.”

  “Hang on. You guys made moony eyes at each other the whole time we were at my mom and dad’s. She’s stubborn but not impulsive. She wouldn’t cut you out without a good reason. What the hell happened?”

  I laugh. “Who the hell knows anymore? She said you were pissed at me too, and that validated her excuses, I guess.”

  He waves his hand. “Ah, you know Melanie. Give her a few days—she’ll come around.”

  I shake my head. “There’s nothing to wait for. I’m not going to beg someone to go out with me. We’re both adults. If Mel wanted to be with me right now, she would be. I’m too old to be playing these games, man. Maybe she wants me to pursue her, but I’m not about the chase. I’m not a predator, and she isn’t a trembling gazelle.”

  “That’s for damn sure. My little sister’s more like a frigging cheetah. She can cause a lot of damage in a very short time when she wants to.”

  “She’s more stubborn than a cheetah. She’s more like a rhino.” A sexy rhino. But that’s no longer my jurisdiction. I finish my beer and hold the empty bottle up, nodding at the bartender. He nods back.

  “You’re not giving up on her, though, right?” Shawn asks.

  “What am I supposed to say? I love her and I thought she loved me, but she doesn’t want—or isn’t capable of—a relationship. She proved that by freaking out and then pushing me away.”

  Shawn scratches his nose. “Maybe she’s looking for a sign or something. One of those big, romantic gestures. Chicks love that shit.”

  “What chicks? Ones like Shelby?”

  “Maybe.”

  I slump farther on the stool. “Your sister’s not the type. When she wants something, she goes for it. She’s less about games than anyone I’ve ever met, and that makes this even more futile. No. If she’s made up her mind, there’s nothing I can do to win her back. And you know what? I shouldn’t fucking have to.”

  Shawn slumps on his stool as well. “Shit.”

  “Yeah. I need to move on.” Easier said than done. “So, take my mind off things. Tell me about you and Shelby and big romantic gestures.”

  “I don’t know. I’m in a bit of a situation myself. You know she wanted me to come down there and check out her place.”

  “Wink wink.”

  He grins. “I know, but it’s not just that. She shares everything, wants everyone to experience life to the fullest. I told you we went to Vegas, right?”

  I nod, vaguely remembering something about a private jet. “Yes.”

  “She won twenty-six grand on the roulette table and gave it away. Just went around giving it to strangers—newlyweds, homeless people, and runaways. But she wasn’t doing it to be a big shot. She brushed off their thanks and danced away from the gravity of what she was doing.”

  “Huh.” Her place was nice, though. Maybe she’s secretly loaded. She is… Ariella said something about that. I wonder if Shawn knows.

  “I’ve never met someone with such a generous spirit, Blake.” He laughs self-consciously. “It’s clichéd as fuck, but she makes me want to be a better person. Like, I want to be successful so I can help more people.”

  Wow, Shawn with ambition? “I must be drunk.”

  He punches my shoulder. “I don’t understand it either. All I know is I like it and want more of that feeling. I was with her when she gave the money away, and people thanked me like I was part of it. I want to be part of something important. Haven’t figured out what that is, but when has common sense ever stopped me?”

  “When did you become a grown-up?” I marvel.

  He presses his lips together. “When I realized I’d rather be with one unique woman than chase all the pretty girls in New York.”

  I acutely know that feeling. Only, in my case, that unique woman pushed me away. And judging by the way she ran from her feelings yesterday, maybe she was just a girl after all.

  Chapter 35

  Melanie

  Bailey bumps my shoulder with hers. “I’m glad you came out.”

  I’m not sure if I am, but I manage a grin. “Me too.” I haven’t heard from Blake in three weeks. I called him once, but I didn’t know what to say to his voice mail. Maybe he’ll never pick up or read my texts again.

  What if the only time I see him again is through Shawn—who also isn’t answering his phone—and Blake looks at me with hurt or anger? Or worse, what if he looks at me like we were never lovers at all?

  I deserve it, but it eats at me that he hasn’t taken my calls for three weeks.

  Three long, lonely, so-much-ice-cream-my-cat-is-getting-judgmental weeks.

  The kicker?
A little part of my ego had truly thought that once I called him, he’d pick up, I’d admit how much of an asshole I’d been, and he’d agree but forgive me. Everything between us had always been so easy that I guess I assumed making up would be too.

  And when he didn’t accept my apology or call me back, that part of my ego became a black hole of hurt. I should accept it and leave him alone. I’ve been trying.

  “Melanie! How are you?” Jack sets a fresh screwdriver on the table in front of me, a beer for Bailey, and something blue for Sarah.

  “I’m OK. Thanks for getting us in.” I gesture around the VIP section.

  Jack winks at Sarah but replies to me. “You’re welcome. I know a guy.”

  Jack and Sarah gravitate toward each other like two halves of a whole. When they’re together, they touch. When one’s away from the table, they find each other with their eyes and smile. I’m not normally one for public displays of affection, but they’re so ridiculously in love it seems natural.

  It reminds me of the hope I felt in Florida for a bigger life than the one I’ve been shrinking into. I want that bigger life, the bigger love. Not some lukewarm relationship that’s nice or good.

  I want what Blake and I had, but he’s being painfully clear about his needs.

  He needs me to go away.

  He doesn’t want to see me.

  I blew it.

  I gulp my drink, letting the alcohol burn my throat instead of the tears.

  Bailey gives a frustrated growl and slaps her phone on the table. “Reese needs to see me about the Thaddeus cartoon idea I gave to Paulina. He doesn’t like it and doesn’t get it. Now I’m going to have to go into the office tomorrow and try to justify the whole idea with him breathing down my neck.”

  The funny thing is, for all the anger in Bailey’s words, she glows while saying them. She and Reese are an amazing team, and they barely need words at this point when talking shop. Unfortunately, the unspoken things between them get in the way.

  Seeing Bailey alone and frustrated tugs at my heart. If my amazing best friend can’t find someone who’s perfect for her, then what chance have I got? Only in my case, I had the perfect guy and I let him get away. I’d kick my own ass if I could reach it.