Prison Mountain
Page 2
Something had to have changed to loosen that hold on me. Her gaze, so reliable and steadying, sustaining and pleasant, even wonderful, left me for an imperceptible second, but I was able to see something outside of myself and realized the truth again; I still had a body. To the boundless depth of my slumber, something distracted her and I woke once again.
My body, when ripped from the grip of that prison, immediately longed for the happiness I had. I knew I had been held against my will, but waking from that long slumber only living a perfect life previously within my own imagination was deafeningly traumatic. I had not known how long had passed, but I was here and that was what mattered.
My eyes cracked open. The smell, dusty and old, and the cave no longer dark, but the silhouette of shadows was the same as I remembered. Much like the feeling one gets from taking an afternoon nap, waking after dark and forgetting the day, I had forgotten time. But I remembered some things, like why I was there, who had imprisoned me, and who I was. In realizing that, I remembered what was left behind and pulled myself from the illusion that had become my life. I fell to the ground, shaking with tears of loss and rage.
One could not sob forever and I was free, arguably thankful, but I had not known what freed me. I had to know and pushing myself forward, it was as though my body was in a stiff cast. Reaching the small tunnel I knew to be the way out, I noticed each forward motion was forever slow. Step after step, falling, getting up, falling again, the only thing that kept me going after a while was sensing the light stab at my eyes and a strange feeling that I was leaving a part of myself behind in that cave. It was a part of me that could have led to a future beyond the normal mundane human life that seemed so strange to me.
Still fighting hard against my weak and stiff body, I kept my eyes closed for a long time also fighting the pain of brightness through my eyelids. After a moment, the light and warmth began to spill over me like a hot shower on a cold night.
I sat at the mouth of the cave, allowing the sun to warm me and my eyes to get used to the light. My hands felt the foreign body they were attached to. I was still me, but it had been so long since the sensation of my own skin seemed real and almost could not get enough of the sensation of touch. The hardness of my skin could not have been the same, and there was a roughness to it. But it was definitely me.
A long time passed before I could open my eyes and take in the shapes around me. When I finally did my eyes had to be broken. All I saw was the sun, bright-white against blue instead of shouldered by clouds and hazy as I remember. The sea, dark blue and calm, flooded the horizon. The rock to my back was taller than any mountain I have ever seen. It was a great black mass that reflected no light. This, I knew at once, was her prison for me, an evil black tumor on the Earth created by her. I could still feel her, that evil demon who held me captive, as though she was still with me. I hated her. But then, feelings of love and affection washed over me and realization that everything since my time fighting the evil that invaded the Earth was changed to an irrevocable path.
After a long time on the cliff of that mountain, I contemplated where I was, what the date could be, and what happened to everyone. Did she not understand I was free? Or did she allow me to escape? Was this the end? I needed to run, to flee in search of the answers, but my body was not yet ready.
My ears were still working fine and seemed sensitive as well, but all I could hear was the sea splashing the rock far below. There seemed to be a possible path below and to my right. Following the rocky path and holding the wall of the cliff for support and guidance, my foot tripped over a jutted rock and twisted my ankle. Falling uncontrollably, I was carried down the unmoving stony face of the mountain, its sharp black edges carving into my skin taking even more from me.
I fell enough to reach the end of the path and could not move. Nothing was okay. I feared a completely broken body. Falling to my death was payment received for giving in to her, a minute payment for my treason to humankind and I lay there, still in regret, cursing my weakness and mortality. Closing my eyes again, I felt her still within, maybe slumbering, or I imaged it. Giving in to my loss and considering pushing myself into the ocean below, I drifted off trying to find something, anything to anchor myself.
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