“But… but what if he’s different, Shelly?” I couldn’t help but ask. Shelly knew about dominants and the relationships they had with their submissives, but she didn’t know every dominant out there. Connor was sweet and gentle. He was thoughtful when it came to me.
Connor was different from the dominants that she’d told me about.
“Connor cares about me too,” I said with conviction. It wasn’t just about the extra money he was spending on me. He supported me too. He wouldn’t do that if he didn’t care, would he?
“How can you know that, Kitty? You were a virgin when you met him. Have you dated guys that you can compare him to?”
I was at a loss for words. Of course I didn’t have anyone to judge him against. “No,” I told her honestly.
“Kitty, he’s not just the first guy you’ve had sex with, but also the first one to gave you real attention.” Shelly sighed. “Honey, listen to me, I know it’s hard to tell when you’ve never experience it before, but this is just how doms are. We’re not damsels in distress that they’ll save as they ride their white horse. We’re just their submissives. You know that, right?”
All I could do was mumble a small agreement, blinking back the tears stinging my eyes.
“I’m sorry, Kitty, but when the contract is done and we get paid, that’s it. Doms move on to the next submissive that they like after that. I know it might sound harsh, but we’re replaceable to them. There’s no happily forever after with them, sweetie.”
“Thanks, Shelly,” I managed to croak out, my voice sounding weaker than when our conversation started.
“I’m really sorry, Kitty,” Shelly said. “I feel like this is my fault. I should have prepared you better. Maybe explained the relationship more or something.”
“No, I understand.” I took a deep breath to keep the tears from spilling down my cheeks. “It was just so different. I got caught up in it, that’s all.”
“Are you all right, Kitty?”
“Yeah, of course,” I lied. My eyes were burning, but it was nothing compared to the pain shattering my heart. “I should go though. Mr. Cartwright wants me ready soon.” Another lie, but I couldn’t stay on the phone any longer.
“Okay,” Shelly said, her voice unsure. “Call me again when you have time, okay? And just…don’t get attached, yeah? It’s not the kind of hurt you want.”
Was she speaking from experience or just warning me?
I said a quick goodbye before hanging up and throwing my phone down on the bed. It hit the soft blankets and bounced onto the floor as hot tears trailed down my face.
Shelly was right. This was nothing but a contract and when it was over, so were we. It was naïve of me to think that Connor felt anything for me.
“You’re so stupid, Kitty.” My words were a whispered wrapping around my aching heart.
Connor was an insanely attractive billionaire that could have anyone he wanted. Women probably threw themselves at him all the time. Beautiful model women and not ones plain and quiet like me. He could have his pick of anyone.
I was just entertainment for his month-long vacation, a distraction from his work. There’d never be anything more between us than that.
My reflection in the vanity across the room stared back at me. My eyes were red, face splotchy, and a tangle of curls sat on my head. Of course Connor didn’t have feelings for me. I was nothing special to look at. Even the guys growing up knew that. None of the boys in school ever looked at me, ever saw anything special. If they had, I wouldn’t have been a virgin for so long.
I turned away from my reflection, from the truth of my situation, and slumped back in my bed, wiping the tears from my cheeks and hitting the switch for the light harder than necessary. The room plunged into darkness, the shadows creeping into my heart.
It was delusional to even think that Conner could actually care for me.
Shelly had been right. This wasn’t some fairytale with a happy ending and Connor wasn’t my knight come to save me from my pathetic life.
“God, why would you even think that, Kitty?” My own words were harsh in my ear. I needed to get it together. Stop my crying. If Connor heard, would he comfort me? That would be the last thing my heart needed. It would only make all of this more confusing for me.
I was not the girl for Connor. He lived a lavish life and didn’t need a poor nineteen-year-old girl dragging him down with her sad, little life.
A soft knock on my door brought me back to reality. “Kitty?”
I squeezed my eyes closed against the sound of his enticing and warm voice. He was probably only here to fuck me like our contract said anyway, but I wasn’t in the mood. Not that it mattered. If he wanted sex, I was his paid slave and didn’t really have a choice.
Connor must have just gotten home after having dinner with his friend. Maybe he wanted me as dessert, but tonight my mood was sour. Sex wouldn’t be the sweet treat we’d both been enjoying.
My master opened the door without an answer. I kept myself tucked tight into the blankets with my eyes closed, letting my breathing even out. Maybe he’d think I was asleep and just leave.
I couldn’t stop myself from peeking. Connor looked gorgeous in a dark suit that fit his hard muscles flawlessly. Just seeing him hurt my heart. He was too beautiful, too perfect, and someone like me could never compare.
“I guess you’re asleep,” came his soft and sexy voice. He stepped closer, in my room and I slammed my eyes shut.
“Hmm,” he said and the soft rustle of his clothes shifted so close to my side of the bed. If he kissed me goodnight it would crumble my resolve. I wouldn’t be able to stop my heart from craving him.
Instead of a kiss though, the sound of something hard being set on my nightstand echoed in the room before Connor’s footsteps faded away.
“Goodnight then, Kitty,” he said before the door snicked shut quietly.
After Connor left, I glanced at my nightstand. He’d picked up my phone that had fallen on the floor. He could have woken me up, been demanding and fucked me all he wanted even, but he didn’t because he wasn’t that kind of guy.
I squeezed my eyes shut and let the tears fall again. Why did he have to be so nice? Didn’t he realize how hard that was making this for me?
If Connor had been a jerk this contract would have been easier. I wouldn’t have fallen for him. But damn him for being gentle and sweet to me the first time we’d had sex, for making my first time special.
Damn him for buying me art supplies and for being encouraging with my art.
Damn him for having a smile that could melt a girl’s heart and a laugh that sounded like music to my ears.
Damn him for having such brilliant blue eyes that pierced straight into my soul.
And most of all, damn him for making me fall in love with him when he had no intention of keeping me.
And damn me.
For dreaming and wishing and hoping that what I had with Connor could be more. Damn me for believing that what we had could be real and for letting myself fall for his charms.
Damn me for believing in love when it was never supposed to be there in the first place.
Chapter Fourteen
Connor
The soft lighting at Delmonico’s reminded me of the playroom and I couldn’t stop thinking about Kitty, waiting for me back at the apartment, kneeling and waiting for me to fuck her into oblivion.
My knee bounced in anticipation. I couldn’t wait to just get back home, to be with Kitty. But John wanted to go out tonight and my excuses were running out. Sure he understood wanting to play with your submissive, but he wouldn’t get not wanting to leave her for even a night.
“How’s your vacation been?” John asked, slicing a bite of his steak.
I swirled my brandy in its glass, thinking of how to respond. If I gushed over Kitty too much he’d start getting ideas, wanting to have her next. The thought of him—or any man—touching her sent a primal part of me roaring in anger. My grip on the glass tig
htened and I set it down before breaking it.
“It’s been good,” I replied curtly, wanting to find another subject to talk about. But Kitty consumed me. She was the only thing I could think of, how sexy and talented and smart she was.
“I’m sure your sub has been keeping things interesting. I know mine is,” John said, wiggling his eyebrows at me. “She’s a pro at this, Connor. I’m telling you. She knows more than me! And with how long I’ve been doing this that’s saying something.” His laugh echoed over the light clinking of silverware all around us.
I pursed my lip and nodded. “So I guess she’s making you happy, huh?” At least if his current sub kept him satisfied he wouldn’t be thinking of making a contract with Kitty next.
As much as I didn’t want to entice John, the desire to gush about Kitty was overwhelming. She added a happiness to my life that had been missing for too long. Success and money couldn’t match the pure joy she gave me when I saw her.
It was a genuine type of happiness.
John nodded at me, grinning like a buffoon. “She is. Might actually keep her for more than a month too. I could learn some new tricks from her.”
John was actually keeping his sub for more than a month? The man that lectured me on keeping a contract for too long. He’d droned on about feelings and attachments and now he was keeping his submissive longer.
I closed my eyes. Avoiding feelings was already too late for me. I cared about Kitty as more than my sub now. I couldn’t deny it any longer—even if it did scare me.
But if that was the case, then what did it matter if I kept Kitty longer? There was nothing the time restraint would stop for me now. Could I make a new contract with Kitty and keep her longer than our original month?
If John found out that I had feelings for my submissive, he would flip.
Because things would get complicated he’d told me.
Only it was too late for me now.
“What are you planning to do with your sub after you learn more from her?” I asked.
“What do you mean? Would I keep her around for a third contract? Hell no, man. She knows some kinky stuff that I want to try, but after that,” John leaned back in his chair and gestured to his empty plate. “Do you keep the dirty plate after you finish your steak? Fuck no. You move on to something new like dessert or a good scotch.”
I swallowed a bite of steak, not quite finished with my dinner like John. “What if you didn’t want the hassle of a new contract?”
“The hassle? What are you talking about? They do it all for you. And it’d be pretty much the same as the first one.”
“Yeah… yeah, I guess so.”
John narrowed his eyes at me and leaned in closer. “Shit. You like your submissive.”
“Of course, I do.” I pushed my plate away, the New York strip only half eaten. “She’s a good fuck,” I said, trying to throw John off the scent he’d caught.
“No, man.” He shook his head at me. “You’ve got feelings. Didn’t I tell you not to get attached? Aren’t you the king of no relationships?”
“I think that’s you,” I mumbled. John might be my best friend, but he was also an asshole that was getting on my nerves. What did it matter to him if I liked my sub?
“Both of us,” he said. “I thought that we were both the no strings kind. But fuck, look at you. You can’t fall for a sub. They don’t actually like us, man. It’s just our money they want.”
I downed the rest of my drink. “I don’t care about her,” I almost shouted. “I was just thinking of keeping her longer, that’s all. She’s fun to play with. Nothing more.” The words hit my stomach just as hard as my brandy.
John smirked. “Yeah, I guess I’d want to keep her longer too. I knew that little virgin slut would be good. So tell me more. How’s she adapting to your playroom?”
My hands fisted so tight I thought a bone would break. I wanted to smash John’s mouth in until he couldn’t talk about Kitty like that. It was irrational, but that didn’t matter to me. The thought of him wanting Kitty, of calling her a slut, made my blood turn hot.
I took a deep breath before my fist really did meet his face. John was my best friend, after all. And with any other chick I would have gone along with John’s questions. Kissing and telling wasn’t my thing, but when John asked before it had never bothered me to answer him.
“She’s good,” was all I could manage to slide past my clenched teeth.
John’s eyebrows rose. “Just good? Come on, Connor. What’s going on with you?”
He was right. Any other time, telling him details hadn’t bothered me. And John really could nag like a wife. I had to give him more if he was ever going to leave me alone about it.
Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I answered, “She’s a natural. It wasn’t hard for her to adjust to it.”
John whistled low. “Man, I’m jealous. I don’t think I’ve ever had a virgin. Well, not in the BDSM world, that’s for sure. If it hadn’t been you bidding on her, my counter-offer would have been there in a second.”
I swallowed a growl, reminding myself that John was my best friend. He didn’t know what his words were doing to me.
“I got it.” John snapped his fingers and pointed at me with a smile. “We could trade. You can have my sub for a day. I swear she’s got so many tricks you’ll love. And I can take your fresh daisy for a spin. What do you want to make of it, a day or a weekend?”
Anger crowded my chest and singed my veins. Somehow, I was leaning forward at our small table with the steak knife clutched in my hand. My chest was heaving. Deep breaths of hot air, poisoned with raged, filled my lungs.
“No,” I said through gritted teeth. “I don’t want to share.”
John rolled his eyes at me. “Oh come on, Connor, it’s not sharing. It’s trading. You said you didn’t have feelings, so why does it matter? Your submissive wouldn’t mind. They’re just sluts and whores, man. The only thing they want is to be fucked and paid. They couldn’t care less who they’re doing it with.”
I slammed my fist on the table, still clenching the steak knife. John jumped at the sound and the patrons around us when silent too, eyeing our table.
One deep breath with my eyes closed and I relaxed my hand, setting the knife down. Rage simmered in the pit of my stomach and all I wanted to do was strangle the man I’d been calling my best friend for years, but it wasn’t hit fault. Not really. Before, the subs we’d found had been girls we met in person, not online. There’d been implied payment and gifts, but nothing like the contracts Seductive Subs did. Of course, John saw these girls as whores when they literally agreed to sex if they got paid.
But Kitty was different, wasn’t she? She’d been innocent and in a bad place. She didn’t do this professionally like the other girls. She just needed help. She needed me.
Only she didn’t. Not me, at least. She’d needed any guy that was rich enough to pay her.
But it felt like she needed and wanted me. Not just any guy with money.
I certainly needed her.
Because no matter what I said to John, that girl had found a way into my heart.
And I didn’t want any other man to have her. Especially any other dom. They were merciless. They’d see Kitty as prey. That’s how they saw submissives. Prey that had to be caught and punished.
With any other dom, Kitty would get paid, but there’d be a price. I wasn’t into the pain nearly as much as other doms. They’d make her suffer and I couldn’t live with that. Even if she did enjoy what we did, I didn’t think Kitty would find pleasure in the harder stuff.
“Connor, if you don’t want me to have your sub, that’s fine,” John said calmly, like trying to subdue a wild animal. “I didn’t realize you’d be that possessive over your submissive.” He glanced at where I’d set the steak knife down. “But you should tone it down a notch. Seriously, Connor, in a month’s time, she’ll be in another man’s bed anyway.”
The thought of Kitty being with another man
was wrong, being touched and fucked by someone else. My jaw clenched so tight it hurt.
Fuck what was going on with me? I had to get it together.
“Not if I make another contract with her. Keep her for another rmonth.”
“And after that?” John asked. “You can’t keep her forever. She’ll get tired of having the same dick, dude. Like I said, they’re sluts. The sooner you get that through your head, the better, man.”
Fuck John and these feelings. Kitty was different.
Wasn’t she?
“I gotta go.” I stood up, throwing some bills on the table. “There’s something I forgot about,” I lied, but everything he said only made anger coat my throat and eventually one of us would say something we couldn’t take back.
“Connor!” John called out, half rising from his seat. But I ignored him and stalked out of the restaurant without even goodbye. I’d talk to him when my mind was clearer.
The thought of Kitty with another man, his dick deep in her pussy, her screaming someone else’s name, had me seeing red. I punched the steering wheel of my car, the image of Kitty riding someone else, someone like John, ignited an irrational anger in the pit of my stomach that burned and radiated through my entire body.
Rage had my body shaking, barely suppressed anger and adrenaline filling me. I needed to see Kitty. To fuck her in every way possible, making her mine and let everyone know who she belonged to.
Kitty was mine.
No one else could have her.
By the time I got to the apartment, the anger had dimmed, but need still radiated from every pore. I needed to see Kitty, to fuck her until it was my name she was screaming and only me she was thinking of.
“Kitty?” I whispered through her door. The light was out and no noise came from her room.
I cracked the door open and sighed. She was cuddled up in her bed, already asleep. As much as I wanted and needed to be inside of her, to claim Kitty as mine, waking her up didn’t feel right. She must have been tired from our time in the playroom before my dinner. We’d had a few rounds of fun and Kitty deserved her rest.
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