RISK

by Deborah Bladon

  She adjusts her knees and I wish to hell there was a mirror behind her. I want to see her. I want a view of that wet pussy that I'll lick as soon as I blow my load down her throat. Then I'll fuck her, hard and recklessly against the wall. I want it all. I want more.

  "I could do this all night." Her breath races across my thigh as she licks the length of me, her tongue lashing against my sac. "You taste so good."

  "Down your throat," I rasp. "I need to fuck your mouth."

  "Yes," she hisses before she shifts again, her ass moving, taunting me.

  I take control because the need is too strong. I use my hand to set the pace on the back of her head and I thrust and I thrust. Long, easy strokes give way to fast, frantic pumps until I come hard and intensely as she takes every last drop.

  ***

  "You don't have to leave, Ellie." I kiss her forehead. Her hair is damp, her skin covered with a sheen of sweat. We've been at each other for hours, licking, sucking, touching and fucking. It's a miracle that I have the energy to stand straight.

  I got dressed because I had to. I put my shoes on because I need to leave. I did it all while she drifted to sleep with her hands tucked next to her face, her nude body sprawled out on the bed. That image is a picture of her confidence in my words. She knows I hunger for her body, every angled curve and inch of her.

  She squints at me with one eye. "Did you miss curfew?"

  "I did," I admit. It's closing in on one in the morning. "I called the nanny. May's asleep, but I have to go so I can be there. She might wake up and need me."

  She rolls onto her back, her breasts coming into view. Her arm moves to cover them. "I'll get dressed. I need to go home."

  I trail my lips along her forearm before I push it down with my chin. I suck her right nipple into my mouth, swirling my tongue around it, bringing it back to a stiff point. "I want you to stay. I wish I could too, but you should. Sleep here. Spend the night."

  "I can't." She rests her hand on the back of my head; her eyes open now looking into mine under heavy lids. "I can't stay here."

  "You can," I insist as I rest my chin on her arm. "I brought some bottled water and fruit. That's in the refrigerator. I stocked the main bathroom with some Matiz shower products. There are towels there for you as well. I want you to stay and rest. You're exhausted. You can go home tomorrow."

  Her hand slides to my cheek. "You're a good guy. I knew it when I first met you in Vegas."

  I study her face. I see less of Kip each time I look at Ellie. I might have thought Ellie bore a resemblance to the little redhead I used to know because they share the same spirit. They're generous and kind, but Ellie has a light within her that Kip didn't possess.

  "Sometimes you look at me and I can't figure out what's going on in your mind." She traces my brow with the pad of her thumb. "Tell me what it is. What are you thinking about when you look at me that way?"

  I can't tell her. The questions that follow will have the expectation of a truthful answer attached to them. I won't lie to her. I never want to skim over the truth with Ellie. If I tell her about Kip I'll need to explain what happened the last night I saw her. I'll have to confess what I've done.

  The way she touches me will change. Her eyes won't widen the way they do now whenever she looks at me. She won't crave me anymore.

  I risk losing her if I answer that question, so I don't.

  "I need to go, Ellie." I kiss her cheek. "I want you to give some thought to meeting May."

  Her eyebrows draw together. "You want me to meet her? It seems soon, Nolan. Isn't it too soon?"

  It is soon. A few weeks ago I couldn't imagine wanting my daughter to meet any of the women I've slept with, now the idea of the two of them not meeting feels wrong. "It's soon, but I know you'll like her and May is going to be crazy about you."

  She likes that. It brings a smile to her mouth. "Are you worried about what will happen when we aren't seeing each other anymore? Isn't it hard to explain to a child when someone just drops out of their life?"

  Her words slice into me. She's convinced herself that this is short term. She doesn't see the potential because the asshole she used to be involved with stole all sense of certainty away from her. He also took his son away from her. I have no grasp on the extent of her relationship with Jayce Darling but I sense that's where her hesitation about meeting May stems from. "I want my daughter to know you. Regardless of what happens between us in the future, I know it will benefit May to know such a strong woman."

  She sighs, her body visibly relaxing. "Can I think about it? It doesn't have to be tomorrow or the next day, does it?"

  "It can be whenever you like." I smooth my fingertips over her cheek. "I'll call you in a few hours. Be as late as you want to be for work tomorrow."

  "I work for Crew, not you. I'll be on time. I've never been late for work a day in my life."

  Chapter 35

  Ellie

  "What the hell is that bed made of? The feathers from angel's wings and the sighs of babies?" I whisper to Nolan. "I fell fast asleep after you left. I was an hour late for work, Nolan. One whole hour."

  "You like the bed?" A grin ghosts over his lips. "Do you like it enough to meet me in it tonight? Say at nine?"

  That sounds like a pattern. The place we're meeting at may not be a hotel suite, but it's only a step up. I know he can't take me to his apartment, but I have a place. I also have a roommate but Adley's planning on pulling the evening shift starting tomorrow at the vet clinic. She says it's for extra money. I say it's because of the new vet who just started working there.

  Dr. Donovan Hunt.

  She showed me his Instagram page early this morning when I stopped at home to change clothes. The good doctor has more than a million followers and a smile that can light up a room. Adley's plan to work the late shift with him means an extra two dollars an hour in pay and a man who has at least one thing in common with her. Judging by all the pictures on his Instagram feed of him holding puppies, he loves animals as much as Adley.

  "I'm meeting Wolf's brother tonight," I say casually because it's business. "We're going to talk about the NYPD."

  I don't need to clarify it. Nolan knows that Sebastian Wolf may be a major career contact for me. Liam sent me a text message early this morning to ask if I was available tonight. If this is my only chance to talk to someone with some influence in the NYPD, I won't pass it up.

  "What time is that?" He raises his hand to wave at a customer. "It's not going to take all night, is it?"

  No, but I need to catch my breath.

  "I don't know how long it will take, Nolan." I lower my voice, trying to keep our conversation between only us. "I was planning on going to sleep early. We can see each other another night."

  For a moment, he doesn't move or say a thing. "Last night was incredible, Ellie. If I made you uncomfortable when I brought up you meeting my daughter, I apologize. I want it, though. It's something I'd like to see happen."

  I'd forgotten about that part of the night until now. He wants me to meet her. I want to make sure it's the right thing to do. I can't tell if this mutual attraction and infatuation between us will last. I don't want to get attached to his daughter only to have to walk away when we end. "I'm still thinking about it."

  "No pressure," he says as his gaze travels over my head. "I hope your meeting with Nick's brother goes well. I'll hang out with May tonight."

  I nod. "I'll look forward to seeing the artwork on your hands tomorrow."

  "I want to kiss you, but I won't." He stares into my eyes. "I'll save it for the next time we're alone together. Until then, Ellie."

  "Until then," I whisper with a nod of my chin. Until then, I'll wonder if this is too good to be true because it feels like the best thing that's ever happened to me.

  ***

  "I'm sorry, Ellie." Adley pulls on the corner of a package of frozen carrots. "I know how much you want to work for the NYPD. You'd make a great detective."

  I smile at the com
pliment. Adley's always been my biggest cheerleader, although she's never understood why I want to be a police officer. I stopped trying to explain it to her years ago. "We could just grab something at the all-night deli, Ad. You don't have to cook dinner."

  That's code for please don't cook dinner tonight.

  Sebastian Wolf suggested we grab a bite to eat, but I declined. I don't think it was an offer for a date, although I'm not the best at reading a man's interest. Sebastian is handsome in an entirely different way than Liam is. He looked every bit the part of a homicide detective, complete with suit, tie and a dark shadow of late day scruff over his jaw.

  When he told me that he could help me get an administrative job within the department, I thanked him. He reiterated what I was told when I was turned down by the NYPD the last time I applied for the program. If I didn't make the cut the first time, I need to try again. I will. I just need to decide when.

  "You're sure about dinner?" She slams the freezer door shut. "This is my only night off this week and to tell you the truth I wasn't really in the mood for whipping up a gourmet meal."

  She may be delusional, but I like her confidence in her cooking skills. Besides, I'm currently the only one eating the food she prepares, and I haven't gotten sick, yet.

  "I'm positive, and it's my treat."

  I hold up my hand to ward off the argument I know she's about to launch into. Adley's had my back for years. She helped me when I didn't have two dimes to rub together. I made sure to keep track of how much money she loaned me so when I was finally in a position to pay it back, I did. That was just a few months ago and when she got the courier package with the check made out to her inside of a handwritten thank you note from me, she was in tears.

  I love Adley and I know that she didn't expect any of that money back, but I needed to give it back. It was one of the easiest decisions I've ever made.

  "I already know what I'm getting." She slips her feet into her low heels. "They have this meatloaf sandwich that I could eat every single day for the rest of my life."

  I look down at the floor, to shield my smile. Meatloaf was the first meal we ate together. That feels like a lifetime ago. "A meatloaf sandwich for you and macaroni and cheese for me."

  "You'll share with me. Won't you, Bean?"

  I will. I always have. We've shared almost everything since the day Adley's family took me in and made me feel like I finally had a home.

  Chapter 36

  Ellie

  "Are you going to eat all of that?" Gretel points at the food in my hands.

  I admit it looks like a lot for one person. I'm holding a meatloaf sandwich and a bag of potato chips for Adley. I also grabbed a medium size container of macaroni and cheese for dinner and a bagel for my breakfast. I must look like someone who hasn't eaten in months.

  "My friend and I are sharing it." I look beyond her shoulder to where Adley is standing near a display for a new flavor of coffee creamer. "How are you, Gretel?"

  I'm not asking because I care. I don't care how she is. I thought if I ever saw her again it would be inside Matiz. I never imagined that I'd run into her and her daughter at a deli at ten o'clock at night.

  "Hi, Ellie," Leila says brightly. "Your hair looks pretty again today."

  "You look lovely, Leila." I smile down at her. "That's a beautiful dress you're wearing. Is tonight a special occasion?"

  Before the child has a chance to open her mouth, her mother interrupts. "We went to a musical. Leila insisted we go to see that new musical that opened last week. It's no more than a three out of five, but I suppose if you're a kid, it's a home run."

  "I loved it." Leila claps her hands together. "I want to go again."

  "Your daddy will take you." Gretel pats her daughter on the head. "Go find a snack you can take to daycare tomorrow."

  Leila scoots to the side where an assortment of fruit and cheese boxes are arranged in a refrigerated display case.

  "I should pay for all of this and get home." I dip my chin. "It was good seeing you again, Gretel."

  "You're not going to believe who I saw tonight."

  Since the only person Gretel and I have in common besides Leila, is Nolan, I stop. I know I shouldn’t. It was obvious when I stood next to her at Matiz that she'd be all over Nolan if given a chance. I have no idea if she could sense that something was going on between us and this is her way of stirring up trouble, but I'm frozen in place. It's not only curiosity keeping me here. It's self-doubt. I haven't been able to accept that Nolan might actually be serious about me because I'm still tainted from what Tad did. I'm aware of it. I'm working on it, but I'm still not strong enough to walk away from Gretel or what she's about to say.

  "Who?" I ask with a playful lift of my brow. "Who did you see?"

  "Your boss." She elbows me, almost causing the meatloaf sandwich to roll out of my hands. I grip the food tighter.

  "Crew?" I ask with a glimmer of hope. "You saw Crew Benton?"

  "I wish." She winks. "I made it with him before I was married. We did it in a photo booth in a restaurant in Times Square. Dirtiest sex I've ever had. The mouth on that man is wicked."

  TMI, Gretel. That is way too much information about Crew Benton that I will never be able to erase from my memory now.

  Since I don't want to hear any more details about what went happened in that photo booth, I ask the obvious question. "Was it Nolan that you saw?"

  "Who saw Nolan?" Adley walks over and taps my shoulder. "Is he here?"

  Gretel gives Adley a quick once over. "I'm Gretel Gallant. Are you Ellie's friend?"

  "I'm Ellie's best friend." Adley touches the middle of my back. It's a signal we developed years ago for whenever our bitch or bastard radar signals when a person is bad news. "Adley York."

  I look at Adley and wink. "Gretel is a Matiz customer. She's here with her daughter."

  Adley glances at Leila, who has now wandered over to where the yogurt is. "It's good to meet you, Gretel. Are you wearing Matiz's Beach Blush lipstick?"

  Gretel's entire face transforms with a genuine smile. Her eyes brighten and her cheeks redden. "You noticed? It's new for me. What do you think?"

  "I think if Matiz is planning a promotional campaign for it, you're the model. Hands down."

  I look at Adley. I can't tell if what she just said came from the heart or not. Regardless of its source, it made Gretel happy.

  "Speaking of models," Gretel lowers her tone as she glances toward Leila. "I saw Nolan and Shelby Leon having a drink tonight."

  I immediately see Adley's gaze drop to her phone. Her fingers skim over the screen. She's doing a search for Shelby Leon to see if it's indeed the woman who was having dinner with Nolan in Vegas. I already know that it's her. I heard her say her full name to the head of security when they arrived at Meadow to escort her out.

  "I couldn't tell if it was business or pleasure." Gretel raises an eyebrow. "I'm guessing it was both. Matiz is looking for a model for the launch of some of their new products and Shelby would be perfect. Have you seen her cheekbones? I'd pay good money for those."

  "You saw Shelby Leon in person?" Adley shrieks. "Oh my God, Gretel. You can't be serious. I don't believe it."

  What the fuck? What the actual fuck is Adley doing?

  Gretel grins with pride. "I saw her ten minutes ago."

  "Where?" Adley doesn't look at me even though I'm staring intently at her.

  "It was at Normand's," Gretel says casually as she glances at Leila.

  "Normand's Pub?" Adley asks excitedly. "The place that is four blocks from here?"

  "That's it." Gretel nods. "Left corner of the patio, small table, she's sitting with Nolan Black."

  "She's my all-time model crush." Adley jumps in place, her hands clapping together. "Let's go, Ellie. I have to see her in person. This may be the only chance I ever get."

  "Hurry." Gretel gives my shoulder a push. "You better hurry and just for the record, if you two eat that trash on a regular basis, you'll never look like
Shelby Leon and me. That's just a piece of friendly advice from one woman to another."

  I shake my head as I walk away and head toward the check-out line. I stop before I reach it and pick up a candy bar just as I hear Adley tell Gretel her left eyebrow is larger than the right.

  ***

  "If he were my boyfriend, Bean, I'd be at Normand's right now asking him what the fuck he's doing."

  I fall in step beside Adley. As soon as we left the deli, she set off storming in the direction of Normand's Pub. I stood in place until she realized I wasn't next to her. By the time she walked back toward where I was, I'd made up my mind that I wasn't going anywhere near Normand's.

  I told her as much. I appreciate the fact that she was able to get Gretel to tell her where Nolan is without being too obvious, but it doesn't change how I feel.

  If I have to sneak around after a man, he's not the man for me. I did it with Tad. It was after we'd already broken up but it taught me that no man is worth that degree of stress. If Nolan chose to have a drink with Shelby tonight, that's his prerogative. Mine is to ask him about it and then end whatever's been going on between us.

  He was the one who wanted us to be exclusive. If he can't hold up his end of the deal for more than a few days, I'm done.

  "I'm not going to confront him while he's with her." I walk at a steady pace. "I'd rather eat dinner with you, get a good night's sleep and talk about it with him tomorrow."

  She sighs. "He's going to tell you that Gretel was seeing things, Bean. He'll come up with a believable excuse. Men do that when they're caught doing messed up shit to a woman."

  I stop and face her. "He can come up with any excuse he wants, Ad. That doesn't mean I'll believe him. He ended things with Shelby in front of me in Vegas. He's told me since that she meant nothing to him. If he's on a date with her tonight, I don't want to see him again."