Ineffable

by Sherrod Story

  He didn’t want to brag about their sex life, the incredible pleasure he continued to pull from Margot’s beautiful body. He couldn’t say that when there was something on his mind, there was nothing he liked better than to pop one of her brown nipples in his mouth and suck while he worked things out. That sometimes – a very few times admittedly – he’d wanted to cuddle more than he wanted to fuck. At least initially. Once he got her scent in his nose, all bets were off. His passion for her was unstoppable.

  “Have I ever what?”

  “Never mind,” Nori said. “Not only is she quiet, she cooks,” he offered, as a distraction.

  “You’re kidding.”

  It was a standing joke between them that women who cooked were as rare as unicorns these days.

  “Nope. Most of the time she forgets to eat she’s so busy working, but she can burn in the kitchen, my friend.”

  “From scratch? Like, taking actual fresh ingredients, cutting them up and using spices?”

  “From scratch,” Nori confirmed. “Last night we had homemade chicken burgers with banana peppers, heavy on the onions ‘cause that’s how I like them, topped with gruyere cheese, baked sweet potato fries and chocolate covered cherries rolled in nut dust. And she made the chocolate and ground the nuts. Tonight we had curry fish tacos. Apparently omega 3’s and curry together are extremely healthy. Something about turmeric, I don’t know, but it was fucking delicious.”

  “Damn,” Lado breathed. “My eyes are wide. So when do I get to meet her? A dinner invite wouldn’t go amiss. It’s almost criminal for you to keep all that good home cooking to yourself, mate. You’ll get fat if you don’t share.”

  He burst out laughing. Nori swore by exercise. The chance of him gaining weight, let alone getting fat, was as rare as one of them actually finding a unicorn. “Soon,” he promised. “Tell me about you. What have I missed?”

  He listened as his friend caught him up on everything that had been happening, and nearly 30 minutes slid by without him noticing. He was laughing when Margot appeared with a glass of the Perrier and lime he favored.

  She held up the fabric bags that signaled a trip to the grocery.

  “Lado, I’ve got to run. But I’m going to call you next week to arrange something, yes?”

  “Dinner!”

  Nori just laughed and hung up. “Whole Foods?”

  “You don’t have to come. Work.”

  “No,” he said, and kissed her until they were both breathless. They walked hand in hand to the store.

  “You know? I think I figured it out. You cultivated this reputation of having a fiery temper to disguise the fact that you’re a homebody,” he said. “I don’t think you have a temper at all.”

  “No? Did you forget what happened after dinner with your daddy?”

  “That was completely justified. From what I’ve been led to believe, it should have been much worse. You didn’t throw anything, break anything, and you didn’t get arrested. You should have tossed drinks at the dinner table and screamed in his face, at the very least. Instead you were remarkably elegant about the whole thing.”

  “You know I have a bad temper. I find it amazing how often you seem to want me to lose it.”

  Nori just laughed. “I confess I like watching you in action. It’s so much better than anything else I could come up with to entertain me.”

  “Jackass. I have a tendency to let things build up, that’s all. Most things I let roll off my back. The problem is, these days triflin’ motherfuckers see not attacking as a sign of weakness. Then they feel confident coming back for more; they keep trying their luck, and there’s certain things you not gon’ try me on. That’s when they get the fireworks.”

  “Certain things like what?”

  She shrugged. “Like my body. That story about me cussing that movie star out in a bar happened because he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He was saying filthy things in my ear for hours. When he put his hand on my thigh, I had to give it to him. Ain’t no man gon’ decide when to get my pussy.

  “Or my time. There was a society chick in New York who wanted me to make her some jewelry. Her husband was some big wig on Wall Street. He was also a controlling, condescending SOB who thought he could tell me how, when and what to create for her. So I told her I was sorry, but I would have to pass on the commission.”

  “What happened?”

  “He followed me out of the apartment talking shit, saying he was going to ruin my name and all this other shit. I laughed in his face and kept walking. Then he grabbed my arm. I asked him to release me. He didn’t, so I punched him in the face.”

  “Did you have to go to court?”

  “Yeah, but I won, and I got that bitch to pay for my legal fees plus some.”

  “You lost the commission.”

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “No?”

  “Uh-huh. She went behind his back and hired me anyway, at double our original budget. A picture of the necklace and earrings is on my web site. Shit turned out great. We still email. She’s a good customer. Every year she has me design something special for her. She divorced the asshole and remarried someone else much nicer and much richer. Said seeing me stand up to him is what gave her the courage to break away.

  “It was her testimony that helped me win my case. She told everyone that he grabbed me first, and relayed how badly he’d verbally abused me. I think she used the whole thing as part of her defense during the divorce proceedings.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah. But you didn’t hear all that, see. All you heard was, Margot’s in trouble again. Right?”

  “Right.”

  “These bitches never tell the whole story. They just tell whatever part of it suits their purpose, and the stories of me as an out of control, temperamental bitch sell better.”

  “Does that make you angry?”

  She shrugged again. “Not really. Who I am ain’t got shit to do with who the media portrays me to be. My friends and business partners know the truth. Strangers can think what they like.

  “Besides,” she laughed softly. “It ain’t hurtin’ my business none. Tommy’s managed to spin these little contretemps into a feminist manifesto. I’m objecting to abuse, not inciting violence or having tantrums. I’m struggling to maintain my independence in the face of tyrants who want to stifle my creativity, and cheat me out of my well-deserved earnings and success, not simply dealing with rich pricks with more money than manners.”

  “None of which is a lie,” Nori commented.

  “No. That’s the wonderful thing about Tommy. My girl never lies. She just spins the truth to suit her purpose, and when it comes to one of her clients, a good chunk of whom are her friends, that purpose is always positive. I’m pretty even tempered usually, wouldn’t you say?”

  He nodded.

  “Right. I just can’t stomach assholes, and I won’t tolerate people trying to fuck me – literally or figuratively – then trying to crow about it and make a statement. I been down that road. I’m not letting anybody victimize me, and that’s that.”

  He kissed her cheek lovingly. “Good. Since I became CEO for Ineffable I’ve had more time to notice how women are treated in business, and it’s not good. I’m proud of you for not taking any shit. Now, tell me another story about Margot Temper.”

  So, as they shopped, she told him about a woman who stood her up twice for an appointment. When she called to set up the third, Margot told her no, thanks. The woman subsequently went on Facebook and told lies that Margot had stood her up, etc.

  Margot responded via her blog, asking those in the general public who’d worked with her to write in if she’d ever been late for an appointment and not called. Dozens of people had responded praising not only her punctuality and professionalism but many who knew the woman had publically called her out for being a habitual liar.

  “Lesson there? Don’t lie on me. I’m honest and professional to a fault; you ain’t gon’ win.”

  Then there
was the man who tried to pick her up at the park while she was walking Bootsy, her terrier. She’d politely declined coffee, dinner, another walk in the park, and when he persisted, actually using his body to block her from walking away, she finally asked him was he stupid or just deaf?

  That time he lost his temper first, kicking Bootsy who’d begun to growl, and Margot broke his nose in response. Then she instructed Bootsy to piss on him while he was down. The dog had obliged.

  Nori burst out laughing. “You got your dog to piss on cue?”

  She shrugged. “We were in the park for a reason.”

  “Where is Bootsy? I’ve never seen a dog at your place.”

  “She died about a week later. Complications from that kick.”

  “Oh, Margot.” He stopped and turned her from the milk display and hugged her tight. It took her a moment but she hugged him back, her rather mournful sigh sending a pleasant shiver down his spine. “My poor darling. Will you get another dog, do you think?”

  “Yeah. Eventually. But not quite yet. I’ve always had a Bootsy.”

  “You name them all Bootsy?” He chuckled.

  “Yep. That way I don’t have to buy a new leash and bowl and shit. It’s all monogrammed.”

  “Of course,” he said seriously, but his twinkling eyes and the smirk she gave him threw serious to the wind. “Do you buy them as puppies and train them yourself?”

  “Yep. I’m good at it too. People have tried to get me to train their animals, since mine never shit or piss in the house, but I never do. They’re just lazy, and I have enough of my own work to do. Well, I think that’s it,” she said, putting some organic cashew milk in their cart.

  He laid a hand over hers when it was their turn in the checkout line. “Please, allow me. I eat at your place all the time.”

  She stared at him for a moment, then shrugged. He paid and released a breath, happy he hadn’t had to argue. She never allowed him to help out as much as he’d like. Her annoying tendency to be independent got on his last nerve, to quote one of her favorite sayings; it allowed her too much control. He liked her out of control, needy, wanting him. So far he’d only managed to get her that way in bed, but he remained hopeful it would spill over into the rest of their life. Hopefully before he was old, grey and no longer in control of his faculties.

  “Thank you,” he said as they were leaving.

  “For?”

  “Not making a fuss about the groceries. I never know when you’re going to let me help and when you’ll refuse.”

  “Well, you do eat at my house a lot.”

  He chuckled. “Yes,” he pulled her into his arms for a quick kiss before handing her and their many bags into a taxi. “I do.”

  Their lovemaking that night was different. He was still ravenously impatient to get inside her, to fill his mouth and hands with her flesh, but it was also softer.

  She was deliciously tight. It was always a tiny bit of a struggle to get in, as though her secrets, the mystery behind her Mona Lisa smile, were connected to that damp, secret flesh, and her body refused to release them easily. But he always got in, and that first sublime stroke always closed his eyes, at least for a moment, as he was overcome by pleasure. He always opened them again, not wanting to miss a moment of her response.

  Tonight their eyes never unlocked, nor did their lips. He got in, shuddering at the exquisite clasp of her hot, wet flesh, groaning when she clenched her inner muscles and rolled her slender hips beneath him like the most sensuous wave; he felt calm. The need and urgency that usually drove him to nail her vigorously into the bed was muted by a bone deep happiness and contentment. She was his. He could feed her and fuck her, and eventually he would do everything for her, as she had slowly but surely begun to do for him.

  He sped up his thrusts and she smiled. His heart seemed to expand seeing that gentle flash of her straight white teeth. She felt it too. The difference. These finer feelings did not keep him from having a climax so strong it felt like the top of his head was about to blow off, however. He was about three breaths from sleep when she said, “There are some things you should probably know about me.”

  Nori was instantly alert, but his voice was calm when he said, “What?”

  There was a pause, and she would have gotten up, but he stopped her.

  “Stay.”

  She subsided. “I told you a little about my family. You know about George. You know about most of my recent public temper tantrums, but you don’t know that after George I kind of went crazy.”

  “I don’t care about your past –”

  “Lemme finish,” she interrupted. “I don’t think you’ll care either, but I still want you to know, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  Big sigh. “So, after George I got depressed. I slept with four different men in a six month period. One I dropped because he crazy, lighting fires and breaking shit and acting like a nut. Two I dropped because he was verbally abusive, a real screamer, and I’ve had enough abuse to last me a lifetime. When a man uses his mouth as a weapon, it’s only a matter of time before he decides to use his fists too.

  “Three I dropped because he almost got me arrested. He was a drug dealer, and you know I don’t mind a joint now and then, but he tried to bring me in on the shit, without my knowledge. Hadn’t been for my girl Steele I’d have really caught hell on that one. The last I dropped because he was physically abusive. He didn’t, however, expect me to hit back. That was the first time I was arrested.

  “Anyway, I figured, love hadn’t done me any favors so I’d get out of the game. I started making jewelry, something I’d always dabbled in, but now I read books, haunted department store jewelry cases, talked to people, learned as much as I could, and I sold stuff. I figured I’d sell jewelry to finance my way through college. But I never made it. Still, the jewelry saved me. It gave me an anchor, I guess.

  “After I dropped that last dud, I got depressed, so depressed I couldn’t get out of bed. I lost a ton of weight. I went to the doctor for a bad cold I couldn’t shake, and he was smart enough to refer me to a shrink. I got lucky. She was a good shrink.

  “I talked to her every week for, I don’t know, maybe three months. She encouraged me to make jewelry, to consider how I might make it a career, to be serious about it because it was something positive and beautiful and self-sustaining. Her words, not mine, but I never forgot them. She gave me the push to make something temporary into something real.”

  She sighed, and Nori reached out and took her hand in the dark. At first she didn’t respond, then she gripped him back.

  “While I was in those sessions I basically screamed. I mean, literally, almost all I did was scream and cry and wave my hands around like a nut for an hour. I’d walk out of there swollen like someone had beat me in the face, and I felt better.

  “It was like cracking open an emotional dam. Only instead of water, what emerged from my dam was, shit. Family shit, love shit, anger, shame, all my insecurities and worries and fears.

  “Dr. Paul told me I had to stop holding things in. I had to let people know how I felt because internalizing everything was killing me, and it was no way to solve problems or to communicate. I still have problems with it. Hence, these so called tantrums.

  “It’s not my way to just flip out from the jump. I try to be reasonable, polite, empathic. But sometimes all that shit don’t work,” she gave a short laugh.

  “I’m not saying I haven’t screamed in someone’s face or pointed my finger or dumped a drink over someone’s head. I’ve done all that. But I didn’t do it for no reason. People make a lot of assumptions about artists, about women, about Black women. A lot of ‘em don’t see anything wrong with making demands based on those assumptions. They see nothing wrong with dumping their judgment of you, on you.

  “But I know what can happen when I let myself go down. I can’t let that stress build up again. And see, the world knows a lot of black women, women period, don’t have any backup. We don’t have a good man, or we
don’t have reliable family, or any family, or friends who are capable of toting two heavy loads without breaking their own backs.

  “I’m lucky. My friends can help me if I need it. If I lost my place and every dime I had, I could go stay with Tommy or Lani or Baby or Reiko or Sophie or Steele or Cass. They’d help me get back on my feet and expect nothing in return except that I do my very best. And now I got you.”

  He squeezed her, a wordless affirmation.

  “But I don’t intend to lose anything. Self-sufficiency is a point of pride for me. I work hard, I save hard, I play hard. When shit comes along, I deal with it. I never hide from anything.”

  Nori kissed her hand.

  “I’m telling you this because I think you’re special. What we have,” she paused. “It feels special. But we’re about to start cranking up the publicity machine for the Ineffable collabo, and I don’t want anything to be a surprise to you. I don’t want you to be embarrassed of me, or shocked, or feel like I was hiding something if some nut digs up shit on me.”

  She looked him in the eye. “I have a few regrets, and I’ve made mistakes. But I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done. It worked for me at the time.”

  Nori came up on one elbow. Moonlight filtered in from the window to gild her beauty.

  “You’re really something,” he whispered. “You’ll go for hours, days even, and I’ll get like five words out of you. Then you go on a monologue so long at the end of it I need a stiff drink.”

  He felt her surprise, then she burst out laughing. He laughed too, pulling her on top of him to kiss her silly.

  When they finally broke apart, Nori pushed her head onto his shoulder and stroked her, everywhere. He worshiped every patch of skin, every hollow, dip and curve. He felt her heart rate speed up, and she began to nuzzle and kiss.

  “Thank you for sharing your secrets, Margot,” he whispered, as their bodies moved into familiar positions. “You can trust me to hold them close, and not to judge any youthful indiscretions. We’ve all made mistakes. I certainly have,” he said, laughing. “I suppose I should start my own late night confessions, hmmm?”