Work What You Got

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  I could have smacked her as well. This had gone too far, we couldn’t keep this under wraps. I just walked away, before I did or said anything I would regret.

  “Hayden, did you hear me? We need to get our stories straight. We’ve gone through too much work for it to end now and have nothing to show for it,” Bea said.

  Trisha came over to rub my back. She wiped away a few of my tears but that didn’t stop more from streaming down. How could wanting to be a part of a public service organization go so wrong?

  “I know this is hard to think about right now, and I know you don’t want to hear this, but I agree with Bea,” Dena stood up and said.

  I yelled, “You guys don’t even know if she’s alive or not and all y’all care about is still being in someone’s sorority?”

  “Do you think Sharon would want us to quit?” Trisha asked.

  I almost laughed, “Are you joking? Sharon wanted to quit herself.”

  “I know everybody thinks differently,” Audria said, “and that’s okay, but maybe we should put all of our focus on Sharon right now. We can worry about what happens with the line later.”

  “That’s good in theory,” Bea said, “But, if Ms. Berry asks us what happened and we don’t all share the same response, then those of us who weren’t thinking about throwing in the towel will be messed up anyways.”

  “Ladies! I got here as fast as I could,” Cynthia Berry said, rushing toward us.

  The five of us looked at each other. We knew we were in trouble.

  “I need to know all of the details. I need to know all that is going on with Sharon. I called her mom and of course she is extremely devastated and doesn’t understand how this could have happened. Would you guys quit looking at each other and give me some answers,” Ms. Berry demanded.

  Bea hit me in the knee and I looked up. At first, I was excited about the doctor heading our way—we wouldn’t have to answer our advisor. But then I grabbed my chest when I saw he wasn’t smiling. It seemed he had bad news.

  “I asked you girls to answer me.”

  “Well, Ms. Berry, the doctor is right here,” Bea said.

  “Oh, okay,” Ms. Berry said, as the doctor approached us.

  “You girls are with the young lady?” the doctor asked, before turning to Ms. Berry. “Are you her mom?”

  “No, her mom is on her way. I am an advisor to a group on campus that the patient is in.”

  “Well, okay. She is in serious condition, but I’m glad that these young ladies got her here when they did. She’s stable now and I think she is going to be okay.”

  The five of us jumped for joy and whooped louder than we would at any basketball game. The doctor said she was going to be okay! God is good.

  “Do you guys know what caused the reaction?”

  “Yes, it was peanut butter, she’s allergic to peanuts,” I said.

  “Knowing that it causes this kind of reaction, I’m a little shocked as to why she would have eaten it. Did she not know that what she was eating had peanuts in it?” he asked.

  We all looked at each other. No one wanted to reveal that the food had been forced down her throat. So we looked everywhere but at him.

  “Can we see her, Doc?” I asked after the awkward moment passed.

  “Not right now, she’s got to get some rest,” he said.

  I asked, “We can wait though and then maybe later we can see her?”

  “At least give her another hour to let the medicine work and get some of the swelling in her face and body down.”

  “Swelling in the face and body? I’ve got to see this girl,” Ms. Berry said.

  “Again ma’am, let some time pass for the medicine to do its work. She is going to be okay though. Let me get back to her now,” the doctor said before turning away.

  “Okay girls, the doctor posed some great questions. It was peanut butter, something she was allergic to. What were you thinking? What were you guys doing? Why did Edythe call me and not you guys? Were you all with her? I know about a Beta sandwich. Did someone force her to eat one?”

  Dena looked like she wanted to blab it all out but Trisha was standing right beside her, pulling on her jacket. Audria just looked away, because her face gave it all away.

  I already felt like I failed Sharon by convincing her to stay a part of this group when she felt so strongly about wanting to leave. Knowing that now she was okay, it just didn’t seem right to keep quiet.

  “Oh, let me tell you ladies something right here—I am going to get to the bottom of this. I told you all before this started I was not going to put my organization in jeopardy for any of you guys. I’ve been a chapter advisor working with these Betas for nine years now. I know every one of them and I know those who will come back to haze. If you guys were intimidated and pressured into doing something, why didn’t you come to me?”

  That was such a great question. Why didn’t we ask Ms. Berry for help? This was all so very hard. But we had felt trapped between what we knew to be right and what we wanted to be known for—not a paper line.

  She continued, “I can protect you, but if you won’t tell me what happened and I find out on my own that there was madness, rest assured, all of this is gone.”

  9

  PLEASURE

  I took no pleasure in sitting before Sharon’s limp body. Though they told me she was going to be fine, it just killed me to see her helpless in the hospital. It had been two days and she had shown signs of improvement, but she was still weak. I just couldn’t bring myself to go anywhere. All I had been doing for the past forty-eight hours was talking to God and weeping tears of shame. Lowering my head to weep again, I didn’t even see Sharon wake up.

  I was startled when she said, “Come on now, Hayden, don’t cry. I’m okay.”

  I sprang to my feet, went over to her bed, and hugged her tight, making sure I didn’t touch any of the cords that connected her to the monitors. “You’re awake. They said you were going to be okay, but to actually see you awake, oh my gosh!”

  “Well, if you knew I was going to be okay, why all the crying? Yesterday when Bea and Dena visited me they told me you were all upset and that you were taking this personally like this was your fault.”

  “I do feel like this is my fault, Sharon,” I said, as I held her hand.

  It was good to see her now with color back in her face. Though her voice was raspy and low, at least she was talking. I was overjoyed that the Lord had answered our prayers and made her better. However, I still felt responsible.

  Looking away I said, “You wanted to quit this whole thing. You didn’t want to participate anymore and I basically forced you into staying and it ended up being the worst decision I could have ever made.”

  “Like you knew Keisha was going to flip out, flex her muscles and force me to eat peanut butter. I don’t know what kind of people she’s around, but I don’t lie about stuff I’m allergic to. She was so careless in giving it to me anyway. Before any of us could react it was in my mouth, and as you now see just a pinch of that stuff is lethal for me.”

  “Oh Sharon, we all were so furious with her,” I said, extremely frustrated as I reflected back.

  “I remember a little bit of it. I was so out of it. It was hard because I couldn’t breathe and I felt stupid for not leaving at the first sight of the peanut butter. But I remember she didn’t even want you guys to call the ambulance. She is just crazy.”

  “Yeah,” I responded. “She only cares about herself.”

  “Have you talked to the Betas? Are you still doing any more of that underground stuff?”

  “No,” I told her, truly knowing in my heart I would never go back to any of that underground craziness.

  “Bea and Dena were in here yesterday, both pleading their cases and trying to convince me not to rat out the Betas.”

  “I can’t believe they’d bug you with that,” I said.

  She tried to sit up. Her stiff body could not take it. The discomfort on her face was real.

&
nbsp; “Don’t move, relax,” I said.

  “No, no. I’m torn, Hayden, and I respect you so much. For goodness sake, you’re sitting in my room crying, hoping that I am okay. It is pretty clear you are an awesome leader. You care about more than just yourself. I want to be that type of person. I know I am a little moody more times than not, but I have had a lot of time to think while I’ve been in this hospital bed. When you think your life is about to end, and God gives you another chance, then you got to do something with it. So can you please tell me what I should do?”

  This was amazing to me. She admired me when I felt so unworthy of her respect. I already felt like I led her wrong once. There was no way I was going to give her bad advice again.

  “I actually need you to tell me what you want me to do, Sharon. I’ve been dodging Cynthia Berry for a couple of days, but before I came into your room, she called me to tell me she was on her way up here with the Regional Coordinator. I think they know foul play was involved.”

  “So you’re saying if I tell them the truth, you don’t care if the whole line gets dropped? Hayden, I know how much you want to be a Beta.”

  I bent down toward her so she could clearly see my eyes and said, “Now might not be the right time for me to be a Beta. I can only truly live with myself and be at peace if I tell the truth about what happened to you.”

  A sincere smile came upon her frail face. Standing up for the only thing that was right made me feel better than I had in a while. Pleasing God meant more to me than getting any Greek letters. Sharon reached out her arms and I pulled her into a hug.

  When we came out of our embrace, there was a knock at the door. I turned around and in walked Sharon’s mother; our advisor, Cynthia Berry; Deborah Nixon, the Regional Coordinator; and both the east and west Arkansas State Directors. A lump formed in my throat, but I knew I had to get it out. I had to stand true to my word and follow through with what I just told Sharon. As the line president, I needed to spill the beans. I owed everyone the benefit of telling the truth.

  Deborah Nixon came over to Sharon and said, “Boy, am I excited to see you well. We don’t want to stay here long. I want to be straight with you. We are here to get to the bottom of exactly what happened.”

  Sharon’s mom cut in and said, “Yeah, I told them I was extremely upset and if I need to sue the national organization, I will do it because this absolutely makes no sense.”

  Ms. Nixon said, “Your mother is right. This is ridiculous. If you were put here under duress we need you and your line sisters to tell us exactly what happened.”

  When Trisha and Bea walked in, I knew they looked disappointed in me. They wanted the line to be on, but they knew I wasn’t going to stand for any more lies.

  “So is anybody going to say anything?” Ms. Berry said.

  I stepped toward her and said, “Ma’am, I’m Hayden Grant, and on behalf of the line, I’d like to give a full statement of what happened. See, we were ...”

  “No, no, I think I need to talk since it happened to me,” Sharon said, catching me off guard.

  Because I knew her, I could tell she was faking up a cry. What was she doing? Why didn’t she let me have her back?

  “Please don’t get emotional,” Ms. Nixon said to her.

  “No, you just don’t understand. We worked so hard and it wasn’t our fault. I don’t want us to lose everything. It just wouldn’t be fair.”

  “That’s what I was trying to tell them, baby,” her momma said. “It’s going to be okay. Ms. Nixon, please tell them what you told me.”

  “Well, if it comes out that you guys were bullied and under duress, even though you signed a statement saying you wouldn’t participate in hazing, your line will go forward.”

  I looked over at Trisha and Bea and their faces completely changed. Big smiles were etched on their faces. Between Trisha, Dena, Audria, Sharon, Bea and myself they got more information than they bargained for.

  To our surprise, later that same night, with the regional and state officials in town, our line was inducted. The alumnae sorors rushed to plan something to get us past all the intense tension. Plus, the Alpha chapter undergrads were no longer allowed to have anything to do with us.

  Bea said, “I can’t believe we’re crossing over. Hayden and Trisha, I love you both.”

  “I know I’m tough, and I pushed us hard to endure the crap. Forgive me, y’all,” Trisha said.

  We were so excited that we couldn’t stand it. We’d been on such a head trip. The low of Sharon’s incident was devastating, but now I was on such a high, I believe I was touching the sky. God had granted my desire to be a part of Beta Gamma Pi. Deep in my heart I wanted to honor His blessing.

  I walked through the icy coals to get to the other side of Beta Gamma Pi and reach sisterhood. I gave my pledge to serve the organization all of my life and to sustain the values, beliefs, and goals of Beta Gamma Pi. Because my mom was just thirty minutes across town, Ms. Berry got in touch with her. It warmed my heart to have her pin me.

  “You guys went through way more than any line should,” she whispered in my ear, her eyes heavy with regret.

  “I just felt I had to make sure they knew Grant women were legitimate Betas,” I said, alluding to the fact that the big sisters had gaven her pledge process no respect.

  She held me tight and said, “Oh Hayden, baby, you didn’t have to go through any of this for me. You know by now I don’t care what people say. Besides, if I misled you to feel that I wasn’t satisfied with how I crossed then I was wrong. I wanted to pledge back in college, but because of all the love and knowledge I received when I was on the graduate line, I’d never trade if I could.”

  Wiping the tears from my eyes, I said, “I believe that now, Mom.”

  “I’m sad you didn’t call me, Hayden. I could’ve stopped some of that foolishness.”

  “Well Mom, you told me not to participate in any of that stuff in the first place. How could I call you when I violated the rules?”

  “We all make stupid decisions. It just makes sense to learn from them. A girl on your line almost lost her life, sweetheart. Where in the world is the sisterhood in that?”

  It was weird crossing without Penelope, Edythe, and even crazy Keisha being there. Though I didn’t know what was going to happen to them, I knew not being there to take their own line over would be a big blow to some of them.

  With the regional officers there, we got permission to participate in the campus-wide probate show. We and the Pi’s were the last lines to cross. It’s standard at our school that the probate show is the night of the last line crossing over. It was hard to plan because no one knew when that would be. Our performance was abbreviated because we were missing Sharon, who was still in the hospital. We had just started learning the exhibition dances usually performed, but because of everything that happened we’d only learned two steps. We were so thrilled to be Betas, that on the two numbers we did do, we showed out and had everybody in the audience on their feet giving us props.

  After all of the sororities probated, the men went. My heart skipped a beat when I saw Creed do a lead-off step, but after he was done, several women rushed up to him.

  My heart dropped. With all of the drama going on, I hadn’t done my part in keeping in touch. So I couldn’t blame him for entertaining others. Guess we were over before we began.

  “Hayden, wait! Where you going, baby?” I heard him say from over my shoulder, as I walked in the opposite direction.

  I stopped and slowly turned. I didn’t know how to respond. I wanted him but I’d dropped the ball.

  “I miss you,” he said to me, as he took my breath away. “What, you don’t feel the same no more?”

  “No, it’s not like that at all,” I said, inwardly smiling. “You were just occupied and I didn’t want to interrupt you. After all, I hadn’t been in touch because we’d both been on line. It would have been nice to connect with you, but you were in my thoughts. I couldn’t even call you.”

 
“What are you talking about? I just assumed we both understood,” Creed said, seemingly cool that we’d both been out of touch.

  “Well, I thought that had to be the case,” I said to him, “Since you were with other girls.”

  “Whatever,” Creed said sternly. “My whole line wants to talk to you, but that’s not gonna stop me from being with you. You shoulda sashayed your cute behind over to me and all the honeys and let them know I was taken, but because you didn’t, no need to get wrong. I ain’t letting you go nowhere. I want a kiss.”

  Not caring who was looking at me, I was happy to fall into his arms and comply with his request. A man’s lips never felt so inviting, so warm, so soothing, so surreal, and so relaxing. Creed still cared about me and that really mattered to me.

  “Excuse me, excuse me,” Bea said, cutting in between the two of us. “You forgot your momma was out here somewhere.”

  “Your mom’s here?” Creed asked, eyeing me down.

  I blushed and said, “Yeah, I would like to introduce you if that’s alright?”

  “First you need to introduce yourself to her uncle. Hayden, I didn’t know you were talking to this one. Creed is now my frat brother.”

  Uncle Wade put his arm around Creed. I thought he was going to say something nice. When he tightened his grip on my guy, however, I cringed. “I didn’t like all that lip action I just witnessed, especially out in public. Respect my niece. You understand?”

  “Yes sir, will ... will do, sir,” Creed said, tripping over his words.

  “Hayden, take him over there to meet my sister. But Creed, you go partying with your frat brothers after this. Leave her alone, you two don’t need to be celebrating together. You understand?” my uncle said.

  “Yes sir,” Creed responded quickly.

  “Sorry about that,” Creed caringly whispered in my ear. “I didn’t know he was your uncle.”

  “Yep, we try and keep it under wraps, so I can just go to school without special treatment. That’s why I mentioned, the day I saw your face all bruised up, that I’d tell the President. He’s cool. I forgot the world was around us looking. I missed you so much, I just got caught up in the moment,” I told him in a seductive tone.