But if you never know, how could you? Besides, when you were in London, most of the time you knew, and here you do not!”
“Yes, it is very true,” I said.
“You see! It is as I say,” and he smiled gently. “You cannot know when you are here. It is impossible. The stars do not shine before the sun. Even if you would try, you will never be able to.”
“I think one should not try. One should remain in the hands of God and not try to do or be anything.”
“God is nowhere. God can only be known through the Master. If you are being merged into the Teacher, you will know God. Only the Teacher is important for you. Only the Teacher. The Divine Master is complete in every way. By simply becoming like him one becomes complete.”
“The most disappointing thing is that the mind knows nothing of the high states.”
“For some time the mind has to remain dipped. It receives a big dip somewhere. It must be so. Keep your thoughts occupied with important Ideals, but for the rest let it be empty. When it is empty, something can be infused into it, can be given; that’s how it is kept in control.”
15th January
“TO WORRY ABOUT A HUMAN BEING is a pleasure. If you worry about yourself, it is suffering. Then the pain one experiences is stronger than the pleasure. If you are helpless to help, you pray, and the prayer is always accepted. Prayer is done by the Heart of Hearts.
If your heart had heard it, the Absolute Truth has heard it.
Everything comes out of it, of the Absolute. One should go beyond words like God, Om, Ram, Ishwara, etc. Only Absolute Truth is Real. The doctrines of Islam are the best. I mean the metaphysics of it. But the superficial ‘Islam is not. Much hypocrisy crept into it. Said Mohammed: Never think yourself superior to yourself. Why?
Because you get the same reply. If you say that you are pure, people will hate you. Make people pure by your company; don’t advertize it.”
This morning my heart is full of such love for Him. It is singing and singing. Full of deepest reverence. The love to the Teacher is sheer reverence, but the love to Him is more, for He is the Beloved….
“If you are training a human being, you must be able to accept being hurt by him. You must give a place of honor to all who hurt you.”
“To all those who hurt and abuse you,
speak ill of you, Give them a place of honor in your garden.”
-Hafiz
6th January
ANSWERING H.‘s QUESTION, rather her remark, that she thinks that one can reach Reality without the help of a Guru, he said: “We say Love is God or God is Love, and we have to love each other and so on, but it is a mental concept, is it not so? Do we really know that God is Love and Love is God, and do we really love each other? One needs only to look around to see how little understanding there is and that we are far from loving each other. You say that the Grace of God is needed, but the Grace works through the Guru. It is he who helps you effortlessly to Realization. After a certain realization, then, some effort is needed. You may say, and what about those millions of people who never will find a Guru?
But one could ask, do THEY WANT a Guru?
“The Soul of man comes into Manifestation to have certain experiences. We get so deluded by them; we are covered by so many sheaths of all kinds of delusions. If they are satisfied with them, they will never want a Guru. But if you have ‘lit the lamp’ as it is said in the Scriptures, if you want a Teacher, as soon as you are ready he will be there for you. I told you before, it is the Law and it works on all the levels right through from the lowest to the highest. When we call out, the response will be. The words of the Upanishads hold good always: it is like putting Spiritual Life into a nutshell: “If you want the Truth as badly as a drowning man wants air, You will realize it in a moment.”
“But deluded as we are, who wants the Truth as badly as that? That’s why the Guru is needed, to give us a hand, so to say. If you want to fly up in the air, say, two miles high, can you do it? Even to fly up ten feet you need something to pull you up. If you want to fly, you need an airplane, is it not so? Something to take you up, to carry you along. It is the same when you want the Truth. Try to pray with the heart, only then God can hear it.
“Pray for forgiveness; say, please God (or whatever you may call him), forgive me if I injured the feelings of anybody and give me the power that I should avoid it in the future. It is called in Persian, ‘TOBA’—repentance, a promise not to do it again, a vow, a resolution. If you don’t pray like this for the power, if you don’t do the Toba you will fall back again and repeat your sins. But if you pray like this, there will be progress.”
17th January
“I have broken the laws of Islam;
I became an idol worshipper,
I am helpless, I have left myself in the hands of a man
Whose eyes are so drunk and the eyes are the main door of the heart.
No pride is in me, he likes a man to be humble.
If you call anybody to have food with you
And he did not come in time and you reproach him
No, let him be free to come as he likes.
And I have left myself in the hands of such a man in complete Surrender (Iman—complete surrender).”
—Sarmad
“Blessed is the Poverty when it comes smoothly,
The Poverty of great Saints left in the Hands of God.”
How his eyes were shining….
“Since the very beginning, since I have met you, I was always staggered by the expression of your eyes and the special light in them.
Somehow, it makes me tired to look at you when you are talking; the physical body gets very tired.” He smiled.
“Something is given through the eyes while talking. This is so done on our Line.”
He was speaking for a while about different things, his family, and the coming Bandhara and the wedding of his nephew.
18th January
“THE MASTER SENDS HIS DEVAS, his disciples, into the world to do his work. But he remains.”
Plenty of people were coming through the garden gate. He greeted everybody, much talking in Hindi was going on, much laughter.
“The days of the Bandhara are testing days for a Wali. Therefore those who live in the world and have worldly worries reach a much higher stage. Not to be affected by the worries, one has to live in both worlds, this and that. You sit here and you don’t see what work is done. It goes on, and if one cannot manage, He is here to help. He is the Doer. We are only instruments.”
19th January
“THINK OF A BUNGALOW in which the electricity has been installed—the wires are there, the lamps and switches are there; all the bulbs are in their place. But there is no connection with the power house. For this a medium is needed, which in this case would be the engineer. In Spiritual life it is the same. A medium, a connecting link, is needed to get the power from the power station.
Therefore Satsang is of utmost importance; it is essential. Do you remember Diana who came here from the Pondicherry Ashram and stayed here for thirty-two days? She was a guest and was treated as a guest. A guest is given. When she asked me if the spiritual states will last, I said: for a while; it cannot last! If she would stay here, that would be another matter. But she has other Gurus. So what can one do?”
He went to a wedding last evening and today he is not at all well.
People press him; he overtires himself, and then he suffers. I understand it was difficult to refuse; it was the marriage of the son of one of his old disciples. He did not sleep all night and had a severe pain in the heart, and fell asleep only about six in the morning. I have restless nights full of restless dreams which I don’t remember afterwards. But such peace is in me, eternal, endless, and the heart is singing to Him. He asked us if we pray. We do. And prayer flows from the heart as a stream of love. This peace I have, and the singing inside me… peace, in the most peaceless state which is Love.
“At the root of every virtue is courage. Live
in a way that you are everything and you are nothing. Faith can also be given and is given.”
To my question as to what determines that faith is given to the one and not to another, he replied:
“Faith is given by the Teacher to whom he wants to give. He is free. One should try to please the Teacher. The Teacher can be pleased in many ways. Right attitude, service, obedience, right living—those things please the Teacher. Dhyana is not given to everybody; it is not for everyone. It should be effortless, otherwise it is hypnotism or mesmerism. If one sits for it, it is only exercising the will power. There are many ways by which the mind can be stilled.
Those states are not Dhyana. In Dhyana one experiences such kind of bliss which is not of this world. In cases when the Master makes the disciple like himself, Dhyana is very helpful.”
I said that I knew what he meant by that… a very high state, not the ordinary kind of Dhyana. He nodded with a smile and continued: “In the Bhagavad Gita great stress is laid on Dhyana. But Arjuna could not remain in it; he had to fight. Dhyana is not for everybody.
There are many other ways to train people. You will stay with me for a while, you will see.”
20th January
“HAVE YOU SEEN A CAT waiting for a mouse at a mousehole? How alert it is. Every glance, every muscle of the body is full of alertness.
The human being is supposed to be like this.”
“What is the difference between a devotee (Bhakta), and a disciple (Shishya )?”
“A great difference,” he answered. “A disciple is following the Teacher in order to acquire knowledge. The duality always remains.
There are always two of them: the Master and the pupil. Among the disciples are a few devotees. Among those there are even fewer who stick and are faithful. Even less do follow the Line. And among those, perhaps one can find only one to continue the System.” He fell silent. Some more people joined the group already seated around. He continued:
“Between the devotee and the Master the duality disappears.
Devotees have to sacrifice themselves. Completely. When there is duality, there can be no realization. To surrender all possessions is relatively easy. But to surrender the mind is very difficult. It means one has no mind of one’s own. One is like a dead body in the hands of the Teacher. How is the dead body? It cannot speak, it is washed, it is burned; if you put it in the sun it will stay there, if you put it somewhere else it will remain there. It cannot protest. A disciple can sacrifice himself only to a certain degree. If you want something, the duality always will remain. A devotee wants nothing: he is pure love…. “
“How perfectly things are done; I came to you for knowledge, but it was changed because I wanted God. You diverted my attention towards you, and then you threw me out and pointed to God….
You set my boat in the right direction; you blew on the sails and you He closed his eyes in infinite tenderness. But his smile was sphinxlike, and though he looked at this moment as gentle as a dove I had a moment of anxiety like a hidden warning…. He remained like this for a while, smiling gently.
Dolly: “What is attraction and what is repulsion?”
“This is easy to answer,” he smiled. “Attraction is what attracts you. If it is an attraction without reason, it is profitable. If one knows the reason for attraction, it is an obstacle. Love is without reason. What is repulsion?—it is no good. We think this or that is not good because it is contrary to our conditioning, or education, or ethical values, or our code of behavior. Repulsion should be welcomed. Why? Because if we overcome it, we make a jump forward.”
While he was speaking, I kept thinking how he used to put all the appearances against him in order to teach me acceptance in spite of everything….
Last night we went to the wedding of his nephew. I was in such stillness and such bliss. Was sitting or standing all the time beside him. He and I alone in stillness… and around was the noise of many people and the usual a-do of an Indian marriage. There were samosas (fritters of flakey pastry filled with spices and vegetables) and tea in a bungalow which was made empty for that occasion. H. and I stood outside for a short while and I drew her attention to a crimson and scarlet sunset behind the coconut palms and the graceful silouhette of a temple. Those serene, magnificent sunsets of the Indian plains….
The torchlight procession through the dark, dusty streets… people at the balconies were watching. H. and I were decidedly white elephants and aroused great interest and curiosity amongst the children. How nice these children were, just standing and staring at us with huge, dark eyes, or walking along with us. Music was good and the four drummers were wonderful. Especially one was an artist.
He would have made a fortune in the West if engaged by a band. He was walking as if in trance, swaying his body in a kind of rhythmic dance, graceful, slight, his eyes closed as in ecstasy, throwing his drumsticks in the air, turning them around, catching them; his drum was very small and he was beating it incredibly fast; it is almost unbelievable how human hands can achieve such a speed; one could hardly see them. It was delightful, and noticing that we admired him he became even better, showing off, completely lost in his rhythm.
I was in such a peace…. H. told me at home that she wants to speak to Guruji privately and I am glad. Now I know all will be well and her problems will gradually come to an end. She was increasingly difficult lately for the last few months. When we were looking at the sunset, H. was joking with Surendra, telling him to look at it—it is the last sunset while he is still a bachelor. And I was thinking that it is the last sunset for H. in the state she is in. Tomorrow after speaking to Bhai Sahib, it will be different and never the same again. We had a meal in a marquee at the bride’s house. It was very good. We were sitting at the table with others near Guruji’s tachat, where he was installed on the cushions, together with the bridegroom. The custom was that the bridegroom must sit with the eldest of the family. The only disturbance were the dogs wandering under the tables. One mangy one with no hair at all, covered with sores, brushed against my coat. I was horrified. But H. reassured me that it did not matter. We went home in a truck… and the night was cold and full of stars.
The Great Bear stood on its head, tail up in the southern sky, not at all as it is seen in Europe. And my peace and serenity were without description….
21st January
GREAT AND IMPORTANT THINGS HAPPEN within me. Not that it does not happen all the time since I am with Bhai Sahib. I have the impression that all the time great and important things happen constantly. But now, what is it? Very difficult to describe it. It is like a feeling of warmth in the depth of the heart. But not in the physical heart.
Maybe it is the love which is growing, increasing? And with love faith will grow, and the greater the nearness will be .. . and the greater the nearness, the less doubts will come to the mind…. But lately there are very few doubts if any. Only, will it last?? Who knows….
Like a trembling within… crying out to Him who is Infinite. The only Friend….
H. asked to speak to him when Dolly and I were leaving. I went home happy, knowing so well that all will be all right now.
What he told her I don’t know; she did not tell me, and I did not expect her to do so. But her attitude had changed as I expected it would. And she looks at me once more with those eyes full of wonder, eyes filled with dark light ….
“Two men wanted to test who of them is the greater. They put some burning coal on their thighs. One man was burned badly, the other was not. Who was the greater? The one who was burned.
Because he was in such a high state that he did not feel it. The other wore it off with his will and was not burned at all.”
“Mr. and Mrs. V. complain that they never saw you in deep Samadhi,” I said. “I answered to them that it is because they don’t stay for a long time. If they were here all day long, they would see it.”
He shook his head slowly: “They come here for a talk and I talk to them. It is all they want. They don’t
come for me. Everybody gets what he wants. And at any rate, how would they know that I am in a deep state?”
“It is very evident.”
“Yes, but how would THEY know?“he repeated. And after a pause: “My good wishes are with them and my sympathy,” he smiled his radiant smile. “People want different things; they are after different things. They get it. Never more than what they want.”
Later: “Be like a hunter: alert… a hunter watching his prey.”
22nd January
MY GRANDFATHER AND THE GURU OF MY REVERED GURU have learned that a great Saint had come to live in a town nearby. They went to him with the intention of staying there for ten days. After four days the Saint inquired from them why they came and what they wanted from him.
“‘We have heard that you are a Great Man of our time,’ they answered. ‘And as we are without guidance, we would like to ask you for a sitting and we would like to stay with you.’ After fifteen or twenty minutes the Saint said:
“‘If I direct my attention towards you, you won’t be able to bear it.
My look is so powerful that if I look at a stone, I split it in two.’
“They went out and searched for a stone, the largest they could carry, and brought back such a heavy one that they could only carry it with difficulty. It was put before the Saint. He looked at the stone and with one glance it was split in two. The Grandfather made a deep bow.
“‘Sir,’ he said, ‘we have met a juggler and a magician under the disguise of a Saint.’
“‘Why do you speak like this,’ said the Saint obviously displeased.
‘People say that I am a Great Man.’
“‘Surely you are a great man; it takes a great power to do such a deed. But with all your power you cannot split a human heart. We are simple people. But we can turn the heart of a human being so that the human being will go on and on, where nobody can even imagine it.’ And so they left.”
28th January
BANDHARA CAME AND WENT. There were the usual preparations, flour, rice, kitchen utensils kept arriving, borrowed from diverse people. He was busy and did not speak much to us. Only Hindi was spoken and much of the time he was inside and we sat alone. During Bandhara I noticed that I felt much less power. I remember before I felt it tremendously, it was like being in a power house; the head seemed to fly away. But this time I felt a great influx of power only when we sat in meditation on the first day, at eight in the morning.
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