“I am, but I wanted to ask a favor.” Holly sauntered in and leaned on Anna’s desk, a coy look on her face. “How about coming down to San Diego tomorrow night? I think it’s going to be a special weekend.”
Lily stared at the address Andrew Shively had given her. Karen Ann Parker, now Karen Parker Haney, had a current driver’s license that showed her living in Oakland.
Given the path she was currently on, Lily needed to see what her mother had become, whether she had beaten alcohol, or it had beaten her. But only six weeks into her four-month suspension, she couldn’t go alone. As important as this trip was, she wanted to ask Anna to go with her, but she didn’t think she could withstand Anna telling her no.
“Sandy? Hi, it’s Lily.” It was the first time they had connected outside of work since the funeral. As they exchanged pleasantries, Lily learned that Suzanne had the weekend shift in the ER, and that made her request easier. “Sandy, I need to ask a favor. A big favor.”
“What is it? You know I’ll do anything I can.”
“I need to go up to the Bay Area this weekend . . . but I can’t drive because I got a DUI and my license is suspended.”
“You got a DUI? How on earth did that happen?”
Lily explained the circumstances briefly, but had already decided she wasn’t going to say anything else about her situation unless Sandy agreed to drive her to Oakland.
“I can go if you can wait until after work. I have a couple of home visits to do tomorrow afternoon.”
“That would be great, Sandy. I love you for this . . . I mean I love you for lots of things, but this especially.”
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in months. It’ll be nice to catch up. Shall I pick you up at your house?”
Lily drew in a deep breath. “That’s one of the other things I wanted to tell you. I’ve moved out. I’m living in a motel for the time being. Anna and I . . . it just wasn’t good at home.”
“Oh, Lily.” The shock was evident in her voice. “After all you’ve been through, how could Anna do this to you?”
Lily had expected that Sandy would take her side where she perceived a rift. “This isn’t Anna’s fault. She’s been there for me. I just . . . it’s all me, Sandy.”
As Sandy offered her support and encouragement, Lily couldn’t help but feel that she didn’t deserve a friend like Sandy. She hadn’t really given anything of herself to anyone in months.
“When we get back from the Bay Area, you’re coming to stay with Suzanne and me. I can’t believe you’re living in a motel.”
“I don’t mind it here, Sandy. You know how I am about being by myself.” She listened politely to Sandy’s objections, but held her ground. She wouldn’t be good company right now. “There’s one other thing you should know. I’ve been suspended from work for missing a court date.”
As she let the final shoe drop, Lily took stock of how much she had lost in the past few weeks—her mother, her job . . . Anna. Finding her birth mother seemed like her only hope of putting some sort of stake in the ground. Or it could just be the last thing she had to lose.
“Are you sure she said San Diego and not Palm Springs?” Lily asked for the second time. It didn’t make sense that Anna would go to San Diego on a Friday night.
“Positive,” Sandy said, tucking her cell phone into the console of Lily’s X3.
Lily had persuaded her to call Anna at Premier Motors, hoping for a chance to tell her she was okay and working on things, as Anna had asked her to do. Since realizing that finding her mother was part of that quest to sort out her problems, she had grown increasingly anxious to let Anna know she was making progress.
“Maybe it doesn’t have anything to do with work,” Sandy said.
Lily didn’t want to think that Anna was out having fun while their whole life was upside down. In the first place, she had selfishly hoped all along that Anna was miserable too, or at least concerned enough that she wouldn’t just carry on with her social life as if nothing was wrong. And in the second place—a far worse place in Lily’s mind—what the hell was she doing in San Diego and with whom? The last time she had gone down there was with that creep, the ad manager who tried to get her to spend the night with him.
As they made their way north on Interstate 5, she shared with Sandy the awful details about how she had come to call the Waterways Lodge home, unemployed and all alone. “Do you think I’m an alcoholic?” she asked nervously.
From the glow of the dashboard lights, she could make out Sandy’s furrowed brow. “Yes, sweetheart, I think you are.” As if to soften her words, she placed her hand over Lily’s and squeezed.
Lily immediately turned to look out the window, not able to face such a pronouncement. “I don’t ever have to worry about sugarcoating from you, do I?”
“Sorry. You know how I am about saying what I think. As long as I’ve known you, you’ve turned to alcohol when things bothered you. Remember after you left Beverly? You went through a bottle of wine every night in your room.”
Lily remembered it as a humiliating time. She had stayed with Suzanne and Sandy while saving up for deposits on an apartment and the utilities. “Oh, that reminds me . . .” She went on to add the tale of running into Beverly Adams to her list of recent woes.
“God, you’re like a little misery magnet.” Sandy always had a way of lightening Lily’s mood, either with her humor or with her heart of gold. Tonight, she was using both.
“Beverly was a long time ago, Sandy. I eventually stopped with the nightly wine bottle. I know I can control it.”
“It wasn’t just that, Lil. You started drinking again when things went south after the Tahoe thing.”
Lily remembered how devastated she had been when she’d seen Anna kissing Hal’s friend in the kitchen.
“And how many times have you gotten drunk since Anna started working so much? Or since your mother died?”
“I get your point,” she said, more sharply than she had intended. Lily needed to digest these facts and answer the question for herself. “Sometimes I do it because I know it makes Anna mad. It’s like there’s no other way to get her attention.”
“But you just told me you waited until you knew she was gone.”
Lily sighed. “It’s hard to explain. If I don’t drink at all, I don’t sit around wringing my hands about my next drink. But once I start . . .”
“You can’t stop.”
That was it, she realized. “That’s the part I can’t control anymore.”
It was after eleven before they reached Hayward, where they checked into a double room at the Hampton Inn. Lily could barely sleep, knowing they would set out first thing in the morning to find Karen Parker Haney. She had no idea what she would do when they did.
Sandy located and pressed the button for the X3’s automatic door locks. Though their work often took them to the less desirable neighborhoods of LA County, something about this Oakland neighborhood had both of them spooked, even in broad daylight. Using the X3’s GPS, they had found the apartment complex listed on Karen Parker Haney’s license. When they scoped it out, they realized they wouldn’t be able to get as close as they wanted, so they found a discount store where Lily bought binoculars. Now from the safety of their vehicle, they could clearly watch the comings and goings at Apartment F.
Andrew had run a vehicle check as well and determined that Charles Haney at the same address owned an early model Oldsmobile Cutlass, even providing Lily the tag number. No such vehicle was parked at the complex, but they settled in to watch and wait.
It was nearly five in the afternoon before the Cutlass appeared and a tall thin man of about sixty wearing jeans and an Oakland Raiders T-shirt exited and went into the apartment they were watching.
“I guess we’ve found the right place,” Lily said. “I wonder if she still lives there.”
They got their answer a few minutes later when the door opened again and a woman came out and headed to the car. From the way she was dressed—black stile
tto heels, black stockings and a miniskirt with a white tuxedo shirt—she obviously worked as a cocktail waitress and was ready to start her evening shift. Lily knew at once that the woman was Karen Parker.
“Follow her, Sandy.”
Sandy lagged behind a little, and soon they were circling a motel at the Oakland Airport, driving on past the entrance so as not to be recognized. They circled through airport departures and returned to the motel’s parking lot, parking near the entrance to a lounge.
“So what do you want to do now?” Sandy asked. “Looks like she lives in a dump with a skinny old Raiders fan, and she works here in the evenings slinging drinks.”
They sat quietly in the car for several minutes, Lily unsure what more she wanted to know.
Sandy looped her purse strap over her shoulder. “You want me to go in and check it out?”
“You mean go into the bar?”
“Sure. We can drink a Coke or something. We didn’t drive all the way up to here to sit in the parking lot.”
Lily weighed the idea of actually talking to her birth mother, even if it was just to order a drink. “Do you think I should talk to her?”
“What would you say?”
“I have no idea.”
“Then let’s just go see her up close. If you get the urge to say something, you can.”
They entered the dark lounge and looked around. Lily immediately spotted a table from where they could view the whole room. Karen was already on duty, serving two men in a corner booth. As she walked past them to the bar, she said, “Be with you ladies in just a minute.”
“What are you thinking?”
Lily’s heart was hammering. She could practically see herself in Karen’s lined face. “Right then, I was wondering if she’ll recognize me the way I recognized her.”
“You recognized her because you expected to see her. I bet you’re probably the last person on earth she ever expects to see again.”
Karen finally came to their table. “Okay, what can I get you?”
“I’ll have a Diet Coke please,” Sandy said.
Lily couldn’t help staring at the woman, even when they locked eyes as Karen waited for her order. Karen was only forty-seven years old, but she looked every bit of sixty. Her skin was weathered and practically hanging from her skeletal frame. Her bleached blond hair was well overdue for a touch-up, as her gray roots were prominent.
“Something for you?”
Lily couldn’t speak at all.
“My friend will have a Diet Coke also.”
Karen rolled her eyes, making no secret of her annoyance at having them take up her table. Clearly, she preferred heavy drinkers who would run up a large tab. She silently delivered their drinks, foregoing the bowl of popcorn that appeared on the other occupied tables.
“I don’t think she likes us very much,” Sandy said.
“No, she probably figures we’re not going to leave much of a tip.”
They watched as Karen hovered over a table of middle-aged men, one of whom rubbed his hand along the back of her thigh.
“Your mother has lived a rough life, Lily.”
“She’s not my mother.” Lily felt bad immediately for her sharp retort. “I just can’t think of her that way, you know?”
“I know. I’m sorry I said that.”
“It’s okay.” She watched Karen flirt with each of the men at the table, smiling and making small talk as she replenished their drinks. “I remember her doing that before, Sandy . . . pushing herself at men. Everyone was always drinking and smoking. Probably doing drugs too. That’s what my file says about her.”
“How does it make you feel to see her again?”
Lily turned her thoughts inward in search of any hint of longing or sentimentality. But only one feeling was crystal clear. “Lucky.”
They nursed their drinks for almost an hour as Karen continued to ignore them.
“Think there’s any chance of us getting a refill?” Sandy asked.
Lily snorted. “I doubt it. It’s funny. I was sitting here thinking how familiar this is, being ignored by Karen Parker. I’m surprised she hasn’t moved us to one of the other tables and asked the men to keep an eye on us.”
“She did that to you?”
“All the time. I’m not sure which was worse—that or being locked in a closet while she went out.” A shiver ran up her spine. “What do you think it means that I’m sitting here remembering all that?”
Sandy patted her hand just as Karen approached. Without a word, Karen laid their check facedown on the edge of the table and walked away.
“Lily, I know it’s hard to be here, but I’m glad we came. There isn’t one thing about that woman or her life that makes me think of you.”
Lily doubted Sandy would still say that if she had seen her getting smashed three nights ago at the Waterways Lodge. “We’re not that far removed, Sandy.”
“But you have to remember that Eleanor Stewart was your real mother. She’s the one who made you, and she’s the one who gave you the opportunity to choose who you really want to be.”
Sandy’s words echoed loudly in her head. Lily had always maintained that Eleanor Stewart had saved her from a life like Karen Parker’s. She couldn’t allow herself to squander such a gift. “I’m ready to go.” She pulled out a hundred dollar bill and gestured to Karen.
“You got anything smaller than that?” Karen practically snarled. “I just got on. I can’t break that yet.”
“Keep it,” Lily said, looking past her to the door.
Anna left her car and started toward the motel office, trying hard not to panic about the fact that Lily’s car was gone. If she had found a more permanent place to live, Anna could only hope there was a forwarding address on file.
She had driven to the Waterways Lodge straight from her night in San Diego, where Holly had defied her family and married Jai Ganesh, her longtime boyfriend from India. As Anna listened to their vows of love, she decided it was time to ask Lily to come home. They could work through anything as long as they loved each other.
“Excuse me. Do you have a guest by the name of Lilian Stewart?”
“Yes, we do. Would you like me to ring her room?”
Anna was startled by the reply. “No, that’s all right. Tell me, have you seen Ms. Stewart today?”
The young man shook his head.
“Thank you.” Lily couldn’t drive except to go to work, which wasn’t likely on Saturday. She hoped Lily wouldn’t have driven somewhere in defiance of the court order.
From Playa del Rey she drove to Sherman Oaks, where she was disappointed not to find the silver X3 in the driveway of Sandy and Suzanne’s house. She continued on to Lily’s office, again frustrated that Lily’s car wasn’t there.
Suddenly it occurred to her that Lily might have gone home on her own. Surging with fresh optimism, she drove home to Brentwood, where her spirit deflated again to find the garage empty. It assuaged her alarm that Lily hadn’t checked out of the lodge, and obviously planned to return.
The moment she opened the side door, she was bowled over by Chester, who had managed on his own overnight. A quick check of the house confirmed that he had finally adapted to his doggie door, and for that bit of good news, Anna was grateful.
“Better get your nap, Chester. We’re going out on patrol again tonight.”
“I won’t be long,” Lily said, stepping out of the car at the cemetery.
“Take your time.”
This was her first visit to the cemetery since her mother died, and she was anxious about how she would hold up. Her knees almost gave way when she saw the headstone, even though she had chosen it herself and planned its inscription.
Eleanor R. Stewart . . . Beloved mother . . . Loyal friend
“Hi, Mom. Told you I’d be back.” It was almost surreal to see her mother’s name on the granite slab.
“Anyway, I wanted to stop in and tell you how much I miss you. I don’t think I ever really expected to lose you,
but then all of a sudden you weren’t there. The one thing I’ve always known is how important your promise to me was, that you’d always love me and always be there for me, no matter what. I could sure use some of that right now, because I’m not very lovable these days.”
She was filled with shame for what she would say next. “I sort of lost control of myself, and started drinking too much. I’ve been suspended from my job, which by the way, I haven’t been doing very well lately.” In the last couple of days, she began to see herself in a different light, and she came to realize that Tony had been right about her lack of focus at work.
“But the worst part is that I really messed things up with Anna. I did something she may not be able to forgive, and I honestly don’t know if we’ll be able to work it out. She doesn’t even want to see me right now.” The hard lump nearly pierced her throat as she fathomed her loss of the two most precious people in her life.
“But that’s not why I stopped by today. I sort of figured you already knew all that stuff. It makes me ashamed to think you’re watching me screw up like this. I came to tell you that I don’t want to be like that anymore. I want to get control of my life again, and since you’ve always been my anchor, I plan to call on you whenever I need help.”
She stood and brushed the grass and dirt from her jeans. “Thanks for always being there, Mom. I love you and I really miss you.”
Chapter 13
Anna almost cried with relief when she spotted Lily’s car in Sandy and Suzanne’s driveway on Sunday morning. After waiting for hours last night at the Waterways Lodge and driving all over town again today, it was almost enough just to know that Lily was safe and with friends who loved her.
But she had practiced over and over what she would say—that they would take this on together, as they had the earthquake. Nothing was stronger than both of them together.
Her hand shook as she rang the bell. Sandy answered and Anna knew instantly that she was angry. “I’m looking for Lily. I need to see her . . . please.”
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