Saint Pain (Zombie Ascension Book 3)

by Bilof, Vincenzo

  “Did the zombies eat me?” she asked.

  “Yes, they did. Can you see okay? Do you think you’ll be able to walk?”

  “I think I can do anything, can’t I?”

  “It’s your imagination.”

  “Okay then. I was a skeleton just a second ago.”

  “You were.”

  “Thanks for putting me back together. It was cute what you said. About humpty-dumpty.”

  Father Joe’s warm smile spread across his face. He gripped the steering wheel and looked at the house.

  “You want to go back inside,” Mina said.

  “What do you want to do?”

  “I don’t know. You’re dead, aren’t you? I can only be inside people who are dead. But you’re inside of my head right now. I’m confused.”

  “No, you’re kind of right, I think. You still have all the power you had before, only you’re limiting yourself. You hear only the voices you want to hear.”

  She nodded and looked at her hands. Why wasn’t she stroking her long, red hair? She always stroked her hair. It was a habit of hers. Patrick once told her how beautiful she was when she stroked her hair and tilted her head. Patrick had said she reminded him of a princess.

  If she only heard the voices she wanted to hear, then where was Patrick?

  Dead. She ate him.

  As much as he said he loved her, Patrick used her to get what he wanted. Only the demon appeared as Patrick, because she moved on from him. She wanted nothing to do with him.

  But she had been having dreams of Daddy in his mask. She dreamt of zombies tearing her apart. She dreamt of young Rose, and young Jim having sex with her after he murdered her parents.

  Times have changed. Everyone had used Mina for their own ends. She made the decision to eat Patrick, and she had begged Father Joe to kill her so Jim couldn’t have her. But she underestimated Jim’s plan.

  “I know you want to help,” Father Joe said.

  “I tried once. I think I made things worse. The demon will stop me if I try again.”

  Father Joe shrugged and mumbled something in Spanish. He glanced around the neighborhood as if trying to assemble his thoughts.

  She was frustrating him.

  Mina hoped Father Joe wasn’t really dead, but then again, he wouldn’t be here with her.

  “They made me,” she said. “I think I know what they did, at least some of it. The demon showed me. I don’t know everything, but I don’t think it’s important. I know that my head, or my blood, was some kind of key. I know that whatever nightmares I had were going to pour out of my soul and become real; I know that’s what happened. I know that’s why the zombies are real. The rotted ones came straight from Hell because I’m part of Hell, somehow.”

  Father Joe sighed. “You’re on the right track.”

  “I’m trying to figure out what you need me to do. I don’t want to let you down. You’re the only person who has been nice to me. Nobody ever treated me like I could do something good. Nobody. I didn’t want anyone like you in my life until I met you. I always thought if zombies actually, you know, really happened, then it would be because of a plague or something like that. Being a zombie would be kind of like being sick. But death is a disease we all have, isn’t it?”

  His smile softened, and the contours of his dark face loosened, as if a burden was being taken away from him, a task that he did not have the strength to complete.

  “Do you think there’s someone like me who dreams of Heaven?” she asked.

  Father Joe rubbed his jaw with one of his big hands. “It’s all a state of mind. Hell, Heaven… you don’t need to see it. You bring it with you. You take it with you wherever you go.”

  His words always made her feel good. As long as he kept talking, she didn’t have to experience the pain that came with being herself. Her perception of goodness was corrupted by Daddy, Patrick, Jim, and everyone else who had used her along the way.

  Father Joe helped her figure it all out.

  “I thought everything would be over as soon as you killed me,” Mina said. “I thought you wouldn’t have to fight anymore. I thought you could live without any of the hurt.”

  He leaned forward slowly, easing to her side of the car. He gently patted her nest of red curls and planted a firm, wet kiss on her forehead.

  His voice a husky whisper, Father Joe said, “There will always be hurt, and there will always be joy. It’s not about what I want. Don’t try to make me happy. Tell me what you want.”

  She would give anything for him to completely lean forward and kiss her lips. Wasn’t this her imagination? Could she make him do it?

  But that wasn’t the way Father Joe was. It wouldn’t make sense.

  “I don’t want to hurt anybody,” she whispered back to him. “I think we need to stop Rose. She doesn’t want to be part of this. She’s like me.”

  “She’s a lot like you. You two have some things in common.”

  Father Joe withdrew and ran his fingers through his salty black hair. She wished he would smile again.

  Walking across the street was a tall, slender boy with short hair neatly combed over his head. She recognized the young version of Jim. He was crossing the street to Rose’s house, and he walked casually, the idea of murder seemingly not troubling him in any way.

  This was before he killed Rose’s parents.

  “We have to stop him!” Mina’s voice sounded like a shriek to her ears.

  Father Joe shook his head. “Let’s wait for him to go inside. We need to do things differently this time. We don’t have a lot of chances to get this right. We could fight with her forever, but she’s vulnerable right now. She’s trying to figure out who she was, and who she wants to be.”

  Mina nodded. She understood exactly what Rose was going through. He was right: she had many things in common with Rose, especially the fact that Jim had manipulated both of them.

  They watched him saunter up to the door and politely push the button for the doorbell as if he were nothing more than a young bachelor coming to visit his date. It was likely part of his game. When a man opened the door, Mina wished that she could hear what Jim said to him. He seemed poised and confident, his hands clasped firmly behind his back. There wasn’t anywhere for him to hide a weapon, because his jeans were tight and his plain T-shirt wasn’t baggy enough to hide something that might be tucked into his waistband.

  Such a gentleman.

  The man allowed Jim to walk into the house.

  “We’re just going to walk in,” Father Joe said. “Rose will be able to see you and talk to you, but she’s the only one. She won’t be able to see me. This is her memory.”

  “But you’re coming in with me, right?”

  “Of course.”

  He reached out and took both of her hands into his. When he squeezed her hands, she wished he would never let go.

  They stepped out of the car and walked into the house. All the furnishings were familiar, except they were splattered with blood. She hadn’t taken a good look at the house the first time she came through, but now she noted the family pictures that included a husband and wife, but no children.

  A football game was on the television, and the man sitting on the couch wearing a pair of gym shorts and a New England Patriots jersey was the same man who answered the door to let Jim inside. There was nothing remarkable about him. A woman sat in a recliner on the other side of the room, a laptop propped open in front of her. The furniture was covered in blood, but nobody here was dead yet. Nobody had been slaughtered.

  From where she stood in the living room, Mina could see Jim standing in the kitchen, talking to the younger Rose, who was eating a Hot Pocket and thumbing through a magazine.

  Mina turned to the television.

  Instantly, she recognized the athletic figure of Amparo Vega. She also recognized herself, but she was wielding a sword and attacking Vega with it. Vega was using a piece of glass to defend herself, fending off the fake-Mina’s sword thrusts.

/>   “That’s happening now,” Father Joe said from behind her.

  “Then that’s Rose,” Mina said.

  Rose, in Mina’s body, moved around Vega like a ballet dancer with deadly intentions. Blood streamed down Vega’s hands from the glass shard. Vega was out of breath, her shoulders slumping.

  It was only a matter of time.

  Mina charged into the kitchen past the ghostly parents.

  “I thought it would be nice if I came by to visit,” Jim said to Rose while he paced around the kitchen, his hands behind his back. He pretended to be interested in the kitchen’s layout, studiously observing the cabinets and the fruit bowl on the counter.

  “You came by to visit,” Rose said without looking up from her magazine. “You can leave now.”

  “That’s not a polite way to treat an admirer,” Jim said.

  Mina felt awkward, out of place, but she had to do something. She had to try.

  “Don’t talk to him,” Mina said. “He’s going to kill your parents!”

  Rose looked up from her magazine to Mina. “What’s your point? You think they care?”

  Jim was no longer walking around the kitchen, but had stopped completely, as if frozen in time. From the living room, Mina could hear savage grunting from the television as the two warriors traded blows.

  “You care,” Mina said. “Jim turned you into me. You don’t want to be me. I know you never asked for it. You never wanted to be someone else other than you.”

  Rose pursed her lips. “That almost makes sense.” She returned to her magazine, and Jim resumed his survey of the kitchen.

  Mina wasn’t in control, despite the fact that Rose had been resurrected to appear as Mina in the world of the living. She had never been a strong woman, so how could she convince Rose to deny Jim? To keep him from doing the inevitable?

  Father Joe was right behind her.

  No, he wasn’t. He was not standing behind her. Where did he go?

  But Mina could see the television, and on the screen Vega lay on her stomach, panting, face and hair drenched in sweat.

  Time was running out.

  She turned back to Rose and shouted at her. “Dammit Rose, look at me!”

  Rose looked up again, and time froze around them again.

  The loudest Mina had ever spoken to anyone before. The most assertive she had ever been, and the confidence had come from the idea of hope, from the idea that Father Joe was right beside her, guiding her. But he wasn’t there at all.

  Rose stood from the table. “I’m comfortable with this conversation,” she said calmly. “I haven’t looked in a mirror, but I know I wouldn’t recognize myself. Everything I do is shapeless. I think and feel, but I am shapeless. I have gone insane. I am just like you, Mina. Jim is going to kill my parents. I know what happens next. I know what happens to me.”

  “I could have killed you,” Mina said. “Jim would have never found your body. You and I were in a van, and I could have killed you. There isn’t anything left of your soul if you let him win. The demon is controlling you. I know the demon. I know the things he says. You have to listen to me!”

  The young version of Jim turned to Mina, his stone-cold glare becoming fierce and full of hate. Jim was never one to show a lot of emotion.

  “You stupid bitch,” Jim said. “What do you know about anything? You had your chance. You gave it all up! You had a chance, and you threw it all away.”

  Mina took a step back into the living room. The demon had control of young Jim. The demon was in control of everything.

  “You sound stupid,” Mina said. “Did I ever tell you that? You’re the weak one. You don’t even have a name. Most of the cool demons have names. Their names are in scary movies. Nothing you say is real or true. You’re a liar. All demons are liars. Even I know that.”

  Rose laughed. “What are you trying to do? You want me to stop everything? Just let it all go? You’re part of the reason why I’m here. I know Jim. I know that he is evil incarnate. I know that stopping me won’t stop him. Stopping me won’t heal all the damage that he’s done, or all the damage that you’ve done. Do you think you’re suddenly a good person because you decided that you want to try and stop me? You’re right that we have something in common, Mina. You, me, Jim. We’ve always been the people we are. We’ve always been shitty human beings.”

  The smooth, strong voice of Father Joe was in her ear, and she could feel his firm hands on her shoulders. “You’ve already won. I’m so proud of you. It’s over. It’s all over.”

  Mina swallowed. How was it over?

  “This is your mind, too,” Father Joe reminded her. “The demon is linked to you, not Rose. They’re nothing without you. Your bloodline has been cursed with that demon for thousands of years. Rose has to believe you’ll never stop her, that she’ll never have complete control as long as you’re still here.”

  Now she understood what had to be done.

  She clenched her hands into tight fists, fingernails biting into her palms.

  “You’re wrong,” Mina said to Rose. “We’re different because I’ve changed. I know I can do something good, something that is worth more than my own flesh could ever be worth. You can keep on trying to hurt me, but I’ll always come back because I want to come back. I’ll always come back, and I’ll never leave you alone. I’ll be here to remind you that you’re just a visitor. I was Jim’s first choice, not you. You’re nothing without me.”

  The demon, young Jim, put out his arm to bar Rose from stepping forward. “Don’t listen to this idiot. Let her ramble. Just let her keep on rambling. This nuthouse reject is going to keep talking to distract you. We have more important business to take care of, like killing people. Slaughtering them. All of them.”

  In the living room, Rose’s father lay slumped into the couch, eyes locked onto the television.

  “This is my damnation,” Rose said. “This is my horror, my fate, my nightmare. This is what I deserve. This is what I’ve always deserved. We’re done with you, Mina. Better for you to leave.”

  Rose turned her back on Mina and returned to the kitchen table. Her hands were tucked between her legs, as if she were folding inward on herself, uncomfortable with a tragic revelation.

  Young Jim leered at Mina, hands clasped behind his back.

  “I’ll never leave you,” Mina said.

  But she was thinking of Patrick when she said it. She was thinking of Father Joe. She was thinking about the world that she helped destroy. She was thinking about the hurt she had caused.

  “Get out of my house,” Rose said without looking up.

  A malicious smile touched Jim’s face. “This is a lot of fun, and we’ll keep having fun. Over and over and over again. Oh, how much fun it will be to use you, destroy you. I have been trapped inside this ancient blood, this disgusting, vile place. The human smell of shit and tears. Everywhere, it’s all there is. Everywhere and everything. Shit and tears. And you, Mina, will be here with us forever.”

  Rose did not look up.

  “That’s fine,” Mina said.

  And she believed it.

  Everything would be fine.

  Her hands trembled, and her eyes filled with tears.

  It was over. Finally, at last. All over. No more pain. No more hurt. A bright warmth filled her stomach, and everything around her brightened. She wanted to run into the street. She wanted to shout her name or the name of everyone she could ever possibly love; she wanted to walk the Earth again in her mortal flesh and meet with the families who still struggled on and apologize to them all, find a way to console them, hold them, share their tears.

  She turned and walked out of the house, her red hair swinging behind her like a flag billowing in the airwaves of a hurricane.

  Trembling, shaking, sobbing. Sunshine drenched the street, and she stood there feeling the warmth of the bright sun on her face.

  And they came. Of course they came. Doors swung open. Bodies slithered out of open windows. People stepped out from the
shadows of open garages. Car doors swung wide on moaning, rusty hinges. Like a crowd gathering to watch a house on their street burn to the ground, everyone in the neighborhood awakened. Bodies, faces, people. Figures, arms, legs. Mouths, eyes, faces. Faces. Faces.

  Every one of them, she recognized. They were dressed in the clothes they had worn when they died. As members of the collective undead, they approached, and she waited for them. In the street, she waited for them, and she wasn’t afraid.

  Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply.

  She held out her arms, her wrists upturned to the sun’s warmth.

  Let them have what they wanted.

  “This is just the beginning!” the demon-Jim shouted from inside the house. “You have no idea what we have in store for you.”

  Mina smiled.

  She knew what was in store for her.

  “You can do it,” Father Joe said.

  She heard him, but she did not look for him.

  Let the dead drag her down with them forever, and there she would wait with them in the darkness, forever. Let them drag her down and bring her soul into the cold place, where peace and nothingness waited. She didn’t have to exist forever. There was no need to haunt Rose’s soul.

  This was the only way out.

  Only she hadn’t known it until now.

  She felt them get closer to her, but she would not open her eyes. She would feel everything, but feel nothing. It would no longer hurt when their mouths clamped down upon her skin and ripped her to pieces. No more.

  The first contact against her body was a warm hand that clasped one of hers.

  “You are strong and wonderful,” Father Joe said.

  The tears that squeezed themselves from beneath her eyelashes warmed her cheeks and traced the contours of her cheeks, dripping over her chin and onto her chest.

  She was strong, and wonderful.

  ROSE