She ran her hand over the printed words. Had she done the right thing? She’d broken that unspoken barrier between them and called him out.
There would be consequences.
Or maybe there wouldn’t.
Since the morning after his father died, Evan had put a wall between them that years had only strengthened. He’d shut her down cruelly and absolutely, and until last night she’d never stepped over the line.
She only hoped it was worth it, because with her visit she’d revealed that she still cared.
That he affected her.
She trembled, remembering his hands on her thighs, his mouth on her skin. The sound of his voice when he’d said he missed her in his lap.
That stupid part of her had wanted nothing more than to sink into him. But it had been the alcohol talking, not him. Right? One brush of his mouth across her skin did not negate his actions over all these years. The dismissive way he treated her. The supermodels he’d flaunted in front of her.
Those actions spoke volumes, and she refused to believe the desperation in his voice or the feel of his hands on her body. That had always been her downfall with him, believing the small moments in time instead of the big picture. She shook her head, clearing it of the destructive thoughts. It was that exact thinking that had gotten her into this mess in the first place.
She could still recall every detail of the first time she’d ever seen Evan. She’d been in kindergarten and he’d been in the second grade. She’d met Maddie in line before school and they’d been instant friends. The first time she’d gone over to Maddie’s house had been a revelation.
Penelope was a late-in-life baby, born to parents who believed they’d never have children. They were older than the other parents, more tired. They loved her, but growing up had been a quiet, staid affair. The second she’d stepped into the Donovan household had been like every family comedy on television. Like everything she thought a family should be, with its chaos and mayhem. A stark contrast to her own careful family life, she’d loved being there.
Maddie and Penelope had been going up the stairs to play Barbies in her room when Shane had come barreling down the stairs, followed by Evan seconds later. She’d watched in wonder as he seemed to fly through the air and tackle Shane to the floor. The two of them broke out into a wrestling match as they fought about who-knew-what.
Mrs. Donovan had come rushing in from the kitchen to pull the two boys apart. Maddie complained Evan had pushed Penelope down, and their mom demanded he apologize. Evan had looked up at her, brown hair flopping over one eye, grinned, and uttered an insincere apology.
Penelope had looked at him and thought—I’m going to marry him one day.
A silly, childish notion.
With older parents, Penelope had spent as much time as she could at the Donovans’. When Penelope went to grade school her mom was in her early fifties. Her dad, ten years older than his wife, had been recently diagnosed with MS. Rightly so, her mother had focused on his care, and Penelope had focused on being a model child. She’d been self-sufficient, well behaved, and excelled in school. And she’d been lonely. That’s where the Donovans had come in.
Maddie was the best friend a girl could ask for. Penelope had loved her spontaneous recklessness, so different from her own quiet, organized world. She used to pretend she was part of their family, and it hadn’t been hard; they were warm, inviting, and didn’t seem to mind that she spent far too much time there. As an added bonus Penelope had soaked up any interaction she had with Evan, and fed her puppy-dog crush.
Of course, he was one of the cool, popular kids, and she was considered a good girl in her perfect uniform, shining shoes, and glasses. Always smart, she’d been in honors classes, and while her friendship with Maddie kept her from being a total social pariah, she’d never been the kind of girl boys liked. She’d been too prim and proper. She’d never flirted or wore makeup. Had never rolled up the waistband of her uniform to get boys to notice her. She never cared either, since the only boy she’d been interested in was the one boy she couldn’t have.
Evan was the king of their school. He was the best-looking, tallest, and the star football player. He’d walk through the halls and everyone wanted a piece of him. After all, it was clear he was destined for greatness. When he started getting scouted earlier than most kids, his legendary status only grew. Every girl wanted him, would fight to be with him, but he only dated cheerleaders, which Penelope was not. Other than being his kid sister’s friend, Evan hadn’t known she was alive.
That was, until she started meeting him in the basement. At first, they’d been completely platonic. They’d talked, played cards, laughed, and watched TV. Slowly, over time, he’d started touching her. Soft, innocent touches that would mess with her mind and body.
A brush across her knee. A fingertip down her arm. A glance over her back.
Slowly, they started sitting a little bit closer. His hand would graze her hair, and then move away. Over time he started sifting the strands through his fingers, twirling the locks, as she sat ramrod straight, terrified one wrong move would make him stop. Tension grew like a wild thing between them, until all their interactions were heavy with portent. He’d been dating the head cheerleader at the time, but Penelope hadn’t cared about that. All she’d cared about was the magical time they spent in that basement, where he’d talked to her about nothing and anything and touched her like she mattered to him.
One night, they’d been watching The Howling. They’d been sitting close, their thighs brushing, his hand in her hair, which he seemed to spend hours stroking. She’d felt him look at her and she tilted her head up in question. His gaze dipped to her mouth and he asked, “Have you ever kissed a boy, Pen?”
Her breath had caught and she’d shaken her head. It never occurred to her to lie. She’d just turned sixteen, and most girls her age had kissed boys before, but she’d wanted it to be someone special.
Someone like Evan.
He squeezed the back of her neck, his face inching down. “I want to be the first.”
And she’d let him.
The next morning at breakfast they’d said nothing to each other, and other than his flickering glance at her too-swollen lips, she’d have thought it happened only in her imagination.
The phone rang, startling her from her memory.
The ringtone indicated it was Maddie, and she picked up. “Hello?”
“Hey, you sound breathless. Did I catch you at a bad time?” Maddie asked.
Penelope cleared her throat. Slightly dismayed that, after all this time, remembering her first kiss with Evan could still make her ache. “Nope, not at all. I was settling in to read. How are you?”
“I’d be great if it wasn’t for Evan,” Maddie said, her voice filled with concern. “Everyone is really worried. I don’t know how to get him out of his funk.”
Penelope’s heart sank. Maybe her visit hadn’t made an impact. “I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do.”
She’d tried, but she’d failed.
Maddie sighed, the sound heavy. “We’ll be in Chicago soon for the fund-raiser Shane and Cecilia are having, so maybe we can talk some sense into him then.”
One of Shane’s friends from high school had a daughter who had been struck down with a rare blood disorder and the medical bills were killing the family. Shane tried to pay for the treatment, but Bobby wouldn’t hear of it. He had, however, agreed to a fund-raiser. Penelope knew full well Shane would match or exceed any money they raised, but it allowed Bobby to feel like he wasn’t taking a handout directly from a friend who once upon a time was his financial equal. That kind of pride Shane understood, so he was pulling out all the stops. Penelope and Cecilia had planned the event, and it was sold out. The family would get everything they needed.
“I hope so,” Penelope said, giving up on her book and tossing it on the coffee table. “What can I do?”
“You listening is enough,” Maddie said, sniffing a little. �
�You’re the best friend ever. I love you, Pen.”
“I love you too.” Other than Evan ruining her for any other man for the rest of her life, Penelope couldn’t be anything but grateful for the Donovans. After she’d graduated from college her parents had moved to Florida, and while she made sure to talk to them once a week, the Donovans were more like home. And it was her duty to cheer up her best friend. “Let’s talk about something fun.”
Maddie laughed. “Okay, who are you bringing to the event?”
Penelope rolled her eyes. “Not this again. I’m starting to feel like a singleton from Bridget Jones.”
“Ack! I know. I’m horrible. I don’t know what’s happened to me. I used to be so anti-relationship and now I’m obnoxiously trying to pair everyone off.”
“Well, you’ve found happiness and want everyone to feel the same way.”
“But still, I shouldn’t foist it on you.” There was a long pause over the line. “But seriously, who are you bringing?”
Penelope couldn’t help but smile. “No one. Sorry.”
“Sophie keeps telling me about some environmental lawyer she wants to set you up with.”
Penelope snorted. “If he’s so great, why doesn’t she want him for herself?”
“I asked her the same question, and she claims he’s more your type,” Maddie said, her voice considerably lighter.
Since he wasn’t a badass, troubled football player, Penelope doubted the lawyer was her type. Of course, her friends didn’t know that. Her friends believed her dating preferences were sensible, successful corporate types, like her.
In theory, they were, only no matter how good a time she had with them, or how much she enjoyed talking to them, or even sex with them, they didn’t hit that secret place inside her. Didn’t flip that switch that turned her from composed to depraved.
Maybe a person only got that once in their lives. A person wasn’t supposed to have that right off the bat. It set unreasonable expectations for the men who followed.
Penelope wrinkled her nose. “I’ll pass on the lawyer. I’m busy with work and don’t have time to date right now.”
Maddie sighed. “I’m going to have to talk to that brother of mine about working you too hard.”
“No, you most certainly will not. My job is my business and just because Shane is your brother, it doesn’t have anything to do with you.”
Penelope loved her career and was completely dedicated. Since the early days, it had always been her and Shane and that was the way she liked it. Yes, she was a bit of a workaholic, but she was the type of person who needed to stay busy.
Maddie huffed. “Oh, all right. But still, maybe you should reconsider. Sophie is positive you’ll be a love match.”
“I love Sophie, but every blind date she’s ever set me up on has been a disaster.”
“Maybe the eleventh time is the charm. You never know until you try.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Good,” Maddie said. “I’ll talk to you in a couple days.”
Penelope hung up, and her mind immediately returned to Evan. He’d be at the benefit, probably with some Playboy bunny on his arm. With the memory of his hands on her body so fresh, the thought caused an unwelcome twist of a dull knife.
It wouldn’t hurt to have a date.
On impulse she grabbed her iPad and Googled the environmental lawyer Sophie wanted to set her up with, clicking on the images she found. A nice-looking businessman, with brown hair and eyes. He appeared harmless, like he helped old ladies across the street on a daily basis. Hmmm . . . No, he wouldn’t work at all.
But perhaps there was someone else who would.
Chapter Four
It had taken six hours, prescription-strength ibuprofen, and five garbage bags, but Evan had finally put his apartment back in order. After throwing out all the liquor in his house, he’d called his cleaning service and rescheduled their weekly visits, gotten a haircut, and shaved.
It was the most energy he’d put into a day since he’d woken up in that hospital bed.
Now, in the late afternoon sun, he huffed and puffed down the lakefront as he ran with James. An activity he hated even when he’d been in tip-top shape, but now, after no exercise in four months, he felt like his lungs were going to explode and his heart would burst.
Next to him, his brother wasn’t even winded. James was probably only expending about thirty percent of his energy so Evan could keep up. It was why he’d called his middle brother in the first place. With him, Evan could humiliate himself and James would never make him feel bad about it.
James stopped running and slowed to a walk.
Evan dragged deep breaths into his lungs, fighting for air. “Why’d you stop?”
James clapped him on the back. “You really want me to answer that?”
Evan shook his head. “Pathetic, huh?”
“You’ve had a rough go, and haven’t gotten out in months. I think we can cut you some slack.” James was the practical one in the family and had a way of putting things into perspective.
Evan heaved in the lake air, willing his pounding heart to calm. He felt like shit. He’d been conditioning his body since he was in high school; how’d it go to hell in such a short time?
Of course, drowning his liver with alcohol hadn’t helped.
One small step at a time, he reminded himself. All he needed to do was take one step. He didn’t know how to fix his life, but he could run. He could stop getting drunk every day. Stop making his family miserable. Hopefully, the rest would come. He wheezed out, “Thanks.”
James nodded. “Want to come over for dinner tonight? Gracie’s experimenting, so there’s bound to be something good.”
Evan still wasn’t sure how Gracie Roberts, baker and sex goddess, had wound up with his practical, health food fanatic brother. But she made James happy and he was more relaxed than Evan had ever seen him. Gracie adored James and wasn’t shy about letting everyone know it. Ad nauseam.
As happy as Evan was for James, he wasn’t sure he wanted to bear witness to their domestic bliss. “I’ll take a rain check.”
“Nah, you’ll come. I don’t want to tell Gracie no.” It was an excuse. As far as Evan could tell, James had no trouble saying no to his significant other. He wanted Evan to come and didn’t plan on taking no for an answer.
With Shane, Evan would have argued, but James asked so little of him and always accepted him without judgment, no matter how much he fucked up. He also hadn’t had a home-cooked meal in a dog’s age and everything Gracie made was phenomenal. “All right.”
“Good. You know how Gracie likes to feed you.”
“That’s because I don’t complain about calories.”
James laughed. “I don’t complain. Much.”
“It must be a real hardship for you, Jimmy. Great food, fantastic sex, and cupcakes every night. I’m crying a river here.”
James’s smile grew wider, but he said in a deadpan voice, “Yeah, I’m not sure how I get through the day.”
They fell silent as they walked down the lakefront in the general direction of the house his brother shared with Gracie. Evan realized it was the best day he’d had in months. He no longer looked like he was living in a hostel, he’d exercised, and was going to dinner at his brother’s, where Gracie would make it impossible to stay sullen. It was a start.
His mind drifted back to Penelope, as it had often during the day, and the things he’d said to her last night. He knew what he needed to do, even though he didn’t want to. Not because she didn’t deserve an apology, because she absolutely did, but going to her would mean talking about their past. They’d avoided that subject for so long he didn’t know where it would lead.
But it didn’t matter, he had to make amends.
As she’d said, it was time he manned up and started figuring out how to be a decent human being.
And, as always, that started with her.
* * *
Penelope was still in
her yoga clothes when the doorbell rang. She frowned. It was too late for deliveries. Maybe it was Sophie, who sometimes liked to drop by after work. Penelope padded on bare feet through her townhome, and when she saw who was at the front door through the glass panes, she froze.
Blinked. Shook her head, then looked again. Evan.
He was the last person she’d expected to see on her front stoop. She contemplated pretending she wasn’t home, but then he spotted her through the window and their gazes met.
Too late.
Heart pounding, she flipped the lock and opened the door, standing in the space she’d created so he couldn’t barge in.
He wore jeans and a black T-shirt that stretched over his broad chest. He’d shaved, gotten a haircut, and his green eyes were clear instead of glassy. He looked ridiculously good.
Self-conscious in her yoga pants and minuscule top, she smoothed her hand over her ponytail and said coolly, “Evan.”
His gaze flickered down her body, making her hyperaware of him. “Can I come in?”
“Why?” Her grip tightened on the door frame. She didn’t want him in her house.
A muscle tensed in his jaw. “I want to talk to you.”
“We have nothing to talk about.”
He took a step toward her, and in her bare feet, he towered over her five-seven. “I disagree. Now may I please come in? Or are we going to have this conversation out in the open?”
She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, casting a glance down her block, thinking of the neighbors who might see one of Chicago’s most recognizable football players standing on her doorstep. The last thing she wanted was to end up in the paper.
She sighed and stepped back, allowing him to enter, gritting her teeth as his body pressed past her. He no longer reeked of alcohol; instead he smelled crisp and clean, with a hint of spice.
She’d always loved the way he smelled. She used to nuzzle him, breathing in his scent as she burrowed into his neck. She shook the memory away and pointed. “The kitchen is down the hall.”
As Good as New Page 4
