As Good as New

by Jennifer Dawson

  Evan shifted in his seat and his fingers tightened reflexively on his beer.

  Next to him, Shane mumbled under his breath, “Easy there.”

  Penelope refused to look at Evan but did turn to glare at Sophie. “Why do I let you talk me into these things?”

  Sophie laughed before adjusting the white bottoms she wore. She raised her oversized Chanel sunglasses and propped them on the top of her head. “Because you know I’m right and always pick out the best things.” She tossed a sly glance at Evan. “Didn’t I do good?”

  “Helpful as always, Soph.” Evan’s gaze raked down Penelope’s body. Gracie wasn’t the only one working on a payment plan.

  Maddie curled up next to Mitch and turned her attention to Evan. “So, what’s new with you?”

  All eyes shifted to him.

  Well, he supposed now was as good a time as any to share the news. When he’d first gotten off the phone he’d thought he’d wait until after the weekend, but there was no real reason to keep quiet. Everyone was here, and at least this way everyone could stop worrying about his future and what he was going to do about it.

  Evan cleared his throat. “I got offered a job with the Bears.”

  Shane grinned and clapped him on the back. “Really? Good for you. Doing what?”

  “Wide receiver coach.” Evan shrugged. “It’s a start.”

  Maddie clapped, and jumped up to hug him. “Oh my God, that’s fantastic! Congratulations!” She whirled to Penelope. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

  In that second Evan realized his mistake.

  Penelope’s head tilted, her beautiful mouth pursed in surprise. She opened her hands in a gesture of surrender. “What can I say, it was a surprise.”

  Evan experienced a sudden sinking in the pit of his stomach.

  “I thought you didn’t want to coach,” Shane said.

  Evan drained the rest of his beer. “I changed my mind.”

  Shane’s expression filled with pleasure and he called out to James, “Did you hear that, Jimmy? You’re going to have to start watching football again.”

  James flashed him a grin, then nodded. “Never had any doubts at all.”

  Evan had, about a great many things. Including the stupid decision to spontaneously announce a job offer Penelope knew nothing about.

  One look at her distant expression, tight shoulders, and silence told him everything he needed to know.

  Things had just gone from bad to worse.

  * * *

  The afternoon passed in a lazy way that reminded Penelope of the summers they’d spent in high school wasting the day at Oak Street Beach, only better. It was small, intimate, and she was doing a good imitation of someone having a good time. The strawberry margaritas Gracie made were strong, delicious, and Penelope had just the right amount of buzz.

  It was hot, sticky, and humid. The air smelled like earth, water, and summer. The day worked its magic and all the tension drained away from all her muscles.

  Too bad she was furious.

  And hurt.

  Evan never even told her he was looking for a job. As far as she’d known, he’d been spending his days playing Xbox and working out at the gym. Because she loved him, she was happy for him; he deserved to find something he loved that he could spend his time on and be successful at.

  That wasn’t what she was mad about. She was mad because he’d never even told her and it just seemed like one more example of everything that was wrong between them. One more piece of evidence stacked against them that proved they couldn’t make this transition into the real world.

  She took a deep breath. Now wasn’t the time. Now she needed to focus on her friends. And squeezing whatever fun she could find out of this day.

  She sat on the dock with her two best girls, their toes in the water as they watched the boys in the river, frolicking around like puppies. Somewhere along the way, Mitch and Maddie had put a floating dock closer to the river’s center and the guys were doing backflips into the river, trying to out-trick each other. She watched Evan. Water streamed off his golden skin, practically glittering in the sun. With his body, honed to perfection, his hair slicked back, and dark sunglasses on, he looked like one of those high-fashion magazine ads. His swim trunks rode so low they showed the cut of his hips she’d licked too many times to count.

  He said he was hers. Said that he loved her. So why hadn’t he told her about this huge important thing in his life? Wasn’t that what couples were supposed to do?

  She blew out a long breath and took a sip of her drink, which Gracie had put in a stainless-steel travel mug so it wouldn’t get warm. As the slushy strawberry liquid had slid down her dry throat, she wanted to thank Gracie, but she’d disappeared with James about an hour ago and hadn’t returned.

  Sophie sighed and looked up at the sky. “Man, this is the life.”

  “Yeah, it is.” Maddie flung her arms around Sophie and Penelope. “I’m so glad you’re here. I love when you guys visit.”

  Penelope squeezed back. “Me too.”

  And she was glad. She just needed to forget everything else and enjoy it.

  Charlie climbed out of the river and sluiced water from his dark hair. Sophie whistled. “Damn, that man is one fine piece of ass.”

  Maddie laughed. “He is a work of art.”

  “Can’t disagree with you there,” Penelope said, because the Revival sheriff was the very definition of a fine piece of ass.

  Sophie shot her a sly glance. “Even though you’re officially dating an Adonis?”

  Evan climbed out of the water too, standing next to Charlie, and the two of them made quite a sight. Penelope smiled. “I’m not dead.”

  Sophie exchanged a glance with Maddie. “But you are taken.”

  Penelope shrugged.

  Maddie gave a frustrated little growl. “You’re the most aggravating woman on the planet. Why won’t you spill?”

  She’d never been one to talk about the details of her love life, even when they hadn’t included Evan. “What would you like me to say?”

  “What’s going on with you two?” Maddie asked.

  All Penelope’s tumultuous emotions spun through her head at lightning speed. How she loved him more than she could even admit. The look on his face as he’d told her he loved her.

  Was she supposed to say she mourned a pregnancy she hadn’t even believed she’d wanted? Or that she ached for the kind of family they all took for granted?

  She couldn’t confess her fury that he’d started a career and hadn’t even told her about it. His family was ecstatic and relieved. They’d never understand her hurt, nor would she subject them to it.

  She dragged her foot through the water, closing her eyes as it cooled her off. She didn’t want to think about that now. Those problems belonged in Chicago and not here, on this perfect day in this perfect spot.

  “We’re . . . taking things slow,” she said, her voice careful.

  Sophie snorted. “Isn’t she just a blabbermouth?”

  Maddie sighed. “She’s already been drinking too.”

  Wanting to change the subject, Penelope said to Soph, “What about you? You haven’t dated anyone.”

  Sophie shrugged. “I have so. I just haven’t dated anyone noteworthy. And believe me, if I start dating an NFL pro-bowler, I sure as hell wouldn’t be able to shut up about it.”

  Penelope tilted her chin toward Charlie. “I’m sure he’d be game for a hookup.”

  Maddie nodded in eager agreement. “I’m positive he would be.”

  Sophie sucked through her straw. “Nah, then I’d have to be awkward every time I saw him.”

  “I don’t know about that,” Maddie said. “Friends with benefits seems to be his MO, and he’s still friends with all his hookups.”

  Sophie wrinkled her nose. “Not interested. Besides, the guy doesn’t know I’m alive.”

  “I highly doubt that.” Penelope slurped the last of her drink through a straw and the loud noise
filled the air. Maybe if she drank enough she could forget how miserable she was. “I’m empty. I’ll get more.”

  Sophie handed over her cup, and Penelope looked at Maddie. “Hey, where’s your drink?”

  Maddie waved a hand. “Oh, I forgot it.”

  Sophie leaned back and looked Maddie up and down. “Wait a minute. You haven’t had a drink all day.”

  Maddie’s face flushed and her gaze darted away toward her husband. “I have so.”

  Penelope’s stomach gave an uncomfortable little drop.

  Sophie shook her head vigorously, her hammered-gold earrings glinting in the sun. “No, you haven’t. You’ve pretended to drink.”

  Maddie bit her bottom lip. “No, I’ve drank, I swear.”

  Penelope’s chest squeezed and her heart started to pound fast against her ribs.

  Sophie gasped and pointed an accusatory finger at Maddie. “Oh my God, you’re pregnant!”

  “Shhhhhh!” Maddie glanced around. “I knew I wouldn’t be able to pull it off with you guys. Please, don’t say anything. We’re going to tell everyone tonight at dinner.”

  Sophie squealed and clapped her hands. “Did you hear that, Pen? Our little girl is knocked up!”

  Penelope felt the crush of something horrible settle inside her. It was ugly and wrong. It twisted in her belly, and for a second she thought she’d throw up. Sudden tears sprang to her eyes, and she blinked them away, thankful she wore oversized sunglasses. She put on her best and brightest smile and sat back down on the dock. “This is the best news I’ve heard in forever,” she said enthusiastically.

  “Thanks, guys,” Maddie said, and gave a little sniff.

  “Well, I’m furious you didn’t tell us sooner,” Sophie said with feigned indignation.

  “I wanted to tell you in person. We were going to say something the weekend of the benefit, but then James and Gracie got engaged and I couldn’t steal their thunder, so here we are. I’m officially fourteen weeks today. I’ve been to the doctor, had the first ultrasound, and the little bean was swimming away, healthy and strong. I can’t wait to show you guys the picture. It’s so cute!”

  Sophie sniffed. “We’re going to be aunts!”

  “You are!” Maddie laughed, the sound happy and full of excitement.

  With that one statement, everything that had been plaguing Penelope, everything that had been eating at her, rushed through her like a freight train. But she had to ignore all that, all the violent emotions storming through her, all the sadness and loneliness clogging her chest, and focus on her friend. Her best friend, whom she loved and adored and was thankful for every day. Maddie deserved all the happiness and excitement she’d worked so hard for; she deserved the very best. Penelope would give her no less.

  Heart breaking, she put on her most brilliant smile. “I call baby shower plans.”

  Sophie waved a hand and huffed. “You can have them. I call impractical baby gifts.”

  Penelope beamed at Maddie. “I’ll make sure you get all the practical things you actually need but aren’t exciting.”

  Sophie laughed. “And I’ll make sure the baby has the most kick-ass pair of shoes I can find.”

  Maddie threw her arms around Sophie and Penelope. “I love you guys!”

  Penelope squeezed back, and ignored the loss and petty jealousy deep inside. They were thoughts and feelings she had no right to.

  She’d put those in a box and focus on her friend.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Evan walked in and closed the bedroom door, ready to have it out with her. He’d made a mistake. Fine, he’d deal with that. Sooner rather than later.

  Penelope sat on the bed, rubbing lotion over her long legs now brushed with color from the sun.

  “I’m sorry. I should have told you first.” He sat back in the winged-back chair in the bedroom. “I didn’t think about it.”

  “It doesn’t matter.” Her voice was flat, her dark hair falling over one shoulder. “Congratulations, by the way. You’ve got it all worked out.”

  “You’re angry.”

  “I’m fine.” Clipped, hard words.

  Aggravation was like an itch on the inside of his skin that he couldn’t scratch, and he blew out a hard breath. “I’m not going to keep begging you to talk to me, Penelope.”

  Her head whipped up and she snapped, “Who asked you to? In fact, quit asking, it’s annoying.”

  He shook his head. “How can I quit asking? Won’t that give you the proof you’re looking for? The evidence that I don’t give a shit about you?”

  He wanted to stop this, but she wouldn’t goddamn talk to him and it wasn’t in his nature to keep coddling her like this. He’d tried that route and all it did was make everything worse, and he wasn’t going to do it anymore.

  She narrowed her eyes. “Everything is fine. Perfect.”

  “Whatever.” He looked out the window at his sister’s yard with a sick sense of resignation. “I should have told you first when I started talking to them, but I wanted to surprise you.”

  “Mission accomplished. Consider me surprised.”

  He folded his hands and tried to hold on to a rapidly fraying temper. “It was part of my plan to prove to you I could get my life together. I got the call when we got here and Maddie asked and, well, I don’t know, I was excited and wanted to share the good news. I should have told you first.”

  She lifted the other leg and began massaging lotion into her skin. “You could have told me when we were talking on the bed.”

  “I could have.”

  “So why didn’t you?”

  His gaze slid away. “I don’t know . . . it didn’t seem like the right time.”

  She didn’t look at him, but said in a voice so calm it sent a chill through him, “You keep talking about how you want to build this life with me, but it’s just lip service. You don’t want to build a life with me. You want to build a life for yourself and take me along for the ride when it suits you.”

  “That’s unfair, Penelope.” His tone a barely controlled force.

  She finally looked at him, and when she did her eyes were cold and flat. “Is it? You planned a whole career, something so important to you, and didn’t even think to discuss it.”

  “That is bullshit!” he yelled, so loud everyone in the house must have heard. “Don’t twist this to suit this story you keep trying to sell yourself in your head.”

  “I’m not, I’m stating a fact.”

  “You’re stating a fear. And you’re not any fucking better than I am.”

  “I’m not, I’m just more honest.”

  “What a load of shit. You’re not honest. You’re afraid. I screwed up. I admit it. I’m here, dealing with it, which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for you.”

  Her jaw worked as she looked out the window. “I can’t do this right now.”

  “Tough. We’re doing it.”

  She sat there in a white tank top and shorts, looking tanned and beautiful, and so remote he didn’t know how to reach her. “I need to think. Figure things out.”

  “What do you need to figure out?”

  She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I can’t keep looking for a way to keep you. I can’t keep pretending your family belongs to me. It’s wrong.”

  That last missing piece of the puzzle clicked into place and a cold, sick dread filled him. She was going to leave him, and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. “My family does belong to you.”

  “But they don’t. I only want them to.”

  He met her gaze and could see in her eyes she was already gone. He had two choices—he could either give up, or he could go down with a fight. Unfortunately, fighting would mean delivering some tough love, and that would hurt her. But he had nothing left to lose. He blew out a breath and hoped for the best. “Yeah, you’re right.”

  Her expression twisted in a sad sort of satisfaction, and Evan wanted to go to her, but didn’t. Because they had to be able to be real wit
h each other. To stick it out through the tough battles.

  Before she could say anything, he continued. “When we were kids, way before there was anything between us, I overheard my parents talking about you. They were actually fighting about Maddie. My mom liked to compare Maddie and you, and Maddie felt she always came up short. I was young, and I only caught bits and pieces of the conversation, but I remember my dad saying the only reason you were so good was because your parents didn’t pay attention to you. That you didn’t rebel like Maddie because you didn’t have the same love and safety she did.”

  Under the rosy glow of the sun, Penelope’s face drained of color.

  “We all kind of knew that you were always around because you didn’t really have a family. That while your parents loved you, they didn’t know what to do with you, and we had no problem being your surrogate family. That night my dad talked to me, that was exactly his point. He wanted you to go out there into the world and find yourself, without me or any of us blocking your way.”

  Jaw tight, she clasped her hands. “I see.”

  “No, you don’t see. You didn’t do any of that, did you?”

  She shook her head and looked out the window. “No, the first thing I did was talk Shane into hiring me, even though he didn’t want to.”

  “And you never got over me.”

  “No.” She lowered her head, as though she was ashamed. “Maddie’s pregnant. She’s going to tell everyone tonight, so don’t ruin her surprise.”

  The news hit him like he’d been sucker punched. She was dying inside, but she wouldn’t let him in to help her. He got up and walked over to her, kneeling on the floor and taking her hands. “Pen, it’s not crazy. What you’re feeling. We didn’t say it, but we both know that when you washed those pills down the drain, a part of us wanted to be caught.”

  Despite the sun her fingers were cold in his hands. She tried to pull away but he wouldn’t let her. “Can’t you see, Evan? What better way to make sure you can’t leave, than to tie you to me forever?”

  “Then I’m just as guilty as you are. You don’t think I want that tie?”

  She blinked, shaking her head. “I don’t know.”

  “Penelope, look at me.” His voice sharp enough to have her lifting her head. “I have never, in all my life, forgotten to wear a condom. Even if she told me she was on fifteen kinds of birth control, I still wore one. I sure as hell don’t think it was a coincidence that you were the one.”