Dirty Desires

by Michelle Love

  I thought for a moment. “Should I call one of you guys if I have to use the bathroom?”

  She laughed. “You’re not getting out of that bed, sweetie. We’ve got you taken care of in that department. Just chill out. Sleep, watch the tube, and most of all, let your body heal while you rest. Think of this as the ultimate vacation. People are here to wait on you hand and foot. You won’t have to lift a finger while you’re in ICU. Not even to bathe yourself.” She winked at me. “You’re getting the five-star treatment, my lady.”

  Leaving me with a wave, I liked her already. “Hey, thanks for taking care of me, Nurse Gonzales.”

  “Thanks for being such a great patient.” She gave me another wink. “But so far, you’ve been an unconscious one. Let’s hope you’re a great patient when you’re awake too.”

  “I’ll try to be.” I watched her leave and felt a little weird.

  I was all alone now. And in a hospital, of all places. I had no idea if I was still an engaged woman or not. I had no idea if I was even still in a relationship with Ashton. I had no idea about anything.

  This much I knew for sure: Ashton would not be handling this well. Worst- case scenario, he’d see this as a sign. Maybe even think he was cursed or something.

  One fiancée died in a crash, and one was nearly killed in an attack. What are the freaking chances of that happening?

  Yeah, I could totally see Ashton thinking that he had some type of a curse going on.

  He might have pulled the ring off my finger and retracted the proposal just because he thought that might save my life. And maybe it had.

  I lay there thinking about Ashton, and as I did, I overheard one of the other nurses talking to someone, “Yeah, she died once on the operating table and once right there in that bed. We had to bring her back twice. She’s a real miracle, that Nina Kramer.”

  Oh, shit!

  Maybe Ashton is cursed!

  Chapter Thirty

  Ashton

  “Her mother called me this morning,” I told Artimus as I sat in his office. “She’s awake.”

  A frown furrowed his brow. “And you’re sitting here because?”

  I had the ring in my pocket, playing with it as I thought about why I was sitting in my boss’s office instead of in the ICU waiting room. Waiting for my five-minute turn with Nina. “I do not know the answer to that.”

  “Is it because you’re afraid?” he asked.

  Shaking my head, I knew it wasn’t fear that had me staying put after the call I’d gotten from her joy-filled mother that morning. “It’s not that I’m afraid of anything. It’s more like a veil of doubt.”

  He looked aggravated as he put his fingers on his forehead, massaging what must’ve been a headache. “Doubt about what?”

  The crazy thing was that I had prayed so much for Nina to get better, and I’d thought I would blaze a trail to that hospital the minute I got word that she was awake and coherent. I would rush to her side and slip the engagement ring right back onto her long, slender finger. I would kiss her sweet lips and tell her everything was going to be all right. But I wasn’t doing any of those things.

  Pulling my hand out of my pocket with the ring on my pinky finger, I held it up. “Artimus, do you think there are such things as curses?”

  “No,” came his curt answer. “There are no curses. What’s the deal with the ring, Ashton? What are you thinking?”

  “I put a ring on Natalia’s finger, and less than a year later, she was dead.” I moved the ring, so the light made the diamond sparkle brightly. “Flash forward four years, and I put a ring on Nina’s finger. Now, not even a day goes by before a fucking terrorist nearly kills her.” I looked into Artimus’ eyes. “A goddamned terrorist, Artimus. What are the odds? Please, tell me what they are. I need to know.”

  “First of all, in this day and age, being killed or hurt by a terrorist is not that uncommon.” He got up and walked to the window to look out of it. “This isn’t the only city that experiences such things. Even if you moved to some small town, it wouldn’t be a guarantee that something like this wouldn’t happen to you again.”

  “Then what am I supposed to do?” I had to know. “And how am I supposed to believe that Nina will be okay if I put this ring back on her finger?”

  He turned to look at me, his face a puzzle of torment. “Ashton, you’re letting your imagination take hold of you. If you keep thinking this way, you’ll end up a lonely man. Is that what you want?”

  “I don’t want anyone to get hurt just because they love me.” I put the ring on the desk and the overhead light refracted off it, making it glow. “That looks pretty powerful, sitting there, doesn’t it? It’s almost as if that ring has powers we can’t understand.”

  He strode over, snapping the ring up as he growled, “Ashton Lange, you stop this right now. I won’t let you do this to yourself again. Get your ass up, take this ring, and put it back on Nina’s finger. Marry that woman and raise kids with her. Make her your family, Ashton. And put this idiotic idea out of your head. Accidents happen. That’s that.” He put the ring in my jacket pocket then took a seat. “And when is the last time that you talked to Dr. Patel, anyway?”

  “Yesterday.” I sighed, feeling the weight of the ring in my pocket. “Honestly, I wasn’t feeling this way then. This just came up.”

  “Well, let it just go away the same way it popped up, then.” He slammed his fist down on the desk. “You’ve got to stop thinking this way, and you’ve got to get over to that hospital and let the woman you love see your face. I’m sure she’s missed you.”

  I shrugged. “She’s been asleep. I’m sure she hasn’t missed me. Maybe she’s even had enough time to get over me—who wants to be the fiancée of a man whose fiancées keep dying? Maybe that’s for the best.”

  “Get your ass up and get to that hospital.” He stood up and went toward the door. “Once you see her. Once you talk to her, you’ll stop this shit.” He opened the door and pointed my way out. “Go!”

  I got up slowly. I wasn’t as gung-ho as he wanted me to be, but I would go see her. For the five minutes they would allow me to. But I wasn’t sure if I would saddle her with the ring yet. I wasn’t sure it would be safe to put it on her just yet. Maybe never.

  Leaving the office with Artimus glaring at me, I got on the elevator. Moving the ring from the pocket of my jacket, I put it back in my pants pocket and let my fingers move around it.

  My head wasn’t right as I took a cab over to the hospital. Thoughts came and went as I stared at the floor.

  Am I really cursed?

  Should I leave Nina alone for her own good?

  Should I just be alone for the rest of my life?

  Would that be safer for everyone?

  Will I ever be able to get over Nina?

  I sighed heavily as I thought about that. I had hardly slept at all since the attack. And even as I thought about that and knew that the lack of sleep could contribute to depression, I ignored that fact.

  Nina had made the apartment hers already, and I felt her presence there every day, even as she lay in the hospital unconscious and on the brink of death. Her things were everywhere. I tried to snuggle with her pillow to get some sleep, but that only put me to sleep for short spurts of time.

  I needed her now. But was it my need for her that had gotten her hurt?

  “Do you believe in curses?” I asked the cab driver.

  “Oh! Yes, I do. Very much so,” he told me as he bobbed his head.

  “I think I’m cursed.” I pulled the engagement ring out and held it up. “I think that when I put an engagement ring on a woman’s finger that it puts them in great danger.”

  The driver stopped at a light and cocked his head to one side. “Let me get this straight. You have put that same ring on multiple women’s fingers, and they’ve been hurt?”

  Looking at the ring, I shook my head. “No, not this same ring. The rings are different.”

  “Oh, then, no,” he informed me. “Tha
t’s not a curse, then. If it were the same ring, then I would say it was a curse. Not the same ring—no curse.”

  I frowned, feeling a little dazed by the conversation and how quickly he’d shot down my theory about being cursed. “Maybe I’m just afraid of losing another partner, then, and that’s what has me looking for explanations in the form of curses.”

  “Most likely, sir.” His dark eyes looked at me through the rearview mirror. “I suppose then that you have lost a love, and now you have a new one and you think you might lose her too?”

  Nodding, I confirmed his suspicions, “Yep.”

  “My advice is to push that worry away. If we let the worry of what might happen stop us, we will never do a damn thing. Or love anyone, for that matter. There is always a chance that something can happen to anyone. Or the chance that they will fall out of love with us and leave us one day. But we do it anyway.” He winked at me. “Do you know why we do it anyway, sir?”

  “I really don’t.” I shook my head, thinking that he hadn’t helped me at all.

  “We do it anyway because life encourages us to.” His head bobbed again as he smiled. “Life is what it’s all about, sir.”

  My eyes went back to the floor, not feeling like I was quite getting what he was saying. And there I spotted something that I hadn’t noticed before when I’d been staring at the floor. A small piece of white paper. Like the fortune from a fortune cookie.

  Picking it up, I read it: In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count, it’s the life in your years.

  Holding the ring in one hand and the little paper with the wise words on it in the other, I thought about those words meant. I could have a life, long and free of worry, sadness, and loss. But what I would be giving up companionship, connection, and the highest price of all would be love.

  I would have to give up love. And I would have to take my love away from Nina.

  I had never thought about it that way.

  I had lived four years without love in my life. Those years seemed so empty to me now. Did I want more empty years ahead of me? Or did I want years, no matter how few or how many there would be, that were full of life? A life that included love, happiness, and Nina?

  The cab driver stopped in front of the entrance to the hospital, and I put the engagement ring on my pinky finger. “You know what?”

  “What, sir?” he asked me as he turned to look back at me.

  “I choose life. Have a very nice day.” I got out of the cab, listening to the man laugh.

  He made a joyful sound as he laughed and called out to me from the open window, “You have a nice life, sir.”

  “I think I will.” I went inside, greeting everyone I saw. “Good morning. Nice day, isn’t it?” I went all the way to the waiting room in ICU where I found a nurse with a nametag that said Gonzales. “Hi there. Good morning, Nurse Gonzales. I know I’m five minutes late for this morning’s visiting hours, but I’ve got to see my girl. You’ve got her back there, and I need to put this little ring back on her finger.” I wiggled my pinky to let her see the ring.

  “Ah.” She smiled. “You must be here to see Nina Kramer. She’s been asking her mother about you. I had no idea you two were engaged. You never mentioned it.”

  “I wasn’t myself. But now that she’s awake and on the road to recovery, I feel much better.” I winked at her and wiggled my pinky at her again. “So, you think you can bend the rules just this one time? I’m pretty sure that wearing this ring will speed up her recovery.”

  “I think you’re right.” She walked out from behind the nurses’ station, beckoning me to follow her. “Come on with me. I’m going to put this down as a therapist’s visit. That means you get an hour with her. This is the kind of therapy she really needs right now too.”

  I had an in now, and I would be using it to my advantage. “Thank you. You’re a saint.”

  “So I’ve been told.” She took me right to Nina. “She’s resting, but feel free to hold her hand. She might wake up for you.” She pulled the curtain to cover the majority of the glass wall, giving us a bit of privacy. “I’ll come back in an hour to let you know when your time’s up.”

  With a nod, I turned back to look at Nina. The swelling in her head was gone. The bruises had healed, and the cuts were nearly gone too. I ran my fingertips across her cheeks, and her eyes fluttered open. “You,” she sighed.

  “Yeah, it’s me.” I leaned over and barely touched my lips to hers. The wave that rushed over me threatened to take me under. But I hung on, staying strong for her. “I’ve missed you.”

  Her eyes glistened with tears that began to flow down her face. “I’ve missed you since I woke up. I wish you could’ve been here.”

  “Me too.” I took her hand, which had bruises on top of it where the IV went in. Moving my thumb over it carefully, I tried not to break down as I thought about all that she’d gone through.

  “The doctor came in a little while ago. He says I’ve got a long road ahead of me, but it’s a road that will lead me back to good health. Apparently, I will live.” She laughed a little, then sighed.

  I pulled the ring off my pinky and showed it to her. “Apparently, I’ll live too. A happy life with you in it for as long as the good Lord allows.” I slid the ring back onto her finger, then kissed it. “Just so you know, we’re getting married as soon as possible, baby.”

  A sob came out of her, and she began to cry. “I love you so much. You have no idea how much.”

  Wrapping my arms around her carefully, I held her, whispering, “I love you more than you know. We have a bright future ahead of us, baby. It’s all smooth sailing from here. We’ve got each other, and that’s all we’ll ever need.”

  Nina and I had found our happily ever after, even though the odds had been against us. We both knew it wasn’t always going to be easy, but we’d get through the hard times, together.

  The End

  Dirty Desires Extended Epilogue

  Nina

  Three years later...

  My body pulsed with excitement as Ashton moved inside of me with a fast and furious pace. My feet ran up and down the backs of his legs as he undulated on top of me.

  Sweat covered us both; we’d been at it for such a long time. Our lovemaking had more going on than just meeting our pleasurable ends. We were trying to procreate—a thing we had a hard time doing.

  Duke and Lila had conceived a son not long after they had started trying to get pregnant. Julia and Artimus managed twin daughters only a year after deciding to start their family.

  Ashton and I hadn’t let so much as a day go by without some hope that we could get pregnant.

  My internal injuries from the terrorist attack had taken a toll on my reproductive organs. My gynecologist told me that it wouldn’t be impossible to get pregnant, but it wouldn’t necessarily be easy either.

  Her words had proven right. Getting pregnant hadn’t been easy at all. Both Lila and Julia were trying again to get pregnant to add to their families. I so wanted to share the experience of pregnancy with both of my best friends.

  Ashton and I sought out a fertility specialist, hoping like hell that he would be able to help us. I’d been put on a diet that was so strict it seemed almost impossible to stick to, but I had done so.

  Ashton had been put on a diet, too—a sexual one. He had to abstain from any release of his sperm for a whole week. Then he had to pump as much of that stuff into me as he possibly could.

  I had never thought of sex as work before, but it was proving to be a job now. There were times when we could have it and times when we couldn’t. When the time came to have it, we had to make love like rabbits for an entire eight hours.

  On a good note, my body had never been in better shape, nor had Ashton’s. So, a week of not having any sex at all was proving very hard to take. He couldn’t keep his hands off me, telling me I looked like some kind of a buff goddess.

  All that attraction we had for each other hadn’t helped us have a baby a
t all. I found that frustrating, to say the least.

  “Only ten more minutes, then we’re done, baby,” he told me as he moved a pillow underneath my ass to raise it, the way the specialist had told us would help.

  After dumping each load into me, I had to lie perfectly still on top of the pillow for a half hour. I had my fingers crossed every time that this would time, it would stick. This would be the time that one of Daddy’s little tadpoles would swim into Mommy’s egg and make us a little baby.

  We swore that we would be happy with one child if that’s all we could get. We swore we would never ask for anything ever again for the rest of our lives if we could just have one little version of the two of us.

  We’d babysat our friends’ kids a lot. We loved them so much. It seemed impossible that we would be able to love our own more than we loved the little toddlers who called us their aunt and uncle.

  But we sure wanted to find out if we could.

  “Can I get you to come for me one more time, baby?” Ashton murmured as he kissed my sweaty forehead.

  I stared into his blue eyes, letting myself fall into them like I was sinking into an abyss. Every little sensation began to morph into one big one—one that took my body up high. A wave began to swell inside of me. “I think I can do that for you, Daddy,” I breathed.

  “That’s my girl.” His lips pressed against mine, and his kiss took me deeper into that abyss.

  Pleasure swirled inside of me as he moved at a steady pace, his strokes short now so he could use his pelvic bone to rub against my clit. That stimulation and the deep feeling of his cock bottoming out in me took its toll on me.

  Our mouths parted as I gasped at the onslaught of the intense climax. “God!” Everything exploded at once. I saw stars. “Ashton!”

  He couldn’t say a word. All he could do was groan as he shot his life-giving sperm into me. “Argh!”

  I gripped his biceps as he arched above me. The wet heat filled my pulsing pussy to the max as my vagina clenched around his cock with hard and unforgiving spasms. Those sweet contractions were meant to pull every little bit of cum out of him.