Blood Crave

by Jennifer Knight

  “Me first, me first!”

  Only Silas remained in the red tub.

  “He said no,” Silas said dully. “Leave the kid alone.”

  Thank you, Silas!

  But Calvin’s crave was too strong for him to listen. He reached around Derek and snatched up my wrist with unearthly speed. He was centimeters away from biting me when Silas knocked Calvin back, and Derek trembled violently.

  “He’s gonna change!” Melissa yelled, pointing at Derek and backing up. “I’m getting out of here!”

  She zipped back inside, shattering the French doors as they slammed shut behind her. I jumped at the sound and realized, yes, Derek was going to change.

  I saw his fangs drop, and I dove to the side.

  Calvin lunged for me, catching me while I was still airborne and rolling away with me pressed to his body. I screamed as his teeth gnashed together next to my ear. I struggled to push him away and then he was lifted off of me. I saw huge white paws on either side of my head and knew it was Derek. A shrill, almost hollow howl pierced the night.

  I sat up and saw Silas staring straight at me with this creepy, hungry look in his eyes. So much for leaving me alone. I struggled to stand, slipping on the now icy deck.

  Calvin clawed at Derek, leaving red marks all over his muzzle. He squirmed out of Derek’s jaws and then flung himself onto Derek’s haunches to sink his fangs into his throat. Derek yowled in pain. The two of them tussled, while I began backing away, keeping my eyes locked tight on Silas.

  Too bad I backed away into the hot tub. I plunged in and got all turned around with the bubbles and the terror. I couldn’t find my way up. Panic suffocated me . . . or maybe that was the water. I didn’t know. But I did know that I was going to drown if I didn’t figure out a way to the surface pretty damn soon.

  Then something bumped into me. I looked up and saw Melissa’s dead pet floating in the water with me. I screamed, which is a bad idea to do underwater because once you scream, you have no more air left. I sucked in bloody water and flailed around uselessly.

  A hand grabbed my shoulder and tugged me out of the water. I coughed and drew in a humongous breath. The hand that saved me spun me around, and my body went limp for an instant.

  It was Silas.

  I pushed against him, knowing that struggling was futile, but I was unable to just stand there and let him bite me.

  “Stop—it!” I screamed, pushing against him with all my measly strength.

  “No chance,” Silas said as his pupils widened.

  Derek let out a loud frenzied bark that sounded very much like, no!

  “Sorry, darling,” Silas said. “But Arabella requires more vampires. And she does like the pretty ones.”

  Oh, I’d heard that before.

  Silas lowered his mouth to my skin, but before I could feel the ice of his lips, something huge jumped up onto the balcony. The floor trembled and all of us were knocked back onto the floor.

  Everyone stared up at the creature that had jumped five floors to the penthouse balcony. It looked like a wolf, but bigger and shaggier.

  It was, of course, a werewolf. And not just any werewolf.

  My boyfriend.

  Lucas was here to rescue me. He didn’t waste even a moment; he lunged at Silas and ripped his head off.

  Just like that. Blood spurted everywhere, drenching me in poison, and I watched through my fingers as Lucas turned to charge Calvin, who was backing slowly away. Derek, who had just suffered a crushing blow to his ribs, struggled to stand. Then, clueing in to Lucas’s plan he flanked him and proceeded to corral Calvin against the edge of the balcony. He was cornered, and knew it.

  With a smug grin, he gave us his signature salute, and then leaped over the railing. The two wolves barked and started after him, but it was too late. Calvin was halfway up Keystone Mountain by now, and with Derek injured, they’d never catch him.

  I exhaled heavily, not caring that Calvin and Melissa got away, not caring that there was a dead guy in the hot tub, or that Silas’s venomous blood was all over me, or even that my best friend and my boyfriend were both in wolf form and liable to kill me at any moment.

  All that mattered was Lucas. He was there. Somehow, he’d known to follow me on my stupid idiotic mission.

  He’d saved me, yet again. And despite what I’d said to him earlier, I was glad he’d come to my rescue. I had to face it: I’d be dead right now if he hadn’t. Thanks were most certainly in order, but before I could so much as stand up, the wolves turned on each other.

  They began fighting, tearing at fur, yanking muscle, snapping and snarling. I was powerless to stop it. I’d promised Lucas I would never use my power against him again.

  Then Lucas began to shake and he changed, unable to hold his form any longer without any vampires around. He dodged Derek’s attacks, but something about seeing him human made him seem more vulnerable. Derek made to attack Lucas again and coldness swept through me: the thought of him killing Lucas.

  “Derek!” I screamed, starting forward. “Stop it RIGHT NOW!”

  Derek’s big lupine eyes flickered to mine and creased into a frown. To my amazement, his body shook and he changed.

  So of course, Lucas punched him. Or tried to. Derek managed to dodge at the last second and swung back, missing, too. Lucas tackled him and they went sprawling.

  I shook my head and dragged my hands down my bloody face. Men. . . .

  “Stop it!” I yelled with a little less enthusiasm than before. “Lucas, come on. This is dumb. You’re not going to kill him, just stop it!”

  Lucas held Derek down in a choke hold.

  “Like—hell—I’m—not,” he grunted.

  “STOP! Don’t hurt him. I don’t want to use my power, but I will if you’re going to hurt him, now stop!”

  Lucas looked over at me incredulously and released Derek with a jerk. Derek drew in a strangled breath, hacking. Though he didn’t need to breathe, Lucas had probably broken his windpipe.

  Lucas strode up to me and pointed back at Derek. “You can’t be defending him again,” he warned. “How many times does this guy have to try and kill you before you realize what he is?”

  Derek was standing now, his breath heaving through his body. He looked livid and ready to pounce on Lucas at any second.

  I rounded on him. “Don’t even think about it! Lucas just saved my life. Show a little gratitude.”

  Derek blinked. He seemed to have just realized I was still there—that I’d almost been eaten by his “friends.”

  “Faith, I’m so sorry,” he said, stepping closer. “You were right all along, I guess.”

  I drew in a deep breath, sucking up my anger, and said, “It’s okay. I forgive you.”

  Derek was hugging me within a second, but it only lasted about that long before Lucas ripped him off of me.

  “God, you’re relentless!” he shouted. “When are you gonna get it through your runt head that she doesn’t love you, she loves me!”

  Derek cringed as though Lucas had finally landed that punch.

  “Lucas, stop it,” I said, a little stricken by his outburst. “He feels bad enough without adding this on top of it. He said he was sorry. He’s going through something terrible right now.”

  “That’s all well and good,” Lucas said, “but he’s manipulating you, Faith. He’s wheedling his way into your heart and lodging himself between us.”

  “No, he’s not. We’re just friends.” I looked at Derek. “Right?”

  Derek leaned against the wall, as casual as can be when you’re buck naked. “Yeah, man. I really think you’re being paranoid. Me and Faith are just friends.” He smiled, baring his razor-like teeth. I winced as the light glanced off of them and blinded me for a moment.

  I turned back to Lucas. “See? It’s fine. I’ve told you a million times, you’ve got nothing to worry about here.”

  Lucas’s vibe blasted with a million pent-up emotions. Anger. Frustration. Jealousy. Desperation. He was trying to k
eep them in, trying to repress them, but at last they grew so strong, the emotions almost swallowed me with it. He let out a loud roar-like sound and said, “Damn it, I can’t take this anymore! I feel like I’m going crazy!”

  I started to put my hand on his shoulder, but he jerked away.

  “No,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m not gonna pretend like I’m not jealous anymore, when I am. I’m jealous. I admit it, okay? And if that makes me a jerk, then fine. I’m a jerk, too.”

  Derek snorted and I silenced him with a look.

  “There’s nothing to be jealous of,” I insisted.

  “You think I don’t notice the way you look at him? You think I don’t see you flirting with him, holding his hand and playing footsie in the car? Did you really think I was that stupid?”

  I attempted to protest, but Lucas cut me off with a slice of his hand through the air.

  “No, Faith, I can’t keep pretending to be this good person anymore, when I’m not. I’m a werewolf. An animal. And I thought, maybe you’d . . . I don’t know, softened that instinct in me, but now I feel so crazy jealous that I know I’m still as horrible and jerky and—and whatever else you wanna call me as I always was.”

  “Don’t say that,” I begged. “Don’t be this way. You know I love you.” I reached out for him, but he stepped back.

  “I can’t do this anymore. You either gotta pick me, or you gotta pick him. But I can’t watch you flip-flopping around anymore. I can’t take it.”

  I felt like the world had just toppled over on itself, leaving me standing alone in the middle of it. Nothing made sense. I struggled to form words, but tears blocked me. I swallowed hard and made myself say something.

  “Are you breaking up with me?” I gasped, still reeling.

  Lucas didn’t answer, but his expression was hard, bitter. “I’m telling you to choose.”

  “Don’t—don’t make me do that,” I said. “This isn’t just about Derek and you know it—the whole uprising depends on getting him back on our side. I thought you understood. I need to be with him.”

  Lucas stared at me for a long time. “That’s your choice then?” he asked finally. I heard absolutely no emotion in his voice. The years he’d spent keeping his feelings inside were paying off. He was blank. Even his vibe was smothered.

  “I can’t,” I whispered. “I’m not choosing. I won’t.”

  Again, he said nothing for a long while; he just looked down at the floor, thinking about what, I could never know.

  Finally, he looked up, determination hardening his features. “Look, this isn’t going to work.”

  I shook myself, thrown by the change of his tone. “What?”

  “We both knew this was coming. We both knew it would end one day.”

  End? What was he talking about? “But I thought—”

  His voice was suddenly menacing. “What? What was your solution for this, Faith? Change you? That’s never going to happen.”

  “Yvette and Rolf—”

  “Aren’t us. This was always our fate, Faith. Why prolong the inevitable? It’s only torturing me more.”

  He could have slapped me in the face for how bad that hurt.

  “Where is this even coming from?” I asked. “Just, please—let’s talk about this.”

  “What’s to talk about? I’m immortal. You’re not. We don’t have a future together.”

  “What about my future? Do I mean that little to you that you can just dump me without even talking to me first?”

  Lucas’s face tightened, his expression fluctuating between ambivalence and frustration. He seemed to wrestle with something and then said with a stony, forced voice, “Look, I changed my mind. Simple as that. I don’t want to live in repression anymore.”

  Changed his mind . . . “What do you mean?” I whispered.

  “Repressing the change is bad enough without adding what you do to me on top of it. It wouldn’t be like this with any other girl. With someone else, I wouldn’t have to worry about killing her all the time. We could be together. Fully.”

  At his last word, the meaning of what he was saying sunk in like a knife through my heart. I just stood there, unable to believe what I was hearing. It felt like a dream—a waking nightmare.

  “That’s how you feel?” I asked numbly.

  His face was rigid, revealing nothing, and when he spoke his voice came softly in monotone.

  “That’s how I feel.”

  I stared him down, refusing to believe, but Lucas stared right back at me with empty, fathomless eyes. My world was caving in, crushing me beneath his black stare. It hurt so much, I could think of only one thing to do: hurt him back. Make him feel even half as awful as I did.

  “Fine,” I said. “Then I choose him. I choose Derek.”

  For the briefest instant, I thought I saw a flicker of regret. But then it was gone, and his mask of indifference was back.

  “Good,” he said.

  Another blow to my heart. Good?

  I was so busy trying to keep from sobbing that I didn’t even notice Lucas walking toward me. He came very close, and I thought for one blissful moment that he was going to hug me, tell me to forget it, that he would stand by me like he always promised he would. But he just whispered in my ear, “We always knew there would be an end, Faith. I know you don’t understand, but it’s better this way.” He reached up and touched my cheek. There was warmth for the smallest moment and then he said something so softly I wasn’t sure if I’d heard correctly. His voice was low like the wind howling. “You’ll always have my heart.”

  With that, he walked to the edge of the balcony and jumped over.

  It was like there was a string connecting us because as soon as his feet left the floor, I dashed for the edge. The only thought in my mind was to follow him. I had to follow him, he couldn’t leave.

  Derek yanked me back.

  He held me at the edge of the balcony as I screamed for Lucas. It was pathetic and desperate, but the only boy I’d ever loved had just left me. Left me wilted and alone, just like my stepdad had all those years ago. Left me just like Derek had when he’d told me he’d cheated on me. Left me crying, bloody and broken on the ground ... like I was nothing.

  24

  SURVIVAL

  I spent the next day alone. Not crying. Not thinking. I was in a state of numb denial. He couldn’t have left. Not really. Not my Lucas—not my match.

  I called him, must’ve been a hundred times.

  He shut his phone off.

  That night, Derek and I rented a car and drove four long hours back to CSU. Neither of us said a word the entire time, though I could feel his vibe shifting restlessly beside me. He wanted to comfort me, but didn’t know how.

  I thought, but didn’t say, that the silence was enough.

  When at last we reached the courtyard between the CSU dorm buildings—and after dealing with irritating curfew issues—I finally had a reaction. I wanted to run to Lucas’s room. I wanted to bang on his door and scream at him, hit him, kiss him, make him hurt as badly as he’d hurt me. I wanted it so much I couldn’t stop my legs from running up the stairs to his room, flying down the hall, raising my hand to knock on the door—

  “Don’t,” Derek said, catching my fist before it hit. “It won’t solve anything.”

  I sagged against him, my back colliding with his chest. I let my fist fall. He was right. Starting another fight would only make things worse. And make me look more pathetic.

  So I let Derek drag me upstairs to his room where I spent the rest of the night crying.

  I had class on Monday. I had track. I had a life to get back to. A life that now highlighted Lucas’s absence with every agonizing minute that passed. From the moment I opened my swollen eyes to Derek’s empty room to that last shuddering breath I took at night when I cried myself to sleep—I missed him. I missed his face in the morning and his voice in my ear before bed.

  Living without him now was like trying to breathe with a hole in my lungs�
�impossible. But I forced myself through it. For two long, miserable weeks I made myself wake up, get dressed, go to class, come back, and slip into blissful silence with Derek at my side. I made myself live, because the alternative was not an option.

  I would take to wallowing alone in my own room with P.S. I Love You and a bag of chocolates. And while there were times during the day when that sounded like the best idea in the world, if I let myself fall into that pattern, I’d never resurface.

  On the night of the full moon, when Derek went with Katie up to Gould, I’d called Heather again to keep me company, only to find out she was at Zydeco’s with her druggie friends. I’d been in contact with her throughout the past weeks, but she’d never mentioned her return to drugs. Or maybe I’d been too upset to notice it. Either way, she made it clear that nothing I said was going to stop her from hanging out with the blood bitches, so the best option I had left was to join her. Try to make sure she didn’t die.

  So I began spending more and more time with her and her idiotic friends. It was both mind-numbingly stupid and euphoric at the same time. Convincing myself that I was somehow keeping Heather safe by being with them gave me a welcome distraction. So much so that I began hanging with them while Derek went to class.

  When Derek returned from his classes, I left and said a small prayer that Heather could take care of herself. Derek and I did all of the old stuff together—late night TV, cold pizza, talking ourselves to sleep. Although he did most of the talking now.

  The nights I spent with Derek healed the scorching hole in my heart, and I was okay until dawn. And then the daylight would break my heart all over again.

  Derek and I got a visit from Calvin a few weeks later.

  We had just gotten out of a midnight showing of some action movie Derek had been dying to see and were meandering our way back to his car parked outside a restaurant in Old Town. Derek was plotting out how to sneak back onto campus and cheat the curfew, and I was trying my best to act interested. The town had seemed to relax somewhat since there hadn’t been any murders in a few months, but the school had yet to lift that stupid curfew. I wouldn’t have cared much, except that it made hanging out with a nocturnal creature difficult.