This Is How It Goes

by Neil LaBute

  The MAN looks to us for validation—does he get any? Well, we’ll have to see. For now let’s Imagine that it remains silent out there. He nods, then turns back toward the table.

  MAN I’m gonna head back over now … new drink wouldn’t really take all that long to get, right?

  The MAN nods to us, then turns and moves back to his chair. Sipping from his old drink as he arrives.

  MAN … I was right.

  CODY Yeah? Looks like the same thing …

  MAN Well, it’s a Coke glass. They all have the same kind of …

  CODY No, the color of it. Seems a little light, like the last one did.

  MAN Huh. No, it’s …

  WOMAN Does it taste okay?

  MAN Yeahl Just fine, thanks …

  WOMAN Great.

  MAN ’S a classic taste, isn’t it?

  WOMAN Yes, I love it. The original one.

  CODY I wouldn’t know. Don’t drink soft drinks … no pop for me.

  MAN That’s good.

  CODY Why?

  MAN Well, you know …

  CODY No, what? It’s just a choice.

  MAN Yeah, but a pretty healthy one. I mean—

  CODY Whatever. (Beat.) So … what brings you back to town?

  MAN Umm, this and that. Stuff. How’s that for vague?

  CODY Pretty good. You nailed it. So?

  WOMAN Cody, if he doesn’t want to …

  MAN No, I’ll talk about it, that’s … not much to “talk” about in that sense, really. I’m just moving back. I miss it.

  CODY … yeah? You miss this place?

  MAN I do.

  CODY Huh.

  WOMAN That’s nice. You know? To miss the town where you … people don’t care enough about their roots, I don’t think.

  MAN I agree. It’s easy to forget what’s important. Where you come from.

  WOMAN I know, it really is. Roots …

  CODY What do you mean by that?

  MAN I think she’s saying you should move back to Africa …

  Big silence on this one. Remember how I said there are certain things CODY doesn’t like? This would be one of them.

  CODY … man, that is not cool.

  MAN It’s a joke. (Beat.) I mean, come on, Cody, I was just … “Words only have power if you let them.” Right?

  WOMAN Honey, I don’t think he meant to—

  CODY No, hey, whatever. Come to meet a guy, allow him to move into my home, and he insults me, that’s fine. If you don’t mind that, ho-ney, then that’s fine …

  MAN I didn’t … it wasn’t meant as a hurtful thing. God, no! I was just trying to be funny. (Beat.) Sorry.

  WOMAN I think we’re all just a little tense. Nervous.

  CODY I’m not nervous, why would I be nervous? Hmm?

  WOMAN I dunno, maybe … you know.

  CODY No. I don’t know. I’ve got this nice new studio over my garage, and I’m looking for a tenant. Not some asshole.

  MAN Cody, honestly … forgive me. It was just a … she said “roots,” and it popped into my head. That’s—

  CODY Oh.

  MAN The show, that’s all. With the dad from Good Times and, you know, that dancer … somebody Vereen. (Beat.) There was no disrespect meant. It was a mistake …

  CODY Fine.

  WOMAN It’s okay.

  CODY Hey. (looks at WOMAN) Don’t you do that. Don’t apologize for me, or go saying that something is okay. Got that? Donot. I said it was fine, not that it was okay. Big, big difference …

  WOMAN I’m sorry. Cody, please, I—

  MAN What’s the difference?

  CODY What?

  MAN No, I mean, you said something about the difference between “fine” and “okay,” and I’m trying to think what it is.

  CODY Dude, just leave it.

  MAN All right. Just trying to …

  WOMAN Why don’t we …

  CODY You know what “okay” means, means that it’s okay. It’s all all right. And “fine” is something else. Says, “Yeah, I’ll let it go.” I’m letting it go. Fine. But it is not o-kay.

  They all take long, uncomfortable sips from their beverages. The WAITRESS passes again. Oblivious. Doesn’t see CODY raise his hand.

  CODY … and that shit is not “okay,” eitherl What is it with her?

  MAN You got me. (Beat.) Do you need something?

  WOMAN She’s probably trying to cover too many tables … I used to work here back whenever, in school. (to the men) Do you remember that?

  MAN Depends. Do you remember me sitting in that corner booth there, almost every day after school?

  WOMAN … I do. With your homework.

  MAN Yep!

  CODY I never came in here. Least not back then, anyhow. And not after school. I had sports …

  MAN Right, ’course you did.

  CODY Yeah.

  WOMAN It was always quiet then, around four or so, before the dinner rush … and you’d be over there reading and sipping on a drink.

  MAN Uh-huh. And probably a basket of cheese fries, too! I was a porker in those days … God.

  CODY Yep. You were kind of a tubby sorta guy then, weren’t you?

  MAN Oh yeah.

  CODY And with the wise mouth, too.

  MAN You are correct, sir.

  CODY Surprised you didn’t get picked on more … beat up and shit.

  MAN I got my share, don’t worry. There was plenty of that …

  WOMAN That’s awful.

  MAN Nah, made me a better person. It’s what I told myself, anyway, lying there in traction …

  WOMAN Oh my God. (Beat.) Really?

  CODY No, that’s bullshit.

  MAN ’Course it is. But I did get a few bumps in my day … the occasional undies up the flagpole.

  CODY laughs at this, the first time we’ve heard that. It seems out of place, almost frightening.

  MAN … well, now I know who was behind that!

  CODY No, man, sorry, but, I can remember it. Seriously. Seeing your Fruit of the Looms flapping up there, all the way down by the track! Certain times … that was funny.

  CODY laughs halfheartedly again, but it’s passed now. Over.

  CODY Anyway, whatever. So what’s the deal? You want the place or not?

  MAN Ummm …

  WOMAN Honey, he’d probably like to see it first. (to the MAN) Right?

  MAN Yeah, that’d be—

  CODY Why? I mean, it’s new. All the stuff in there is new, so what’s the problem?

  MAN Nothing, no, just that it’s, you know … furnished.

  CODY So?

  MAN So, I’d like to see if my things’ll go with … I dunno. The carpet …

  CODY Oh. Okay, fine, if you’re like that about it, all particular, then okay. Do it. Check it out.

  MAN Thanks.

  WOMAN It’s pretty nice. We did it all in neutrals. You know, with whites and creams and that sort of—

  MAN Great. I’ll take a look. And it’s how much … six-fifty?

  CODY Yep. (Beat.) I was planning to knock it down if somebody wanted to do a little yard work for me …

  WOMAN Cody, we never—

  CODY I know, I know, I’m joking! I can joke, too, can’t I?

  MAN Sure. No, I’d make a hell of an indentured servant … you’re right.

  CODY I’m not talking about no servant. If you do some gardening, you get paid. That’s all. (to the WOMAN) Did the same thing with that one student, the exchange student. Remember?

  The WOMAN nods, then takes a sip. Quiet for a moment. That’s okay, they all need a breather.

  MAN Sure. I know, I get it. And I’m not above that … (Beat.) Beggars can’t be … well, you know.

  CODY Exactly.

  MAN Great.

  WOMAN Well, that’s really nice … we can set a time to take a look later.

  MAN Perfect.

  CODY … and why’re you here again? Back in town, I mean?

  MAN Just, you know … getting back to basics. Simpli
fying. (Beat.) Wasn’t so big on the corporate thing, all the wheeling and dealing I had to do, that sorta stuff. I’m no lawyer, that’s what I found out. ’Course, I had to go to law school and take on about seventy thousand in loans to figure it out, but hey!

  They all chuckle at this-kind of vacantly, but they’re trying.

  MAN Anyhow, I’m cutting back, gonna do some writing that I always wanted to do, and …

  WOMAN That sounds good …

  CODY Sort of like that Grisham, huh?

  MAN What, you mean … John Grisham?

  CODY Yeah, he did that, right? Stopped being a lawyer and became a writer.

  MAN Uh-huh. Yes, like that. Except for the theater … I’m gonna be a—

  CODY Well, that’s cool … lawyers are pretty good at making shit up. I know mine are! (laughs) Great.

  WOMAN … that’s exciting …

  MAN Yep. Might have to sell a bit of my card collection for cash, but …

  CODY Yeah … seriously?

  MAN Maybe. Thought I’d …

  CODY You still got that Jackie Robinson you took off me? Huh?

  MAN Hey, I didn’t “take” it off you, you traded it …

  CODY Yes, but …

  MAN Fair and square. (to the WOMAN) Guy is still sore about that!

  CODY ’S my favorite card.

  MAN Then you should’ve kept it …

  CODY Right.

  WOMAN What is it … a baseball card?

  MAN Uh-huh. It’s one he gave me back in school. For a favor.

  WOMAN Wow … that doesn’t sound like Cody. Asking for help from somebody …

  CODY Yeah, well, I needed it. (Beat.) It was a sweet card, too.

  MAN I know. 1952 Topps. Mint condition. (to the WOMAN again) You know why there are so few Robinson cards from that time?

  WOMAN Uh-uh. Why?

  CODY Because people destroyed ‘em. Dads, their kids, folks would get them—white folks, that is—find them in their gum pack and rip the fuck out of ’em because the dude was a black man, this uppity black who somehow snuck his way onto a ball team … that is why. Guys across America were tearing his picture up to show that they did not like it. Rookie of the year, MVP, they still didn’t give a shit. And that’s why it’s so damn rare …

  WOMAN … and that’s why you want it?

  CODY You don’t get it. (to the MAN) She doesn’t get shit like this. Never has …

  MAN That’s okay. It’s pretty much a guy thing … (to the WOMAN) It’s not just that, anyway. This one had a flaw in it. ’S a misprint that—

  CODY Whatever. (Beat.) You serious about it, I’ll swing a deal with you.

  MAN Maybe. I’m probably gonna need to do something … actually, as long as I can pay the child support, I’m okay …

  WOMAN Oh. Oh! I wasn’t … I mean, I didn’t know you had kids. That’s … great.

  MAN Kid. Just the one. A girl.

  CODY Where’s she at?

  MAN My daughter? Oh, she’s, you know, with her mom.

  CODY Man, I could never give up my kids.

  This reference is caught by the MAN—he and the WOMAN should share a brief look—before he goes on.

  MAN I didn’t give ‘er up … I see her all the time. It’s just …

  CODY Complicated, I’m sure. Always is. Raising kids isn’t complicated, you ain’t doing it right … (Beat.) But hey, that’s your business.

  CODY stands, stretches, then puts out a hand.

  CODY I gotta go, need to swing past the store over on Tamarack. Replaced a manager, so …

  The MAN stands, along with the WOMAN. CODY and his wife hold a look for a moment.

  CODY Good to see you. And look, you two work out a time to check the place and make a decision or not on the, you know, carpet … (shakes hands with the MAN) See ya.

  MAN Yeah, you, too.

  WOMAN Bye, sweetie. (They kiss.) Talk to you later.

  CODY nods as he drops a wad of cash on the table. Exits.

  MAN … well. That was … huh.

  WOMAN Yeah. Sorry.

  MAN No, totally fine, just not what I was expecting. It got a little hot there for a minute …

  WOMAN I know. Yes.

  MAN So … “kids,” huh? You didn’t say that before. Kids. How come?

  WOMAN Oh, you know … because.

  MAN No, why?

  WOMAN … because he hates me. Cody Jr. He’s six, and he pretty much hates me. (Beat.) I’ll just pay for the …

  The WOMAN tries to smile but just misses pulling it off. She grabs the money and heads to the counter. The MAN is alone.

  MAN … anyway, it was more or less like that. I’m not completely sure she said his name then, her other son’s, but she might’ve. Probably did. And, so, that’s how I got into the apartment over the garage. I mean, I may’ve walked her out to her car, or am going to—I still don’t get the time thing here!—but it basically happened that way. Cody all tense and whatever, and me just trying to stay out of the way. Her, too. Belinda, I mean. Yeah, I get the feeling that she needs to stay out of the way a lot … or, as she said earlier (or will later), a lot a lot. Yeah …

  Lights need to pop up now on another playing area—turns out we’re going to need a few. This one should be some kind of nice sitting-room area. Just a few pieces to suggest it. We’ll fake the rest.

  MAN We should probably keep moving now. Most of you’ll need to get on home after this, right? I’m sure you do. Even if you have no one to get home to, you still need to get there … Okay, good. Now, I’m not going to be in this next bit, I mean, I will in spirit or whatever, because I’ll be talked about, things like that, but I won’t actually be there. Don’t worry, though, no big deal, I’m gonna be back … maybe just imagine I’m up in the apartment there … fixing my lunch or reading some book, that kind of thing. Making notes. I may even have myself a little job by this point—I do end up helping out with the yard work—so, something along those lines. But this part right now is pretty important to the rest, so do pay attention … ‘Kay? Fine. (Beat.) If you don’t, you’ll never find out how Belinda ends up with the black guy … “eye,” I mean “black eye”! Geez, that’s a Freudian slip, huh? (chuckles) Like I said, I wasn’t there, so I didn’t see it—or won’t—but you get to see it all. If you pay attention. All I know is later, when Cody’s out at the office, she comes to me, and I see it and freak out a bit, but she never actually tells me about what happened. Not really. (Beat.) So, this is how it goes. This part. Okay, I’ll shut up now …

  The MAN smiles and backs off, disappearing just as the WOMAN enters. She plops onto the couch after putting a baby monitor down on the coffee table. Sorry—yeah, we’ll need a coffee table, too. She has a magazine and a diet cola with her.

  WOMAN … hello? (Beat.) I’m in here!

  CODY (offstage) Why? Why’re you in there?

  WOMAN I just … because.

  CODY enters, drenched in sweat from working out. Nike shirt, shorts. Maybe even wearing sunglasses. He looks pretty cool.

  CODY ’Cause why? Huh? Why do you always hole up in this room, way the other side of the house?

  WOMAN Cody, I like it in here. It’s sunny during the morning, and I can relax a minute when the baby’s asleep …

  CODY Hey, he’s not a baby, okay? Kid is two years old … you treat him like a baby, but he’s not.

  WOMAN Listen, he needs to—

  CODY No, you listen. What he doesn’t need is taking a nap at eight in the morning! All right? He just got up, like, an hour and a half ago. And you give ’im breakfast and back to bed he goes … that’s wrong.

  WOMAN He’s tired. He’s—

  CODY No, you’re lazy, that’s what it is.

  WOMAN “Lazy”?

  CODY You heard me. Yeah. You get Cody Jr. off to schoolgreat—and put a little food down Ralph, and then that’s it for the day, far as you think …

  WOMAN That is not …

  CODY Bullshit! Bull-shit. I know it is.

 
WOMAN Cody, our son is tired, do you mind? I know you don’t get that way, since you run every day and never come to bed before, say, two in the morning … but other people, we sleep. He’s a child. A growing boy, and he needs a nap whenever he feels like it. Right now, an hour from now … whenever.