by Neil LaBute
CODY shakes his head and pulls off his shirt, flexing. Does a few stretches. Yes, he’s in good shape.
CODY That shit is abuse …
WOMAN What?! I mean, why would you even say … ?
CODY It is! You ever hear of raising children? Huh? You raise them, they don’t do it themselves … You’re the parent, you set the rules, make the choices. Not the kid.
WOMAN And when was the last time you took part in that? “Raising” him. Hmm?
CODY Don’t start that crap … I work.
WOMAN Oh, please …
CODY What?! I do, ’s more than you can say.
WOMAN Cody! I mean …
CODY … hey, truth hurts.
WOMAN (to herself) God … this is like a Thomas Hardy novel or something.
CODY The fuck does that mean?
WOMAN … that’s kinda Victorian, don’t you think? “I work.” I mean, come on … we both work, I just happen to work here. In this house of yours. I mean, your father’s—
CODY It’s my house. My house. ’Kay? He’s dead and this is mine. Including this room here, which you know I hate you being in …
WOMAN Why?!
CODY Because it’s a sitting room, okay? “Sitting.” Supposed to be for the evening, or when you have guests over …
WOMAN No, it’s not.
CODY Yeah, it is. Yes! You go read one of those Architectural Digests or something I have in the den, it’ll tell you the same damn thing …
WOMAN Who cares?
CODY I do. I care! You sitting in here, middle of the morning, with your feet up and sucking down that damn Tab you drink all the time … looks lazy. You look like a fuckin’ pig, and I hate it!
WOMAN Wow. Okay, that’s … well, that’s a new one. I mean, you’ve usually got something lousy to say to me, but that there is a completely new one. Congratulations …
CODY Shut up.
WOMAN Nice comeback …
CODY Fuck that. I don’t need a comeback. I need a wife who doesn’t park it on her fat ass all day, sucking on pop like she’s some sixteen-year-old …
WOMAN I wish I was.
CODY What?
WOMAN That. Sixteen …
CODY Yeah, why’s that?
WOMAN … because that was the year before I met you. Okay? That’s why …
She can see CODY react at this, but she can’t stop now. Not very wise, maybe, but that’s how it goes sometimes.
CODY … well, well.
WOMAN Co-dy … I’m just saying … (thinks) I always liked you because you were different, you know? Back whenever. But now, I mean, now you’re just so worried about somebody giving you shit, or disrespecting you, or I don’t know what … and it’s not about that. Black or white or any of that crap. It’s about being a good guy, Cody. A decent person. And you’re not … in the end, I’m with somebody who’s like all the other guys I grew up around. Not so terrible, but not very good, either. You’re just a guy. Just a normal guy … which means kind of shitty, actually. Completely average and a little bit shitty.
CODY tenses up, turns to her. He starts to advance slowly, wrapping his shirt around his hand—like a boxer wraps tape around his fist before putting it in the glove. The WOMAN stands, facing him.
CODY’S that right?
WOMAN Cody, look … I didn’t mean …
CODY Is it? Great. That’s really great.
WOMAN … I wasn’t being … don’t …
CODY No, that’s funny. You’re getting real cute with your mouth lately. Must be your little friend over the garage there, making you all clever and smarty-pants like that …
WOMAN He hasn’t been … no. I was just trying to say that—
CODY … make another wish. Go ahead … one more.
CODY continues to move toward her as she backs away. Finally, she comes up against a love seat and is trapped. She looks at him, shit scared. I mean, come on, wouldn’t you be? She tries to reach out and touch him. CODY pulls back. The WOMAN is starting to cry. Shaking her head.
CODY Go on … make one.
WOMAN … I wish … you wouldn’t hurt me.
CODY Huh. (Beat.) Too late …
CODY smacks her flat in the stomach, doubling her over. She drops to her knees and disappears behind the small couch.
He reaches down and hits her again, this time in the face. We can’t see exactly what happens, but the sound is sickening.
For a moment, silence. Then the sound of a child waking up on the baby monitor. CODY unwraps his hand and starts off.
CODY I’ll get ’im. (Beat.) You better put something on that eye. Try your soda pop there … that’s nice and cold.
CODY exits. The room is empty, the WOMAN still behind the piece of furniture. After a moment, the MAN enters the room. What’s he doing here again?
MAN … okay, so maybe it wasn’t exactly like that. I dunno. Hey, look, I’m a writer—would-be writer, anyway—so, what can I tell ya? I’ve got a hell of an imagination, and I just go with it sometimes … listen, it could’ve happened that way! Easily—I mean, she did get the eye once, this black eye, and so, I’m just guessing. That’s all. Actually … it’s probably how I want it to be, like, so I can jump in there, save her or whatever. That’s probably it … but still, this might’ve been a touch of an exaggeration. Yeah. Anyway, all stories need some sort of antagonist, don’t they? Sure. Someone to dislike, or you want to see fail or whatever … well, I figure I’m gonna have to play the ol’ Ace a Spades on that one! Yep. Only choice I’ve got … I mean, it can’t be me. And not her, I don’t want it to be her, so … Cody’s the guy. (Beat.) But to be fair, I have no idea if it happened that way or not. The bruise thingie. No … that was probably a bit much, we should go ahead and give it another try.
Suddenly, the WOMAN walks back into the room—how did she get out there? Well, it should seem pretty magical, but it’ll need to be a theatrical trick. A trapdoor or something. Anyhow, she walks back in, same as before, except this time holding the Tab can to her eye and carrying the magazine. She sets down the baby monitor and plops onto the couch.
MAN What I’m saying is, this is the way she described it to me, Belinda did, after it occurred. But, see, umm, I didn’t really believe her … I mean, she swears it was this way, she does, but something seems a little off about it, and so that’s why I made up the other story. The first one. Look, you decide for yourselves. (Beat.) Anyway, sorry about that. Told you before that you shouldn’t totally trust me on any of this! …
The MAN smiles and exits. After a moment, the WOMAN calls out.
WOMAN … hello? (Beat.) I’m in here.
CODY (offstage) Why? Why’re you in there?
WOMAN I just … because.
CODY walks in, back from a run. Dressed the same as before but not nearly as sweaty. Wearing the sunglasses up on his head. He moves over toward his wife.
CODY … hey. Hey. What happened?
WOMAN Oh, nothing, no, I just … I left the cupboard door open and …
CODY Baby, oww. Ouuw! Lemme see …
He crouches beside her, lifting the soda can to have a peek at his wife’s condition.
CODY Damn …
WOMAN Bad?
CODY Mmm-hmm. Gonna be …
WOMAN Great. (touches it) Ouuuh …
CODY Hey, I’m the one who should be grumpy … the person who’s gonna suffer is me. The shit I’ll get for this’ll be unbelievable …
WOMAN S’pose so. (Beat.) Good …
CODY People’ll be saying I smacked you one. They totally will … (Beat.) “Black man goes on rampage,” shit like that.
CODY laughs at this, as does the WOMAN. She winces from the pain. He reaches over and kisses her gently.
CODY There. Daddy’ll make it all better.
WOMAN Mmmmm …
CODY You should probably use some ice, though. Honey? You should. Way more helpful than that soda pop …
WOMAN I know, but …
CODY You want me to get some?
WOMAN Yeah, but … in a minute. ’Kay?
CODY Sure.
CODY pulls off his sweaty shirt and stretches—still looks good. He plops down on the couch near her, lifting up her legs and then pulling them onto his lap. She smiles.
WOMAN Thanks … (Beat.) So, how’re your protégés coming?
CODY Hmmm? Oh, they’re, you know … don’t know if they’ll make state, but … working hard.
WOMAN That’s good.
CODY Yeah.
WOMAN Nice of you to … you know, help out.
CODY Least I can do. I mean, I dump a ton ’a cash into that program, new uniforms and shit … might as well make sure some of the runners get their shot at a scholarship or, you know. Right?
WOMAN Sure. That’s … Sure.
CODY Absolutely. (Beat.) Baby’s okay?
WOMAN Yeah, he’s sleeping …
CODY Good. That’s cool. I know he’s not feeling well, so …
WOMAN What time do you have to go in?
CODY Got a meeting at ten. Should be there a bit before …
WOMAN Why?
CODY You know, check in with everybody, do my e-mails and shit.
WOMAN Oh. Okay.
CODY … what? What?
WOMAN Nothing. I just … I was hoping you could take today off, it’s Friday and, you know, it’d just be … we talked about you taking Fridays off once in a while.
CODY Yeah, but …
WOMAN No, I understand. We were gonna do the picnic thing with … but hey. (Beat.) Who’re you meeting with?
CODY So tell ’em we’ll get together and do something next week. ’S not a big deal. (Beat.) It’s some people in from Chicago. Those, uhh, you know … I told you.
WOMAN No …
CODY … yeah, I did. The one guy’s from, I don’t know the place—Arlington Heights or whatever—they have the plant out there we want to use for that new line …
WOMAN Oh.
CODY … the Adirondack line we’re gonna add. All the furniture. Remember? (Beat.) I told you.
WOMAN Did you?
CODY Yes.
WOMAN Huh. Well, I must’ve forgot …
CODY Yeah. You just forgot or something, ’cause I told you.
WOMAN ’Kay.
CODY kisses her on her bare feet and stands, wiping his neck with the rumpled shirt.
CODY I’m gonna hop in the shower … get myself ready. (Beat.) Hey, tell our tenant to mow that side yard today, would ya? I think he missed it last time …
WOMAN All right. (Beat.) That’s a new one …
CODY What’s that?
WOMAN Showering before work.
CODY What do you mean?
WOMAN I mean that you don’t usually do that. Shower. Not before work, anyway …
CODY Yeah, I do.
WOMAN Uh-uh. Not usually … I mean, not if you’ve just been out with the team. Timing them or whatever.
CODY, exasperated, throws his shirt on the end of the couch. Comes over and hovers, leaning in dangerously close to her.
CODY Look …
WOMAN I’m just saying … just saying it, that’s all.
CODY Well, don’t, okay? We do not need all this jealousy crap. ’Kay?
WOMAN Fine. That’s fine, Cody, whatever.
CODY leans down a little closer to her, letting her get a good sniff.
CODY … there, how’s that? (holds her head) No, no, go on, take a whiff. Nice, huh?
WOMAN … all right …
CODY No, seriously, a little more. Okay? You smell that? I’m nasty right now, got clients coming, so just do not get into your Desdemona shit. Have people to meet, that’s all …
WOMAN Go, then. Should be nice … have a great lunch. Make a bundle.
CODY There is just no talking to you …
WOMAN Yeah, well, I sorta like the truth tossed in there every now and then when I’m chatting with a person … I’m just funny that way.
CODY Oh shit … I’m outta here.
WOMAN Yep. Go. Maybe we’ll have the food without you … (Beat.) … go on.
CODY throws his hands in the air—there really is no talking to her some days. This seems to be one of them.
CODY Yeah, I will. So I can make us some more money. Mo-ney that you have no problem spending …
WOMAN I just spend it to piss you off.
CODY Well, hey, it works!
WOMAN Good …
CODY Yep, great. You have a super day, ho-ney …
WOMAN I will. Thanks. And tell her hi for me … whoever she is. This time.
CODY You are, like, so nuts … I mean it. Just completely crazy.
WOMAN Well, be proud of yourself, ’cause you made me this way …
CODY No, uh-uh, that is bullshit … total shit, and I’m not taking the fall on this one. (Beat.) You were pretty fucking out there when I first knew you, all the way back at school, but I dealt with it, that’s what I did.
WOMAN That’s great …
CODY You take the hand you’re dealt, ’s what my old man always said, and so I did it. And you, sweetness, were just one of the cards God threw my way …
WOMAN I really don’t know what the hell you just said, but I’m sure it means something to you …
CODY You know exactly what I’m saying …
WOMAN No, Cody, I don’t. I really don’t.
CODY moves closer to the WOMAN. Towering over her. She tries to hold her own, but hey, let’s be honest. This guy can be a bit unnerving.
CODY I’m saying that, had I been mature enough in high school to see past your bangs and your cute little cheerleader skirt, shit like that … I probably wouldn’t be standing here, having this stupid fucking talk with you. Because you would not be in my house …
WOMAN Yeah? Well, I am now … but you can go. Just tell me when and I’ll help you pack up, have you outta here In under an hour.
CODY I am not going nowhere.
WOMAN Well, that’s a double negative, but I get your point …
CODY I bet you do. I bet you do at that. And I get yours …
WOMAN … and so there we are. Same lousy place we usually find ourselves at.
CODY Yep.
WOMAN Great. That’s really great …
CODY starts off but stops, catching himself. Simmering.
CODY Yeah, super. (Beat.) Okay, fine, you wanna know the truth? Huh? Who I’m seeing on the side, ’s that it? My work, that’s who. She’s my fucking mistress …
WOMAN … right …
CODY It’s true. I like it, I’m good at it, and it makes me happy. I love making more money than any other guy in this town, ‘cause it just pisses ’em off. I dig that. Plus, work doesn’t complain, or rag on me about shit, or leave those fucking tampons wrapped in toilet paper in the trash for the dog to drag down to the living room … so, yeah, I love my work. I LOVE it, and there is not a damn thing that you can do about it …
CODY flicks his shirt at the wall. Exhales loudly.
CODY This sucks. You know that? This whole thing, what we’ve got here … or ended up with. It really sucks. It’s shit …
WOMAN No. It’s marriage.
CODY is about to respond when a child begins to whimper on the baby monitor. The parents look at each other.
WOMAN … SO?
CODY Hey, you’re always saying “We both work, I just work here.” So, get to work …
CODY makes a dismissive gesture with his hand. Does it again.
CODY Don’t forget to tell Shakespeare to cut the grass …
And with that, CODY is gone. The WOMAN sits for a moment, taking all this in. A long moment. Then she starts to cry. Not a lot—that’s hard on an actor, and we’ve got a ways to go—but a little. Just enough.
WOMAN (to herself) … it was Othello who was jealous! Not the other way around. Asshole.
The lights fade on her and up slowly on the MAN, who is now standing in his old spot. He’s changed his clothes—not too much, but khakis and a shirt, tennis shoes�
��and seems ready to go somewhere.
MAN … see what I mean? I don’t really know the whole story, but those two have got something going on. Some sorta trouble. They do … (Beat.) I mean, it’s a detached garage and all, but hey … voices carry.
Lights slowly rise on a new playing space while the MAN is talking. A sort of backyard, with maybe a barbecue pit or that type of thing. A picnic table. We won’t use it just yet, but I wanted to give you a heads-up.
MAN … we’re gonna be together again in a minute—the three of us, I mean—so I just wanted to grab a second here and sort of set this up, let you know what’s going on. By the way, funny how you never see the kids, isn’t it? It’s not weird or anything, like in Virginia Woolf or whatever … it’s just a personal choice. We thought that might be too much, plus kids’re hard as shit to work with—not them themselves, I mean, I like kids, I do—but the labor laws and tutors and all that crap, so we just decided against ‘em. Or plan to, after this gets finished and somebody decides to stage the thing … anyhow, what I’m saying is: Children are great, but you ain’t gonna see any of ’em tonightl Okay? Good.
