by Neil LaBute
CODY and the WOMAN enter now, each taking up positions in the backyard space. CODY is manning the grill, and she is busy setting the table. Plates, forks, napkins. That sort of deal. The MAN looks over at them and smiles.
MAN … they really are a pretty great-looking couple. I mean, when you just see them together, from afar. Problem is, I think it has to be really afar, because otherwise you might hear what they’re saying to each other! Still, they are very attractive people … and in a way, that makes all this somewhat, umm, sadder. Not that I … well, watch what happens. You’ll see what I mean. Sorry! I’m being so cryptic, and I don’t mean to be. Just watch. It’s all gonna be okay in the end. It will, I promise …
He smiles out at us and then moves off, toward CODY and the WOMAN. They spot him coming—CODY turns back to his grill, and the WOMAN stands to greet the MAN. They hug; CODY catches it.
MAN … hello!
WOMAN Oh! Hi there …
MAN Hey. (looking around) Where’re the kids?
WOMAN Oh, you know, around. Cody Jr.’s at a play date. Baby’s asleep.
MAN Great. That’s nice … (another hug) Hi.
CODY Shit. (Beat.) Don’t mind me …
They laugh at this—not CODY, of course, but the MAN and the WOMAN. They break their hug, and she goes back to setting up drink cups. The MAN tries to help out.
MAN Sorry. It’s just …
CODY What?
MAN I dunno. Great to see you guys … I mean, both of you.
CODY Yeah? Well, then, you better get over here and gimme a big cuddle, too, while you’re at it. I don’t wanna be left outta the lovefest.
The MAN chuckles, then decides to call CODY’s bluff. He moves toward the grill, but CODY holds up his chef tools in a makeshift cross.
MAN … I luv you, man.
CODY Get the fuck outta here!
The men pretend to hug, then back away from each other. The WOMAN smiles at this as she starts on the plastic cutlery.
CODY … and you didn’t bring your cards, I see.
MAN Oh, damn! Sorry. You want me to run back over and … ?
CODY Nah, we can do it later. What took you so long? (checks his watch) It’s already ten after …
MAN Oh, yeah, sorry … I was finishing up this movie. On TV. Had to let it wrap up … that’s the best part.
CODY What, the end?
MAN Uh-huh.
WOMAN Why, to see what happens?
MAN Well, sure, yeah … but to see who ends up with whom. How they all get paired off. The characters, I mean …
WOMAN Oh. Right …
CODY … okay …
MAN No, seriously … I love that. Trying to guess who’ll end up together. Or if. If they will. As a writer, I find it really interesting …
CODY Cool. ( Beat.) You want steak or some chicken? I got burgers, too.
MAN Ummm … maybe a little of each. That all right?
CODY Yep. Same thing I’m doing. High on the protein. No carbs …
MAN Great.
CODY turns to a covered plate and begins taking off the foil to get at the meat. The MAN decides to return and help the WOMAN. He picks up a pitcher and starts pouring drinks.
WOMAN … so, what was on? The TV, I mean.
MAN Oh, it was this Hitchcock thing …
WOMAN Nice. Which one?
MAN No, it was a, like, some tribute or something. On cable …
WOMAN Oh.
MAN All weekend. They’re playing a ton of his films … one right after the other. It’s pretty great.
WOMAN I like Hitchcock … I think Cody does, too. Don’t you, honey?
CODY What’s that?
WOMAN Like Hitchcock movies …
CODY Not much. They’re all right. The Birds was good … (Beat.) Anyways, I thought you were some playwright, so why the hell you spend all day in front of the movies?
WOMAN … anyway … (to the MAN) Let’—
MAN You liked The Birds, huh, Cody? That sounds suspiciously like you having fun …
CODY Yeah, time ’a my life …
CODY slaps some meat on the grill, seasons it, and puts down the lid. Opens the little steam valve.
WOMAN And what were you watching? I mean, before you came over …
MAN Oh, right. Yeah, I was finishing up Strangers on a Train. Tonight is Vertigo, and this morning was that one with, ummm … Shadow of a Doubt. Plus, there’s one of the lesser ones later, at midnight.
WOMAN Really? Which one … I like him, maybe I’ll watch it.
CODY You already said that. Said you liked Hitchcock already …
WOMAN I know, I was just—
CODY … just so you do. Know.
MAN It’s, umm, Marnie. I think.
WOMAN Oh. Good.
CODY The one about the liar … (Beat.) I’m gonna go get the veggies.
WOMAN … check on the baby, would ya?
CODY nods and heads off toward the kitchen—any of the exits will do. We just need to get him offstage. The MAN stops him.
MAN … you mean “thief.”
CODY What?
MAN She’s a thief, in the film. Marnie. Or, Tippi Hedren is, the actress. She’s a thief in that one …
CODY Oh, I thought she was both. Anyway, same difference … philosophically speaking.
MAN Really? How’s that?
CODY She steals shit, right?
MAN Yeah …
CODY Well, liars just steal the truth … ’S the same thing. It’s all theft.
And with that, CODY exits. The MAN and WOMAN are left looking at each other—that’s okay, they don’t mind. An easy smile between them.
MAN … man’s got a point.
WOMAN He always does—he is happy to tell you. (whispers) And it usually has to do with his mother …
MAN Ahhh, right. (Beat.) Well, too bad they didn’t offer a “philosophy” course at school … he might’ve aced it.
WOMAN Probably. He does always get what he wants …
MAN Yeah?
WOMAN Oh, yeah. Always.
MAN Even you? I mean …
The WOMAN looks hard at the MAN, unsure how to respond. She looks back at the house, then moves over toward him.
WOMAN … no. He got me because I wanted him to. That’s how.
MAN Really?
WOMAN Yes. From that first time I saw Cody … on the bus. The activity bus home one night. Right from then.
MAN … WOW.
WOMAN Uh-huh.
MAN That’s so … great. Really.
WOMAN Why? Why is that great?
MAN Oh, you know, because … it’s true love and all that. Right?
WOMAN … you sure it’s not just because I like a nice, thick black cock? Hmm? Maybe that’s why …
She tries to smile but has to look away, blushing. The MAN stops for a moment, as if stunned by this. He then moves down center. Toward us.
MAN … okay, obviously she didn’t say it like that. I mean, it’s obvious, right? She’s not that way, would never say a thing like that … God, can you picture her saying that?! Anything like that? (laughs) No way, not at all. Or any girl, really. Not any that I know. Maybe, like, in a movie or something, but real people? Uh-uh. But, see … it is what I’m thinking right now. Or then. I mean, what I’ve had in my head since the first time I heard about her and Cody. Or anytime you see a white girl and a … well, you know. And it is a cliché, I’m aware of that, but it’s hard not to … I mean, most everybody knows those jokes, or stories, or whatever you wanna call ’em. And so I can’t help it if that’s what I’m imagining right now … I can’t! And anyhow, a cliché is just a thing that’s true, usually. Some true thing that gets said over and over … (Beat.) But no, she never said that. Or will. Or will ever. Not her. Not Belinda Rivers. That was her maiden name … Rivers. I bet she’s never said that before. “Cock.” Not even lying in bed, with him, or … Jesus, he may be the only guy she’s ever laid in bed with! I mean, it’s possible. Shit, that’s … whoah.
Could you imagine? Damn. (Beat.) Anyway, we need to be careful here, be as true to this as we can, so, no … she’d never say that. About Cody’s, you know … thing. That was all me. Not that I was thinking about his—you know—just that … o-kay, let’s drop it …
The MAN shrugs and returns to the picnic table, back there next to the WOMAN, who is turned and lost in thought. Just like we left her. Well, that’s convenient.
MAN That’s so … great. Really.
WOMAN Why? Why is that great?
MAN Oh, you know, because … it’s true love and all that. Right?
WOMAN … people don’t really use those words anymore, do they? I mean, not in a long time …
MAN No. I s’pose not. But it’s a nice thought all the same …
The WOMAN stands and goes to check the grill. She lifts the lid and turns the pieces of meat one by one. The MAN rises to stand near her.
WOMAN … I wanted to be noticed. That’s what it was.
MAN Hmmm?
WOMAN The reason I first … oh, nothing.
MAN No, go ahead. Please.
WOMAN When I said yes to Cody, the time he asked me out—bowling or to the skating rink, I don’t remember now—I said okay because I thought it would make me stand out.
MAN Really?
WOMAN Sure. That’s the problem with high school—one of the many problems, anyway. You’re so desperate to fit in, and at the same time totally needing to stand out …
MAN Exactly. Yeah, I mean … yes.
WOMAN You know? And for me, well … I guess I never really stopped. Doing this, I mean, marrying Cody and staying here—if you could’ve seen my dad’s face!—it’s sad, really. Not sad, I suppose, but … pathetic, almost. That I need people to be aware of me that badly. Doesn’t matter what you look like or how smart you are. No. It’s really how you feel about yourself. Who you are. And I was raised with the total sense that I wasn’t good enough … or that I wouldn’t make the right choices. That’s it. My parents were always nervous that I’d make some mistake along the way, even in preschool! And so, at some point … that is what I decided to do. Prove ’m right. I made a “mistake” they’d never forget. (Beat.) But I was in love, too. I shouldn’t sound—well, actually I shouldn’t be saying any of this, but—I loved him. Cody. When we got married. I really think I did … but, then, it didn’t hurt that he was rich and black and different. Especially the last one. Rich, I don’t care so much about. I mean, it’s okay … and black, well, that wasn’t such a bad thing, either. But different? Now, that’s a good one … I like different. Or at least thought I did …
The WOMAN looks at the MAN, to gauge his reaction. He nods and looks back toward the house. They both do—hey, they’re not stupid.
MAN … Oh.
WOMAN Yeah. “Oh.” As in, oh-oh …
MAN That’s funny. I mean, interesting.
WOMAN Not really.
MAN But it’s … is that true?
WOMAN Yes. Mostly. Because doing that, marrying him, it made me different, too. And I still get some kind of thrill from it … walking into an Arby’s or through Wal-Mart with these two brown children in tow. My little pickaninnies—that’s what my parents call them—with their light-colored eyes. I do. I mean, it might be old hat in a place like New York or wherever, but around here … it’s still a pretty big deal. (Beat.) These faces turning ’round to get a look at us, the whispering, and me with this fat checkbook and my head all held up. Defiant. I don’t even know why I like it so much. I just do …
MAN WOW.
WOMAN Yeah. “Wow.” Scary …
MAN No, it’s … why? Why “scary”?
WOMAN … scary that I’m that needy.
She looks at the MAN, and he trails off. Tries to smile.
MAN No, not at all … (Beat.) Listen, this is going to sound lame, so I’m preparing you now, but … see, I always thought you stood out. Completely. I mean, so much …
WOMAN Huh. Well …
MAN Wow, that was even worse than I thought! I mean, seriously sad. Forgive me.
WOMAN No way. I’m keeping that … it’s all mine.
MAN What?
WOMAN Just that, you know, little tidbit. You put it out there, so I get to have it … and thank you.
MAN “Pleasure”—he says, glancing around to see if the husband is about to plunge a steak knife into his back …
They both laugh at this—good, that’s nice. Just like before.
WOMAN … I think you’re In the clear. For a minute, anyway.
MAN That’s all I need. A minute. I’m much faster than I used to be …
WOMAN Yeah, but he’ll kill ya out in the open. It’s in the flats, that’s the problem …
MAN Damn that Flyin’ Cody Phipps!
They laugh again—but they’d better be careful. CODY’s coming. At the last moment, they both notice.
WOMAN Hey, sweetie!
MAN Cody … you need any help?
CODY Nah, I’m good … (Beat.) Wouldn’t wanna break up your coffee klatch there.
WOMAN We were just …
MAN … talking, you know …
CODY Yeah, yeah, I know. I do know. Was watching you from the window there, in the kitchen, and … boy, you two are like a couple old nannies!
MAN That’s us!
WOMAN I was checking the meat for you, and we just got to …
CODY Funny, he never talks that much when I’m around. Does he?
MAN (looking around) Are you … I mean, do you mean me? ’cause I’m standing right here.
CODY I know exactly where you are. Believe me …
WOMAN Honey, please don’t …
CODY Doesn’t bother me. Not at all. You can knock yourselves out … I just noticed it. That’s all.
CODY takes a quick peek at the grill and then, satisfied, finds himself a nearby chair. He looks at the two of them.
CODY … carry on.
WOMAN I think most of this is ready. Umm, maybe not the cutlets …
MAN … yeah, I think chicken’s supposed to be—
CODY Give it a minute. (Beat.) So, what’s up? What’re you guys blabbing your heads off about? Hmm?
WOMAN Oh, just, you know …
CODY Nope. I don’t. I do not.
MAN Just, stuff, really. Life stuff …
CODY What’s that mean?
MAN I dunno. We were chatting, that’s all.
CODY But not about you, I’ll bet. (Beat.) Am I right?
MAN What’s that mean?
WOMAN Cody, honey, let’s just … would you check these burgers, please?
CODY I said leave it. Shit. They’re fine. (to the MAN) I’m saying I could see you both yakking on out here about shit, but my guess is … you didn’t say a damn thing about yourself.
MAN Why do you say that?
CODY Cause I’ve noticed it. Times we’ve been together … like pulling molars outta your skull to get anything at all personal …
The MAN backs away a little—I never really noticed it, but maybe CODY’s right about him. The MAN sits at the table.
MAN … that’s true. I’m not the most open guy around. Yeah.
CODY Well, that’s big of you …
MAN Cody, look …
WOMAN … sweetie …
CODY No, seriously. I know ya know about us, ya leave your damn windows open all day and night—but I don’t got hardly two bits of info on you. Was a lawyer. Has a kid. That’s it …
WOMAN I’m turning the grill off …
The WOMAN does so. She starts moving the meat from the metal rack inside the grill to a large serving plate. The MAN takes a drink, then smiles at CODY.
MAN … because those’re the highlights. Honestly, not much to tell.
CODY Bullshit. Everybody’s got a story. Every-body …
MAN ’S that right? What’s mine, then? I mean, if you’re so sure and all …
WOMAN Guys, can we just … ?
MAN No, it’s okay. It’s fine. He’s got somethin
g he wants to say, so we should probably just hear it …
CODY Yeah?
MAN Go for it.
CODY ’Kay … Well, let’s see. You told us about your daughter. Not much, but some. Enough. Enough to know that’s not the sore spot …
MAN Did I forget to trim your hedges or something? I mean, Cody, what is up with this … ?
CODY Nothing. Just playing with you …
MAN No, you’re not. Uh-uh. You’ve got a thought, so let’s hear it. What?
CODY … all right. Fine. (Beat). Why’re you really back here? And none of your smart-mouth answers … why did you stop being a lawyer? That’s not something people really do. Give up a good job like that. Not usually.
The MAN looks long and hard at CODY, then over at the WOMAN. She’s making herself a burger, but she’s listening. No doubt about that.
MAN … I just did, that’s all. Okay? Just up and quit one day, had my fill of it and walked out. Cleared out my things, and I was … done.
