This Is How It Goes

by Neil LaBute

  CODY stares at the MAN, not sure how he knows all this. Suddenly, the MAN seems a lot sharper than he’s come off during the rest of the proceedings.

  CODY … you must’ve been a damn smart lawyer.

  MAN I was okay. Just all right. I didn’t have the stomach for it. So?

  CODY So, yeah … yes. Her. She’s … I do not need people knowing about that. She’s in school, and I don’t—

  MAN Good. I just want to know the how and why of it. Nothing more.

  CODY Fine. That’s fine. That is a long-term project. My own business.

  MAN Yes, it is. Keep it that way, okay? You’ve hidden it this long, do not screw it up now … (looking around) I don’t like standing here, just yakking away like this. Maybe we should jog …

  CODY What … you and me?

  MAN Yeah. Makes it look all natural. Just like two “buddies” out for a run. Keepin’ in shape.

  CODY I’d kill you in a race …

  MAN I didn’t say “race.” I said “jog.” You’ve got race on the brain, my man …

  CODY You just don’t stop, do ya?

  MAN Hey … by any means necessary. Isn’t that what you people always say?

  CODY Stop! Come on, dude, knock it off.

  MAN Okay …

  The two men begin to “jog”—basically running in place, but we’ll work that out as we go. They move in silence for a bit, then start to talk again.

  CODY By the way … that shit about the woman on the plane was not funny. At all.

  MAN Hah! Sorry ’bout that … spur-of-the-moment thing.

  CODY Yeah, well …

  MAN It worked, didn’t it?

  CODY Yes, it worked. Worked at pissing me off, that’s what it did …

  MAN Listen, we could’ve gone on like that, me living upstairs and typing away, sneaking glances at the Mrs. for the next eight months. I made a move, did a little jump-start, that was all …

  CODY You didn’t have to go there … say bullshit like that.

  MAN Cody, it was a perfect step, okay? Perfect. While you were in getting the kabobs, Belinda told me a story out there, something about her that made me feel that I should make a play like that … and it worked.

  CODY I hate that kinda thing, just so you know. Any kind of racist shit. Just so you’re aware …

  MAN I know. Of course I know. That’s why I did it …

  CODY I need her out of my home, but I don’t wanna go through all this crap to do it. Otherwise, fuck, I might as well just get a divorce …

  MAN Hey, you are going to get divorced! You’ll have to … you’re just going to get everything that you want in the divorce. That’s why I’m here.

  CODY … right …

  MAN Isn’t that what we agreed to?

  CODY Yeah. It is.

  MAN All right, then. So don’t let a tiny bit of prejudice get in the way of what we’re doing … (Beat.) That thing on the plane happened. I just never lost my job over it. I said it, had a good laugh with my co-worker, and enjoyed a first-class dinner all the way to Pittsburgh. I’m not a lawyer anymore because I decided to get back into writing, that’s all. I am not married now because it didn’t work out—I was a liar and a mediocre husband—but I’m gonna try harder next time. And I don’t see my kid that often because she’s a girl and, frankly, I’m just not that into it. (Beat.) That’s all there really is to my story …

  CODY Oh.

  MAN Yep. “Oh.” As in oh-oh …

  CODY What?

  MAN Nothing. Just something I heard …

  The men stop running for a moment. Make that, the MAN stops (holding his side), and CODY holds up for him.

  CODY Tired?

  MAN Yeah, hold on a sec, lemme catch my breath.

  CODY You gotta push through the pain …

  MAN … you gotta back off for a minute, let me worry about my own self.

  CODY Once a fatty, always a fatty. Ya probably got a weak heart. Kidneys.

  The MAN takes in a few deep breaths, trying to fight off a cramp. Flips CODY the finger. CODY wanders about, keeping warm and stretching.

  MAN … hey, we can’t all be Olympians. Or almost Olympians.

  CODY Whatever.

  MAN I mean, you did nearly make it, right? That’s what I heard.

  CODY Something like that …

  MAN Not that I used to search all over the Internet for news of the past or whatnot, but … you know.

  CODY Yeah.

  MAN Word gets around.

  CODY Great.

  MAN So what happened? You were good.

  CODY Uh-huh. Well, “good” don’t mean shit. Not out there. Not in sports.

  MAN True.

  CODY Plus, I never even really … come on, you probably heard the whole damn story.

  MAN No, seriously, what? I mean, I knew you went off to school on some big scholarship, but that’s all I—

  CODY Right. (Beat.) Well, I … I hit a bad patch at college. Yeah. ’S what my ol’ man called it. “A rough spot.”

  The MAN doesn’t seem in any hurry to get back to it, so CODY paces around. Thinking.

  CODY … I threw a race once, qualifying for nationals. This one race. Well, not threw, exactly, no, I guess I didn’t “throw” it, ’cause to do that you’d have to lose, and I didn’t. Nope. See, I won … won it, but I wasn’t supposed to.

  MAN Really. That’s … So what was the, you know … ? I don’t follow.

  CODY … it was this … (considers it) … nothing. Forget it.

  MAN No, what? Come on …

  CODY squats down near the MAN now, remembering.

  CODY … they wanted me to be a rabbit for ‘em, my freshman year. And not even my event! I was done for the day with two firsts, but they asked me to take off quick in the five thousand and tire the other teams out, help our guys out—something to do with building my character and shit like that, unity—but I was like, “Fuck this,” and took off running. Never looked back. I beat all a those motherfuckers. (smiles) Guess I’m not cut out for “team” sports … which I never knew track was till I got to college.

  CODY stops a second, recalling the moment. The MAN watches.

  CODY Anyways, I lost all my scholarships ’cause I would not apologize or back down. “Accept responsibility,” I think they called it … and, you know, that’s what folks wanna talk about in the end. To dwell on. Me being defiant. But my winning, they forgot all about that fact. Just like usual. People forget …

  MAN Huh. Wow …

  CODY Yeah, “wow” … and so that’s what happened to the Olympics. That’s as close as I ever got to any gold medal.

  A long silence develops between the men—begrudging and respectful. These two may just be more alike than we first suspected.

  After a moment, CODY moves to the MAN and presses a finger into his chest.

  CODY … so, what’s the next step?

  MAN Whatever you want. Walk in on us at dinner or someplace … you decide.

  CODY No, I thought you said that—

  MAN Can we just play it by ear? I think it’s gonna be better that way. More real …

  CODY Yeah, fine. (Beat.) Just back off on the bigotry shit. Don’t use that no more …

  MAN I’m not a racist, would you stop! I did it for the effect … you’re the one keeps bringing it up.

  CODY I just don’t want my kids hearing any of that.

  MAN … Ralph is two …

  CODY Cody Jr., then. I won’t allow it.

  MAN What the hell do you think I’d say? Huh?! I hardly saw ’em when I lived on your property, so … relax.

  CODY It’s hard enough out there, for a child like that.

  MAN Like what?

  CODY You know … he’s …

  MAN See? You’re the one doing all the segregating … he’s a little boy. He’ll be fine! Parents break up all the time, and the children bounce back. That’s-their-job. To bounce.

  CODY Okay …

  MAN … it is interesting, though, abou
t the kids. Kids like yours. People always see you as these minorities, right, but then you look at their skin and all that—the children, I mean—and you guys’re really the dominant ones. It’s true. All the nappy hair and the big lips and shit … it always comes out on top, when your type gets together with some white girl. You ever notice that? I mean, not that anybody would want it, but it still does, all the same. Sure, they’ve got Belinda’s eyes, but all the rest of it … ’s straight from the Congo.

  CODY is suddenly next to the MAN, right in his face. The MAN doesn’t back off, and CODY lets him have it—pushes him hard on the chest, knocking him down. The MAN smiles, starts to get up, then dives at CODY’s legs. He brings CODY down, and the two wrestle like a pair of Greco-Romans. It gets kind of nasty. (Actors are free to add their own assorted groans and fighting sounds here.) They finally release and move away. Exhausted.

  The MAN stands up, wiping blood from his mouth with a tissue and moving down toward us. He glances back at CODY.

  MAN All right, I admit it, that part was just a shameless attempt at a bit of action … little treat for the “gun and knife” crowd. But hey, you need to have something for everybody, right? I mean, take a look at the Elizabethans, you don’t believe me. You give ‘em the ol’ soliloquy here, you have ’em grab their crotch over there … ’S all about balance. It is. In reality, he pushes me, I push back … you know, it’s one of those guy fights. Lotta noise, not so much happens. (Beat.) Okay. So long as you know …

  The MAN tucks his bloody tissue away and heads back to where CODY is sitting. Original tableaux—fancy name for same thing we just saw. After a long moment, CODY starts laughing. The MAN joins in.

  CODY … you are a goofy fucker! Seriously. Just like back in school …

  MAN We aim to please …

  CODY Damn! I mean, shit, you’re … crazy.

  MAN Depends on the day, Mr. Phipps. On the day in question …

  CODY Yeah. But honestly, I don’t want my kids hearing that … stuff.

  MAN I understand about the kids. And you want joint custody, right?

  CODY ’Course.

  MAN Not total, because she’ll never go for that. But we can try to …

  CODY Whatever we gotta do. Just do it.

  MAN “Just do it”. Nobody knows better than ol’ Nike. She was a goddess, wasn’t she? In the ancient days, I mean. Nike. I think that’s where they got the, you know … logo …

  CODY Hell if I know. (studying him) You really are one odd motherfucker …

  MAN Thank you. Compliment accepted …

  CODY Uh-huh. I need to go. Get myself off to work.

  MAN Cool. I’m meeting Belinda later.

  CODY Okay.

  CODY stops for a moment, then shakes his head. Laughs.

  CODY … man, that is just too strange. Being in on a thing like that … happy she’s cheating on me.

  MAN We can stop. We can all go have us another barbecue if you’d like.

  CODY Funny. Real damn funny. Just do what you need to …

  MAN I will.

  CODY nods and starts off, heading back toward town. The MAN stops him with a last question.

  MAN … what is it about her, though, Cody? That you hate so much?

  CODY What?

  MAN Just curious.

  CODY I don’t … (Beat.) No, I guess I do, actually. Hate ’er. Never thought of it that way, but yeah. I do.

  MAN So … ?

  CODY I dunno. After a while, it’s a bit of everything, I s’pose. Her face, the way she flosses her teeth, all that stuff. Browsing my mail and shit. Yeah. I mean, it’s great at first. She always looked real nice against my skin, walking around town hanging off my arm. I used to love it, I mean, it was cool … going over and waiting in her living room, to go out. With her parents standing there! (Beat.) And, yes, she is the mother of my kids and all, too, but after a while, you know … I guess the novelty of it just wore off.

  MAN … that’s nicely put. Succinct.

  CODY Just trying to be honest.

  MAN So, why didn’t you, then? Why not just leave, or … ?

  CODY ‘Cause I got a place here in this community to think about. A legacy and the boys and all kinds ’a crap. She divorces me, and everybody says, “See, I told ya so. Told you it wouldn’t work out,” and they leave it at that. But if I go, if I’m the one to take off, well, then, I’m just some uppity black boy, got no business being here. My stores’ll close, lose the house. Everything. (Beat.) The same reason my ol’ man stayed … that guy hung in there, built his wife an empire. A goddamn empire! Dude weathered fuckin’ El Niño and you know what? The people respected him. They did. They all understood he married a cunt and let it go at that …

  MAN … but she’s not at all like your mom, is she? Belinda, I mean. No matter what kind of crap you’ve thrown at her, she doesn’t take off like your mother used to. Right? Hard as you try …

  CODY Don’t. Do not …

  MAN … which means she can never come crawling back, so you can forgive her. Like your father used to.

  CODY Dude … you just found yourself yet another topic to keep your fucking paws off of. I mean it.

  MAN It was just a guess …

  CODY Yeah, well, suck my dick … piece ’a shit like you talking about my dad.

  MAN No, thanks. I only eat white meat.

  CODY I can’t wait till this thing is over.

  MAN Me, too.

  CODY Good.

  MAN … ’s a match made in heaven. She’s making a point by staying, and so are you! Wow. You two are—

  CODY … I’m outta here … fuck you.

  MAN You just keep your end of things up … I’ll do the rest. Have a nice day …

  CODY gives him the finger and walks off. Angry. The MAN turns away and moves back down toward us. Sheepish grin.

  MAN … hey, sorry for that! Got a touch outta hand, so forgive me. I should explain. You really need to take a good look at the last few moments, decide for yourselves what happened there. I mean, how much is real … (Beat.) It happened, that much I can tell you. We did meet, talked for a bit, he gave me an envelope. We even ran. And I told you what went on—or will—when we get into our little shoving match. But the rest? Well, hey, that stuff’s for you to decipher. I can’t help you out with everything, wouldn’t be any fun! But you guys had to be expecting at least one exchange like what you just saw, right? I mean, at least one … some swearing, the digs at women. A crazy plot twist. You had to know that something like that was gonna transpire! Without it, this would all be just so damn, what? I dunno. Ordinary, I guess. People in and out of love. Trouble breaks out. Happens all the time—movies, on the TV, your neighbors next door. And I’ll tell you, it’s not so outlandish, either, what just went on. Not with all that junk you see on the news. People, they tire of each other, give up on what they’ve got instead of fixing it, or trying to. It’s easier to just … start over, go online, bury themselves at the office. Anything rather than get to the bottom of their own shit. We’re weak, that’s really what it is. We are lazy and pushy and we want it all today. Or sooner, even. Now. And as long as we get it, our fair share—or even a pinch more—well, then, who really gives a fuck what happens to anybody else? Right?

  The MAN pulls that thick wad of cash out of his pocket, turns it over in his hands.

  MAN … this could be my deposit, what I gave them when I moved in. Maybe. Or it’s a payoff for me to take the little missus off of Cody’s hands. Or for that baseball card, even! Hell … this might just all be going through my head when I’m standing there at Sears, staring at Belinda again for the first time. I mean, don’t look at me … I dunno where this damn thing Is going, either! I really don’t. All I do know is, whether any of that stuff you saw is real, the end result is this: I’ve started work on a play—it’s this story, technically, but I’ve changed some of the situations around so that it’s not … well, I don’t think anybody’s gonna notice. And especially not if it sells! (Beat.) Bel
inda is with me now, out of their house and living at my place. She’s with the children most days, at least for the moment, just until they settle things, and Cody, well, he got what he wanted, too. He did. He finally got—after all those hurtful years of watching his dad take his mother back, time and time again—Cody got a white woman to walk out on him and stay gone. You should see him strutting around town now, telling anybody who’ll listen about what Belinda did, and how hurtful it’ll be on the kids and having the time of his life. How she never would’ve done this, something so humiliating to him, if he wasn’t black. Seriously, people have told me he’s said that very thing. “If I wasn’t black.” Yep, he’s gone and pulled the ol’ Ace ’a Spades out, one last time … wouldn’t ya know it? (Beat.) Also, I think maybe I came off a little too, I dunno, something, in that last bit. Not like myself. “I can smell chick on you a mile away.” I mean, come on! (laughs) But then, people are so many things, faces, in a given day, maybe that’s just some side of me, this other part, that doesn’t get out that often but is there. I dunno. But this time—’cause we’re about to finish this off right now—this time out I’ll be a bunch more like I was in the beginning. This is really about them now, anyhow, settling up and the like … I’m just there to be a support to her. To Belinda. Yep. I’m … anyway …