Fifth Essence: A Reverse Harem Tale (Lovin' the Coven Book 5)

by Jacquelyn Faye

"So, apologize. What else should I do? Think he'd like flowers?"

  She chuckled. "He'd probably just eat them."

  "Steak! I'll buy him steak with I'm sorry I'm an asshole branded into it."

  "That might work. Just be honest. And non-judgmental. You know he would never do anything shady or anything that would intentionally hurt you."

  "I know."

  "And don't you dare fuck him."

  "Pardon?"

  "If you have sex with him now, it would probably feel like a pity fuck. Wait. I'm not saying not ever. I'm saying not right now."

  "How'd you get to be so smart. You're like a supernatural relationship therapist. Dr. Phil Maholin."

  She lifted her head and shook it, trying not to laugh. "Nobody's filling these holes in, thank you very much." She finally let out a little chuckle and got up, offering me a hand. I took it and wrapped my arms around her when I got up.

  "Thanks, Yuke."

  "You're welcome."

  "When do you think he'll be back? I don't want to wait too long to tell him what a douche nozzle I was."

  "He's in Josie's room, hiding under her bed."

  "He's what?"

  "Hiding under the bed."

  "Why?"

  "I told him to. Figured it would be easier to talk if you thought he wasn't here and so he could listen in and know how you really felt."

  "You're a little fucking shit."

  "Yep. But I haven't hit my growth spurt yet." She grinned. "You can come out now. The jig is up."

  There were a few scratching sounds and then the creak of Josie's door as it swung open. His paws bounced across my hardwood floors all the way from the hall to the kitchen, where he slid to a stop and sat, looking up at me with those damn puppy eyes.

  Yurtsforsale.com. I wonder if that's a thing? I squatted down, putting my eyes closer to his. "I'm an asshole. I'm sorry."

  Steak?

  I laughed and cried at the same time. Craughed. Dropping to my knees, I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him. Until he pulled back.

  Not joking. Steak.

  There will be steak. And wine. And more apologies later. You were still wrong to do what you did, but you did it for all the right reasons. Me, I'm just dumb. Big old hypocritical dumb ass. Forgive me?

  If you forgive me.

  I already have.

  He licked my fucking face. If he were a demon, or an elf, I'd have been all over that like white on rice. I just happened to not like doggy drool. That's enough of that. Unless you turn blue. Then, knock yourself out.

  Shall we pretend that the previous evening never occurred?

  No. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. As friends, lovers, mates, or whatever. We'll keep last night in our memories, so it doesn't happen again.

  So stupid, and yet so wise. He was lucky his German Shepherd eyelid winked at me.

  "Not my fault. I was dropped as a child. Knowing my mother, it was probably on purpose."

  He shifted without warning, putting his blue popsicle right in my face. "I'm sorry," he said with a chuckle and backed up a little.

  "Sure, you are." Naked or not, I stood up and hugged him. His arms wrapped around me and I felt something wet on my neck.

  "Are you crying?"

  "I'm not if you're not."

  "Good call." I lay my head on his shoulder and just stood there, breathing him in. He always smelled a little spicy, but it was one of the first chances I had to really get a good whiff. He smelled like cinnamon.

  "Well, this is awkward. I'm taking a nap in your bed," Yuki said and left us standing in the middle of our kitchen.

  I lifted my head and looked around. Delron was long gone, too. I hadn't even heard him leave. "I live with a bunch of ninjas."

  "Ninjas?"

  "Surely you've seen ninjas on TV."

  "Yes, but I fail to see the… Oh. I get it. Because everyone in your home is stealthy."

  "Yep."

  "Not Josie, though. I've heard quieter horses. Every time she gets up in the middle of the night to pee, I search in vain for a lost pack of wildebeests. They look tasty."

  "I could go for a wildebeest steak right about now, too. How about I buy you lunch?"

  "Steak?"

  "Steak."

  ∞ ∞ ∞

  The parking lot of Bunyan's was almost empty. I guess they didn't draw a big lunch crowd, but the price of steak probably was a big deterrent. Dinner was one thing… Lunch was another. Either way, I wanted a big juicy T-bone, medium raw.

  I looked over at Dar. One thing we had forgotten to buy at Walmart was a hat. He kind of looked like Axl Rose in his elf form with the bandana wrapped around his head to cover the tips of his ears. In his younger years.

  "You know the safe word?"

  "Chimichangas."

  "And what do you do if I say the word?"

  "Get you the fuck out of there."

  "Good boy."

  "Please stop using that expression."

  I pulled into a spot, doubting my sanity. Meat and I…we were like long lost lovers tossed naked into a vibrating kiddie pool full of Spanish Fly flavored Jello. Dar had assured me that I would be fine and that I should learn to start controlling my urges. I thought he was just trying to get me back for making him whip up a fresh batch of blue-baby batter on my couch while he was pissed off at me.

  "You ready?" I asked, hoping he would say no.

  "For steak? I always am."

  "Remind me to buy a cow and a freezer."

  "That is a good idea. We can thaw it out and frolic in the flesh of the slaughtered."

  "Yeah. I don't like steak that much." That's what I said, but the thought… I blushed and coughed, popping the handle on my door.

  "Hi! Welcome to Bunyan's!"

  "Chimichangas."

  "Pardon me?"

  "Do you have chimichangas?"

  "Er. No, but we have soft tacos!"

  "That'll work."

  "Just the two of you?"

  "Yep."

  "Right this way!" She grabbed a couple of menus from the wood holder by her little hostess stand and headed toward the back. I was starting to think that the entire staff at the steakhouse was medicated. There couldn't possibly be that many happy people in the entirety of Upstate New York.

  "Here you go. Chelsea will be right with you."

  "Oh, goddess, no."

  "Pardon?"

  "Just thinking about those soft tacos," I said with a fake smile. She ate it up.

  "They're super nummy!"

  "I bet she is, too," Dar muttered under his breath.

  My inner jealousy monster snarled in rage. Dar must have caught my look. "I meant as a meal, Master. Not in the other way."

  "Oh. Okay. I'll allow that."

  "I assumed you were referencing the chimichangas at the door as a joke?"

  "Yeah. I forgot how happy their wait staff is at this place."

  "I was just noticing that, as well."

  "Do you think they're medicated?"

  He stared at me.

  "No?"

  "You cannot tell?"

  "Tell what?"

  "They are not human."

  "Oh. That explains so much. What are they?"

  "I do not know. Some sort of fae creature. They are heavily glamoured."

  "Huh."

  Dar was glancing over the menu. "What is the cut of meat you brought me the last time?"

  "Prime rib?"

  "Yes. That. It was very good."

  "What I usually get. Tenderest meat."

  He wiggled his eyebrows at me.

  "But sometimes I love a good bone."

  "You do?"

  "I do. Love ripping the meat from it with my teeth as I hold it in my hand."

  He winced.

  "That will teach you to be pervy."

  "My apologies."

  "I was kidding. Perv away."

  "You like it?"

  "I do. You may not have noticed, but I have the humor of a twelve-year-ol
d school boy."

  "Is that why you enjoy James' company?"

  "Um. Yeah. That and he's hot. And sweet. And excites me."

  "I often watch Yuki's expressions while you are out with him. I can tell."

  My face became the same shade as the red pleather booth we were sitting in. "You two have gotten quite close."

  "We are both your familiars. It is only natural."

  "So, because you're both tied to me, you became masturbation buddies?"

  He lowered his menu. "My apologies. When you are being inundated with amorous waves of pleasure from your master, sometimes it becomes…overwhelming."

  I felt bad. I hadn't meant it to come out snarky. "I wasn't complaining, and I understand."

  "You are not jealous?"

  "Believe it or not, I am. Just…keeping it inside. It's a miracle," I said with a little bit of surprise in my voice.

  "But the hostess…"

  "Off fucking limits. No. Don't even joke."

  "Interesting. It must be the bond we share."

  "Huh. Maybe. But if you ever fuck Yuki, I will kill you both. Just a heads up."

  He chuckled and went back to his menu. "I do not think you have to worry about that. She shows no interest, nor has she ever."

  "How do you know?" This time I did mean it to be snarky.

  "The opportunity rose early in our relationship." He motioned to me and him. "She was in the throes of your passion. I offered to help her, and she declined."

  "That was very generous of you."

  "It was. While she is charming, she is no you."

  "I don't know about all that. If I were gay, I'd be into her."

  "You would?"

  "Definitely."

  "What about Candace?"

  "Me or you?"

  "You, obviously. I do not wish to find my manhood severed."

  "Smart boy. Candace is just adorable. Everybody loves her."

  "She is fae blooded, but I do not believe it is sidhe in her blood."

  "No?"

  "No. The power feels…different."

  "Huh. Whatever it is, I doubt she even knows."

  "Most likely not."

  We ended our conversation when Chelsea walked over to the table. "Hi! I'm Chelsea. I'll be taking care of you tonight. Oh! Welcome back!"

  "Hi, Chelsea."

  "Know what you want to drink?"

  "Beer, please," Dar said over the menu, trying not to look up at her with his elven eyes.

  "Bottle or draft?"

  "I am not picky. Whichever."

  "Bud it is. And for you?" She turned to me and her appearance wavered. Ears elongated, as did her teeth. I blinked and refocused, her human seeming reappearing and solidifying.

  "Um. Yeah. Wine, please. Red."

  "Cabernet, zin, or pinot noir?"

  "Zin."

  "We have–"

  "Whatever. As long as it's red."

  "I'll bring you my favorite! It's absolutely zinful!"

  I debated throwing my steak knife at her retreating back. There was evil in the world. And then there were puns. "I saw her for a moment. Long ears and pointed teeth," I mentioned to Dar when she was out of eye and earshot.

  "I suggest not making her angry."

  "Tell her to stop with the puns."

  He chuckled. "What is the difference between a T-bone and a porterhouse?"

  "Thicker cut. Go with the porter if you want the bone."

  "I shall. It sounds delightful."

  I flipped over the menu and set it down. It was the first time I had ever seen the back of the menu, I had always just assumed it was blank, or a kiddy menu. The only thing on the page was an advertisement for their house special steak. The Babe. Sixty-four ounces of lean ox steak, bone-in and served with au jus.

  "Dar."

  "Yes, Master?"

  I pointed at the back of the menu, unable to take my eyes off the description. "Look."

  "Oh. That sounds superb!"

  "Shall we?"

  "Oh, we shall."

  "You get a T-shirt if you can finish it."

  "Free clothing. I almost feel guilty."

  "Me, too."

  Chelsea came back with our drinks. Dar took a swig of his beer while she opened up her order book. "What can I get for you?"

  "We'll both have the Babe, rare with no sides."

  "You're going to split it?"

  "No. We both want one."

  She stared at us in open-mouthed shock. Glancing around quickly, she leaned in closer. "That is almost four pounds of meat. Each. Are you sure?"

  She dropped the act and acted more human than she had since I had first met her a week ago. I nodded emphatically. "Have the T-shirts ready. I'm a size small. He's an extra-large."

  Being that close to us, I noticed her nostrils flare as she scented the air around us. "Oh. You're not…"

  "Human?"

  Again, she stared at us in shock. "Yeah."

  "Nope."

  "I see. I'll have your orders out shortly. Would you care for anything else?"

  "Better bring us some napkins. Things might get a little messy."

  She chuckled and gave us a wink, heading off to put our orders in. I watched her as she sashayed away. She seemed almost happy.

  "That was unexpected."

  "What was?"

  "That you outed yourself and me to a total stranger."

  "What? That's Chelsea. I've known her for over a week, now."

  "She could be a soul sucking lamprey for all you know."

  "There's no such thing. Is there?"

  "Not lampreys, but there are things out there that would devour your soul, yes."

  "Well. I'm trying to get everybody to play nice in this town. And no bodies have showed up, so they can't be all that dangerous. Just putting some feelers out there."

  He shrugged. "I am not judging. Just cautioning. It is only my job to keep you safe."

  "Keep me from blowing parts off and all that?"

  "Yes. I did not say I was good at my job."

  "Meh. I'm hard to kill, anyhoo."

  "Thankfully."

  "Not everybody would share that opinion."

  "I do not understand why. You are quite charming."

  I snorted into my wine. Thankfully I hadn't taken a sip yet. Just blew a couple of bubbles. But then, I sighed. "I'm sorry."

  "What for?"

  "Being such a bitch lately."

  He took a swig of his beer. "You have had many reasons. Life has not exactly been…easy lately. I understand."

  "But it doesn't give me an excuse to treat you like shit. That's what I feel horrible about."

  "It was my fault. I should have been truthful with you from the start, but I feared your reaction."

  "You knew I would be a bitch."

  "No. I knew you would be angry. I only prolonged the inevitable and made things worse."

  "Yeah. You shoulda told me in Faerie."

  "It had been a long day."

  "True story." I said and toasted him with my wine glass. Curiosity got the best of me. "So, what exactly does consummate mean? Like, full on penetration? Are we free to fool around? Can you put it in me if you don't come? What are the rules here?"

  He stared at me in shock. "Uh… I'm pretty sure it means sex until completion. Are you willing to chance it?"

  "Are you?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "What do you mean what do I mean? Would having me as a mate be so bad? How do you feel about it?"

  He actually paused to think about it for a moment. He finally cracked a small, sexy smile. "I could think of worse options."

  "So what does being a mated pair entail? You better not say mutual exclusivity."

  "No!" He held up his hands in defense. "Nothing like that. D'lakii mates…become stronger. Share power. Fighting one of us is an arduous task. Fighting a mated pair would be suicide. Your attacks become coordinated. We would become a truly formidable force of nature."

  "More than we alread
y are?" I winked at him to lighten the mood and was rewarded with a smile.

  "Here you go!" Stepford Chelsea was back. At least she had our food.

  "Oh, sweet mother of gastrointestinal salvation. That looks amazing." I wasn't kidding. I was drooling. Thankfully I had a napkin on my lap.

  Even Dar shuddered as the four-pound slab of meat was set in front of him.

  "Need anything else?"

  "Yeah. If you could keep everybody back while we eat, that would be great."

  "Safer that way?"

  "Don't want anybody to lose a hand."

  "Okay. I like you."

  I blinked up at Chelsea's confession.

  "Not like that, silly!" She slapped my arm. "You were all bitchy and scary the last time you were in here. You're a lot nicer today."

  "Yeah. Sorry about that. I was starving and trying not to eat the guys I was with."

  "I don't blame you for that one. That Chief is dreamy. He yours?"

  "Yeah. So was the one next to me. The other was an ex, though. You can have him if you want."

  "The one with the accent?"

  "Yep."

  "Bless you!" She practically danced away.

  "Wait! You're not going to eat him, are you?"

  She turned around and wiggled her eyebrows.

  Oh, well. Steak!

  I grabbed my knife and fork and cut off a chunk. The steak was about four-and-a-half inches thick and I'd wondered how they cooked it so fast. They didn't. They seared it to bloody perfection. My hand was shaking, and I almost stabbed myself in the lip with my fork as I took that first bite. I huffed as the meat touched my tongue. It had the flavor of a beef steak, but the texture wasn't quite the same, and it had just a hint of gamey flavor that seasoned it far better than any spice would have.

  "Oh, my goddeth. Vith it tho good."

  Do not talk with your mouth full.

  Thowwy.

  He sent a mental chuckle and looked around. Instead of using his utensils, he picked his slab of meat and bit into it, tearing a hunk of flesh off and chewing it happily. It seemed much more efficient and a hell of a lot more fun than having to cut bite-sized pieces off.

  I tried it.

  Dot went bye-bye.

  Gripping the ends tightly, I growled softly as my teeth pierced the bloody, soft flesh and tore a mouthful away. I didn't chew it, either. It went down whole and filled my tummy with protein and happiness.

  That is much better. This is how meat should be eaten. He smiled at me from across the table, his eyes going black even in his elven form.

  Your eyes…