Her Healing Warrior

by Roxie Ray

  “Good. Now, close your eyes.”

  “Okay…but no funny business.” I squeezed my eyelids shut. “Done.”

  Coplan smoothed my hair away from my face. “This next part may be difficult—but think back to the memories that hurt you the most. Don’t focus on the details too much. Instead, turn your mind to how those events made you feel. Do you think you can manage that?”

  “I…Yeah. I’ll try.”

  I let the memories come to me. I felt so distant from some of them, it was almost like I was watching a movie where my role was being played by an actor.

  “What do you see?” Coplan asked. “Are you at the Rutharian base again?”

  “I’m…no. I’m back at home on Earth.” It surprised me that this was where my mind had taken me, but I wasn’t exactly torn up about it. Being on the Rutharian base again was the last thing I wanted, even in my memories. “I’m thinking about the day that the sectors—our government—contacted Atlanta and me to choreograph a dance to a patriotic song for them. We weren’t sure that we should go through with it. The government doesn’t always work in the best interest of our people, and we didn’t want to support a cause we didn’t believe in, but our parents insisted. They said we didn’t have a choice.”

  “And how did that make you feel?”

  “Trapped,” I said softly. I could still remember the way my mother had screamed at us when we told her no. “Helpless. I knew I was going to be forced to do something I didn’t want to do, and I knew there was no way around it. No way out except to give them what they wanted.”

  “Think harder. Distill it down, until you have a single emotion in your mind. What did you really feel?”

  I clenched my eyes shut tighter, shuffling through the complexities of it all. In that moment, I’d felt weak because I couldn’t stand up to my parents. I’d felt useless, because there wasn’t anything I could do to stop them from accepting the sectors’ request. And beneath all of that, I’d felt…

  “Angry.” My eyes popped open as a pang of rage resounded in my chest. My pulse was racing again, even though my body felt miles away. “I was furious that I didn’t have a say in my own life anymore. I knew that if we gave into the sectors once, the next time they asked something of us, it would be even bigger. Maybe something worse. It made me…so, so mad.”

  “How did you want to act on your anger?”

  “In the moment? I didn’t feel like I could. I just froze up.” I frowned up at Coplan. “I’m not strong, Coplan. I didn’t know how to act, so I did nothing. Just accepted it.”

  “And if you could rewrite that moment? How would you have behaved instead, if you’d been able to act on how you really felt?”

  A little laugh escaped my throat. “I probably would have put my fist through the wall or something. But that…doesn’t seem like a healthy way to respond to anything either.”

  Coplan inclined his head. “I am not so sure about that.”

  “Really?” I blinked, surprised. “I’m no doctor, but I don’t think lashing out in anger is the right way to deal with stuff. As, um…as proven by the way I reacted when you first brought me here, I guess.”

  I blushed at the memory. I’d clawed at Coplan’s face, screamed at him, thrown things. It was like I’d been scared for so long, when I was finally safe, I’d cracked under pressure or something. Not exactly my best look.

  “In the moment, perhaps not. But it is normal, natural even, to be angry when your own autonomy is taken from you.” He smoothed his knuckles against the side of my face again, from temple all the way down to the curve of my jaw, but there was no hair to brush away this time. Just his skin against mine. “You have spent your whole life having your agency taken from you. Sometimes, there is nothing to do about it, and we must yield to powers greater than ourselves. It keeps us safe in difficult situations, but it is not true to who we really are.”

  “I think I’m probably just a wimp,” I admitted. “Atlanta is the strong one. She kicked the wall of our bedroom so hard when our parents left, she did put a hole in it.”

  “Atlanta is your twin, correct?”

  I nodded. Where was he going with this?

  “Then who you are intertwined with who she is. You are a duality. But that does not make you opposites; you weak, Atlanta strong. She is the sun, burning hot and bright—and you are the moon. The light in the darkness is still light.” Coplan smiled down at me. “On Lunaria, we worship the moons, you know.”

  “That’s…sweet,” I said softly. “But I don’t really see how that helps.”

  “Let me rephrase. Do you wish to hit something now?”

  “Maybe.” I could still feel the anger swirling around in my chest, but it wasn’t raging like it had been when I first felt it. It was subdued now, but it was still there. “But I don’t see how that would help anything either.”

  “You have been made to feel weak over and over again in your life, Savii.” Gently, Coplan moved my head from his lap and rose. “It would do you good to remind yourself how strong you can really be.”

  “And punching something will help with that?” I pushed myself up into a sitting position and gave him a dubious look. “I don’t think hitting these walls will do me any good, Coplan. I already tried that when you first brought me here, remember? All it did was hurt my hand.”

  “I am not suggesting that you punch the walls, Savii.”

  “Then what am I supposed to hit? You?”

  Slowly, Coplan smiled. “I believe that may be satisfactory, yes.”

  My jaw dropped. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

  “I do not speak in jest, Savii. Hit me. As hard as you like. Do not fear—I will not retaliate.”

  I rose to my feet, shaking my head. “I’m not going to hit you. You’ve been nice to me. Nicer than I’ve deserved, a lot of the time. You don’t deserve it. It isn’t right.”

  “Is it not? There have been too many times when you have been forced to hold back because you could not fight your oppressors. Allowing me to stand in their place should make that right.”

  “But…” I curled my fingers into a fist, just testing how it felt. It was good, actually. Kind of…powerful, in its own way. “If I hit you, I’ll hurt you. I don’t want that.”

  “You think you can hurt me?” Coplan laughed, held up a finger, then shrugged his lab coat off of his shoulders and tossed it onto the bed. His shirt came off next. He pulled the hem of it up from where it had been tucked beneath his belt, unbuttoned it, then threw it onto the bed as well. “Look at me and say that again.”

  I looked. I couldn’t exactly tear my eyes away. I’d seen a lot of hot, shredded bodies in my time as an influencer. Every man that Atlanta and I had ever done a joint photoshoot with had been made of nothing but washboard abs and chiseled pecs— which Coplan had in spades. That was hard to miss.

  But he didn’t look anything like those men, and not because of the differences in our species, either. His chest wasn’t just immaculately manicured muscle. He wasn’t just built to look good. He looked strong. Powerful. Like he could take down anything that life threw at him—including me, if and when it came to that. Coplan was hairless. His orange skin was pulled taut over his every rippling muscle, all the way down to where his abs narrowed to a V at his belt. When I took a step toward him, I could see the scars on his chest from battles long past. They had healed in thin lines and snarled ridges, more than I could count, but they weren’t horrific. They told me he’d been in rough situations before, and he’d made his way out of every single one of them.

  “But…if I hit you…” I stammered.

  “I can take it.” Coplan held his hands out, palms facing me, leaving himself completely open and undefended. “Do you really think someone so small and weak as you can hurt someone as large and strong as me, Savii? Look at you. You are but skin and bones. Can barely hold yourself up. Could not fight me, even if you wished to.” He shrugged and moved toward his shirt and lab coat. “Perhaps you are right.
This was a poor idea. You are far too delicate to be able to go through with this. You will only hurt yourself.”

  My heart nearly stopped. When it started up again, the rage in my chest was practically roaring. I stepped in front of Coplan, blocking his path.

  “I am not delicate,” I spat at him. “Just because I’m small doesn’t mean I’m weak.”

  “No?” Coplan scoffed, gesturing to my body with a sneer. “You are shaking just at the thought of hitting me. Useless. Helpless. Puny, fragile, feeble and frail. Pathetic.”

  I clenched my hands into fists and stood up a little straighter. My rage whipped around in my ribcage, like if I didn’t do something about it, it was going to break free and lash out at Coplan on its own.

  “I am not pathetic!”

  “Too pathetic to hit me, certainly.” Coplan laughed. This time, the sound was cold and cruel. “People have walked all over you for your entire life, and you have let them do so over and over again. You are a coward, Savii. Own up to it now and we will speak of the matter no longer. There is surely some other, more gentle way to help a weakling like you to heal.”

  “I am not a weakling!” Coplan had been right about one thing—I was shaking. But this time, it wasn’t in fear. It was in fury.

  “Hit me, then,” he said with a shrug. “Prove it. Unless you are too—”

  I lunged forward, throwing my fist at his chest as hard as I could. My knuckles seared with pain as they collided with Coplan’s abs. It felt just like fighting in a dream: my fist couldn’t strike out fast enough or hard enough, and Coplan didn’t even do me the courtesy of pretending that I’d hurt him. He was like a living, breathing punching bag, one way too strong and heavy for my weak punches and muscle-less arms.

  “Is that the best you can do?” Coplan asked, sounding disappointed in me. “Surely you have better than that, Savii.”

  I stared up at him for a second, stunned, then my brows lowered in anger. I set my jaw, clenched my teeth…

  And I punched him again.

  “That’s it,” Coplan urged as I struck at him twice. “Feel that rage, Savii. Give it to me. Show me what you can do.”

  I’m trying, you asshole! I wanted to tell him, but the exertion was leaving me a little breathless. It was better not to talk, I decided. I needed to save my strength. I’d need it, if I wanted to hit him hard enough to leave a mark.

  I wailed on Coplan, punching him in the chest, in the stomach, in his ribs. He never flinched or tried to retaliate, and I wouldn’t let myself stop until I’d at least made him feel a tiny shred of the same pain that I’d felt when I was stuck with the Rutharians, helpless in my cold little cell. But my arms were weak, and my vision was blurring. It was only when I felt the tears on my cheeks that I realized I was crying.

  My body hurt, my chest ached, my energy was waning, but the anger I’d kept pent up inside me had finally been unleashed. Now, it wouldn’t stop until I’d burned myself out.

  I fought even harder, hitting him over and over again even as I realized I was hurting myself way more than I was hurting him. A sob left my mouth as I collapsed against his chest, striking him with the base of my fist, a little weaker each time. His arms wrapped around me, holding me up as I used the last of my energy to lash out at him. But the tears were too strong now, and my body didn’t have anything left to give.

  Coplan curled his hand over my fist and flattened my fingers against his chest as I cried against his skin, smearing my hot tears over his ribs.

  “Shh. There, there. I have you, Savii. You have done so well. I am so proud of you.”

  “I’m weak,” I sniffled back at him. I didn’t even want to look up at him. I knew I’d see more cruel disappointment in his eyes if I did. “I’m nothing. They took everything from me, Coplan, and I let them. Now, I’m nothing at all.”

  “Not everything,” he purred down at me. Coplan moved his hand from my fingers to my chin to turn my face up to him. “Not your anger. Not your rage. That, you have kept with you all this time. Even when you feel weak, it makes you strong.”

  “You called me pathetic.” I blinked my tears away just in time to see Coplan smile. Maybe he wasn’t so disappointed in me after all.

  “My apologies, Savii. I only wanted to trigger you enough that you could let your anger loose.” He smoothed my hair away from my face. “For too long, it was all you had. Now that you have unleashed it safely, you can begin to rebuild.”

  “That…” I sniffled, then shook my head. “That was kind of mean of you, Coplan.”

  “Perhaps,” he allowed. “But do you feel better?”

  I focused my gaze on his smile. It was a little smug, and if I’d had any energy left, I would have done my best to punch it right off his lips.

  But it was warm, too. Comforting, just like the heat of his skin against mine.

  “Yeah,” I admitted, half-surprised at myself. “Yeah…actually, I kind of do.”

  “Good.” Coplan helped me move to my bed and made sure I didn’t collapse right onto it. My body was aching, my limbs felt heavy…but for the first time in a long time, my heart felt glowy and light, like a huge weight had been lifted from it. “Then you have earned a rest.”

  “Will you come back soon?” I asked, cuddling down against my pillow and wiping the last of my tears from my cheeks.

  “Why? Do you wish to hit me again when you have regained your strength?”

  I smiled a little. “Maybe. Are you scared?”

  “Very.” Coplan touched his ribs, where a slight bruise was starting to rise up on his skin. “But I welcome the challenge if you do.”

  8

  Coplan

  When I was called to my next meeting with Kloran and Haelian that night, I arrived with a spring in my step and a smug smile on my lips.

  Healing. Savii was healing, just as I had hoped. We had a long journey ahead of us, one that was as reliant on taking care of her mind as it was her body, but today she had proven to me what I had suspected all along.

  She was a fighter, a warrior in her own right. And while my chest was not exactly sore from the assault I had goaded her into, she had managed to raise a few bruises on my skin. I would wear them with pride. They were proof of her progress, her strength, her ability to overcome even the worst trauma imaginable.

  She would only keep getting better for as long as I was able to continue working with her. The generals would be pleased—and Lady Idria, as well.

  But when I walked into the command room where the meeting was to take place, my smile retreated by half when I saw who was present.

  Kloran and Haelian sat at the head of the war table. Nion, the green-haired warrior who had fought so valiantly alongside them for so many of their missions, was slouched over the table with a grimace on his lips.

  It was the specter who stood in the corner of the room that had caused my smile to fade, though. Not Daran, the intelligence officer that Idria had placed among us, but Apex, the officer that Idria had recently removed from the ship. His hair was dark with a streak of white running through it, and though he was smirking, his smile did not come close to meeting his black-irised eyes.

  “I presume this is not a meeting to update you on Savii’s status, then,” I groaned as I took the seat across from Nion.

  “Would I be here if it was?” Nion scoffed, nodding to Apex. “Would he?”

  “We need to discuss the rescue of the human’s sister.” Kloran gestured to Apex. “If Lady Idria will not be assisting us in this matter, we thought it best to contact a specter we knew we could trust.”

  “Does she know that he is here?” I felt as though I already knew the answer.

  “Of course not,” Apex said, pacing behind Kloran and Haelian. “Lady Idria believes I am on an undercover mission to Gorka Five, determining if the Gorkans are collaborating with our Rutharian enemies.”

  “The Gorkans are barely sentient,” I pointed out. “They share most of their DNA with rocks. Does she really think—”


  “Of course not.” Apex tucked his hands behind his back and laughed bitterly. “It is yet another do-nothing mission intended to keep me busy but useless. Not quite busy enough, though—unfortunately for Idria. It was not difficult to abandon my post while disguised as a boulder. I doubt the Gorkans have even realized I am gone.”

  “Aren’t we lucky?” It was difficult to tell from Nion’s tone whether he welcomed Apex’s presence or resented it. I felt it was likely to be the latter. Where specters went, trouble generally followed. I had never known Nion to back down from a fight if there was to be one, but with his mate back on Lunaria and twins on the way, his attitude may have changed now that he had something to lose.

  “We need to discover Atlanta’s whereabouts if we are to stage a rescue mission. For that, we require specter intelligence in one way or another,” Haelian explained. “Apex is here to do what our resident specter is either unable to do—or, if I am correct, simply refusing to do. Apex, you said you have a lead?”

  “I do. Just not one you will be pleased to hear about.” Apex waved his hand over the screen on the far wall. It bloomed to life, revealing an image of a dull, gray planet far removed from its sun. “Nightmoor, in the Broadreach sector. A prison planet. My sources reported transporting a woman who matches the little lost human’s description there approximately a month ago. If she is the female you are searching for, she is certainly still there.”

  “And what if she is not?” Nion asked. “Your information is dated, Apex. A month is a long time.”

  “Return transfers from Nightmoor are forbidden,” Apex said. “Those who are taken there never leave.”

  “And if the female in question is not Atlanta?” I worried for Savii. If Apex had assurance that the human was Atlanta, he would have said so. Telling her of this might give her false hope, and in her current state, we could not afford to get her spirits up only to have them crushed.

  Apex shrugged. “I care not. You wished to know the whereabouts of humans in the galaxies. I have delivered you one. Save her, or do not. I am already sticking out my neck across the chopping block for you all. I can provide nothing more.”