Hearts of Fire

by L.H. Cosway

  I cried for so long that it drained all of my energy, and I eventually fell asleep.

  When I woke up, it was dark out. Lola was entering the room and came to sit at the end of my bed.

  “Hey, are you all right, hon?” she asked, her face etched in concern as she took me in. I obviously seemed out of it.

  I wanted to tell her about Julie, but I was frightened. If I told her, Lola would go find Julie and confront her, and I couldn’t have that. I had no doubts that Julie would follow through on her threats, and I didn’t want to be on the receiving end of her crazy ever again.

  “I’m okay. I just have a little bit of a headache,” I said, sitting up.

  “Well, that’s a relief. For a second there, I thought you might be coming down with what I had. You missed tonight’s show. Oh, and Jack was looking for you.”

  I swore under my breath as I realised I’d be short on money, since I hadn’t worked today. What happened with Julie had completely messed with my head, literally and figuratively. I hadn’t even thought about working.

  A knock sounded on the front door, and Lola went to answer it. I sank back under the blanket when I heard Jack asking for me. Lola murmured a reply, and then a moment later she was peeking her head back in the room.

  “It’s Jack. He wants to see you.”

  I swallowed thickly with nerves. I wanted to see him so badly, but Julie’s threats were still ringing loud in my ears. I didn’t know what to do. “Could you tell him I’m not feeling well and that I’ll see him in the morning?”

  She frowned but nodded. “Sure.”

  I heard her repeating my excuse to Jack and his tone grew stern, but since the bedroom door was shut, I couldn’t quite hear what he was saying. Then loud footsteps sounded on the floor and a moment later his frame filled the doorway, a look of worry on his handsome face.

  Lola came after him, complaining about him pushing by her, but he slammed the door, shutting her out, and hurried to my side. Before I knew it his hand was on my forehead, feeling for a temperature. I shifted uncomfortably in the bed and met his eyes.

  “What’s wrong, Lille?” he asked, voice soft and concerned.

  “I’m just a little bit under the weather,” I croaked. “It’s nothing to worry about.”

  “If you’re sick, I want to see you. You don’t send Lola out with excuses, okay?” he said firmly, and all I could do was nod.

  “Good. Now come here.” He pulled back the blankets and lifted me onto his lap. I knew I shouldn’t let him, but being close to him was my weakness. I was feeble in the face of his affection. My legs went around his waist, my arms around his neck as I hugged him and he took a deep breath, inhaling me. I was still shaky from earlier, and I think he noticed, because he pulled back and frowned down at me.

  “You’re freaked out by what I told you last night, aren’t you?”

  I shook my head. “No, of course not.”

  “Then why are you so on edge?”

  “It’s just been a long day, and I think sleeping outdoors drained my energy. My muscles ache.” The moment I said it, his practiced hands found my thighs and began to massage. He looked like he wanted to kiss me, but he didn’t; he only stared.

  “That feel good?”

  My answering sigh said it all, and his expression darkened.

  “You’ve been on my mind all day.”

  I whimpered when he began rubbing the inside of my thigh and his knuckles grazed between my legs. My body sagged into him, completely at his mercy, and he chuckled low. “Too much, flower?”

  “Not enough,” I answered, biting my lip.

  I let out a gasp of surprise when he full-on cupped my vagina and caressed me. Honest to God, I was done for. I briefly considering telling him about Julie being a nutjob, but I was far too lusty in that moment to speak. I moaned into his neck, and he gathered my hair in one hand, using it to tug my mouth up to his.

  I winced slightly at the pull, because it sent a sting to the bump Julie had inflicted. It wasn’t enough to deter me, though. His tongue slid along mine, our mouths not yet meeting fully. His hand wandered inside my pants and beneath my knickers, seeking. When his thumb flicked across my clit, I shook as a wave of pleasure consumed me. I bit his full bottom lip, eliciting a low growl, and before I knew it, I was on my back, his fingers moving in a slow, tantalising rhythm.

  His kiss matched the tempo of his hand, playing my body like he knew it intimately. I was nothing but a map, and he knew every single sweet spot. His thumb began to rub circles around my clit, agonisingly slow, and my hands scrambled for the buckle of his jeans. I was too lost in feeling to get his pants off, so I settled for palming his cock and loved the guttural hum that rose from deep in his throat in response to me touching him.

  “Shit, I’m gonna come,” I gasped, and his lips curved in a sexy smile.

  “Come then, beautiful.”

  And I did. It was spectacular. His slow touches had teased me, made my orgasm so much more intense. I trembled beneath him, and his hands went to my face, pushing strands of hair away from my forehead.

  “Fuck, who sent you?” he murmured reverently, and I swear my heart exploded. I nuzzled below his ear, then pressed my face to his chest and inhaled. I hated Julie even more in that moment, because she was ruining the most perfect thing I’d ever had. Jack kissed my temples, then unexpectedly, he rose from the bed.

  “Sleep, flower, feel better, and I’ll see you in the morning.”

  He was gone before I had the chance to reply. It would have been pointless anyway, because my throat was too thick with suppressed tears to say a word. I wasn’t sure I had it in me to stay away from him, but I was going to have to try, at least in public.

  And at least until I figured out what to do about Julie.

  Fourteen

  A storm fell over the lovers

  The following day, avoiding Jack was something of a tactical endeavour. I didn’t go to the gazebo for breakfast, and instead of sitting beside the camper to paint, I wandered outside the campsite and found a quiet spot beside some sweet-smelling bushes. I didn’t get anything of much substance done because I was so angry at Julie. I hated feeling blackmailed like this. By lunchtime I grew hungry, and I cursed myself for not thinking to bring a packed sandwich.

  So much for tactics.

  My injuries felt far worse today than they did yesterday. My head thumped constantly, and I had to sneakily borrow some of Lola’s makeup to cover the red mark on my cheek and the bruises on my neck.

  I was almost at the camper when I heard Jack call out my name, so I quickened my pace.

  “Lille! What the fuck?” he called in that way he had of sounding both stoic and pissed at the same time. The next thing I knew, I was being spun around as he grabbed hold of my arm.

  Nervously, I glanced up at him. “Oh, hi, um, how are you?”

  I sounded stupid, and it was clear as day that there something going on with me. His face was incredulous.

  “Did you just ignore me?”

  I shook my head fervently. “What? No. What are you talking about?”

  “Unless you’ve gone deaf in the last twelve hours, then you were fucking ignoring me, Lille, and I want to know why.”

  “I swear to God, I wasn’t ignoring you, Jack. I must have been daydreaming, because I didn’t hear you.”

  He moved closer, like a panther, dark eyes narrowing. “Didn’t hear what? I never told you I said anything, so clearly you’re lying.”

  I gestured with my free hand. “You said the thing about me being deaf. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out you said something that I didn’t hear.”

  “Flower,” he said quietly. The term of endearment didn’t sound the way it usually did. In fact, it sounded a little threatening. “If you lie to me one more time, you won’t like what happens next.”

  The bloody nerve of him! I used every ounce of strength I had in me to shove him away. Any other time I wouldn’t have had such a strong response to
his threat, but combined with Julie’s blackmail, what he said was the last straw.

  I pointed my finger at him. “Don’t you dare fucking threaten me, Jack McCabe.”

  He stared at me, eyes hard, and for a moment we were locked in a standoff, a silent battle of wills. The silence was broken when somebody’s footsteps crunched along the grass and I turned to see Marina approach, Pierre ambling alongside her as she carried a stack of flyers in her arms.

  “Ah, just the two able-bodied young people I wanted to see,” she said, smiling innocently like she hadn’t a clue about the argument we’d just been having. Jack’s gaze cut to her, and it was far from welcoming. Marina barely gave his hostility a second glance, and I wished I could have even half her impassivity when dealing with him.

  “I need you two to head into town and leave some of these advertisements in the shops. We didn’t sell as many seats as usual last night, so we need the extra publicity boost.”

  “Kind of busy at the moment, Marina,” Jack grunted as I walked to her and took the flyers out of her hands.

  “I can do it. I wasn’t feeling well last night and couldn’t make it to the show. This can be my way of paying you back. Jack doesn’t need to help.”

  “You won’t be able to manage it alone,” said Marina. “Jack will help you.”

  There was a steeliness to her voice that brooked no argument, and Jack let out a grunt of annoyance before coming and taking the last of the flyers. Seeming satisfied, Marina sauntered off with Pierre, leaving us alone again. I was having a hard time looking at Jack, but I could feel him practically boring a hole into my skull.

  “Our conversation isn’t over,” he called after me as I went inside the camper to grab a bag for the flyers. When I emerged, he stood there, all cranky and foreboding, and I hated that he still looked sexy as you fucking please. Christ, I was going to have to tell him about Julie, wasn’t I? I mean, if nothing else, she couldn’t just be left to run around kicking the crap out of her love rivals. I had to summon some courage and be brave. Yes, I was going to tell him.

  Just…not right this second.

  With a heavy silence between us, I followed Jack to a bus stop just outside the campsite, and we stood a few feet apart as we waited for one to come by. Thankfully, it only took a few minutes. Not so thankfully, each of those minutes felt like an hour. I could feel him watching me, studying me, trying to figure me out. When the bus finally arrived, there weren’t any seats available. I stood beside a window while Jack hovered close to me, his arm raised up and holding on to a bar above my head. An electricity hummed between us, but not a word was spoken. Minutes went by, his attention on me like a physical touch. His smell filled my nose, and it was so divine it took all of my willpower not to rest my head on his shoulder and breathe him in.

  “Last night you said you were sick when you weren’t, and today you’re avoiding me like the plague,” Jack said, keeping his voice low so the other people on the bus couldn’t hear. “I take it you’ve had more time to think about being with me, and decided it’s not what you want.” A sadness tinged his words, and guilt seized my chest. “I can’t say I’m surprised. I knew the truth would change how you saw me.”

  No, no, no, my mind screamed, while on the outside I didn’t know what to say. I placed my hand on his arm, half to comfort him and half for balance. “That’s not it at all.”

  “What is it, then?” he asked, a flicker of hope flashing as his eyes scanned my face.

  Before I could answer, the bus shuddered to a halt, and it was time for us to get off. My head was dizzy all of a sudden as I stepped onto the busy city street. I had to stumble to a nearby wall to steady myself. The spot where Julie had struck me was giving me trouble, and I wondered if I was having some sort of delayed concussion. I remembered that you weren’t supposed to sleep after being hit on the head and inwardly cursed myself, because I’d gone straight to bed after. What an idiot.

  Warm hands covered my shoulders. “Lille, are you all right? You’ve gone pale.”

  I breathed deeply and righted myself. “I’m fine. Standing on the bus just made me a little bit dizzy.”

  “Do you want to sit down for a minute?”

  A twinge of pain hit me again, and I nodded. “Yes, please, just for a minute.”

  Slipping his arm around my waist, Jack led me to the nearest café and lowered me into a seat. He went up to the counter, and before I knew it, a sandwich and a glass of fresh juice was in front of me. That was it. My blood sugar was low because I’d missed lunch, and, combined with my recent blow to the head, my sudden bout of illness was totally understandable.

  Jack slid into the booth next to me and gestured for me to eat the sandwich. I took an eager bite and almost groaned at how good it was. Ham and melted cheese.

  “When was the last time you ate?”

  I scratched my head. “Um, last night. I forgot breakfast…and lunch. I’ve had a lot on my mind.”

  His mouth formed a sad little frown, and he looked out the window, all broody. God, did that come out wrong or what? He thought I meant him. That he was the lot I had on my mind. It couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, when all was said and done, my feelings for Jack were quite simple. It was everything else that was complicated.

  He flexed his hand as I ate, forming a fist, and I recognised this as a sign that he was on edge.

  “Like I said on the bus,” he started to say, “I understand. Shit, if I were you, I’d be running a mile.”

  I placed my hand on his before he had the chance to form a fist again. “You’re wrong. That’s not what this is about. I’m worried about my mother trying to find me, and well, I’ve been having trouble with someone on the campsite.”

  The moment the words left my mouth, he turned his entire body to face me as he tilted his head at an angle. Those thick, dark eyebrows drawing together made his expression a little unsettling. “What do you mean? Has someone been hassling you? Was it that little Brazilian twat again?”

  “No, no,” I breathed, placing my hands against his chest. “It wasn’t Pedro. It’s…it’s…well, it’s Julie.”

  His eyes widened a tiny bit in surprise. “What did she say?”

  “It wasn’t so much what she said as what she did.”

  He didn’t breathe a word, but he didn’t have to. His face said it all. He wanted to know what she’d done, and he wanted to know now.

  “Yesterday when I was out looking for Bea, Julie followed me to the back of the tent. There was nobody around, and she had this plank of wood she must have gotten off one of the cargo trucks. I didn’t even know she was there until she clocked me with it.”

  “She what?” Jack eyes flared black murder.

  “She hit me with it, then tried to choke me out,” I said, tentatively tugging down the collar of my T-shirt and wiping away the makeup to show him my bruises. “She really hurt me. And honestly, I think she needs help. I mean, giving me evils in the gazebo is one thing, but attacking me is another entirely. She’s off her rocker, Jack. She told me you two were together and warned me to stay away from you. She said if I told anyone what she did, she’d cut out my tongue. That’s why I didn’t say anything last night. I was in too much shock.”

  He absorbed my words and my bruises with a scary intensity. “She’ll regret this.” His hands went to my head, searching for the wound she’d inflicted with the wood. He hissed when he found it, and I winced. I felt squeamish just thinking about the mushy lump.

  Pulling my body close to his, he clenched his jaw, and I could tell he was having a hard time with all this. It made me melt just a little so see how angry someone hurting me made him, and I regretted not telling him as soon as it happened. A long time passed before he pulled away and looked at me, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

  “We travel great distances. However, sometimes living in close quarters with so many people can be stifling. I love the circus, but this life can make people go a little odd. I’ve spent a couple
of nights with Julie, but those nights were spread over months, and I never gave her any reason to believe there was anything other than sex between us. Saying that, I really shouldn’t have touched her in the first place. She’s always been a wild card.”

  I absorbed his words, our faces close as we spoke quietly. The sandwich I’d just eaten, alongside the idea of Jack and Julie together, started to make my stomach feel a little queasy. “Did you ever, you know…burn her?”

  Hesitation flickered in his gaze before he answered, “Once, but it didn’t work out. Julie is more suited to being the one doing the burning. She doesn’t like to be made weak. Being with her was like masturbation, Lille, staving off a need, that’s all.”

  I glanced away, cheeks heating. He took my chin in his fingers and turned me to face him again. “The first thing we do after we leave here is go to the police station and report her. I’ve had enough of letting shit go, and the fact that the prick who attacked Lola is still out there makes me want to break something. Then we’ll do the flyers. Then we go home. If you see Julie, you will not, I repeat, you will not act like you’re staying away from me. You’ll hold my fucking hand and show her she’s not winning. The police can deal with the rest. I also want you to stay at my place for the next few days. She won’t dare touch you again with me around.”

  His plan was a good one…especially the suggestion I stay with him in his van. But still, the idea of reporting Julie, of causing drama for the circus, made me nervous. I was only just beginning to feel like a part of the community, and now I might end up alienating myself. I looked at the dark, brooding man sitting next to me, though, and knew it could be worse. At least in this scenario I got to have Jack.

  He ordered another sandwich and shared it with me, but he ate most of it. I wondered absently just how much a big guy like him had to eat every day. I bet it was a lot. If he were a dog, he’d be a malamute or a German shepherd. And those things packed away the grub like nobody’s business.