Pretend Daddy

by Lulu Pratt

  Later, their mother wasn’t even there. It was best when she was away. Because the times I saw her, she was angry and yelling. On the way to his apartment, Justin would feel the hood of his mom’s car and sometimes ask if we could go to my place instead. I asked him once what he was doing and he explained that if the hood was still warm from the engine running that it meant that his mom hadn’t passed out yet. He didn’t want to risk her anger if she was awake.

  It seemed he could never do anything right, the way she barked orders and insults. Things got so bad that I stopped coming by just to avoid the constant chaos that was his life. However, he was always welcome at my parents’ home, and in some ways, he took my father’s death even worse than I did. At least I’d had the perfect family, while he’d never had that at all.

  As we got older, his mom seemed to disappear without a trace. One time, I went to his house and there was no sign of her. Justin never explained, and I never asked. It was understood that he was alone, in charge of his sister.

  “I talked to this doctor at a facility, Anna-Louise,” I snapped to the present, pausing to read her reaction. When she didn’t lash out, I continued. “It’s to help you get better. They have therapists for you to talk to, and doctors to help guide you through everything, with medication and classes.”

  Anna-Louise was quiet for a moment, and then she flashed a smile. It was a small and simple one, but I could read the hurt it displayed. She had been hiding so much hurt, trying her best to put on a brave face. But she was broken, seeking help, and I was the only person left to help her.

  “You’re always been a good friend,” she said, locking eyes with me. “When we were younger, Justin always loved you. So, I did too. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but the one thing I’m grateful for is you.”

  I was touched by her revelation, swallowing hard as I realized my efforts had not completely fallen on deaf ears. I often wondered if she realized how much I cared for her and Jasper, and now I was certain she did understand.

  “Whatever happens, Jake, I know that Jasper will be in good hands. You love him, and that was all I’ve ever wanted.”

  I didn’t think it was right or the time fitting to ask, yet I heard myself asking the question that had been troubling me.

  “Anna-Louise, is there any possibility that Jasper isn’t my son?”

  I couldn’t stop the words from the moment they began to bubble in my throat.

  Her eyes flickered, looking at me with an intensity I couldn’t deny. She didn’t need to answer, her eyes told me everything I needed to know. She looked away and I knew the truth.

  “I really want you to consider the rehab center,” I decided to change the subject back to one of betterment. She needed help, more than I could give her.

  “I have to think about it. I’m not saying no, but I’m not ready to say yes just yet. I’m thankful for this time alone, because of you. I know that Jasper is in good hands and so I can think for a second, but I’m afraid of going away.”

  “There’s nothing to worry about. I’ll take care of Jasper so you can take care of you,” I explained, hoping she would agree today.

  The rehab center filled up quickly, and I wanted to make sure her spot was guaranteed. I only had a few days to convince her, but I didn’t want to pressure her, so I kept that part to myself.

  Instead, I spent the next thirty minutes showing her pictures of Jasper, telling her all about his recent milestones. She smiled seeing the photos of our son, asking questions about his progress. When I finally left her, I was confident about a full recovery on her part. All I ever wanted for Jasper was to have both a mother and father who loved him. And that reality was feeling more and more possible as the days went on.

  Chapter 33

  ASHLEY

  I HAD NOT realized how large Jake’s back yard was until I was walking the grounds with the party planner to discuss Jasper’s birthday in a few weeks. Initially, I planned to do everything on my own, but Jake insisted I get some help. Between taking care of the house, looking after Jasper and cooking all the meals, I barely had any time for myself anymore.

  Thankfully, the planner was flexible enough to schedule our consultation during Jasper’s afternoon break. He was fast asleep while we made grand plans for a party he would never remember. I tried explaining this to Jake, but he wasn’t swayed in the least bit.

  I think Jake was determined to have a large party because he felt guilty for missing his first two birthdays. I tried explaining that it wasn’t his fault, since Jasper’s mother had not yet told him he had a son. That didn’t help either. He refused to budge on the plan and gave me an almost-unlimited budget to make it happen.

  “I was thinking we could go with a carnival theme. How does that feel to you?” Sandy asked.

  I’d found Sandy online, after spending lots of time reading reviews. Her company specialized in birthday parties for young children, and her website – and reviews – sold me on her abilities. The photographs and services offered were top of the line. During our first call, I found her rates to be reasonable, so I set up the consultation with plans to hire her.

  “Carnival theme sounds perfect,” I said.

  Jake wanted there to be so much going on – clowns and activities and games – it felt like the only way to make it happen. Sandy reached into her black shoulder bag to retrieve a folder. I was impressed by her professional attire, a black shift dress with high-heeled shoes. But now, as we stood in the grass at the back of the massive yard, I felt sorry as her heels sunk into the earth.

  “Should we move into the house?” I asked, worried about her shoes.

  “No, I’ll need to see the dimensions before I can agree on what activities I can offer. The last thing I want is to promise you something I can’t deliver.” She was looking through her folder as she kicked her heels off. “You don’t mind if I go barefoot, do you?”

  “No, of course not.”

  In fact, it made me like her more. The whole process of hiring a planner was a bit overwhelming. I was used to birthday parties in the back yard or in car repair shops. Nothing like this. As Sandy pulled out one worksheet after another, I knew this was much more than I was used to.

  “You have more than enough space for as many contraptions as you’d like. We could put a bouncy house there,” she pointed to one side of the yard. “But I personally think it might be best to add in a few permanent structures.”

  “Permanent structures?”

  “Yes, you know, a jungle gym here,” she pointed.

  “Oh, I don’t know if we’ll be doing permanent additions.”

  While Jake had given me free rein to make decisions, he hadn’t mentioned adding structures to the back yard, and I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries.

  Although, the idea of having our own little playground in the back yard was ideal. I spent close to an hour on outside playtime every day when you factored in the drive to the playground and back. Being able to have Jasper play in the back yard while I hung out laundry to dry or did some weeding would be a dream.

  “Well, I’ll let you think about it, but the numbers just make sense. You can add a jungle gym for a little less than twice the cost of the bouncy house rental. And of course, after the party, you still have the jungle gym, but the bouncy house is gone.”

  She made a good point. I hadn’t considered how expensive the day rentals would be, or how beneficial the permanent structures would make my life. I was debating the options, and considering what Jake might say, when I saw him striding across the back yard.

  Dressed in a clean white button-down shirt and black slacks, I could see the muscles in his arms fighting to break free from the fabric. He never did look completely at ease in his work uniform. I always imagined he was more free and comfortable in his camouflage gear than the corporate uniform his security job required.

  “Hi, I’m Jake,” he smiled, extending his hand to the party planner.

  “Sandy.” She smiled as she accepted his hand.
“I’ve been showing your wife some ideas I drew up for the party. You have a beautiful home. I would love to make this party everything you dream of.”

  Jake smiled at me as she called me his wife. Looking away, I hoped to avoid the reddening blush I knew was inevitable. It was so common for everyone to assume we were married, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like it.

  “We’re not married,” I interrupted.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I just…” she smiled nervously.

  “No problem. I’d love to hear more about your plan.” Jake returned his attention to Sandy as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, gently kissing my temple.

  “Well, I was thinking it would be best to have a mix of permanent improvements in addition to the day rentals we’ll have specifically for the party,” she explained, handing him a printout.

  “Permanent improvements?” He took the paper with curiosity.

  “As you can see, for the cost of the rentals for a day, you might be better off just adding a jungle gym. Then, you’ll have that afterwards for only a slightly higher cost.” She repeated her pitch.

  “I see,” he mumbled, focused on the printout. “And your company can provide this service?”

  “Yes, we handle everything,” she answered confidently. “It’s completely up to you. I just find that clients like you, with this much space, often benefit more from the permanent additions we can make. A party is a great day, but having your own playground in the back yard is a great life.”

  I could tell from the way she said it, Sandy had made the sales pitch before. She looked confident as Jake finished reading the content before nodding.

  “I think you’re right,” he said, turning to me. “You’re always going through the hassle of packing Jasper up and driving him to the park. You see how much easier converting the sunroom has made your life. Imagine if you could send him outside to play.”

  “Yeah, but it’s not necessary,” I argued, not wanting to add another expense to his life.

  “Okay. How about this, do you think Jasper will like it?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

  “Of course he will.”

  “And will it make your life easier?” he asked another rhetorical question.

  “Yes, Jake,” I rolled my eyes with a smile. I could already see where he was going with this.

  “Then it’s settled. Let’s add the jungle gym. Then, we’ll still have the inflatable castle and a few other activities.”

  Sandy beamed. I hoped it was a big sell for her. She was great at what she did, and I wanted to support her business. On her website, it said she had launched the company from her living room after throwing her daughter a birthday party and seeing how overpriced things were. Now she and her husband leased all the equipment, set it up and made sure nothing went wrong during your party, including staff to supervise the children so the grownups could have fun too.

  “That sounds great. I’ll have my assistant drop off the paperwork.” She reached into her bag again, this time pulling out a cell phone.

  “Can we do this from inside? It’s burning up out here,” Jake noted. I’d forgotten he was in a long-sleeve shirt. The South could be unforgiving, especially without any shade.

  “Yes, of course,” Sandy assured him, slipping her shoes back on before following us inside.

  For the next hour, we made plans for what would be installed and when. I was blown away by how generous and considerate Jake was. It was clear he was committed to providing anything to improve Jasper’s life. And the way he considered me made me feel special and appreciated.

  It felt like we had a little family of our own as we prepared to celebrate the first of what I hoped would be many celebrations to come. When Sandy’s assistant arrived with the paperwork, we read over everything together before Jake paid the deposit and signed all the documents. Sandy assured us everything would be ready in time for Jasper’s birthday.

  Just before she left, Jasper woke up from his nap, and I left Jake to thank her and see her out. He was already climbing out of his bed when I made it to his room. I felt immense excitement knowing that he would soon have the most perfect birthday party.

  Chapter 34

  JAKE

  WE’D JUST MADE it to Sandy’s car when I glanced over my shoulder to make sure Ashley wasn’t looking. She had gone to care for Jasper, as she always did.

  “I really appreciate all you’ve done to help us prepare,” I began before again peeking over my shoulder. “And I wanted to see if you could help me with something else I wanted help planning.”

  Sandy looked me up and down. “Does it involve Ashley?” she asked with a smile.

  “It does.” I could tell she knew just what I had in mind.

  “I’d be happy to help. I’ll have my assistant call you directly. Then we can set up a time to chat privately.”

  “Sounds perfect.”

  I felt a rush of excitement as she drove away in her Prius, knowing I had taken the first step in what I knew would be the rest of my life. I wanted to let Ashley know how much I cared for her, and would do anything to make her happy.

  Ashley had taken over the party planning and intended to do everything on her own. She never rushed to get help, but I knew she would need it with all she already did for our family. I’d been feeling guilty about how much she worked, especially now that it was hard to tell when she was on and off the clock since she spent every night with me.

  My mind was racing with ways I could shower her with affection when a beep from a car horn startled me. Turning just in time to see the small white car, I greeted my mailman as he handed me a stack of mail.

  “How are you?” he asked.

  “Can’t complain. How about yourself?”

  “Can’t complain either.” He smiled before continuing his route.

  Taking the mail, I began flipping through the envelopes as I made my way back to the house. Just before I reached the porch, I saw the address of the DNA testing center on the upper left corner of an envelope and my heart dropped. Frozen, I stared at the envelope blankly, face to face with all I’d hoped to avoid.

  Things were just beginning to feel normal, and I knew the results would blow up whatever chance I had at finding comfort in my new life. Anna-Louise had made it clear to me during my last visit that there was a chance Jasper had another father, and because she didn’t even try to convince me, I doubt she believed her lie anymore.

  “Is everything okay?” Ashley called from the doorway.

  I glanced up to see her, wearing a white sundress that made her look angelic. I hoped I would never get used to her remarkable beauty. Everything about her set me on fire. I felt released from the grasp of the truth hidden in the envelope as I made my way to her, my solace.

  “Where’s Jasper?” I asked.

  “He’s playing in the sunroom. Is something wrong?” she asked with concern.

  “I got the letter from the DNA clinic.”

  She inhaled sharply, needing no further explanation. We hadn’t spoken much about it, but she knew I had taken the test and was worried. There was a bit of the story she didn’t know yet, and I knew it would upset her. But I didn’t want secrets between us, so I decided to share it and face the consequences.

  “I know he’s not mine,” I admitted, just above a whisper, when we sat beside each other at the kitchen island.

  “How do you know?” Ashley whispered as well, though it was nearly impossible for Jasper to hear us from the playroom.

  “I went over to Anna-Louise’s recently,” I paused, searching for anger or disappointment that didn’t appear in her eyes.

  Anna-Louise was far from my ex, but we did sleep together.

  “I found this rehabilitation center she could go to. They’re usually booked up, but they have an opening this month. I was trying to convince her to go, and I think I did pretty well. She got to telling me about the issues she’s struggling with, and how happy she is that Jasper has me. I asked her if there was a way tha
t Jasper wasn’t my son. She didn’t even answer, but I could see in her eyes that she knew he wasn’t. She knows I’ll take care of him, and I assured her I still would regardless. It’s probably why she made up the lie in the first place.”

  I sat back, fully prepared for Ashley to lose her temper either with me or with Anna-Louise. I knew I deserved it, going to talk to Anna-Louise without consulting Ashley as my girlfriend, like a decent boyfriend should do. My situation was anything but routine. Most men weren’t caring at this level for their child’s mother, but I had to. I’d made a promise to my best friend, and taking care of Anna-Louise was something I was never going to turn my back on now. Jasper was also a part of that promise, but I wasn’t sure how Ashley would feel about it.

  Ashley reached to place her petite hand over mine. “I think what you’re doing for Anna-Louise is commendable. It’s obvious she needs help, and you’ve gone above and beyond to help her out. No matter what this paper says, you will always be Jasper’s father. And your friend must be extremely proud of you for following through on your word.”

  I exhaled a breath I didn’t know I was holding, feeling relief and an unexplainable adrenaline rush. I wanted her so badly. I needed her to know how much I loved her, even if the words wouldn’t leave my lips. Ashley was perfect, always understanding and supportive. I gave her the envelope, needing her more than ever. I couldn’t face it, despite how clear the answer was.

  “You want me to open it?” she asked.

  “I can’t do it.”

  Ashley nodded, taking the envelope from my hand. I could tell she was nervous, but she put on a brave face as she gently opened the envelope.

  “Jake, you know that regardless of what this says, it doesn’t change anything,” she reiterated.

  “I know.”

  It was all I had been telling myself since I sat with the lawyer and he brought up the argument of paternity. Initially, I had never considered the possibility that Jasper could not be my son. He had my name, my hair, and my name was on his birth certificate. I loved him from the moment I laid eyes on him.