Pretend Daddy

by Lulu Pratt

  “Hey? Is that you?” She reached for me with an unsteady hand.

  “What are you doing? Jasper was outside alone.” I don’t even know why I bothered asking. It was clear she didn’t care about our son. Holding him close to my chest, I silently vowed to never leave him alone with her.

  I had given her every opportunity to prove she was ready to be responsible for our child, but she burned me at every turn. It was time I began making decisions with him in mind. It would be great if he could have both parents, but I couldn’t force it. Anna-Louise was an unfit mother, regardless of how I tried to sugarcoat it.

  “He was playing with…” she said, rubbing her temple.

  “Who, Anna-Louise? There was no one out there.”

  “Justin, you fucking… my brother is watching him,” she said without a hint of humor.

  I couldn’t believe my ears. She was clearly having an episode, believing her deceased brother was outside with our son. I felt like an idiot for leaving Jasper alone with her.

  Reaching into my pocket, I stepped away to call the doctor. I had been given an emergency line for times like this. After speaking with the nurse, they assured me that someone would be there to take Anna-Louise in. I waited for the attendees to arrive and left as soon as I was able.

  Jasper, thankfully, didn’t seem too affected by it all. I carried him to the car with a huge weight on my shoulders. I was alone with him again, and I had no idea how I was going to manage.

  I’d all but fired his nanny who had become a regular figure in his life. And I had no plan for his childcare. As I strapped him into the car seat, I felt defeated. Life had been going so well for the past few months, I foolishly thought I could finally have a grip on things.

  Just when I’d let my guard down, everything blew up in my face. Ashley wasn’t the person I thought she was, effectively ending our relationship. And Anna-Louise had pulled the wool over my eyes too, pretending to be better long enough to get a few bucks out of me and unsupervised access to my son. I’d failed Jasper twice in one day, and I felt awful about it.

  Climbing into the front seat, I wondered how I would ever be able to fix all that I’d destroyed. My life had gotten twisted upside down in a matter of hours, and I knew it would take a long time for me to find solutions.

  “Daddy!” Jasper called from the backseat.

  “Yeah? What’s up, buddy?” I tried not to let the despair show in my tone, but I was close to the edge.

  “I love you!” he yelled.

  I turned to see his gleaming smile and suddenly felt that everything was going to be all right. Despite it all, my son was safe, and he loved me. That was all that mattered. Inhaling deeply, I exhaled all the stress of the day, deciding to focus on Jasper.

  I had dedicated too much time to too many other people. He was my main priority, and I needed to push everything else to the back burner. As I pulled out from Anna-Louise’s place, I was grateful that a bad day had given me that clarity.

  “I love you too,” I answered him.

  “Less get ice cream!” he yelled, bringing a smile to my face. Through it all, he was still the same sweet boy, and there wasn’t much more I could ask for.

  “Yeah, let’s go get some ice cream.”

  Chapter 47

  ASHLEY

  IT ALL FELT like one long nightmare, but as my vision cleared from a night of crying, I realized it wasn’t. I was at home in my bed that felt strange after sleeping at Jake’s house for so many nights. The fact that I would not be spending any more nights with him was heartbreaking, but the realization that my days would no longer include Jasper was what really hurt.

  Glancing over to my nightstand, I tried to check the time but the clock was hidden behind a stack of twenty-dollar bills. My money from Nathan. All twenty-five grand.

  I had returned to my car after Jake pulled away and found Catharine in her car in the parking lot. Apparently, Nathan was still inside Master Mechanic Marty, but so hurt from the fight, he was unable to get up. She wound down her window as her car was running to hand me the envelope and yelled at me to leave before Nathan got back up. On auto-pilot I took the money and drove off before Nathan emerged.

  My stomach turned with disgust at the reminder and I felt the urge to be ill. Running to the bathroom, I barely made it to the toilet in time. I threw up everything left after a night of vomiting. I’d tried to purge the feeling Jake left me with, but there was no ridding myself of that emptiness.

  Back in my bedroom, I stared at the stack of bills in disbelief. I couldn’t make sense of the fact that I’d sacrificed everything for a lousy stack of money. All I wanted was the family that had been snatched away from me, the only family I’d ever had. I’d give every dollar I had for Jake and Jasper, but I was left with a stack of paper instead, and it left me empty and without purpose.

  I hadn’t been so heartbroken since my dad’s death, feeling abandoned by the person I loved most. Jake hadn’t even given me the opportunity to explain myself. He had no idea how badly Nathan had hurt me, stealing all I had left. Jake took Nathan’s word as without knowing anything about him.

  In the hours that had passed, I couldn’t find the courage to call him, or even pull myself out of bed. I was distraught at the loss and sudden separation. Jake hadn’t called or texted me, so it seemed that he was maintaining the stance he’d demonstrated in the parking lot.

  Just before I could climb back into bed, a knock at the door sent a rush of excitement through my depleted body. I knew it was only a matter of time before Jake would come to his senses, I just refused to let myself believe in what felt impossible.

  Nothing about my life had been a fairy tale. I didn’t want to start believing in the impossible now. I loved him more than anyone, but things working out between us after such a huge misunderstanding felt unlikely at best.

  As I made my way through the apartment, checking my reflection in the mirror, I was shocked by my appearance. A day in bed had not been kind to me. My eyes revealed just how hard I had cried over the heartbreak, but I couldn’t let vanity stop me from fixing what meant the most to me. So, I continued to the door despite my drooping eyes and pale skin.

  Taking a deep breath, I readied myself before facing Jake. I wanted to stop myself from getting too emotional or upset. I knew he would come to his senses eventually, but I was still hurt by his decision to abandon me without so much as a conversation.

  Again, there was a knock, and I forced myself to open the door. My excitement faded when I saw Catharine, her eyes as puffy as my own.

  “What are you doing here?”

  My tone was much nastier than I intended. Though the fault wasn’t solely hers, I had found myself blaming my best friend for the mess with Nathan. It was her plan, and she was the only one communicating with him. I’d tried my best to convince her it wasn’t worth it, but she didn’t care to hear. She had been fueled by revenge, refusing to hear anything else.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice laced with emotion.

  I could tell she was as devastated as me. If it hadn’t been for her, I wouldn’t have been in any of the nonsense. But it was Nathan’s fault I had to drop out of school.

  Remembering who the real enemy was, I let my guard down again, moving to let Catharine in my house. She had always wanted the best for me, and her determination to get revenge was only an indication of her loyalty to me.

  “I’m sorry,” she repeated.

  “I know,” I whispered before leading the way to the living room.

  Together we plopped on the couch, the weight of all we’d done instantly filling the room with a thick tension. There was so much to say that I didn’t even know where to begin, so I sat in silence.

  Catharine had been my friend for so long. There was no way I could cut ties with her, but for the first time I truly felt as though she’d led me in the wrong direction. This decision had ruined everything and I didn’t know if I could forgive her.

  “You really love him,” she
said, catching me off guard. Of all the things I thought she would say, none of them centered around Jake. She’d tried her best to ignore my new relationship since it began.

  “I did,” I said, feeling the emotion in my stomach. “I do.” I corrected myself.

  “I’m sorry,” she repeated. “I could see how much he cared for you. He stormed in there like a knight in shining armor.”

  An unexpected giggled rumbled up my throat until I was laughing uncontrollably, remembering how Jake had burst through the door of the shop. It was like a scene from a movie the way he appeared out of nowhere the second things went wrong.

  Catharine watched me with confusion. Surely she must have thought I’d gone mad to break into laughter, but I couldn’t help myself.

  “Where did he come from?” I managed between laughs.

  Catharine looked unable to laugh with such despair in her eyes. I realized how hurt she was to have let me down, ruining what she could now see meant the world to me.

  “It’s okay, Catharine,” I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her head to my shoulder.

  As though that was all she wanted, she began to sob like a child, repeating how sorry she was. I knew she meant it, but it didn’t do much. Jake still wanted nothing to do with me and there was no fixing all that had happened with or without the money.

  “I just wanted to get back what was yours,” she said after the tears stopped. Wiping her eyes, she inhaled deeply, struggling to pull it together.

  “I know, but it came with consequences.”

  It was the part I’d never considered. Whenever Catharine told me about her plan and updated me, I never stopped to think about how it could affect everything I had gained.

  “There is a way we can make this right, you know. Even if only a little,” she said.

  “Oh yeah? I’m all ears,” I smiled, wiping a stray tear from my cheek.

  “You have to enroll back in school. That was the reason we did all this in the first place. You have the money now, you owe it to yourself to make this worth something.”

  She was right. Her entire plot for revenge was based on the ugly truth that Nathan’s scam was the reason I could no longer afford my tuition. It was my dad’s last wish – that I attend college and follow my dream.

  Catharine had promised him she would take care of me, and she did that the best way she knew how. It wasn’t the smartest plan, but for what she wanted, Catharine had succeeded. I could now pay my tuition with ease.

  “You’re right,” I smiled, wrapping my arms around her.

  This time she wrapped her arms around me too and we hugged each other like we were the only people left in the world. In a way, that was how I felt. Like Catharine was the only person I had left. It was just like when my father died, and I felt completely alone until Catharine reminded me of how important and powerful friendships could be.

  Jake had left me feeling deserted, like nothing mattered. But again, Catharine had showed up for me, pulling me from the depths of my own depression.

  “Promise me you’ll enroll again,” she whispered.

  “I promise.” It was the least I could do. For myself, my best friend, and my father. I might have lost the life I wanted so badly, but I could at least go back to school and finish what I had started.

  Chapter 48

  JAKE

  “MR. WILLIAMS, I think you’ve done a tremendous thing. Not only for our country and your community, but for the youngster you’ve taken under your wing. It takes a big man to care for a child, but to take in a young boy in need, knowing he is not your biological son is more than most men would do.” The judge commended me after seeing the evidence I’d provided and listening to the specialists who had been caring for Anna-Louise.

  She hadn’t even bothered to show up to the hearing, which only helped my case. It was the first of several meetings to decide on Jasper’s future.

  “You’ve done a great job of creating a safe space for Jasper, and I think it best he remains in your care full time for the time being. I understand that you have a life of your own, so I wanted to know if there is a partner in your life that you’d like to also sign on as a guardian. I know these things are often two-person teams, and I wanted you to have the opportunity to give your teammate a say in things.”

  My mind instantly went to Ashley. She was who I thought would help me raise Jasper. She had been a great mother figure to him, helping me more than I could have ever hoped for. In the weeks that had passed, I’d thought of her more than I cared to admit. My world was rocked by her disappearance.

  I knew she deserved to be heard, but I couldn’t bring myself to call her after how I’d left things. My pride and ego were bruised, and she hadn’t reached out to me. Besides, some things were beyond explaining. She had clearly been doing something behind my back and I couldn’t accept that.

  “How about I give you a little time to think about it?” The judge interrupted my thoughts.

  “Yes, please. That would be great.” I nodded quickly, embarrassed by my lapse in attention.

  It was how I had been operating for the past few weeks, unable to think clearly without my thoughts drifting to Ashley. I’d never felt for a woman how I did for her. I saw my whole life including her, and now we didn’t even speak. It was a scenario I’d never considered becoming my reality.

  After signing a bit of paperwork, it was official. I was Jasper’s guardian for the time being, but I was tasked with deciding on whether to add another name to his guardianship paperwork.

  On the way to my mother’s house, I thought more about Ashley and our sudden fall out. It was so immature the way things ended between us. I’d never experienced such a dramatic event. I wasn’t sure how to process things. With no one to talk to, I felt overwhelmed with questions only she could answer. Nothing made sense anymore.

  My mom’s house had become a bit of a sanctuary for me. She had graciously stepped in to watch Jasper during the day while I was at work, and I found myself hanging out there more than ever. It was a time to relax without letting the stress of my life get to me.

  Plus, my house felt like a continuous reminder of Ashley. Everything had her touch on it, from the contents of the refrigerator to the few pieces of her clothing hanging in my closet. At my lowest points, I found myself smelling her dresses for a reminder of her presence. I missed her more than words could explain.

  A piece of me was missing without having her in my life. She had become an integral part of every facet of my life. Nothing could go on without her, but I was forced to push on for Jasper.

  Jasper’s birthday party had gone ahead the weekend before, but it was a much quieter affair than what had been originally planned. The jungle gym had been installed and we had a few people over, but in some ways it was a reminder for me of what I had lost instead of a celebration. Fortunately, Jasper had been delighted and loved every second showing his guests, both large and small, his new jungle gym.

  “There he is!” My mom called from the front door. Jasper was wiggling his way to freedom as she held him on her hip. When he finally made it to the ground, he raced to me.

  Holding him in my arms felt different than before. I exhaled a deep sigh of relief. There had been a gray cloud hovering above us for a long time, unsure if he would be snatched from me at any moment. Now, that was impossible. He was here to stay and I felt rich.

  “We won!” I yelled to my mom and she grinned excitedly.

  “I knew it! I knew it!” she yelled, welcoming us with open arms.

  We hugged each other tightly, but I felt like a piece was missing. Ashley. I knew she should have been celebrating with us.

  “That is such great news, Jake,” my mom smiled as we released each other.

  “I know. I almost couldn’t believe my ears.”

  “Did you have a chance to call Ashley? I’m sure she would want to know,” she said.

  Ashley was the only person who would have cared as much as we did. I had a strong desire to call and sha
re the news with her, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

  “No, not yet,” I lied. I knew I wouldn’t be able to call her.

  After things had fallen apart, I refused to discuss the details with my mom. She only knew that Ashley wasn’t working for me anymore, but had no idea why.

  “You should call her. You know she loves Jasper,” she said, her voice soft as she treaded carefully into my personal business.

  Thankfully, Jasper was far enough away that he didn’t hear her name. He’d asked about Ashley constantly for the first few days after our breakup. I didn’t have any answers and looked forward to the day when he no longer remembered her, if that was ever to come.

  I hated that I had taken him from her, and sometimes found myself regretting dating her only for that reason. Things would have been much better if I could have just allowed her to be his nanny and nothing more. But I was drawn to her from the first time I saw her, weakened by my desires.

  There was a chemistry between us I thought was unbreakable. I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that everything wasn’t authentic. It couldn’t have been for her to be extorting her ex.

  That just wasn’t the Ashley I knew, who cared for my son like a mother. She followed mom blogs and made recipes for fun. It didn’t make sense that she would be scheming to make money from her ex-boyfriend. She made more than enough working for me.

  “You were happy with her,” my mom continued when I didn’t answer. “I know you better than anyone. And that girl made you better.”

  “All right, Mom. I don’t need another lecture,” I warned her. She regularly urged me to make things right with Ashley.

  I knew the two of them had a bond. It was what really made me fall for Ashley. If my mom approved, I felt she must have been special. My mom had never been so fond of a girl I brought home. But she took to Ashley like a daughter.

  “I’m just saying, you don’t run at the first sign of trouble. You have to talk things out and communicate,” she said.