Diary of a Mad First Lady

by Dishan Washington

  Later that night, I poured the honey glaze over the fresh salmon I was preparing, checked my French-style green beans, and cut into my red potatoes to make sure they were done. I put the freshly squeezed lemonade into the refrigerator, dusted my hands on the cloth, took off my apron, and went to my bedroom to get the decorations.

  Darvin was due home in about an hour. I had to make sure that dinner was ready and the decorations were set by the time he got there. Little Junior was active tonight, slightly slowing down my pace. I don’t know why I didn’t guess he was a boy, if only by the kickboxing and movements that he made. He was an active little fellow.

  I took out the pink bows, pink ribbons, pink balloons, the pink place settings and tablecloth, and started putting them in their appropriate places. I was going to trick Darvin and make him think we were having a girl, and even bring out some pink strawberry ice cream. I began to laugh at my own crazy idea. I would bring it around to the truth with a T-shirt that I had airbrushed for him, that said JUNIOR’S DADDY.

  If I knew Darvin, he would not get the hint and think that I was trying to appease him with the shirt because I knew how badly he wanted a son. So, in the event that didn’t work, I was going to just come right out and say it.

  The hour went by faster than I realized, and it was about to be show time. I looked at myself in the mirror and admired how pregnant I looked. I was in full bloom, and for whatever reason, I had never felt sexier. The soft purple suede dress was form-fitting and exposed my swollen stomach. The short bob that I was sporting framed my round face, and the amethyst and diamond jewels that Darvin had given me a few years back were glistening against the light and the color of my skin, creating an almost angelic appearance, if I must say so myself.

  When I heard the sound of the garage door, I quickly went into the kitchen and stood next to the counter so that Darvin could see me as soon as he walked in.

  He entered the house, and just as he was about to call my name to let me know that he was home, he saw me. He slowly removed his suit jacket, and in the same manner, set his briefcase on the floor.

  “Baby, you look beautiful,” he said. He allowed his eyes to roam the length of my body, and I, in turn, absorbed the attention.

  “Thank you, sweetie,” I said, walking to him. I reached up and put my arms around his neck. He put his arms around me and allowed his hands to rest just below my waist. “How was your trip?”

  We pulled back from each other, and I picked up his coat that he had let fall to the floor. “It was good. You know how it is. Revivals are revivals. I must say, though, God did an awesome work these last few days.” He paused.

  “I wish you would consider going with me sometimes.”

  I didn’t want to have this conversation right now. This topic always ended in an argument, and I was too elated to let that happen.

  “Honey, I’m glad that things went well. And maybe after the baby’s born, I’ll consider traveling with you.”

  That seemed to be satisfying, because the smile returned to his face. I was about to burst with the news if we didn’t get the night underway. I leaned in and gave him a long kiss.

  “Mmmmmm . . . that’s why I rush home, baby.”

  He inhaled the sweet-smelling aroma of the spices that filled the air, and started walking toward the dining room. We weren’t like the traditional family who only used the dining room for special occasions. Anytime we were eating dinner at home, we ate in the dining room. We were our own special guests.

  He gasped at all of the pink decorations. He turned to me for confirmation, and all I gave him was a smile. He rushed over to me, picked me up, and swirled me around—all 170 pounds of me.

  “A girl? Wow. Baby, this is great. We are having a girl.” He loosened his tie as he sat down in his chair. “I’m going to have another woman in my life.”

  “Hey, wait a minute. I don’t know about all that,” I teased. “It’s only room for one queen in this castle.”

  I took the glass covers off of the dishes that held the food and served Darvin his portions. I then poured his lemonade, repeated the same thing for myself, and sat down to enjoy the meal. He blessed the food and jabbed his fork into a healthy piece of the salmon.

  He continued smiling. “I can’t believe it. A girl. It’s so surreal now that we know the sex. It’s like before we were talking about a person that didn’t really exist, but now we can put a name to her. This is so exciting, baby.”

  I smiled and allowed him to ramble on and on about how great it was going to be to have a little girl in the house. It was all I could do to keep quiet.

  I got up from the table, went and got the ice cream and T-shirt, and came back to present them to Darvin.

  “Strawberry ice cream. You’re so cute.” He laughed. “Really cute.” He picked up the T-shirt and just as I thought, he thought I was trying to placate him. “Junior’s daddy, huh? So you got jokes?” He ate a spoonful of the sweet dessert.

  “Darvin, it’s not a joke. At least the T-shirt isn’t. The rest is a joke.”

  “I don’t understand. What do you mean the rest is a joke?”

  I walked around to where he was sitting and leaned over him with my arms dangling across his neck. I kissed his neck and said, “It’s a boy.”

  It took a second for it to sink in with him. He removed my arms and led me around to sit on his lap.

  “Are you serious? It’s a boy?” The look in his eyes was mesmerizing as small puddles filled them.

  I began to cry. “Yes. It’s a boy. I wanted to trick you with all of this pink stuff,” I said as I motioned to all of the decorations. “It’s the truth, baby; you’re going to be Junior’s daddy.”

  “Are you sure? I mean, what if it’s a mistake?”

  I went into the kitchen to get my purse. I retrieved the photos that Dr. Stenzel had printed and brought them back into the dining room. I returned to my seat in his lap and pointed to his son’s “package.”

  “You see that right there?” I asked.

  Realizing what he was looking at, he said, “That’s definitely a boy!”

  He stared at the pictures for a second longer with pride all over his face.

  I looked down into his eyes. “You are going to make a wonderful father, and I can’t wait to begin this new phase of my life. With you.”

  He kissed me tenderly. I relaxed my body and allowed myself to absorb the moment. It was times like this when I realized that the love Darvin and I shared was real, and could weather any storm.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Daphne

  I sat in my living room twiddling my thumbs, trying to determine what I was going to do about what I’d just seen. I was coming home from a late meeting with one of my clients, and just before I turned into my driveway, I saw Michelle sitting in Darvin’s lap, kissing him. She was as big as their house, and poor Darvin probably had a blood clot in his leg from all of that weight stopping his flow. Lord knows I would not be that huge when I got pregnant with his baby.

  Why did it look like they were celebrating? It wasn’t a special occasion that I could remember, and I couldn’t think of anything else that could give them reason to make merry. I was fuming, to say the least. Ever since my encounter with Solomon Andrews, I’d been in a terrible mood. I had not seen him since, and if I ever saw him again, it would be too soon.

  My intention was to find out who he was and have him dealt with. I couldn’t afford for anybody to mess up my plan. I was too close to the finish line. But the pressing matter was trying to find out what Darvin and Michelle were celebrating. It was driving me crazy.

  Listening to the clock tick the seconds away, I decided that the only way to find out what I wanted to know was to go directly to the source. I had been living across the street from them since I’d been back from Florida, and no one had yet to find out. Back in the day, everybody knew their neighbors, but now, everyone was so busy with their own lives that no one stopped to pay attention to who was living next door.<
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  As for me, it also helped that I had a garage in the back of my house. It was meant for a boat, but I never used the side garage doors, so I parked in there. And since the houses in our subdivision were behind black iron gates, unless you saw someone coming home at an exact time, there was no way to ever really know who lived where. I had never really intended for Darvin not to know I lived across the street, but I had never planned to tell him either.

  Tonight, it was time to make a friendly introduction. Darvin and Michelle had left their gates open, enabling me to sneak a peek at what was going on in their house. I’d gotten out of my car and pretended to get mail out of the mailbox, but took the opportunity to get a full view of what was going on in their dining room. What I saw made my stomach turn; Michelle putting her oversized lips on my man was the most disgusting thing I’d ever seen. When I was her assistant, I hardly ever saw them kiss.

  That was partially because of me. I was causing so much havoc in their life that they only shared arguments, not kisses. That’s why I couldn’t understand why Michelle wouldn’t just go away.

  I got up out of my thoughts and went into my bedroom to put on something attention grabbing before I went over there. I didn’t have much time, because I was sure that they were going to close their gate soon. It had to be an oversight; they never left their gates open. I selected a low-cut black sweater that exposed a dangerous amount of cleavage, a pair of jeans, and a belt to go around my waist. I grabbed a pair of four-inch Nine West pumps and went back into the living room. I stood there trying to think of what excuse I was going to make up for going over there. I realized that I didn’t have one. I only had the truth. I was going to shock the living daylights out of Michelle, and remind Darvin of how fabulous I was.

  I grabbed my house keys from the coffee table and walked out of the front door. At the bottom of the driveway, I pushed the button on my remote that opened my own gates, checked for cars, and walked into the driveway of Darvin and Michelle. It had been a long time since I’d been in their house. At one point, I was welcomed in the same manner as Chanice and Twylah had been. That had changed.

  I bounced up the steps to the front door and rang the doorbell. Silence.

  I rang it a second time and waited, but no one came to the door. What could they be doing? I knew they were in there.

  I rang it again. Still nothing.

  This time, I walked down the steps to see if I could see anything through the dining room window. The lights were now out. I went back to the door and tried the bell again. And again. What in the world were they doing?

  I looked at the intercom system on the wall, but I really didn’t want them to know it was me until they saw me. They would never answer the door if they knew I was out there.

  Maybe that was it. Maybe they saw me walking up and had decided not to answer. The thought of that made me livid. My plan wasn’t working, and it looked as if I was not going to be able to do anything to disturb the happy home tonight.

  I started walking back toward my house, and as soon as I got through the gates, they were closing behind me. Fuming, I whirled around, only to see Michelle standing in her doorway waving at me. If I had the strength of Iron Man, I would bend those gates, go up there, and choke her the same way I choked Twylah.

  I could see that Michelle was not going to be easily moved. Nothing I’d done so far had worked. She wasn’t fazed for long at my return as my twin sister.

  Now, looking at her smiling made me so mad that I started trembling. She had known it was me the entire time. And I was sure that meant she’d seen me coming.

  I walked back into my house and slammed the door. Who knew what they were doing in there now? Images of Darvin and Michelle laughing and talking about me flashed through my mind. Were they over there making fun of me? Were they talking about how stupid I looked as I walked away? Or were they over there kissing again, now that they knew they couldn’t be interrupted?

  So many scenarios played on the turntable of my mind, and were spinning out of control.

  I went to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of Evian. I needed to refresh my body, because the residue of resentment had filled me. I went into the bedroom and kicked off my shoes and flopped down on the bed. What was I going to do?

  The doorbell rang.

  I looked in the direction of the living room and decided that whoever it was would have to leave, because I had not invited anyone over. As a matter of fact, I never invited anyone over. The only person that had ever stepped foot into my house was Twylah, and she was dead now.

  The doorbell rang again.

  Oh, well, they would have to walk away the same way I had minutes ago. I cursed myself for not closing the gates behind me. I was in such a rage that I’d forgotten.

  The doorbell rang back to back to back more than six times, so I decided to answer. Without looking, I flung open the door. The anger that had set up residence in me had been evicted by sheer joy, as I looked into the eyes of my future husband, Darvin.

  “Dawn, may I come in?” he asked.

  Startled by his arrival and more so by his desire to come in, I said, “Sure, Pastor. Who would turn their pastor away at the door?”

  I moved aside to let him enter. I strung together multiple curse words in my head when I saw how dirty the living room was. I had not cleaned up in more than a week, and the last thing I needed was for Darvin to see me not being able to keep house. But it was too late. He had denied all possible rationale that had to be screaming at him, telling him not to enter a single woman’s house alone. It wasn’t a good look for a pastor.

  “Dawn, I didn’t come to stay long. I just wanted to talk to you for a few minutes,” he said with concern in his voice.

  “Okay,” I said hesitantly. “Why don’t we go into the keeping room? The living room is a little messy. Getting ready for work some mornings is a pain, and I go from room to room, leaving something behind in each one.”

  “This is your home. It’s not my place to judge you or what your house looks like.”

  “Well, I would still prefer we move into the other room. I have the fireplace going. It’s a little cool out tonight.”

  I tried not to run to the keeping room. Enthusiasm was overtaking me. Darvin was actually in my house with me. Alone.

  Once there, I motioned for him to sit in a chair that was close to the fireplace. “So, Pastor, to what do I owe this visit?” I asked, all while grinning from ear to ear.

  He dropped his head, looking as if he was carefully choosing his words. And then it was like a thought appeared to him—one that had been on his mind. “How long have you lived here?”

  I stared at him. He was expressionless. Maybe I should tell the truth.

  “Since moving to Atlanta.”

  “I see. Any particular reason you chose this neighborhood—or this house—so close to mine?”

  To be near you, stupid. “I think that was a huge coincidence, Pastor.” I tried to sound honest. “Look, I know what you’re probably thinking. The truth is, I didn’t tell you I lived here because I didn’t want you to think I was trying to harass you as my sister did.”

  He looked at me with tiredness in his eyes. “Dawn, I don’t know how to say this, but you’re causing problems. Major problems.”

  I was taken aback by his forwardness. “I’m sorry. How am I doing that?”

  Maybe I was making progress after all.

  “Let’s face it. We both know that you and Michelle never got off to a good start, and with you purchasing me a car, giving me countless dollars every Sunday, and living across the street . . . it’s not helping the situation. At all. I know that you might be innocent in all of this, but showing up at my house tonight wasn’t the best thing to do. I can’t fight in your defense and ask Michelle to overlook the other, when you’re coming to the one place she should be able to have privacy.” He paused and leaned forward in his chair.

  “I really value you as a member of the church, the same way in which I d
id your sister, but, Dawn, sometimes I guess I do have to question your motives, if any.”

  I raised my eyebrows, as if that were going to help me soak in everything that he’d just said. I cleared my throat before speaking. “I’m a little shocked, Pastor, that first of all you would think I have motives in giving you anything. Several members bless you on a weekly basis, and just because I have the finances to go above and beyond the average, I should be blamed for that? Secondly, I’m a little appalled at the notion that I’m to blame for the problems that you’re having in your home. I don’t mean to toot my own horn here, but, as much as I know that I have it going on, I don’t know if I’m capable of interfering with your marriage.”

  Sweat was forming on my brow, and even though Darvin wasn’t here for the reasons that I wished he was, I still didn’t want him to see me looking like a melting pot. I reached for the remote that operated the fireplace and turned the flame down a little.

  “I didn’t say that you were the cause of my problems at home. I’m simply saying that if there were any, you’re not helping it.”

  I laughed. So, there were some problems. Maybe my plan was working after all. I needed to make him more comfortable, to see what else I could find out.

  “Pastor, I’m sorry for being rude. Can I offer you something to drink?”

  “No, I really must be going. I just wanted to come over and ask if you would refrain from coming to my house. Michelle is beside herself now that she knows you live across the street.”

  Who cared if Michelle was anything? Certainly not me.

  “Once again, I didn’t tell you or First Lady because I knew how you felt about my sister. I didn’t want you to think that I was spying on you or anything.” I should have won an Oscar for this performance.

  He was silent as he studied my face for any traces of lying. I sure hoped that he wasn’t operating in the prophetic right about then, because he was sure to see that everything I’d just said was indeed a lie. A big one.