Feel Real Good

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  “Hey,” Miles said. “I know we haven’t talked in a while, but ... ”

  Rolling her eyes and scurrying, Sanaa said, “I’m trying to get to class.”

  “Well, just take this.”

  “I don’t want any cupcakes.”

  “You want these.”

  As Sanaa looked closer, she noticed that on each cupcake was a toothpick with a little flag at the top with words he had written. When he saw her looking at the carton, he pointed to how he wanted her to read them. One cupcake said “prom.” The next one said “will.” Then another one said “you.” Another one said “go.” Another one said “with.” And the last one said “me.”

  Sanaa just shook her head and walked on past him, leaving him with the box of cupcakes to do with as he pleased. Sanaa didn’t think about him for the rest of the day.

  The day flew by as the talk of the school moved from Pia being asked to prom to the swoop list girl fight.

  After school, all five girls scrunched into Sanaa’s car and she drove straight to the park. Last thing Sanaa wanted to do was fight, but she knew she was too far in to turn away. When they got there, a crowd was already forming. It was like people had skipped their last period class to get a front-row seat for some massacre that Sanaa really wanted no part of.

  When Sanaa parked the car and got out, Pia got out of the back, walked up to her, and said, “Are we really supposed to fight?” Pia hadn’t made it to their meeting in the hallway earlier that day. She’d been too busy fielding questions about her romantic prom proposal. It didn’t surprise Sanaa to hear that Pia wasn’t into fighting.

  Pia went on, “I don’t want to fight. Octavia may try to act like she wants to, but I know she does not want to either. It’s Willow and Olive who think that they’re gangsters.”

  “None of you girls are going to have to fight!” Sanaa yelled out before she turned to the crowd. “Where are you?”

  The crowd parted. Toni stepped forward. Her new little crew was right behind her.

  Sanaa stepped to Toni and said, “This is between me and you. My girls don’t need to fight.”

  “Oh, this is more than just between us. All of y’all rolled up on my property late at night trying to take me by myself. Now that I got backup, you talking about it’s between me and you ... please!” Toni put her hands up like she was ready to fight.

  Sanaa put her arms up in surrender. “You want to hit me? Hit me.”

  “What are you doing?” Willow said. “Ain’t no need to give up. We’re ready.”

  “I’m not letting you do this. Get back,” Sanaa said as she turned back to her nemesis. “Toni, you’re mad at me. You got something to say, or if you want to hit me ... fine. I’m right here, right now. This is ending because me and my swoop list girls, we ain’t punks. We ain’t pushovers. But also be clear, we’re not fighting.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Sharing (Willow’s Middle)

  “Let me just whoop up on this heffa!” Willow yelled out as she charged at Toni.

  Sanaa caught her and held her back. “No, Willow, I’m serious. It’s gonna be none of that.”

  “You can’t punk out. We gotta represent,” Willow tried to egg Sanaa on.

  But Sanaa challenged her, “Remember the other night? You were sick to your stomach with regret. All these chumps out here got their cell phones out, ready to record us, post the drama, and make it ten times worse than it’s actually gonna be. You know you my girl. We’re bigger than this. You told me it’s Toni’s loss. I’m done trying to kiss up behind her. I showed up to show her exactly where I stand. If she wants to fight the air, then that’ll be her looking stupid. But today, the swoop list girls are done with the pettiness.” Sanaa turned around and walked away.

  Pia, Octavia, and Olive followed. Willow was having a hard time just taking off. Even though Sanaa made a good point. It took one stank look from Hillary, the girl who had been on the dance team with Willow and who led the charge in making Willow quit the team, to make her uneasy.

  Willow walked over to Hillary, pointed her finger in her face, and said, “Look, you know I can beat that tail. Be glad my girls told me to turn the other cheek, because I wanna bust you in your lip.” And the way Willow said it, Hillary stepped back. “Right. I knew your punk behind wasn’t gonna fight nobody. So, to all the onlookers, you came, and you saw her step back.”

  Feeling satisfied, Willow left feeling really good that she played the confrontation smart instead of stupid. Before she reached everyone, her cell phone started vibrating. She knew it was folks posting the truth. However, when she looked down at her device, she saw that she was in a group text from Ms. Davis.

  The text read, “Did you guys forget? You said you were going to come with me to the middle school to speak to some at-risk girls. Where are you all?”

  “Willow! Come on!” Olive yelled out. “We gotta go and see—”

  Before she could finish, Willow hollered back, “Ms. D. Yeah, I know!”

  It took them all of ten minutes to get across town to the middle school. The middle school got out later than the high school. However, since they were late, they weren’t going to have much time in the session.

  All five of the girls had forgotten that Ms. Davis had asked them to do her a favor. They were going to be part of a roundtable discussion, keeping it real with a bunch of seventh- and eighth-grade girls who’d been having relationship trouble or were caught breaking some of the rules at the school. The swoop list girls, including Willow, were all nervous about divulging their most private mistakes.

  “I just feel real unworthy to be talking to some fast-tailed girls about not being fast, when I was superfast myself,” Willow admitted.

  “Just be open with them. I don’t have to monitor you guys,” Ms. Davis said. “You know what to say and what not to say.”

  “There’s about fifty girls out there,” Octavia said after peeking at the boisterous crowd.

  “And they each wanna hear from you all,” Ms. Davis reassured. “Their parents have signed a consent form. So you all can dig as deep as the session warrants.”

  “Why are we doing this again?” Willow said as she scratched her head, wanting desperately to leave.

  Ms. Davis said, “I promise you, when you give back, you’ll feel great.”

  Willow stayed negative and said, “I don’t think I’m gonna feel great by telling a bunch of young girls my mistakes.”

  “Trust me. Try it,” Ms. Davis said as she patted Willow on the shoulder.

  Fifteen minutes into the conversation, things really started heating up when one of the middle school girls said, “This boy I know really wants me to go out with him. But I don’t like him that way. He kissed me once even though I said no. What do I do? Is it my fault that he won’t leave me alone?”

  Pia responded, “That was actually my story. It’s not okay for him to being kissing you, or doing anything else, if you say no. I was raped. And I know I can’t blame myself for what my attackers did. Don’t blame yourself. But you should talk to a school counselor about this. It’s not okay for him to be harassing you when you’ve made it clear you don’t want him.”

  “Wow, thanks,” the young lady said.

  Another girl stood up and said, “My girlfriend likes this guy, but he likes me. I like him too, and I don’t know what to do.”

  Sanaa winked at the swoop list girls and said, “I can answer that one. Don’t keep it a secret. If she’s really your friend, you gotta find a way to be honest with her. Keeping it from her will only hurt you both worse.”

  Another middle school girl said, “This rough but popular guy likes me, but sometimes he scares me because he’s a little too aggressive.”

  The swoop list girls looked at Olive. She nodded and shared, “That was my story. When a guy shows you who he is, believe him. The apologies will come. It might be a little shove one day, a push the next day, a slap the next time, and before you know it, he’ll be controlling you. He might ask you to
do things that seem crazy. And because you believe that he cares about you, you might do them. Before you get in that deep, run the other way or get some help. Trust and believe that.”

  A little shy girl said, “Well, no guys like me, and I want to do something to shake it all up. I want attention.”

  Octavia stood and said, “Trust me. Being young and innocent is not a bad thing. You don’t want to bring unwanted attention to yourself and do crazy things that you’ll regret. Take it slow. Enjoy this time. Be open for the right kind of friends who will come in all different packages. Look at us. We’re the swoop list sisters. We were a bunch of misfit chicks at first. But who would’ve ever thunk it ... we showed everyone we are worthy.”

  A brash girl stood firmly and said, “Well, none of you got my issue. I like boys. And jealous girls tryna ruin my rep. Why should I stop having the fun they envious they ain’t havin’?”

  Willow said, “Girl, I stood in your shoes. I was the one with the worst reputation. So if you think it’s okay to just be free and loose and stuff, it’s not. A bad reputation follows you so many places. You might smile in a crowd, thinking it’s great to have that kind of notoriety, but at the end of the day, you’ll be crying on your pillow, wishing you could take it back. I learned the hard way that no one will take you seriously. Honestly, I now respect myself too much to give up the goods so freely.”

  The girl nodded. Willow smiled. She felt good being truthful.

  When she saw Ms. Davis giving a signal for them to wrap it up, Willow uttered, “You guys are awesome. Don’t compromise yourself. We’ve been there, we know. We’ve been on the worst possible list anyone could ever put us on. We did survive it, but it wasn’t easy or fun. We’re here because we don’t want you all to end up like us. Make better choices.”

  The girls stood up and gave them a standing ovation. The swoop list girls hugged each other. Willow was happy they came.

  Ms. Davis took the stage with the counselor from the middle school and said, “I’m glad you all came. I know these girls are going to be stronger because you all were genuinely sharing.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Defending (Olive’s Middle)

  When Olive and the swoop list girls stepped into school the next day, they were getting mad respect. People were smiling at them, nodding at them, and giving them thumbs up. They’d taken the higher road, and that was well received. The rest of the girls were smiling, actually more proud of the fact that they had made a difference in the lives of young people the day before, too, but Olive couldn’t be as happy as her friends because she was still brokenhearted that Charles was walking around the group home, keeping her out of his world.

  Seeing her down, Octavia leaned in and said, “Shawn told me things were still tense for you at home.”

  That was an understatement. Olive did not respond to Octavia at all. Octavia put her arm around her girlfriend and squeezed tight.

  “You know deep down he does care about you. Look at him over there with Shawn. They’re both checking us out,” Octavia stated.

  “Don’t try and defend him,” Olive uttered, deeply wishing Octavia was right, but knowing that wasn’t the case. “Charles has made it pretty clear I’m the last person he wants to be associated with.”

  All of a sudden, they heard a bunch of commotion, like a group of people running. A crowd of students was gathering to their left. Olive wondered what was up, but she wasn’t trying to find out.

  “What’s going on over there?” Octavia asked, walking toward the noise.

  “Somebody just probably wanting to get attention before the end of the school year,” Olive replied, walking away from the madness.

  One thing Olive had learned was when a crowd gathered, you didn’t have to be in the middle of it to figure out what was going on. She had made a commitment to herself to stay on her game. Stay in her own lane. Stay focused on what she had going on and flee crowds. Unless she knew what was up in advance, it was probably trouble. Even if Octavia wasn’t going with her, she kept moving far away from the crowd.

  “Uh, Olive. You might want to turn around!” Octavia yelled out.

  “I’ll catch you guys at lunch,” Olive said without looking back.

  But the stomping got louder, and Octavia caught up to her and turned her around. “Look.”

  It was the thugs in Tiger’s gang, each dressed in a white T-shirt with a letter spray-painted on the front. Six guys were in a single-file line: Ice, a mean guy Tiger relied on, and a bunch of others. Her skin was crawling as they walked towards her. She could not forget the bad history she shared with them all.

  Olive saw the letter P on Ice’s chest, and he moved to the side, doing the snake dance. Another guy’s shirt held the letter R, and he moved in the opposite direction. Then a guy with an O on his chest followed Ice, revealing a guy with an M who went in the other direction. Then there was a guy with a question mark on his shirt. The guy bent down, and Tiger jumped over him with a wine glass and a bottle.

  “I know he ain’t bring wine to school,” Octavia said to Olive.

  “No,” Olive said. “He knows sparkling grape juice is my favorite drink.”

  When Tiger removed the towel from the label, that’s what it said. Grinning, he walked her way. The five other guys started singing, snapping their hands back and forth like they were in a boy band. Tiger chimed in.

  “Go with me to prom?” Tiger sang all out of key. “I can rock your world if you’d be my girl for the night. Olive, be my princess, let me hold you tight. If we go to prom, you will be the bomb and the envy of everyone. Say you’ll go with me, and we’ll have a lot of fun.”

  Tiger started swaying, grinding, rolling, and rocking, and all the chicks gathered around started shouting and screaming like he was a star. Olive’s face turned pink. Tiger hadn’t been a good boyfriend when they were dating at all. At one point, he’d asked her to sleep with some of his gang members as a favor. Now, she couldn’t believe he had the audacity to use those same guys to help him ask her to prom. Even after she’d done what he wanted and got busy with practically all of them, he’d still dumped her. She was dumb then, but months later, she was dumb no more.

  Olive looked straight in his eyes, took the glass with grape juice, splashed it in his face, and said, “Heck to the naw!”

  Then Tiger showed himself. “What? You gonna try and ’barrass me in front of all my peeps? I’m tryna make you come up. Tryna do you a favor ... and put you on my arm. You ain’t got no money to buy no dress. Don’t get it twisted. That chump Charles ain’t got a penny to his pocket.”

  Before Olive could respond she sighed. “See ... ”

  Still upset, Tiger yelled, “See what? You splash drink all in my face, don’t accept my invitation, and think I’ma be cool. I went all out thinking about this, and you think it’s supposed to be okay?”

  “Okay, whatever, Tiger!” Olive put her hand in his face and turned around and walked away.

  Tiger yanked her arm really hard, turned her back towards him, and said, “You going to go with me!”

  “She ain’t got to do nothing!” Charles said as he knocked Tiger’s hand out of the way. “She don’t want to go with you, she don’t have to.”

  “Have you manned up and asked her to go to the prom with yo’ broke tail?” Tiger got back in Charles’s face and asked.

  “That ain’t none of your business. Just be clear she don’t want to go with you.”

  “Like I care about what you got to say,” Tiger said as he shoved Charles really hard.

  Charles was about to charge him back, but Olive stepped up to him. “No, please. You already hate me because I got you in the middle of the stuff with Tiger. You’re on probation.”

  Charles looked deep into her eyes and said, “I’m not mad at you because you got me involved in something with Tiger. And as hard as I try to stay away from you, when I see him put his hands on you, I’ll do whatever it takes. Because when it comes to keeping you away from him ... I’ll a
lways be defending.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  Devastating (Octavia’s Middle)

  “Is he gonna ask me to the freaking prom or what, y’all?” Octavia said, throwing a hissy fit at the fast-food restaurant with her swoop list girls.

  Pia leaned over and said, “I hope he asks you, because I need somebody to go with.”

  “Whatever.” Octavia nudged her. “You’re going with Stephen ... Mr. Million Roses.”

  “Yeah, but Sanaa and Olive told me they ain’t going, and Willow got her nose up in the air. She ain’t tryna say yes if poor little Dawson gets up the nerve to ask her,” Pia said. Dawson was Willow’s neighbor and former boyfriend. Their relationship had hit the rocks recently. “So, when Shawn asks you, I’ll be excited. It can be me and you and our dates, hanging at the prom. Not a perfect world, because all of us won’t be together, but it’ll be fun ... if I go, anyway. I’m thinking about canceling on Stephen.”

  “What are you talking about?” Octavia voiced, saying what all the others were thinking.

  “I don’t have anything to wear.” Pia looked down. “It’s not like my mom can afford a dress right now. She’s just getting on her feet. The last thing I wanna do is worry her about getting me something. I don’t know how to break it to Stephen that I can’t afford to go to prom, but that’s my dilemma. I still wanna go so bad, but ... ”

  Sanaa chimed in, “But money is tight. I understand parent job issues.”

  “All that stuff can be worked out. Money shouldn’t keep people from going to the prom,” Willow shared. “And a man ain’t gon’ keep me from going. Sanaa? Be my date, girl?”

  “We’re seniors. You don’t mind stags?” Sanaa asked.

  “Naw. We’ll step in there beautiful and show ’em. Make all the boys in the place wish they’d asked us. Well, not Shawn and Stephen, of course,” Willow joked. “But the rest of them guys in there will be on my booty.”

  “See, you ain’t got no type of sense,” Sanaa said as she gave Willow a big high five, actually agreeing with her.