The Fixes

by Owen Matthews

  E doesn’t look convinced.

  “Shit, if all else fails, they slip a roofie in his drink. Knock him out cold. Lift the keys, easy, while he’s snoring away.”

  “I have another question,” Paige says, raising her hand. “Won’t figure out pretty quick who stole his car? I mean, we come up there and then his car disappears. And we didn’t even sleep with him?”

  “I’m not sleeping with him,” Haley says.

  Jordan holds up his hands. “He’ll know exactly who stole his precious Ferrari. But he won’t do a damn thing about it.”

  They all stare at Jordan, waiting for the punch line.

  “Why not?” E asks.

  “Because Haley’s seventeen,” Jordan says. “And because you’ll have pictures. TMZ will build a shrine to us—”

  (FAMOUS MOVIE STAR CAUGHT IN UNDERAGE THREESOME!!!)

  “His fiancée will leave him. His reputation will be shot. He’ll know it was us, but he won’t do a damn thing about it.”

  250.

  They all kind of sit and stare at Jordan in silence for a minute. Another round of Sunset Beaches appears.

  “Uh, okay,” Haley says. “So after me and Paige grab the keys and skedaddle, what happens next? We just get in this guy’s car and drive away?”

  Jordan shakes his head. “You rendezvous with E in the lobby. Hand the keys off.”

  “Wait,” E interrupts. “Why me?”

  “You look kind of like ,” Jordan says. “Same height and build, similar hair color.” He blows a kiss across the table. “You’re much cuter, of course.”

  “Younger, anyway,” Haley says.

  “Gee, thanks,” E says.

  “You’ll be wearing a hat to conceal your true identity. You and Paige will take the keys down to the garage. Drive away in the Ferrari. It will be dark, and the parking attendant will be looking into your high beams. He won’t get a good view before he’s eating your dust.

  “You get the hell out of there,” Jordan continues. “Go for a joyride. Meet Haley and me up at Fincher’s Bluff.” He winks. “We’ll bring the Molotov cocktails.”

  251.

  So that’s Jordan’s plan.

  That’s how Saturday night is supposed to go.

  (You can probably figure out that Saturday night doesn’t quite go as planned.)

  KIK -- CAPILANO HIGH PRIVATE MESSAGE GROUP – 08/20/16 – 08:31 PM

  USERNAME: SuIcIdEpAcK

  MESSAGE:Wherefore art thou, Romeo?

  252.

  Saturday night. Jordan and E drop off Paige and Haley outside the St. Regis. They park Jordan’s Tesla in the public beach parking lot next door to wait for the signal.

  (“Text us when you have the keys,” Jordan tells Haley and Paige. “Text us ‘911’ if anything goes sour.”)

  It’s a beautiful Capilano summer evening. The last of the sunset is just disappearing behind the islands to the west. The city skyline is a bright wall to the east. And ahead, in the bay, freighters lie at anchor, their lights shimmering off the black water.

  “It’s kind of romantic out here,” Jordan says, grinning at E. “You want to fool around while we wait?”

  “What, now?” E frowns. He’s not exactly, like, in the mood. He’s too busy trying to rehearse the plan, hoping he doesn’t get recognized, wishing he didn’t have wear this goofy fedora.

  Jordan laughs. “Relax,” he says. “I’m just messing with you.”

  E relaxes as much as he’s able. His feet tap a rhythm on the Tesla’s plush carpet. He checks his reflection in the mirror, realizes he looks as stressed as he feels. He stares out at the water, tries to calm his breathing. Waits for Jordan’s phone to buzz.

  253.

  Paige and Haley enter the St. Regis through the side entrance. They’re wearing sundresses and big floppy hats. They look like normal Cap girls—apart from the duffel bag.

  (It doesn’t matter. Nobody sees them.)

  There’s a ladies’ restroom beyond the bank of elevators. They skirt the edge of the lobby and hurry toward it. They keep their heads down, the hats covering their faces. Haley checks the restroom to make sure it’s empty. It is. They both disappear inside.

  They emerge, new women, twenty minutes later. Haley’s in Balenciaga, Paige Alexander McQueen. Hair impeccable, makeup to the nines. They’re bombshells, traffic stoppers. They’re dressed to kill—

  (hold that thought).

  They keep their heads down as they wait for the elevators. Eyes downcast. The elevator dings. The doors slide open. Haley and Paige walk inside.

  has a top-floor suite. It’s a long way up. Haley and Paige check their reflections in the mirrored door. They fix their hair. They meet each other’s eyes. Haley smiles and squeezes Paige’s hand.

  (“This is going to be awesome.”)

  The elevator dings again. The doors slide open. Paige squeezes Haley’s hand back. Then they walk out to the hall.

  254.

  is shorter than he looks in the movies. Older. He’s not quite as hot, either, without the magic of Photoshop and an army of hair and makeup artists.

  (E actually is cuter, Haley thinks.)

  is wearing, like, sweatpants and a Prada hoodie. He’s leaning against the doorframe. He leers at Paige and Haley as they walk off the elevator.

  “So glad you made it, babe,” he says. “Does your friend want a job too?”

  Haley stifles the urge to throw up.

  “She doesn’t need a job,” Paige tells him, her voice all syrup and seduction. “She’s just here to help me convince you to hire me back.”

  “What a great friend.” The movie star holds out his hand to Haley. “And beautiful, too. I’m ,” he says. “Please, come inside.”

  255.

  It plays out like it’s supposed to, at first.

  ’s suite is vast. Multiple bedrooms, minimalist furniture, floor-to-ceiling windows with a sweeping ocean view.

  (Somewhere, hidden speakers are playing The Weeknd at an unobtrusive volume.)

  Haley spots the keys to the Ferrari immediately. They’re hard to miss. They’re sitting on the coffee table in the living room area, directly in front of Haley and Paige as ushers them to the couch.

  (Paige thinks she sees a room key on a side table by the door.)

  (Perfect.)

  The movie star sits down opposite Paige and Haley. Leans back and studies them both like they’re candy. “So,” he says. “Convince me.”

  Paige launches into some spiel about how she really needs her job, and she’ll do anything to get it back.

  (Haley kind of tunes her out.)

  The spiel goes on and on, Paige looking remorseful and desperate and, like, vulnerable, the asshole pervert movie star lapping it up. Then he holds up his hand to stop her. “You didn’t come here to talk, did you?”

  (BARF.)

  He picks up a remote, and The Weeknd gets louder. Paige and Haley look at each other. “I need a drink,” Haley tells . “Will you make us a drink?”

  Paige stands. “And I need to go freshen up. I’ll be right back.”

  The movie star doesn’t look pleased, but he rolls with it. “Drinks,” he says, standing and walking to a wet bar in a corner. “What’s your poison?”

  Haley eyes the car keys on the table. Eyes . Can’t think of a way to swipe them without him noticing.

  On to Plan B.

  “Vodka soda,” she tells . Pastes a smile on her face. “And make mine strong.”

  256.

  The movie star is just setting the drinks on the coffee table when Paige calls his name from the bathroom. She pokes her head out. “Can you help me with something in here?” she asks.

  smiles. There’s nothing in the world he’d like better. He hurries over to Paige. Paige and Haley lock eyes, and Haley reaches for her handbag.

  (Plan B is a little concoction Jordan cooked up. “Just like a roofie, except faster,” he told Haley and Paige. “It should knock him out cold in, like, five or ten minutes.”
/>
  “Five or ten?” Haley said. “How accurate are your estimates? I don’t want to be stuck with this asshole longer than I need to be.”

  “Ten minutes, tops,” Jordan assured her. “You can handle yourself for that long, right?”)

  Haley pours Plan B in ’s vodka soda. Stirs it around until the powder dissolves clear. Picks up her phone and texts Jordan.

  Go time.

  257.

  This is where things start to go sideways.

  For starters, the movie star doesn’t touch his drink. Not even once. He comes back and sits down and makes small talk for a minute, and then he looks at Paige and Haley with that sick smile again, like, Put up or shut up.

  And Haley tries to stall by pretending to be distracted by the, like, amazing view, and takes the bait and stands behind her and points out the city landmarks, his hand on her hip in the grossest way possible.

  (And he still hasn’t touched his drink.)

  And Haley tries to stall some more, wanders around like an airhead, admiring the art on the walls and the furniture and, like, the freaking fridge. And plays along, but he still never touches his drink.

  And finally, Haley’s out of ideas, and the movie star has her cornered, and he calls Paige over.

  “No more bullshit,” he says.

  258.

  Paige and Haley look at each other.

  leers at them.

  Haley wonders how far Paige is willing to go for this Fix.

  (Not much further, it turns out.)

  Paige shakes her head. “I can’t do this,” she tells Haley.

  laughs a mean laugh.

  “Just what I thought.”

  259.

  “There was a room key on that end table,” tells Haley and Paige. “Which one of you took it?”

  Haley and Paige look at each other. Paige’s eyes go wide. Play dumb, Haley’s thinking. Deny everything.

  walks over to Paige. “I’m guessing it was you. Probably on your way to the bathroom, am I right?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Paige says. “I didn’t take your room key.”

  “Bullshit.” reaches for Paige’s handbag. “Let me see that purse.”

  Haley starts to interject. stops her with his hand. “You stay right there,” he tells her. “I’ll deal with you next. I’m dying to know what you put in my drink.”

  He smiles at Haley, a cold smile, and beyond him, Haley can see Paige is panicking. Shit.

  “You thought I didn’t notice?” The movie star laughs. “Try again. Now, do I have to call security, or can we settle this ourselves?”

  He leers at Haley, and then he turns and leers at Paige, so smug and self-satisfied it makes Haley sick.

  She telepathically screams at Paige to distract the little pervert. Reaches into her purse for her cell phone.

  260.

  E is in the lobby of the St. Regis when Jordan comes through the front doors. He crosses the lobby quickly, and from the look on his face under his snapback, E knows something’s wrong.

  E starts to stand up from the lounge chairs where he’s been pretending to read a newspaper—

  (Sample story: CAPILANO POLICE STILL STYMIED IN CÔTE D’AZUR BOMBING.)

  —ready to follow Jordan, but Jordan catches the movement and turns and shakes his head slightly. No. E sits back down. Watches Jordan disappear onto the elevator. Tries not to worry about what’s going on upstairs.

  261.

  The next few minutes are ugly.

  grabs Paige’s arm, rough. Paige screams. Haley reaches out, tries to stop . pushes her away with his free hand, sends her sprawling to the floor.

  “This could have been easy,” is telling Paige. “Now it’s gotta be hard.”

  He’s pushing her toward a bedroom. Haley picks herself up off the floor. Scrambles for her phone. Texts Jordan again. 911. 911. 911.

  Jordan texts back immediately. Open the door.

  Haley hurries to the door. Can hear Paige fighting behind her. She opens the door, and Jordan’s on the other side. He pushes past her and across to where is struggling with Paige. Grabs him by the shoulders and wrenches him back. spins, smirks when he sees Jordan. “Who are you supposed to be?” he says. “The knight in shining armor?”

  “Something like that,” Jordan says. He swings at . The movie star ducks it, does some martial-arts bullshit that leaves Jordan on the ground.

  “Good thing about making movies,” says, smirking. “Plenty of opportunity to learn new skills.”

  He turns back to Paige, pushes her, drags her. Fends Haley off with one hand as she fights him. He’s laughing, the bastard.

  “Just forget it,” Paige is saying. “Just call the cops, Haley. Just forget the Fix.”

  “Bullshit,” Haley tells her. “It’s three against one.”

  She launches herself at again. swats her away. Haley’s just about to stand up and attack the sucker again, maybe aim for his balls this time, when—

  Jordan rushes past her with authority. He’s holding, like, a gigantic stained-glass vase, and, as Haley watches, he lifts it high in the air and brings it down

  hard

  on ’s head.

  262.

  Maybe it’s the way falls.

  Maybe it’s the way his head bounces off the hardwood.

  Or maybe Jordan’s just that strong.

  Either way, goes down.

  He doesn’t get up.

  263.

  “Holy shit.” Paige is kneeling beside . “Jordan, what did you do?”

  The movie star is lying on the floor, facedown, not moving. “Did you check for a pulse?” Haley asks. She kneels beside Paige, puts her hand on ’s neck for a beat. Then she shakes her head. “Geez, you guys, I think he’s dead.”

  The word hangs in the air. The penthouse suddenly seems small, claustrophobic. The movie star still hasn’t moved.

  “Wipe down everything you touched,” Jordan tells them. “Everything. Think hard. Don’t leave any fingerprints.”

  Paige looks up at him. “What are you talking about? We need to call an ambulance.”

  “And tell them what?” Jordan says. “We were trying to steal this guy’s amazing Ferrari and we accidentally killed him? We need to get out of here, now. And we can’t leave any evidence behind.”

  “Oh my god.” Paige stares at Jordan. “No. That’s not what we’re doing. We can’t just abandon him here.”

  She looks to Haley for support. Haley just shrugs. “I don’t really want to go to jail for this asshole. I’m just saying.”

  “CPR,” Paige says. “We need to do CPR.” She straddles ’s body. Starts attempting compressions.

  Jordan rolls his eyes. “Paige.”

  Paige doesn’t answer. Jordan motions to Haley, Get her off him. Haley stands, puts her arm around Paige. Ushers her to the side.

  “We don’t have time to waste on stupid shit,” Jordan says. “Sooner or later, someone’s going to check on this douchebag. We don’t want to be here when that happens. So think back to everything you might have touched, and wipe that shit down. Then we get the fuck out of here.”

  Paige is breathing heavy. She’s practically hyperventilating. She stares at Jordan like he’s just admitted he tortures small animals.

  “Come on, Paige,” Haley says. “This guy was a creep. You really want to risk the rest of your life to save him?”

  Paige doesn’t say anything, but she lets Haley pull her to her feet. She doesn’t look behind her, where lies, unmoving.

  “Good,” Jordan says. “Now what did you touch?”

  264.

  E can’t take it. There’s been no sign of Haley or Paige or Jordan. He’s been lurking in the lobby of the St. Regis for way too long.

  E puts the newspaper down and goes to the elevators. Presses the up button and rides to the top floor. The hallway is quiet when the doors open. No security guards. No police. No screaming.

  That’s a good sign.

  E walks dow
n the hall toward ’s suite. The door is closed. Locked. E knocks on the door.

  There’s a long, pregnant pause.

  Then the peephole goes dark. A moment later, the locks click and the doors open. Haley peers out, her face ashen. “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to stay in the lobby.”

  “I saw Jordan,” E says. “I thought it was 911. What the hell is going on?”

  He tries to peer past Haley into the room. Haley blocks him. “You don’t want to come in here, dude,” she says. “You really, really don’t.”

  (But when does that ever work?)

  “Uh, yeah,” E tells her. “I really think I do.”

  He pushes past her and into the room. Down the little hallway into the vast living area, the expensive, minimalist furniture, the kitchenette with its granite countertops, the living area with its floor-to-ceiling ocean views.

  And the movie star lying dead on the mahogany floor.

  “Holy fucking god,” E says. “What the hell happened?”

  Jordan comes out of the bedroom. “Never mind what happened. Just don’t fucking touch anything, okay?”

  E stares at the body. “Is he—?”

  “Sure is,” Haley says.

  “Oh my god.”

  Jordan comes over. Takes E’s face in his hands. “There’s no time for ‘Oh my god.’” He gestures to Paige. “We’re already full on our freak-out quota. What I need is for you to help me get us out of here as quickly as possible. Okay?”

  E looks past Jordan to the body. Jordan moves so E’s looking at him. “Okay?”

  “Holy shit,” E says. “I mean, yeah. Okay.”

  265.

  Jordan and Haley wipe down the whole suite. Anything any of them could have conceivably touched.

  Paige just silently freaks out in the corner. E tries to comfort her without touching anything.