Healing Autumn's Heart (Love Inspired)

by Andrews, Renee

  God, let him go away. I can’t talk to him right now. I know he loves me, and what’s more, I know I love him. And You know I can’t hurt him that way again.

  The knocking stopped, and Hannah lowered the afghan.

  “Thank you, God,” she whispered, and then the knocking promptly started again. Hannah tossed the afghan aside and glanced up. “Sometimes You say no, and sometimes You say yes,” she said, and walked to the door.

  She rose on her toes to look through the top glass of the door and saw that it wasn’t Matt Graham on the other side. Opening the door, she found her father and Maura waiting patiently.

  “Hey, honey,” he said. “We wanted to come by and check on you.”

  Hannah stepped aside and let them come in. “Thanks,” she managed. “But I’m going to warn you, I haven’t slept, and I haven’t showered.”

  Maura gave her a tender smile. “We don’t care about any of that,” she said, then amended, “Well, not about the showering part. You do need your rest, you know.”

  “I know,” Hannah admitted. “But I just can’t.”

  Her father nodded. “Didn’t sleep much myself last night, but I’ve been talking to God about everything all day, and I feel much better.” He smiled. “He’s in control, Hannah. I really believe it.”

  Hannah couldn’t speak, so she nodded and dropped back onto the sofa. She grabbed Jana’s thick gold afghan and again covered up.

  For a few moments, they all simply sat in the room, while yet another Lifetime movie played on the television.

  “That’s a good one,” Maura finally said, indicating the movie. “I’ve seen it a couple of times.”

  “Me, too,” Hannah admitted.

  “I’ve never really watched a lot of Lifetime,” her father admitted, “but I may give it a try. I never thought I’d want to scrapbook or go ballroom dancing either, but lots of things have been changing lately. You never know.”

  “Ballroom dancing?” Hannah asked.

  “Maura and I just signed up for the next course over at Stockville Community College,” her father said. “I’m kind of excited about it.”

  For the first time all day, Hannah smiled. “Daddy, I’m so happy for you.”

  “Me, too,” he said, grinning at Maura.

  Maura returned the gesture, then turned her attention to Hannah. “He misses you, you know,” she said.

  Hannah had known the subject of Matt would come up. She’d been merely waiting for it to happen. “I can’t talk to him yet. And I can’t let Matt go through all of this with me. He’s been through it before, and he doesn’t need that again. I could tell when I told him Wednesday night about the doctor’s call that he was scared.”

  “He wants to be here for you,” she said. “And he’s been trying to reach you all day.”

  Hannah knew that. He’d tried six times since last night before she turned off her phone. “I’ll talk to him again, but not yet.” She was smart enough to know that in a town as small as Claremont, she couldn’t avoid him forever. Plus, there was church, and there was Autumn. No way could she abandon Autumn now, though she had no idea how she could be close to Autumn without hurting her if everything didn’t go well.

  “Well, when you feel you can, I want you to talk to him,” Bo said, standing and moving toward Hannah to kiss her cheek. “I know he’s dying right now, not being with you. Think of that, princess. I honestly believe this will hurt him more, keeping him away. Promise me that you’ll at least consider letting him be there with you through this. I know he wants to.”

  “Say you’ll think about it, Hannah,” Maura coaxed. “Please, for Matt and for Autumn.”

  “I will,” Hannah promised, and she wasn’t lying. She’d been thinking about him, and about the two of them together, nonstop. Or more accurately, she’d been thinking about the two of them not together nonstop. And it was killing her too.

  Finally, Bo and Maura left, and then Jana and Mitch got ready to go to First Friday.

  “You sure you don’t want to go with us?” Jana asked, as they stood at the door to leave. “I mean, the main reason we’re going is to see your display. It was featured in today’s paper, you know, and Mr. Feazell promised to turn on his town square lights at 7:00.” She smiled. “It’s a big deal, Hannah, and the whole town is expecting to see you there.”

  Hannah hadn’t even looked at the paper. She glanced at the clock. “It’s only 6:00.”

  “Which means we have time to wait for you if you want to come!” Jana smiled again, her dimples deep in her cheeks.

  “Come on, Hannah. We really don’t want to leave you here,” Mitch added. “And Jana wants you there, and you know how cranky pregnant women get if they don’t get their way.”

  Jana promptly elbowed him, and he laughed.

  “Seriously, we want you to come,” Mitch said.

  “I really appreciate what you’re doing, but I can’t go. Not tonight. Take some pictures for me.”

  Jana withdrew a small camera from her purse. “I will, but I’m sure Daddy will be taking more. He’s so excited about this new scrapbooking class.”

  Hannah nodded, and suddenly wondered if her father would take photos of her over the next few months throughout treatment. When she got skinnier. And bald. And pale. Her eyes watered. “I’ll stay here, but thanks. Really.”

  They left, and Hannah grabbed the afghan, covered up and settled in for what she suspected would be a long, sad night. But before she could relax, there was another knock at the door. She tossed the afghan aside and got up, wondering if Jana had forgotten her key.

  “Did you leave something?” she asked, opening the door and expecting to find her sister on the other side.

  Matt stood there, tall and handsome, wearing a bright blue button-down shirt that caused his eyes to look even bluer, khaki pants, and an easy smile. “Don’t close the door on me,” he requested.

  She swallowed, blinked past the tears. “I wouldn’t do that.”

  “And don’t shut me out, Hannah,” he continued.

  She couldn’t answer to that one, and his smile faded a bit.

  “Will you at least hear me out?” he asked, then indicated the wrought iron bench beside the door.

  Hannah followed his gaze and saw a shiny red package with a sparkly silver bow balanced on the bench. “What is that?”

  His smile returned full force. “A gift.”

  She couldn’t hold back her own grin or the thrill of simply being this close to him again. She’d missed him terribly. “A gift for what?”

  “For you,” he said. “You can open it out here, I guess, but you may want me to come inside if you don’t want all of the neighbors to see you in your pajamas.”

  Hannah gasped. She’d completely forgotten that she hadn’t even gotten dressed today, hadn’t showered, and wasn’t wearing even an ounce of makeup. And she wore her favorite nearly-worn-out, just-for-comfort flannel pajamas. “Oh, no!”

  “You look adorable,” he said. “But I thought you might not want everyone to see you looking so…cute.”

  She did not look adorable. She looked horrendous. And he was standing there, all drop-dead gorgeous and looking at her…as though she were the most beautiful woman in the world.

  The tears were uncontrollable.

  He leaned over, picked up the package then eased toward the door. “Let me come in, Hannah. And please don’t cry.”

  She sniffed, brushed her tears away. “I can’t do this to you. I’m about to start treatments. I don’t want you to have to see that, to have to deal with it all again.”

  “You aren’t asking me to do anything. If you shut me out, though, and keep me from being with you through one of the most important times in your life—” he touched her cheek, wiped away a fresh tear “—then that’s something I can’t deal with, and it would, quite honestly, tear me apart. It already is. Let me in, Hannah. Please.”

  “I might not get better. I might get worse. I might— I might—”

 
“Hannah, I am going to be with you, and we are going to do everything we can for you to get better. I will be with you, praying with you and praying for you, and loving you with everything I’ve got every step of the way. And to be truthful about it, there’s not much you can do to stop that, so you might as well cooperate.”

  She looked into those beautiful eyes, filled with compassion and undeniably, most definitely, with love. “You said you would be praying with me, praying for me, and…”

  “And loving you. I love you, Hannah Taylor. I’d planned to tell you tonight on our date, but you’ve kind of forced my hand.” He smiled, eased toward her and kissed her, slowly, tenderly. Hannah melted against him, absorbing his caress, his compassion, his strength. How did she think she could survive any of this without him? He was her rock now, and she didn’t want to be anywhere but right here, in his arms. He ended the kiss, leaned back and smiled again.

  “Now’s the time where you tell me you love me too.”

  She laughed. “I do. Oh, Matt, I truly do.”

  “Wonderful,” he said, picking her up and swinging her around on the front porch. When he finally stopped, and Hannah was giggling uncontrollably, he asked, “So, do you think we could actually go in the house now? I think we might be creating a bit of a scene.” Then, to Hannah’s absolute astonishment, he waved to the neighbors across the street who had apparently watched the entire scene from their front porch swing.

  “Hello, Hannah!” Annette Tingle called. “Good to see you’re feeling better!”

  Hannah laughed again. “Thanks!” she yelled back then she and Matt went inside and closed the door.

  “Okay, we spent a little longer talking than I’d planned, but that’s all right since they said they would wait for you.” Matt tapped the gift box and smiled.

  “Since who said they’d wait for me?”

  “Mr. Feazell and Autumn. They’re not going to turn on the lights to the toy store display until you get there.”

  She shot a look at the clock. “It’s 6:30, and the lights are supposed to be turned on at 7:00. That’s what Jana said.”

  “Yep, it was in the paper and everything. So you don’t have a lot of time to waste. But like I said, they’ll wait on you. The thing is, I’m afraid kids will be disappointed if we’re not there pretty close to 7:00. How fast can you get ready?”

  “I haven’t even showered.”

  “Kind of figured that,” he said, raising his brows at her PJs. “So, now’s the time I learn how long you’ll keep a man—and every kid in Claremont—waiting for a woman. Ever heard that Brad Paisley song? It’s one of my favorites.”

  Hannah didn’t have time to think of songs right now, though admittedly, she loved that one, too. “Matt, I don’t even have anything to wear to First Friday. I only brought sweats and pajamas here. There’s no way I can go to the town square in pajamas for First Friday.”

  He tapped the box. “Never underestimate a doctor being prepared. I got your sizes from Jana, by the way. So take your present and get ready for our first date. You just lost two more minutes.”

  She threw her arms around him, kissed him thoroughly, the kind of kiss she’d expected would happen tonight during their date. But she felt so close to him, so happy with him now, so right with him now. “I love you, Matt. I do. And Jana was right, my dad was right, Maura was right. And you—you’re right. I don’t want to go through it all without you, but I just didn’t want to hurt you again.”

  “Nothing about being with you will ever hurt me. Being away from you, now that would hurt. That does hurt. I learned that last night and today, and I don’t ever want to feel that way again. But we’re not going to go that route, are we?”

  She laughed. “Doctor’s orders?”

  “Doctor’s orders,” he said. “Now go let me see how fast you can get ready. You’ve lost another minute.”

  Laughing, she ran from the living room and headed to the guest bath, started the shower and was soon standing beneath the hot water and smiling. Her smile simply wouldn’t go away. God, thank You. Thank You for bringing Matt into my life, and thank You for giving him the strength to go through this with me. He’s right, I do want him by my side over the next few months. Thank You, God, for letting me see that Matt wants that too. And please, God, if it be Your will, let me get better. Let us see where our love can go. In Your precious Son’s name, amen.

  She finished her shower, dried her hair, put on a little makeup and then opened the shiny package. “Oh, wow.” The royal blue cashmere cardigan set was soft and fit her perfectly, as did the sleek charcoal pants. Hannah looked at her reflection in the mirror and noticed that Matt had already added a pink ribbon pin to the top of the sweater. She touched the tiny pin. “Oh, Matt, I do love you.” And she smiled, realizing that her mother’s last wish for her had now come true.

  Only twenty minutes after she’d gone to get ready, she stepped back into the living room and turned around for Matt’s review.

  “Okay, how do you like it?” she asked.

  “You look incredible,” he said, “even with bare feet.”

  She glanced down at her painted pink toes and shrugged. “I think we’ll have to run by my place and let me get shoes. I only brought slippers and tennis shoes to Jana’s, since I didn’t plan to be going anywhere nice. This outfit seems a bit too much for tennis shoes, don’t you think?”

  He nodded, reached beside Jana’s couch and pulled out a smaller, shiny red box. “Which is why I brought this.”

  “When did you put that there?” she asked, taking the gift and tugging at the silver bow.

  “When you were showering. I had it in the car and wanted to give you another surprise.” He smiled. “I’m hoping to give you lots of surprises from now on, for as long as you’ll let me.”

  She opened the box and found sparkly gray ballerina slippers, like the silver ones that were her favorites—and Autumn’s. “Did Autumn pick these out?”

  “She helped,” he said.

  “Well, they are perfect.” She slipped them on, and naturally, they fit just right. “Where is Autumn?”

  “Waiting for us at the toy store with Bo, Maura, Jana, Mitch, Mr. Feazell, and I suppose the rest of Claremont.”

  “So we should leave,” Hannah said, looking at the clock. “We actually will only be about five or ten minutes late now.”

  “Because you didn’t leave me waiting on a woman,” he said.

  “And because you made it easy by picking out my wardrobe,” Hannah said, as they walked from the house to his car.

  “Okay, I’ll confess. I’m something of a shopper. Taking Autumn shopping for clothes is one of my favorite things to do on the weekend. She really likes to dress up, and it makes me happy to make her smile.” He opened the passenger door for her then went around and entered the car, while Hannah’s jaw dropped.

  “You pick out all of those stylish clothes for Autumn? She always looks like she’s right off the cover of one of those kid clothes magazines. Picture perfect! I’d assumed it was Maura dressing her so adorably.”

  “Maura’s more an online shopper type. I still like the old-fashioned method of going to the store, sitting by the dressing room and letting her model things for me, kind of the way you modeled your outfit for me tonight, and then seeing her eyes light up when I buy an outfit she likes, kind of the way your eyes lit up tonight.”

  “You’re amazing,” Hannah whispered.

  “I’m counting on you always feeling that way,” he said, then continued, “Until last week, shopping was one of the few ways I had to kind of communicate with Autumn and know that we were making progress. But now, thanks to you, I don’t have to guess what she wants, what she likes. So, in my opinion, you’re the one that’s amazing.”

  Hannah felt herself blush. “Well, I have a feeling Autumn won’t want to stop those shopping days, just because she’s started talking again. That would make any girl feel special.”

  He paused before turning the key. “Would
it make you feel special?”

  She smiled. “Of course.”

  “Then it’s decided. Tomorrow’s date is a shopping day, just you, me and Autumn, and I plan to watch both of your eyes light up continually.”

  “That’s funny,” she said, as he started out of the driveway and toward the town square. “I can’t recall you asking me for a date tomorrow.”

  He nodded, undeterred. “That’s right. So I guess I’ll go ahead and take care of that now. Every day from now on is a date day, unless you cancel.”

  She laughed. “That’s not even possible.”

  “Let’s try it first and see if it is.”

  Have mercy, she loved him.

  At a few minutes after 7:00, they reached the town square, where cars and trucks lined up solid along both sides of the street for at least three blocks. “Is all of this for First Friday?” Matt asked.

  “You haven’t been to a First Friday yet?” she asked, surprised.

  “Didn’t realize it was this big of an event,” he admitted.

  “Hey, it’s a big deal. Everyone in town comes to First Friday. Well, everyone in Claremont goes to just about everything in town. Hey, that’s pretty much all we have to do. You should see it when they have the Christmas parade. We’ll have to make sure you don’t miss that. And Autumn will love it. The floats are incredible and don’t even seem like a small-town affair. And the town square is even more crowded, believe it or not.”

  Groups huddled together as they walked toward the square. Families, teens, elderly couples and church groups filled the streets. Vendors selling cotton candy, balloons and illuminated necklaces were perched at every corner, and a few clowns made their way through the crowds.

  “There’s a bus. And another one,” Matt said. “This is really big.”

  “I told you.”

  “Yes, but I assumed ‘big’ by Claremont standards would be quite a bit smaller.”

  “I’m going to try not to take offense to that, you big-city guy.” She pointed toward an asphalt driveway between two parked pickup trucks. “Go through there. I have a reserved space behind the toy store since I’ve been working on his display.”