The World's Best Boyfriend

by Durjoy Datta

  Step 5:

  The most important step. Find something that they would bond over. A school? A common college? A city? No. You need something more. Yes. You’re getting there. Yes! A relationship. If your target is someone who’s in a relationship, you should be in one too. That’s your common ground. That’s how your target will feel safe. The conversation will be between two committed people, always safer than talking to someone who’s single.

  Farah Iqbal was in a relationship with a boy and they seemed to be in love but not that much in love. That final touch completed Farah Iqbal’s profile. She was now a person. She may not have existed in the physical world, but ask yourself, did that even matter? We trust the Internet presence of a person more than his or her physical presence. Internet > Real life.

  Farah Iqbal was now a real person. She was a promising lawyer who dabbled in fitness, read like a maniac, was into movies men liked, partied like a mad woman but was homely as well, an equal proportion of pictures in little dresses and salwar suits—the perfect girl.

  The rest was easy. Farah Iqbal accidentally sent a friend request to Raghuvir. Raghuvir wasn’t a big fan of social media so it was Aranya who ‘accidentally’ accepted the friend request on his phone. Raghuvir had rolled his eyes at that time but soon he started to visit Farah’s profile.

  It started slowly. A couple of likes here and there. Surprise from both ends at the accidental ‘sending’ and ‘accepting’ of the friend request. A couple of ‘What’s ups’ thrown here and there, but slowly the conversations got longer.

  They started to talk about his work and her college life, her impending internship, their ambitions and their dreams. It was working. They were physically separated thus making it even safer to pursue the conversation. Soon, they started talking about their relationship and Aranya found him faltering.

  FARAH

  So you’re dating someone? Of course you are.

  RAGHUVIR

  Yes.

  FARAH

  Who’s the girl?

  RAGHUVIR

  She used to be a student. Been dating for a while now.

  FARAH

  Umm! Student! Nice. ;)

  RAGHUVIR

  Why that wink?

  FARAH

  Because it’s one of those things you always think about. Student–teacher. Doctor–patient. You know.

  RAGHUVIR

  Who are you dating?

  FARAH

  Just a normal guy. NOT a professor.

  RAGHUVIR

  Haha.

  FARAH

  Send me her picture.

  There was a pause.

  RAGHUVIR

  Don’t have any.

  FARAH

  Liar.

  Of course, Raghuvir had pictures of Aranya. He was just embarrassed. Aranya felt hurt but this was evidence. She had to pursue this conversation to corner Raghuvir if and when the time came.

  RAGHUVIR

  We don’t click a lot of pictures.

  FARAH

  You must have one.

  RAGHUVIR

  Fine. I found one. Sending.

  Raghuvir was clearly embarrassed. In the picture, Aranya was behind a door, which hid around 25 kilograms of her weight, and peeping towards the camera. The pigmentation of her face was clearly visible.

  FARAH

  Okay. She seems nice.

  RAGHUVIR

  I’m not physically attracted to her. She’s okay. But she’s nice otherwise.

  FARAH

  Hmmm. There’s something about her face though . . . in the picture?

  RAGHUVIR

  She has a condition. Vitiligo.

  FARAH

  Oh. I’m so sorry! I didn’t know.

  RAGHUVIR

  It’s okay.

  The conversation meandered to an end. Aranya knew that she could make Farah seduce Raghuvir as and when the time came. Seduce might be a strong word, but Aranya knew she could make a fertile ground for a break-up if the need arose. But not before Raghuvir got her the deal—a college transfer, a tuition and a ten-year bond.

  Aranya bought another cellphone. Farah and Raghuvir started talking over Facebook and Whatsapp for quite a few hours every day. Though Raghuvir hadn’t cheated on Aranya yet, it now seemed like it could happen, if not immediately then sometime in the future.

  This had only reaffirmed in her heart that the only person she could be in love with, even if it destroyed her, was Dhruv. For the first time, Sanchit and Aranya had concurred.

  It was time for Sanchit to do his bit.

  I Love u Rachu

  72

  A couple of weeks had passed since Dhruv had heard Aranya and Raghuvir grunting over the phone and it still played in crystal-clear sounds in his ears.

  That day Dhruv lay on the floor, his phone a few feet away, moaning with a hangover. Last night, like many nights before, he had had a little too much to drink. His head felt like it would implode. Being an alcoholic is tough in the mornings, he had realized that by now. He wondered how Dad did it day after day, year after year.

  Every morning, like this one, he would promise himself to not drink again but as evening approached the pain would become too much and he would inevitably reach for the bottle. There was only so much time you could spend at the gym.

  The emptiness of the hostel had started to get to him. The vacant walls were like a projector screen with a movie playing on it, one where Aranya and Raghuvir fucked each other like rabbits.

  There were times, more often when he was drunk, when he gave in to the temptation. He would call Ritika and ask her to come over. She would say yes. But the next morning he would call her and ask her to stay put. This continued till she was irritated and tired of being played around with. Dhruv was now far gone. She knew that.

  Dhruv’s phone rang. It must be Sanchit again to ask if he was alive. He crawled towards the phone. It stopped ringing by the time he reached it.

  Still on the floor, he opened the last few mails from Aranya and read them again.

  From: aranyagupta@gmail.com

  To: royDhruv@gmail.com

  Subject: Oops.

  Hi Dhruv,

  Hope you’re having a great morning. I know I am.

  I’m really sorry for that little faux pas last night. I think I must have pocket dialled you. But what I fail to understand is why you wouldn’t cut the call? You kept your ear pinned to the phone for 2:57:01 minutes? Why? But thank God you know how phenomenal Raghuvir is in bed!

  I’m glad that now you have a first-hand account of how happy I am.

  Also, Sanchit called me last evening. He was harping about how you’re killing yourself. Going the exact same way your father went. He expected me to pity you and God knows I searched for it in the deep recesses of my heart and found nothing. All I found was hate.

  It makes me so happy to see you like this. To aid your imagination, I’m sending you a few pictures from last night. The first one is of the pizza box and the empty wine bottle, the second one is of the unmade bed after we did it, and the third one is of me—smiling. Hope you never get this night out of your head and drink yourself to death.

  Regards

  Aranya

  (The happiest girl in the world)

  Tears flowed without restraint from his eyes. He opened the pictures again even though he didn’t want to. It fucking helped him to recreate the scenario.

  He opened another mail. By this time, he had reached for the half-filled bottle of Old Monk kept near the bedpost. He put it to his lips and took a large swig. His body revolted.

  He read the mail.

  From: aranyagupta@gmail.com

  To: royDhruv@gmail.com

  Subject: Are you dead yet?

  Hi Dhruv,

  I hope this mail finds you in the worst of health. I hope you’re lonely and rotting in your hostel room.

  It’s been a week since I sent the last mail and I wouldn’t have sent it if I didn’t have anything to say to you which would mak
e your life even worse.

  Since I had realized that studying in India amongst certified losers like you wasn’t my thing, I started to apply to colleges abroad and got accepted into many. Where would I get the money from? The company will pay for it! Raghuvir managed that for me. I told you—he’s quite the man.

  I AM SO HAPPY! I AM FINALLY LEAVING DELHI!

  So as soon as this internship ends, I’m going to start the process to take that transfer. I will no longer be in that shithole where you will rot for three more years before you graduate or die, whichever comes earlier.

  Raghuvir will soon be shifting with me to the US after he completes two years in Bangalore and I will wait for him! Because why shouldn’t I? He gives me everything I want, is thoughtful and kind, and keeps me happy. And being with him ensures your defeat. So why not!

  I can’t wait to see you in college and mock you. Do you have a paunch yet from all that drinking?

  Regards

  Aranya

  (SO HAPPY!)

  He threw the phone away from his reach before he had the urge to read any more mails and feel worse about it. He drank a little more and tried to sleep again but his head spun like a goddamn Ferris wheel and he vomited all over the floor.

  Fuck.

  He staggered to his feet and wobbled to the door and went out. He came back with a mop and a bucket of water and phenyl. He cleaned up his vomit even as his vision blurred, and mopped the entire room till it smelt like a hospital. He kept the bucket and the mop outside the room, and fell asleep like a log.

  Dhruv woke up with a start. The throbbing in his head was back. He held his head but it didn’t go away. He soon realized the throbbing came from the banging on the door.

  ‘Who the fuck is it?’ shouted Dhruv and he looked for his slippers. He found one beneath the bed and one on the study table. He put them on and walked to the door. The incessant banging had not stopped. ‘COMING!’ shouted Dhruv and opened the door.

  He didn’t even get a good look at who it was and felt a force pushing him to the ground. He fell headlong to the ground and was being kissed all over his face. He opened his eyes to see Sanchit sitting over him, smiling, his jaw open, like a Great Dane.

  ‘Get the fuck off me,’ snapped Dhruv and pushed him away. He crawled to the bed and hoisted himself up.

  ‘You need to pick up my calls, Dhruv. I could have been in an accident! Or stuck on a conveyor belt slowly moving towards lasers that cut things in half.’

  ‘I wish it were that,’ said Dhruv and lay supine on the bed. ‘Why are you here?’

  ‘I’m here to say goodbye. My offer letter just came and I’m being posted to Belgium. I leave in ten days. And the way you’re going, I don’t think I will find you alive when I come back,’ said Sanchit and joined Dhruv on the bed. ‘So I thought we would have sex one last time.’ He grabbed Dhruv’s crotch. Dhruv slapped his hand away and got up.

  ‘You’re disgusting.’

  ‘Says the boy whose room smells like a funeral home.’

  ‘You’re not staying here,’ said Dhruv.

  ‘Of course I am. I have nowhere else to go. And moreover, Aranya’s internship gets over in a couple of days and she will be back. I want to see how you behave. I have a deep interest in orangutan’s mating patterns.’

  ‘I have nothing to do with her.’

  ‘Of course you don’t,’ said Sanchit and smiled. ‘Okay, now scoot, I need to sleep a little. The train journey was horrible and I had fat aunties breathing down my neck.’

  Dhruv shifted and made space for Sanchit and they slept like little kids on a couch.

  *

  Sanchit woke up to see Dhruv walk in in his gym clothes.

  ‘Dude. When did you wake up?’ asked Sanchit.

  ‘I couldn’t sleep with you snoring like the damn Kraken,’ said Dhruv. He took out a fresh change of clothes, bathed and came back to the room. He found Sanchit reading through Aranya’s mails.

  ‘It’s nothing you haven’t read before,’ said Dhruv and slumped on the bed. He lit a cigarette.

  ‘Quite a smoker you are now, aren’t you?’ asked Sanchit and pointed at the ashtray which was overflowing with cigarette butts. ‘What do you want to do about these mails? About Aranya’s perfect life with Raghuvir? What’s your plan of action? Have you figured something out?’

  ‘I will sit back and do nothing. That’s the plan. Don’t you agree with that? Being noble and heroic was the way to go? That Aranya deserved a better life? A life which only Raghuvir could give her? So my plan is to sit here and rot while she lives her perfect life. Any more questions?’

  ‘If staying here and rotting is the game plan, why did you put in a three-hour cardio session to sculpt your abs?’

  ‘So that she sees a happy Dhruv who doesn’t give a fuck?’

  Sanchit laughed. ‘You’re so juvenile, Dhruv. Of course you give a fuck, and she knows that.’

  I Love u Rachu

  73

  Aranya’s last few mails had gone unanswered. So had the texts. She knew for sure that Dhruv was going through hell but it wasn’t working out the way she had wanted it to. Dhruv had refrained from reacting and that was bad news for her.

  ‘Have you packed all the bed sheets?’ asked Raghuvir.

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘Where are you lost?’ asked Raghuvir. He jumped over the open suitcases and walked up to her. ‘There’s nothing to worry. I have talked to the administration in your college. They will process your transfer application to California Tech in a week’s time.’

  ‘Thank you,’ said Aranya. Raghuvir hugged her.

  ‘C’mon now. We don’t have time. Just go around the house and check if you have left something. I will go to my flat and check if I have missed something there. It’s already six. You have to be at the airport at 10 p.m. max! The other interns are already waiting at the bar. We can’t miss the party we planned!’ said Raghuvir, kissing Aranya on the forehead before leaving.

  Aranya stared back into her phone. She had been toying with the idea of texting Dhruv for a really long time now. Only twelve hours separated her and him, and she had no idea how she would hold up in front of him. Even the thought of Dhruv walking up to her, drunk and haggard, apologetic, brought tears to her eyes. But what if he didn’t?

  The reality had started to sink in for the past few days. All this while she thought she had everything under control, that the game was in her hands, but it seemed to be slipping away now.

  She took out her cellphone and texted him.

  ARANYA

  Can’t wait to see you again.

  ‘You left all these clothes there,’ said Raghuvir from behind a pile of clothes.

  Aranya hid the phone just in time. ‘I checked here. We have packed everything.’

  Raghuvir dropped the pile of clothes over a suitcase. He caught Aranya’s gaze. ‘Are you crying? Oh shit. You’re crying?’ He stepped closer to Aranya, took her hands into his and kissed them, and said, ‘I will miss you, too.’

  Tears streaked down her cheeks. ‘I will miss you, Raghuvir.’ And she hugged him. And as she did, her phone beeped. It was a text from Dhruv.

  I Love u Rachu

  74

  ‘What the fuck did you just text her?’ shouted Dhruv and chased after Sanchit. For a guy with skinny legs, Sanchit was quick on his feet. Sanchit gave Dhruv a good long chase across the football field, through the parking lot and the training and placement department, the mechanical and civil departments; Dhruv finally caught up with him, pinned him down in the lawns of the electrical engineering department and snatched his cellphone away from him.

  Dhruv went into the text messages and saw the text Sanchit had sent Aranya.

  DHRUV

  Same here. We have to talk.

  ‘Why the hell would you send that? I have nothing to say to her!’

  ‘Oh yes, you do.’

  The phone beeped. It was Aranya.

  ARANYA

  If by talking you mean I ge
t to debase you further and push you down the slippery side of depression, then yes, we do.

  Dhruv’s face fell on reading it. Sanchit snatched the phone and read the text out aloud.

  ‘She doesn’t need to be mean all the time,’ Dhruv grumbled.

  ‘After what you did to her she has all the right to whip you for a lifetime.’

  ‘Whose side are you on?’

  ‘Aranya’s obviously,’ said Sanchit. ‘I love her. Anyway, now reply to her.’

  ‘I’m not replying to her any more. There’s nothing to be gained out of this. I’m sure Raghuvir and Aranya laugh seeing these texts. I’m not falling into that trap.’

  Sanchit lay down on the grass and soaked in the warmth. ‘I’m not sure about Raghuvir but Aranya would surely laugh. The great Dhruv being reduced to a lowly, tongue-wagging, helpless puppy.’

  ‘What the hell are you talking about? I thought you were with me on this,’ said Dhruv.

  ‘I was. But not any more. I didn’t know you loved her enough to make a complete fool out of yourself. Look at yourself. You’re pathetic, dude. I seriously thought this was another one of your obsessive streaks but it’s not. Not going after her and letting her go and have a good life is probably the first selfless thing you might have ever done. For the first time you put someone else in the centre of the world. And I have to say I was impressed. I totally had a non-sexual boner. From being a scum you became a fucking knight. But enough is enough. Aranya is yours. She should be right here and indulging in some excruciating PDA with you. Dhruv, I think it’s time you acted on this. What happened to the Dhruv who snatched what he wanted from the world?’

  ‘Excuse me? That ship has sailed. I can’t fight for her now. It’s done. It’s over. What is it that you want me to do? Nothing will change,’ said Dhruv.

  ‘All I’m saying is that if Aranya didn’t want you in her life, she wouldn’t text or mail you so much. That window where you sneak in, grab her, and leave is clearly still open. You just need to be up for it. She’s still in love with you.’

  ‘She’s sleeping with Raghuvir. She’s planning to move to the US. She’s definitely not in love with me!’