“Oh, Joey, Brennan Manor is a wonderful place, and some day you and I will own all of it. By then it will probably be combined with Richard Potter’s land, and we’ll be the richest landowners in the South. That’s very important to Father, and it should be to you, too.”
The boy scowled, shoving his hands into the pockets of his tweed pants. “It doesn’t matter. F-father thinks I’ll never b-be able to run it.”
“Of course you will. You just have a lot of growing to do yet, and Richard will certainly help you.”
Joey sat down near her. “I’ll f-find a way to make F-father proud of me someday. You’ll see.”
Audra touched his arm. “He’s already proud of you, Joey. He’s just a stubborn man who wants the best for you. He’s afraid if he praises you too much now, you’ll quit trying to do better. I know he seems tough and unfeeling, Joey, but he’s just trying to make you tough. He knows what it takes to run Brennan Manor, and he’s trying to mold you into a man who can take over for him some day.”
A frown crossed the boy’s freckled brow. “I just don’t want you t-to marry Richard just b-because Father wants you to or b-because you think it’s best for me. Richard is too old f-for you. He doesn’t make you laugh like Lee does.”
Pain stabbed her heart at the words. How right he was, yet how wrong it was, too. “Lee would never make a good husband for the daughter of plantation owner. And besides, he is just a good friend, certainly not husband material!” She forced a smile for him. “And don’t you dare bring up such a thing in front of Lee! It would embarrass both of us. Besides, Richard is a very good man. We are very good friends. He is kind to me, and there certainly is not a man in all of the South better qualified to run both plantations. I’ll do just fine marrying him. Why, can you imagine the magnificent wedding we will have? Half the state of Louisiana will be there!”
Joey leaned closer. “Audra?”
She kept her smile, wanting him to believe she was happy. “Yes, Joey?”
“D-don’t marry Richard just on account of me. I’ll work hard to learn to run B-brennan Manor by myself. You don’t have to d-do it through Richard.”
Her smile faded, and she took his hand, squeezing it. “I promise I’m not doing it for you,” she lied. “I’m doing it because it’s the right thing all the way around, for father, for me, for Brennan Manor. The North is trying to break plantations like ours, Joey. If they manage to do it, we’ll fall into ruin and be turned into beggars. Combining Brennan Manor with Cypress Hollow will give us the strength and power we need to fight anything the government tries to force us to do.”
Joey studied her eyes. They looked sincere. “If you say so.” His eyes teared anew. “It scares me to see how quick Mrs. Jeffreys died. What would I d-do if something happened to you?”
“Nothing is going to happen to me. You have to quit thinking about these things, Joey. Mrs. Jeffreys will be buried tomorrow, and soon Father will be here to take us home. You’ll feel better when we’re back at Brennan Manor.”
Someone knocked on her door then, and Audra gave her brother one more reassuring smile. It seemed strange, with only three and a half years difference between them, that she could feel more like a mother to the boy than a sister. She rose and walked to her bedroom door, surprised to see Lee standing there when she opened it. Immediately she put a hand to her hair, remembering she had left it very plain today, pulled into a bun at the nape of her neck. She wore a simple gray cotton dress. She had not intended to do anything today but stay in her room. Downstairs she felt like a complete outsider. Friends and family had come and gone in an almost constant succession that only made her feel in the way.
“I wanted to see how you are,” Lee told her.
“Come out onto the balcony,” she told him. “Joey is anxious to see you.” Oh, those wonderful blue eyes! How full of sorrow they were today, red-rimmed from crying, yet she could see past the sorrow to realize the love was still there. The recent tragedy of his mother’s death had apparently erased any hard feelings he might still have over the way she had talked to him before he left. Just as with her, it all seemed inconsequential at the moment. He tore his gaze from her and walked out onto the balcony to greet Joey, and Audra closed the door.
Joey hugged Lee. “I’m sorry,” he told the man. “You’re lucky, though. I was only f-four when my mother d-died.”
“I know.” Lee patted his shoulder. “Compared to you and Audra, I can’t complain. But we were very close, Joey, and she was the best—” He could not finish the statement. He let go of Joey and walked to the railing, throwing back his head and breathing deeply.
Audra stepped closer. “Is there anything I can do, Lee?”
He cleared his throat and blinked back tears. “As a matter of fact, there is. That’s why I came up here.” He turned to face her. “By the way, you never answered my question. How are you? Father told me you were holding her hand when she—” He stopped and swallowed. “It must have been very painful for you.”
She shivered. “I’ve had nightmares ever since, of trying to hold on to her and keep her from falling into nothingness.” She felt her own throat begin to swell with a need to cry.
“My God, how terrible for you, being so far from home, after what happened between us…” He hesitated, noticing her glance at Joey. “I imagine my father and brothers haven’t paid much attention to you since it happened. You must feel like such an outcast. If you had known what this summer would bring, I’m sure you never would have come here.”
She watched his eyes. “Oh, yes, Lee. I still would have come.” I would never have wanted to miss the chance of knowing you, loving you.
He nodded, as though he understood what she was thinking. He turned to look out at the water. “All I can think about is the look in her eyes when she practically begged me to stay a little longer. I should have known, Audra. I should have stayed an extra week or so. She knew. My God, I think she knew then that she was dying!”
His voice broke on the last words, and Audra could not keep herself from going to embrace him. He hugged her tightly, wept into her hair. She clung to him, all the feelings of spite and hatred vanishing. She still loved him, and there was no arguing the fact. Whether he loved her or just clung to her as a friend, she could not know for now. This was not the time to talk about it. At least the friendship was still there, close enough that he felt free to come to her and let her hold him.
“I’m so sorry, Lee,” she said softly. “I loved her, too. I knew her such a short time, yet it was long enough to realize what a wonderful, giving person she was. I know how close you were, how much she loved her sons.”
Joey stood up and gave both of them a hug, then quickly left, sensing that it was best to leave his sister and Lee alone right now. Lee probably didn’t want him to see him cry, nor did he want to cry in front of Lee. He would go back to his own room for that, though his tears would not be for the death of Anna Jeffreys, but because his father would be here in a few days. It would be time to go back home and face the problems that waited for him there. He wished Lee were going back with them.
Lee clung to Audra, thinking how strange it was that, though friends and family stood about downstairs, he had felt compelled to come up here and cry in Audra’s arms. He had tried so hard to forget about her these past two months, had planned on never seeing her again. She was supposed to have left before he came back to Maple Shadows, but his mother’s death had changed all of that.
His mother was dead. It all seemed so unreal. How could Anna Jeffreys be dead? Why did God take people like her, who had so much to give to the world, and leave behind people like Cy Jordan, and like some of the other bastards he’d known in business? Some of the wealthy men he represented would steal from their own grandmothers to line their pockets, yet they lived and his mother did not.
He released his embrace and pulled a linen handkerchief from his pocket. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do this.”
Audra wiped at her own eyes.
“What else are friends for?”
“Yes,” he answered. “What else?” He took a moment to compose himself, and Audra waited quietly.
“You said there was something I could do to help,” she reminded him.
“Yes. I wondered if you would sing at the funeral tomorrow,” he finally spoke up. “My mother had two favorite hymns—‘In the Sweet Bye and Bye,’ and ‘Abide with Me.’ Would you do us the honor, or would it be too hard for you?”
Audra faced him and put a hand to her heart, loving him for asking her. “I would like that very much, but what about your father and brothers? Perhaps they would prefer someone else—”
“They know Mother would have liked nothing more than for you to be the one. She was very proud of you, enjoyed working with you. Besides, there isn’t anyone in the whole state of Connecticut who sings like you do. It wouldn’t be right to ask anyone else.” He studied her beautiful face, wishing things could be different for them. “Mrs. Hartman from our Congregational church will play the piano. She’s nothing like my mother at the keys, but she’s good. It will be a Protestant funeral. I hope that’s no problem. Because you’re Irish, I suppose you are also Catholic.”
“Yes, but that makes no difference. We have a little chapel on our plantation. The closest Catholic church is in Baton Rouge, but we don’t get there often. A plantation is like its own little community. We seldom leave it, except for Father sending me here this summer, and trips to Baton Rouge to visit my aunt and cousin. We—”
She realized she had begun rambling on again about Brennan Manor. She could see by his eyes that she had only recalled for him the reasons they could not be together; realized that she always ended up talking about home, no matter how a conversation began. And she was Catholic, another difference they had. The Jeffreys family was very Protestant, she had learned from Anna Jeffreys, who, although she had been kind and understanding in every other way, had acted at times as though there were something wrong with being a Catholic. She and Lee truly did not have one thing in common, except that they loved each other. Other things had to go with that love, and those things were not there.
“The funeral will be at one o’clock tomorrow,” he told her. “Do you know the hymns I mentioned?”
“I have heard them sung a few times. Do you have a hymnal that I can use to study the words?”
“We’ll get one from the church.” He grasped her hand. “I can’t thank you enough, Audra. I know it won’t be easy.”
She smiled sadly. “I am beginning to learn that nothing in life is easy. I’ll be all right because I will be doing it for your mother. I will pretend it is she playing the piano, urging me to sing my best.”
To Audra’s surprise, he bent down and kissed her forehead. When he stepped back again, his eyes moved over her strangely, and she wondered if he was remembering that night when he tasted her breast. The memory of it brought a tingle to her body and a flush to her cheeks.
“I’ll have a lot of things to tend to after tomorrow,” he told her, squeezing her hand, “family matters and such. I doubt that I’ll see you alone this way again before you leave for home. Carl tells me your father is probably already on his way to get you.”
She nodded. I don’t want to leave you, Lee. If only you would come with me.
He closed his eyes and took another deep breath. “Mother was the center. She held us together.”
“I know.” Audra squeezed his hand. “I suppose Maple Shadows will never be the same without her.”
“No, it won’t,” he answered in a near whisper. He turned away. “I’ve got to get back downstairs.” He hurried out before Audra could say another word. She watched the door close and felt almost numb, too many wildly different emotions surging through her to allow any of them to surface for the moment. Now they would have to suffer another good-bye, and she was not really over the first one.
7
Audra opened the French doors and rubbed the backs of her arms against the cool breeze that came off the water. The weather had turned much colder, and at the funeral several people remarked that they could “feel winter” in the air. The leaves on the maple trees were already beginning to turn, and the change in weather had made Anna’s funeral even more depressing. The life had gone out of Anna Jeffreys, and out of her grand piano. It had gone out of Maple Shadows, and would soon go out of the trees and the flowers. Winter would come not only to the land, but to the hearts of those who had loved Anna.
She knew she should close the doors, but the sound of the waves on the beach, the feel of the cool air, helped her feel more alive, and right now life was suddenly something to be highly treasured. How quickly it could leave a body! She wished she could get rid of the memory of the way Anna’s eyes had looked as she stared up at her while clinging to her hand and sinking into death. She wished she could get rid of the nightmare that still visited her.
She had tried to sleep earlier, but again, all she could see was Anna, falling into that dark hole. Added to that was the fact that it had been such a very long day. So many people had come to Anna’s funeral that they overflowed the house and spilled out onto the veranda and the lawn. In spite of the cool air, doors and windows had been flung open so that everyone could hear Audra sing Anna’s favorite hymns. She hoped Lee was pleased. She had sung as she had never sung before, praying on every word that God would help her get through it all without breaking down. The only way she could do that was not to look at Lee and see the devastation in his blue eyes; and not to look at poor Joey and see the fear in his. Most important of all, she could not look at the closed casket.
She saw a movement then, and she gasped in surprise when Lee stepped into the light shed by a dim oil lamp in her room. His eyes looked hollow and vacant, and in spite of the cold air, he wore no shirt or shoes. She noticed dark hair on his bare chest and felt suddenly shy at seeing it. His arms and chest boasted hard muscles, and she wanted to stare at him, but she forced herself to meet only his eyes. “Lee! You must be so cold! What are you doing out here?”
He shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep. Apparently you couldn’t either.” He glanced past her into her room. “I was just walking. I wanted to feel the cold air.” He looked back at her and he could see the outline of her nipples through her gown. They were taut from the chill. “What about you? Aren’t you cold?”
Audra folded her arms over her breasts self-consciously. She had not even put on a robe. “A little.” How odd it felt, Lee standing there with no shirt, she wearing just a filmy gown. Why didn’t it upset her more to be alone with him half-dressed?
“You’d better go inside,” he told her. “I’m used to this weather, but you’re more likely to take sick. Your father would have a fit if he came back to find you down with pneumonia.” His eyes grew even deeper with sorrow, so deep that they actually looked a darker blue. “That’s how Mary Ellen died, you know.”
She caught a light scent of whiskey. He had tried to escape his sorrow with liquor. Always be wary of a drunken man, Lena had warned her once. They have little control over themselves. Still, he seemed very steady, not at all drunk as she considered the state to be. Besides, he had buried his mother today. He had a right to swallow a little whiskey. “I’ll go inside if you’ll come with me. You shouldn’t be alone tonight,” she told him, wondering if she had lost her mind. She stepped back, and he hesitated.
“That might not be such a good idea.” He spoke softly, his face betraying his inner pain.
She watched how his dark hair played about his face as the wind ruffled it, and she wondered if a man existed who was more perfect physically. He reminded her of pictures of some of the Greek gods she had studied under her tutor back home. “No one will know you’re here,” she told him. “It’s all right. You need to talk, Lee.”
He rubbed at his eyes as though very weary, then looked around to be sure no one saw him before stepping inside. Audra closed the doors, remembering that he had also been drinking the night he got carried away on the bea
ch. What was she doing, letting a half-naked, slightly drunk Yankee man into her room?
She hurried to a chair to pick up her robe and pull it on. When she turned around, Lee was standing near the bed, watching her. She stepped a little closer, tying her robe. “Maybe you’d like to wrap a blanket around your shoulders.”
He shook his head, walking past her to pick up a small portrait of his mother that sat on a small stand. He kept staring at it as he slowly put it back. “You know,” he said quietly, “when you get older, you don’t really need a mother anymore as far as taking care of yourself; but you still need to know she’s out there somewhere, thinking about you, loving you. It’s kind of strange. You can go a whole year or more without seeing her at all, and it doesn’t really bother you much, because you know you can go and see her whenever you want. But when she’s dead…when you know you can’t ever, ever see her again…” His voice choked, and he rubbed at his face.
“It will take time, Lee. That’s just the way it is.”
He turned to look at her, and his gaze moved over her lovingly. “You lost your mother so young. I sound selfish, don’t I?”
Audra came cautiously closer. “No. You just sound like a man who loved and respected his mother very much and is mourning her death. There is nothing wrong with that. If it helps to talk about her, then you should.”
He watched her green eyes, thinking how beautiful she was even when she wore no cheek color, no fancy hairdo. Hers was a simple, natural beauty, and in spite of all the arguments against having feelings for her, those feelings were still there. Carl and David both had wives to turn to. That was the way life was supposed to be. A boy becomes a man, and he takes a wife. The wife takes over the loving and nurturing that once came from the mother. He had been too absorbed in his career, in proving to his father that he could make it on his own without having to be a part of the family businesses, to give any more thought to falling in love and taking a wife after Mary Ellen died. It was not until Audra, this child-woman, had come to Maple Shadows that he’d thought of such things again, but this was one woman he could never fully possess. She belonged first to Brennan Manor, to her father and brother, to the South.
Tender Betrayal Page 9
