Tender Betrayal

by Rosanne Bittner

  “You don’t need to—”

  “Yes, I do. I couldn’t help you when you were attacked, but maybe I can help you another way. You’re going to get your voice back, at least to the point where you can talk without it hurting. You might never sing again, but—” God, he hadn’t meant to say that. He saw the grief in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s all right. I know I’ll never sing again.”

  “I said might never, not never,” he reminded her. He reached into his back pants pocket and took out some folded papers. Whatever it was, it looked old, the edges frayed, the paper soft and worn. He took her hand and placed the papers into it. “Your song. I’ve carried it all these years,” he told her, pressing her hand between both of his.

  “Lee! You still have it?”

  “It’s all that kept me going sometimes. I have a niece who plays piano and sings beautifully. While I was at Maple Shadows, she played the song for me, sang it. You never got the chance to sing it for me, and I wanted to hear it. It’s beautiful, Audra. Now that I’ve found you and the war is over, I can give it back to you. Promise me you’ll always keep it, and that you’ll do all you can to sing again. I think there’s a reason God made me keep this all these years. He means for you to sing it, even if the words don’t hold the same meaning for you now as they did when you wrote it.”

  Lee, my love…She remembered some of the words, and she was not so sure they didn’t still mean as much to her. She didn’t know what to think now, how to feel. He had kept her song! He had searched for her, was going to help her. Lee was here again, rescuing her again, and she could tell by those blue eyes that the love was still there, just waiting to be rekindled. It was up to her.

  A single tear fell from her eye. “I…don’t know…how I feel about anything anymore.”

  “That’s all right. I have more to tell you, Audra, but not now. You have some mending to do, and I apparently have my work cut out for me for the next few weeks. We’ll just take a day at a time and get this place in order first, take care of those raiders.” He gave her a reassuring grin, squeezing her hand once more. “You rest. I’ll take care of everything.”

  He left the room, and Audra reveled in the peace and relief of having someone strong who could take some of the weight off her shoulders. I’ll take care of everything. What blessed words. She was so tired of carrying the load.

  Moments later Toosie came in to see Audra clinging to the papers. Lee had shown the song to Toosie, so she knew what Audra was holding in her hands. Audra was crying. “You still love that man, don’t you?”

  Audra’s body jerked in a sob, pain gripping her ribs when she did so. “I…don’t know, Toosie.” She pressed the song close to her heart. “I honestly don’t know.”

  34

  Audra sat at a kitchen table figuring up the profits from this year’s corn and potato crop, which was planted, harvested, and sold as a communal project, the profits shared by all. Everyone had worked hard at retrieving and saving as much of the trampled corn as possible, and the potato harvest had been good. Fort Riley had purchased a good share of the vegetables, as well as carrots and turnips. More had been sold in Abilene, but, as always, a certain portion was kept for the community’s use through the winter. Individual families made extra money at their own projects, Wilena with her dress shop, Silas Jones with his livery, Elijah, who had gotten into horse, oxen, and mule trading with travelers, and many other projects begun by other families, both Negro and white alike.

  In spite of the outlaw raid, it had been a good year, and they were getting back on their feet faster than expected. All had come together to rebuild the livery and the dress shop and three log homes that had been burned. Thanks to Lee’s purchase of a fine herd of beef in Abilene, they again had cattle to breed, with two strong, healthy bulls to father the calves that should come in the spring. The cattle grazed north of town, constantly guarded.

  Lee had also purchased rifles and ammunition, and practically every man in the community now owned a good repeating rifle and knew how to use it. Lee had drilled them regularly, set up schedules so that every man had time at least every other day for target practice. Many women had also been provided with rifles and pistols and had also learned to shoot, and Lee had helped the men build a fort-like barrier around the entire community, made up of a combination of sod, logs, hay bales, wagons, anything that would help stall a raid and would at the same time give men something to crouch behind to shoot at their attackers before they could even get into town.

  Wilena called Lee their “savior.” Sent from God, he was, she had said often. Audra had to smile at the thought of how everyone in their little town looked to the man as their hero. He had gained weight since arriving, for every woman in the village was anxious to stuff him with their best cooking, in gratitude for what he had done. Since he had arrived, Lee had not gone without a meal or a place to hang his hat—except for at Toosie’s house. He always had an excuse for not being able to stay with them, and she knew why. They both knew why. It would be too hard to sleep in the same house without one of them wanting to go to the other’s bed, to find out if the passion was still there. It was wrong, or at least she had managed to convince herself so far that it was; but more and more old needs and memories of the ecstasy of being in Lee Jeffreys’s bed had been haunting her, keeping her awake at night.

  Thanks to Toosie’s gossiping, just about everyone in Brennan was apparently aware that she had once been in love with the man, and several had asked when they were going to be married. She set her pen aside, pondering their remarks. They all meant well. Most wanted “poor Miss Audra” to be happy again, to have a man of her own. They all thought Lee should be that man. What people were saying to Lee, she wasn’t sure, but he had made no advances. It had been enough these past three months just to get to know each other again, to talk out the horror of the war, to learn all the little things that had happened to each other over the five years since he saw her at Baton Rouge. It was understood that the love was still there, buried somewhere under all the hurt, but neither of them had been able to bring up the subject. She suspected it was a fear on both their parts that maybe the other didn’t feel the same way anymore. Neither of them wanted to hurt that way again.

  She got up from her chair and opened the back door, letting the cool November air clear her mind. She couldn’t help feeling that on Lee’s part, there was another reason he was holding back, something deep inside that made him think loving him again was impossible. When they talked about the war, especially about Joey, he would suddenly freeze up, usually changed the subject. There was a look in his eyes that haunted her, as though he actually blamed himself for Joey’s death. She had assured him several times that he shouldn’t, but sometimes it seemed he felt as responsible as if he himself had pulled the trigger on Joey. The terrible grief in his eyes made her ache for him, and she wished he would tell her whatever it was that he was still holding back. He had seen or experienced some tragedy from the war that he still had not told her about, and she could only surmise that the killing he had had to do had deeply affected him.

  She was sure that if they could find love again, it would probably be stronger than ever before, for they had both learned the hard way just how important love was. Seeing him again, watching how he worked with the others, how he really cared, made her remember the man beneath the uniform, the Lee Jeffreys she had known in Connecticut, who had been so good with Joey, who had loved her so deeply…the Lee Jeffreys for whom she had written the song she kept in a little chest now on her bureau.

  That was what had touched her most. He had kept that song, and she loved him for it. He had struggled against death, forced himself to walk again, just so he could find her. He was spending his own money to help them rebuild, giving his own time to teach them how to defend themselves, had even helped with some of the harvesting.

  Her thoughts were interrupted when someone outside let out a war whoop. “He’s comin’!” someone shouted.


  Audra frowned, turning and going through the sitting room to the front door. Elijah stood outside. “Look there!” he called to her.

  Audra looked out across the vast horizon to see a rider coming. Lee had trained all the men in scouting and had set up a schedule for three men a day, three more every night, to ride the outskirts of the town watching for suspicious intruders. Today Lee himself was scouting, and even from this distance she could tell it was he who was riding hard toward Brennan. She recognized his buckskin horse, and the fringed deerskin jacket he wore. She liked that jacket on him. He’d grown more tanned, more rugged looking…and she desired him more than ever. She had been fighting that desire for weeks now.

  Toosie hurried to the front porch from Joey’s upstairs bedroom. She stood beside Audra to watch Lee approaching.

  “The raiders must be comin’!” Elijah said, turning and rushing past both of them into the house to get his rifle.

  “We’d best stay here with our guns in case they get through,” Toosie said. “I’ll put Joey in his playpen.” She lumbered away, and Audra was worried about her. Toosie was due to deliver anytime. It was vital that this time they keep the raiders at bay, for if they got through, women and children would suffer even worse than before. She watched as Lee rode at a breakneck pace, his horse charging through the posts that held the sign of Brennan, Kansas. He shouted something to some men who stood nearby, and they ran to a wagon and began dragging and pushing it to the entrance to block it.

  “Get your rifles! Get the women and children inside!” she heard Lee shout then.

  A few families lived beyond the barriers, in little sod houses in the middle of their own farm fields. There was nothing that could be done about them, and she prayed the outlaws wouldn’t bother with those families beyond the town. Their target was most likely Brennan itself, but this time they would get a surprise. She ran for her own rifle, checked to be sure it was loaded, then grabbed some extra ammunition. “I’m going to fight them at the barriers with the men!” she called to Toosie.

  “No, Audra! You’re supposed to stay here,” Toosie objected. “Lee said for women and children to barricade themselves in the houses.” She placed Joey in the playpen made of slender tree branches.

  “I’m going to make sure they don’t get to the houses this time!” Audra called back, running out before Toosie could stop her. She hurried through the street, noticing the town had come alive. Everywhere women and children scampered for shelter. Doors were bolted shut, shutters closed over windows. Men emerged from houses, businesses, barns, and corrals, to take their positions around the town behind their makeshift barriers. Lee was riding the entire perimeter, shouting orders like an army general, telling most of the men to line up on the south side, the direction from which the raiders were coming.

  Audra headed for the south gate, and it was several minutes before Lee charged back to that area. He saw her kneeling behind several bales of hay, her rifle barrel resting on top of one bale for support.

  “Dammit, what are you doing here?” he asked, dismounting.

  “I’m going to shoot some outlaws,” she answered, looking up at him, “same as you.”

  “It’s too dangerous here. You should be back at the house in case they get through.”

  “They aren’t going to get through this time!” She rose and faced him. “Let me stay, Lee. I want to be out here with you and the others. It’s important to me.”

  Their eyes held, and Lee could not resist the sudden compulsion to lean down and kiss her. It was a soft, quick kiss, but it said everything, and in spite of the impending danger, for a moment Audra felt fire move through her loins and heart, a wonderful feeling she had not experienced for so long.

  “You keep your head down,” he told her, noticing tears in her eyes.

  “I will,” she promised.

  He turned away and re-mounted, the taste of her mouth lingering on his own. They had had plenty of occasion to talk, to get closer again, to find and renew the friendship that had brought them together in the first place, except now it was better than ever, because there was nothing left to argue about. They thought more alike now, had an appreciation for what was important in life. She was healed, and he was stronger, feeling the old urges more keenly than ever since seeing her again. Something had to be decided soon. He ached for her, and he had to know if there was any hope in that. The problem was, he still had not told her the truth about Joey. He knew the time was coming when he’d have no choice. It had to be done, and once she knew, she would probably never want him to share her bed again.

  There was no time now to think about that. The southern horizon was alive with men. From what he had managed to discern earlier when he first spotted them, he figured there were at least forty of them. They had apparently built their numbers again after losing some men in the first raid. This was going to be a real test of the training he had given these citizens of Brennan, but there were at least a hundred men lined up along these barriers. If they all picked their targets carefully and did not fire aimlessly with the repeaters he had bought them, there was no reason why the oncoming raiders should even get past the barriers.

  The biggest test would be the ability of the Negro men to fire without fear. Audra had helped him understand what held many of them back the first time, besides their outdated weapons. These were men who had been brought up believing that to show any resistance or to fight a white man in any way meant death, or at the least a brutal whipping. Lee had lectured them, explaining that they were free now, free to defend themselves and their women and children. He had explained that he was himself a lawyer and that if any problems arose out of this, he would make sure no one suffered any unfair punishment. They were being attacked, which gave them every right to shoot back.

  “Draw a good bead now,” he called out to them, guiding his horse back and forth behind them. “Pick your target well and don’t be afraid to pull the trigger. They aren’t going to chase you out of your town or anyplace else! Wait till I give the signal before you begin firing.”

  Audra took careful aim herself. She had practiced shooting often once her ribs had healed, and Lee had taught her how to balance her heavy weapon, how to keep it steadier by squeezing the trigger with just her finger and not allowing her whole hand and body to move. A few times he had stood behind her and put his arms around her to show her how to hold the gun properly, and she had shivered with a desire to turn around and let him fully embrace her. She had liked the feel of his strong hands and arms, the security of his firm body pressed at her back.

  The raiders were close now. They began firing, but everyone remained crouched behind the barrier, making difficult targets for the raiders. A bullet spit past Audra, tearing a path across the top of a hay bale. She heard Lee’s horse whinny, but she dared not look back. She kept her aim steady and finally Lee gave the order to fire. Audra could tell by the faces of some of the raiders that they were surprised at finding behind the barrier a literal army of men, and a few women, with rifles ready. The minute Lee shouted the order to shoot, the air exploded with gunfire from a hundred Winchester .44 carbines. Men cried out, horses stumbled. Audra guessed that at least twenty men went down. The rest drew their horses to such a sudden halt that it drove hooves into the ground, and a few more fell. Those still mounted began to flee, while others scrambled to get back on their horses, cursing horrendously. The defenders of Brennan, Kansas, kept firing, downing more of them. A few of the wounded who tried to get up were also shot down, but some of them finally got away.

  It was over so incredibly fast that Audra and the others watched in pure shock as the fifteen or twenty men who were left in one piece hightailed it away from Brennan as fast as they could ride. They had been vastly outnumbered and outsmarted, and they had not even come close to getting across the barrier. A few more of the wounded managed to re-mount their horses, and Lee ordered everyone to stop firing.

  “They’ll think twice before they come back,” he told them.
“Some of you go round up the dead men’s horses. They’re ours now. And we’ll need a burial detail. You’ve won your first battle, men, in only ten minutes. How does it feel?”

  The citizens of Brennan held up their rifles and began shouting and celebrating, giving out war cries and rebel yells. They began hugging each other, and Audra felt like crying from sheer happiness and relief. She looked up at Lee, and her smile faded when she saw blood pouring from his right cheek.

  “Lee!” She threw down her rifle and rushed to his side, ripping off a piece of slip for him to hold to the wound.

  “I’m all right,” he told her, but he looked pale. “A little more to my left and I would have tasted the damn thing.”

  Audra shivered at the realization of how close he had come to taking a bullet in the head. He could have died in the short battle, and he would have given his life in defense of her little town. “Hang on to the pommel of your saddle, and I’ll lead your horse back to the house,” she told him, picking up her rifle.

  The rest of the men continued celebrating. Brennan, Kansas, was a full-fledged town, filled with well-armed citizens ready to defend it. They could take care of their own now, and they were no longer afraid. Some of the men gathered up the raiders’ horses, others collected bodies…fourteen dead, seven wounded. More wounded had managed to ride away, which meant only about fifteen raiders had been left unscathed. Those who had been left behind would be helped by the people of Brennan but kept under guard and taken to Fort Riley to be put under arrest.

  Into the night many of the men kept up their vigil at the barricade, waiting for another onslaught. It never came.

  Audra carried a tray of tea and biscuits into her bedroom, where Lee stood at a mirror that hung over her bureau and applied more whiskey to the wound on his cheek. “This ought to leave one hell of a scar,” he grumbled. “As if I don’t have enough already from those thugs in Baton Rouge. After everything I went through in the war, I get most of my battle scars from the aftermath. Isn’t that something?”