Lily's War

by Shirley Mann

  Lily took a sharp intake of breath.

  Ginny, by this time, had become quite giddy with the American’s attention and Lily could see she wasn’t going to able to rely on her for help. She looked earnestly at her father who was sat in the armchair in the corner, fiddling with his cup.

  ‘I’m sure Lily will make up her own mind,’ John said, responding to her meaningful stare. ‘She always has done. And I do think it’s dangerous to start wartime relationships with people from across the sea,’ he added quietly.

  ‘Yessir, I’m sure you’re right, but your daughter is coping with a great deal of stress and it would be good for her to let someone else take the responsibility occasionally. I know I’m an American, but we’re not all bad, sir.’ He gave a nervous laugh. He seemed to see through him.

  John Mullins nodded slowly towards Kit. He remembered another young man sitting in this front room, about to take his daughter out for the afternoon in his Morgan three-wheeler – his pride and joy – and promising to take care of her. Life could have been so simple, he thought. His daughter settled with a nice young man from Stretford, with a promising career, someone they knew and trusted. This American was another matter.

  Lily could not bear it any longer and stood up. She felt dizzy with the excitement of the day – the collision of her two worlds – and she felt she was losing control.

  ‘Anyway, Kit, I’m sure you have to get back to Oxford now. The buses don’t run that regularly to the station so you’d probably better be going.’

  ‘Yeah, of course. We did say we’d get the five o’clock and we’re hoping to get a lift from downtown.’

  He looked at the others who stood up, ready to take their leave. Lily ushered them out of the front door amidst calls of ‘Do come again,’ from her mother.

  Kit turned on the doorstep and leaned forward. Before Lily could realise what was happening he had slowly kissed her on the lips. She found herself relaxing and responding.

  ‘Have a good leave, Lily, and I’ll see you when you get back. Goodbye, sir, ma’am, girls. Thank you so much for your hospitality.’

  Lily watched the three young men saunter down the road and touched her lips. She turned to see four questioning faces looking at her.

  ‘What? What?!’ she exclaimed, exasperated. She pushed past them and went to turn the gas fire off in the front room, closing the blackout curtains against the fading light.

  The others went back into the morning room to dissect the events of the day giving Lily a moment to lean against the wall with her eyes closed. This war was a giddy experience. She could hardly remember the pre-war Lily who had been able to react sensibly to normal, Mancunian men like Danny, who certainly did not look like film stars.

  *

  By the time Lily got back to Upper Heyford she had been bombarded with comments about Kit from all angles – her mother, Hannah and Ros – and even Mrs Cross down the road had made insinuations about Lily and ‘her American’. She may as well have been going out with him, she thought, so when Kit cornered her at the first dance of the New Year celebrations, she allowed herself to be jitterbugged around the dance floor. They danced all night, melting together as an impressive duo. Kit’s dancing was perfectly co-ordinated and Lily found him very easy to follow. She also discovered she was getting quite good at the American style of dancing and could not help being thrilled when the people around them parted to watch. But, she had to acknowledge, the best moment was seeing Marion standing alone, sipping a drink, seething with fury. They all had to be back at base by midnight, so as the lights went down early to celebrate the New Year, Kit leaned forward to kiss Lily.

  ‘At last, you’ve given in,’ he joked as he released his grip on her. She was embarrassed to find her face was tilted upwards and her eyes were still closed. He certainly knew how to kiss.

  ‘I’ve given in to nothing,’ she retorted, letting out a little cough and looking away to the side.

  ‘Yeah, you have. I knew you couldn’t resist me forever. Nineteen forty four is a new year, and you are exceptionally lovely.’

  She glanced sideways at his smart uniform, his dark eyes and her stomach gave a little leap. Lily had not been expecting this electricity between them.

  Kit and Lily soon became a couple. She was never sure how it had happened but it seemed easier than fighting. Over the next few weeks, it became accepted that they spent their off-duty days together and danced together at the weekly dances. His easy manner made her relax and she laughed with him and their embraces became more intense but she always kept herself detached from him. This, of course, drove Kit mad and made him even more determined to win her over.

  Work was relentless and the wireless operators saw a constant flow of young airforcemen come through Upper Heyford, struggling with the Lancasters, and then moving on to join the operational stations. Lily’s belief that a training station would be without tragedy was misplaced, as some never made it. More than one pilot got a landing or take off wrong and the fire crews were unable to save them. The terrible waste of young lives who had not even entered the war weighed heavily on the ground staff and Lily made a point of saying prayers in church for the young faces that were distant memories so soon.

  ‘Do you want to fly, Lily?’ Marion was passing her in the corridor and casually asked the question. Lily stopped in her tracks.

  ‘What do you mean?’ she asked sharply.

  ‘They’re looking for WAAFs to go on Spitfires.’

  Lily could not believe it and grabbed Marion’s arm. ‘Do I want to fly? You have to be kidding. Of course I do – but how?’

  ‘Report at 1400 hours to hangar three,’ Marion said over her shoulder as she stalked off.

  Lily felt excitement rising in her stomach. To fly! Surely they would never allow it? But at five to two she found herself racing to the hangar with her heart pounding.

  ‘Here’s one,’ a ground crewman shouted, seeing Lily rushing towards them.

  ‘Good, let’s get her up then.’

  Lily did not have time to ask any questions before she was physically manhandled onto the back of a Spitfire.

  ‘Right, just sit there and weigh it down. Good job you had sponge and custard for dinner,’ the ground crewman laughed.

  Lily looked down, she was sitting astride the tail of a Spitfire in the open air, her skirt wrapped up around her bloomers.

  ‘What . . .?’ She shouted down.

  ‘Just sit there until he takes off, then don’t forget to jump,’ he shouted back as the engine started up.

  Lily just had time to curse Marion to kingdom come before the Spitfire started off down the runway. She had heard that the Spits were having problems with their noses dipping, leading them to nosedive, but she had never heard of anyone sitting on the tail before. She saw the pilot frantically waving at her to jump and quickly launched herself onto the grass at the side of the runway.

  She lay still trying to catch her breath as the ground crew ran up to her.

  ‘That’s my girl, well done’ one said. She quickly rearranged her skirt and checked that nothing was broken but could not speak for fright. The Spitfire was already up into the low cloud.

  ‘I . . . I . . . only . . . came to see what was going on. Don’t ever . . . do that to me again.’

  ‘Oh, sorry, thought you had volunteered,’ he replied. ‘Girls are queuing up for the chance. It’s the nearest they get to flying.’

  ‘When I fly, I intend to go inside the aircraft,’ she replied haughtily, standing up and brushing herself down. Her retreat towards the NAAFI was followed by hoots of laughter but Lily was furious with herself. Her desperation to fly had nearly got her killed. She really thought that by now she should be more savvy than to believe anything Marion said.

  Chapter 38

  The Germans were so close, Danny and Eddie could smell them. The familiar odour of mud, blood and sweat was one that they recognised from each other but there was also a smell of soot. Danny and Eddie
had to press themselves into a doorway so as not to be seen, both suddenly alert with a soldier’s training.

  ‘So, jetzt haben wir’s ihnen aber gezeigt’’ a tall German was laughing as they climbed into their truck. They were brushing their uniforms down and were still laughing when they reached the corner of the square.

  ‘What did they say, Danny?’ whispered Eddie, making the usual presumption that Danny had become accustomed to – that, having an ear for languages, he could obviously understand them all.

  ‘I think it was something about showing someone something,’ he replied.

  They edged their way slowly from doorway to doorway through the town, their guns at the ready, but the Germans had gone. They were now late for the rendezvous. By the time they arrived at the meeting place, they were on full alert and a horrendous sight greeted them.

  There were four bodies strewn across the muddy track in front of them. The three transporters had been blown up and the embers of fires were still burning. Danny and Eddie stood for a moment, stunned as the implications of what had happened infiltrated their shock.

  While they had been drinking and cavorting, their fellow soldiers, ones they had been fighting alongside for weeks, had been shot. Danny moved across to check their pulses. They were all dead. Behind him, as he crouched by Walter’s body, he heard some footsteps. He swung round, his gun at the ready, his face contorted with grief. It was a man and a woman, both in their sixties, their hands stretched out in sympathy. He lowered his gun. Slowly, other townspeople came out and stood in silence. They had seen it all before, first the Italians, sometimes the Germans, sometimes their own neighbours. One woman wiped her eyes with a filthy pinny. Four more young men who would not be going home to their mothers and fathers, their wives or girlfriends.

  A man in a priest’s collar moved forward. He took charge and signalled to some of the other men to come forward and help carry the dead men to the church. Danny stood up and saluted in respect as his brothers in arms were carried past him. Eddie did the same. They were both pale and their faces grim.

  Danny glanced at his transporter. Right to the end it had protected him. He felt it had sacrificed itself along with his fellow soldiers, for him, taking the hit while he was away. He went to put his hand on its charred remains but withdrew it quickly as the heat seared his fingers. The pain was almost welcome and took his mind off the slow walk towards the ancient church that was pock-marked with bullet holes.

  The priest conducted an impromptu service that was quick but dignified. Eddie collected the dead men’s tags and emptied their pockets, knowing that their families would treasure these last memories of their beloved sons. As the light faded, Danny and Eddie stood outside the church wondering what they should do next. They had lost their unit, lost their transportation and their company had moved north, oblivious to the fact that a rogue German patrol had wiped out the follow-up team.

  The priest came out. ‘We bury them, here in our village,’ he assured them. ‘They will have peace.’ Then he pointed towards the mountains. ‘You must go.’

  Danny peered in the vanishing light, he could just about make out a small path that led through the forest. He looked at Eddie. They had no choice.

  Chapter 39

  Lily took another swig of the sweet liquid in the glass in her hand. She was leaning against the bar in the mess, watching Kit swagger off to get another drink. She supposed she was having fun. Her promotion gave her a new status but she hardly had time to enjoy it, the shifts were so punishing. Kit was a good companion when she did get a night off and he made her laugh After that cold January day in Manchester, they had fallen into a relaxed relationship, but nearly two months later, Lily still felt as though she was watching from a distance. He kept pushing his luck with her as they kissed goodnight at the end of an evening together, but she had kept his hands very firmly above her waist.

  Hilda was definitely having fun. She was with Chuck and threw her head back, laughing at yet another of his strange pronunciations.

  ‘It’s tomato with an ah sound,’ she told him, ‘not tomato with an A in the middle.’

  ‘Nonsense,’ replied Chuck, ‘and there’s more of us Americans than you Brits. We outnumber you now.’

  ‘Not over here you don’t – well not yet.’

  ‘Well, we’ll just have to move around more so it looks like there are more of us,’ Chuck replied as he swung Hilda onto the dance floor.

  Taking her shoes off that night, Lily reflected that there was one good thing about the awful flatties she had to wear, she was not getting blisters from dancing. Her early efforts to soak her shoes with her feet in them had worked, and the leather was quite soft now. She grabbed her tin hat with her wash things in and made quickly to the ablutions to do her teeth, whilst humming to herself. She looked up sharply to see Sergeant Horrocks striding in, holding an envelope.

  ‘LACW Mullins, I suppose I must now call you. You have a letter.’

  She thrust it at Lily and strode out leaving her shocked at the unusual invasion of the WAAFs’ private facilities. Sergeant Horrocks smirked, pleased with the fact that she had been the one to deliver bad news to Lily. She was enjoying being the person in charge of checking all letters, it meant she was privy to all the secrets of the camp and could store up the information until it was useful to her.

  Lily looked at the letter. It was in strange writing. She leaned back against the washbasin in terror, her toothbrush hanging loosely out of her mouth and opened the letter. It was from Danny’s mum. It said Danny was missing in action.

  She froze and realised her teeth were chattering. She slowly took the toothbrush out of her mouth and rinsed it in the tiny cupful of water she was allowed. On autopilot, she picked up her penny from the plughole, took her tin hat and walked slowly back to her bunk. Climbing in, she felt the shivers starting and once she started she couldn’t stop. Not Danny.

  There was no sleep for Lily that night and the morning dawned with her in a daze. She reported for duty and went through the day in a fog. Her mood matched the weather, which had closed in and was causing endless problems for the crews. Lily had to concentrate hard to get them back to the runway safely in a dank November mist. They were all being pushed really hard and some of them were almost cracking under the strain. There had been several pancake crashes on landing, some planes missing the runway or landing too fast, and some young pilots had been seriously injured. A number of aircraft had been damaged or destroyed. Lily felt there was a desperation in the war now and as the desperation grew, so did the cost.

  *

  After a run of hectic shifts with no time to think, Lily and Hilda finally had a night off. But when Kit came to pick her up to go the pub that night, she sent a message with Hilda to say she had a dreadful headache and could not go. Hilda went off, arm-in-arm with Chuck, leaving Kit disappointed and looking through the gates toward Lily’s hut.

  Kit stood outside for a while and lit a cigarette. He was completely perplexed by this young woman and yet, he wanted her – oh so badly. Her embraces promised so much but never quite delivered. He believed she was a conquest waiting to be taken. Kit had had a charmed upbringing. The younger son of a wealthy motor car dealer, he had been training to take over the family business when the war had beckoned him. He had been lured by the speed and the chance to fly and he knew he looked good in the uniform. He had done one tour of thirty ops and had survived and was now teaching other young navigators. He knew he would probably volunteer for ops again in a couple of months, it was too strange to be on the edge of the action and he was constantly wracked with guilt as he watched other crews taking off. He was in danger of thinking he was immortal but that was an easier option than the alternative and Kit liked living for the moment.

  As he stood by the gate, he spied Lily coming out of the hut in her greatcoat. He could see the mist from her breath. He peered into the empty darkness around him and took his chance.

  ‘Kit, what are you doing? You gave me a
heart attack. Do you know how much trouble you will be in if you are found . . . or if I’m found for that matter.’

  He stopped her talking with his mouth and pressed against her. She felt herself melting in the need for oblivion. She had no more fight left in her. He was very attractive and through the numbness, she felt an unfamiliar excitement building up in her. Lily responded to his kisses and felt her body moving towards him. He felt between her legs with his right hand. She started to speak.

  ‘Hush, be quiet, we’ll be caught,’ he told her.

  ‘I . . . don’t . . . want . . .’

  ‘I know, but just be quiet. You poor love, you are so beautiful, let me love you.’

  Kit opened his fly and pushed against her again. Lily felt him moving against her as he fumbled to take her bloomers down. He moved in rhythm with her for a minute and she experienced a sudden rush of excitement, but as she clung to him, he suddenly pulled away from her, before finally leaning heavily with a sigh on her quivering body. Lily, in a rush of panic, pushed him off and ran inside, leaving him to hurriedly re-arrange himself and sprint back towards the gate.

  Lily did not know what had happened but she suspected this was the act that Glad had described and she fell into her bunk in shock. Had she just . . .? Had he just . . .? Was that it?

  And then it occurred to her, could she be pregnant?

  She went cold and felt between her legs. They were wet and her bloomers were wet too. She got up and quickly went to the ablutions where she looked round to check there was no one there before scrubbing herself raw with cold water. She ran into the toilet and splashed the limited water from the bowl into herself, over and over again.

  *

  Lily, Hilda and the others were working constant shift patterns and the young pilots were being drilled, tested and moved on at an alarming rate. Lily ate the porridge without milk every morning, chomped on the watery stew at dinner-time and would pick at tea-time’s sandwiches of raw cabbage and Marmite. She went through all the chopped-up cigarettes that, like everyone else, she kept in a special tin, her hands shaking. The letter about Danny had affected her far more than anything in her life, but she scolded herself that even so, it was no reason to allow Kit to take advantage of her. A week went by before she heard that Kit had been posted to somewhere in Lincolnshire.