Self-Care for Empaths

by Tanya Carroll Richardson

  4. Determine if you are getting any signals from your energy body. You might feel physical sensations, like a lightening of your energy field, which will make your physical body feel less heavy—like floating in a pool. Or you might experience changes in your mood, like feeling generally calmer or happier. If you feel more alive, that’s probably a signal you’re more present in the moment than usual. Feeling more powerful? That’s you being grounded, centered in your own energy.

  5. Practice tuning in to some of the natural elements around you. You’ll observe as you gently focus on a large mountain in the distance that its energy feels different than the rock at your feet. (Remember: You tune in to something or someone simply by focusing on it/them.) A wide-open sky might make you feel more expansive, like life is full of possibility—it is! Or the roots of a sturdy tree might make you feel more stable despite current life changes. Notice most of all how you are becoming one with the energy of all the nature around you. Now your energy is humming along peacefully, matched to a frequency it loves!

  6. Notice any intuitive insights you receive. As you quiet your thinking mind, your sixth sense has more space to send you guidance. Watch for claircognizant thoughts that appear in your mind fully formed or as out-of-the-box solutions. You might have begun this exercise confused about a situation but get clarity via intuitive guidance by the end!

  Some empaths insist they get their best intuitive “hits,” or insights, outside. Nature is grounding, and when you’re grounded it’s easier to get guided! Yet remember your intuition is part of you. Connect more with yourself to increase intuitive hits anytime, anywhere.

  Create More Space Between Your Thoughts

  Psychologist and spiritual teacher Wayne Dyer described meditation as increasing the space between your thoughts. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Yet it can be quite challenging. I once attended a workshop where the teacher asked a roomful of people to try quieting their minds and counting the seconds between their thoughts. “I couldn’t even count one second!” a woman said afterward, laughing. Whether you’re a natural-born Buddha, or someone who naturally has a very active, chatty mind, sitting for 10 minutes and trying to expand the space between your thoughts will help you quiet your mind. Quieting your mind is a powerful way to center yourself, and from that more centered energetic place, you will have more control over mindfully tuning in or out of something or someone. If you do the following exercise every day for a full week or even a full month, you might be pleasantly surprised at the progress you make.

  1. Pick a quiet spot to meditate alone where you won’t be disturbed for 10 minutes.

  2. Consider adding ambient noise to give your mind something to focus on, like the sound of rain or a white-noise machine.

  3. Get seated in a comfortable position.

  4. Now simply try to increase the quiet space between your thoughts so you have fewer thoughts for 5 to 10 minutes. Concentrate on your breath or the feel of your chair, for example.

  5. Reward yourself, whatever the results, with loving thoughts for trying!

  Meditation is like anything else—with patience and practice, you will improve.

  Find Your Meditation Style

  Meditating helps empaths reset their energy and train their brain to stop thinking of someone or something to tune back in to themselves. Try the following meditation styles to discern your favorites.

  • Traditional meditation: Sit or lie in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and quiet your mind.

  • Guided meditation: Listen to a recording of someone else or make a recording of yourself talking you through the meditation. Guided meditations may have themes, like connecting to a spirit guide.

  • Breath-work meditation: Use mindful breathing, and concentration on your breath, to help the body and mind relax.

  • Sound meditation: Give your mind something gentle to focus on—like the sound of chanting, nature, or healing music—to encourage it to quiet.

  • Walking meditation: Engage in repetitive movement to calm or still the mind. Walking meditation is an ancient practice.

  • Creative meditation: Immerse yourself in a creative project, like painting, sewing, or baking, to quiet the mind.

  • Everyday meditation: Increase space between your thoughts while performing activities like shopping, cleaning, or showering.

  • Nature meditation: Use the energy of nature—like being in nature or listening to nature sounds—to enter a meditative state.

  • Mantra meditation: Replace scattered thoughts with a healing mantra, like “I’m discovering peace” or any other healing phrase.

  If you have a meditation style, experiment with a new technique!

  Determine If an Emotion Is Yours or Someone Else’s

  When anyone is overwhelmed by a challenging emotion (like panic, sadness, or anger), it’s always good to get clear on what this emotion is trying to convey, do something to help process the emotion in a safe way, and reach out for support. When an empath is overwhelmed by an emotion, that protocol is still important, yet the empath might add one crucial step first—asking themselves: “Is this emotion mine or someone else’s?”

  An overwhelming emotion might build slowly over days or weeks, or an overwhelming emotion may appear out of nowhere. When an empath is overwhelmed by a challenging emotion, a few things might be happening.

  • You could be picking up on someone else’s energies and emotions, like those of a loved one who is grieving.

  • You might be experiencing the collective energy of a group, space, or planet, like the collective shock of a town recovering from a natural disaster or the collective stress of an open-area office on a tight deadline.

  • You might be experiencing your own emotions that are coming up for processing.

  The following exercise takes only a few minutes to help you get clear on whether the overwhelming emotion is yours or someone else’s.

  1. Find a quiet moment to tune in to yourself.

  2. Put your hand over your heart to connect with and ground yourself. Take a few deep breaths.

  3. Name what you’re feeling: fear, anxiety, sadness, frustration, etc.

  4. Now silently ask yourself “Is this emotion mine or someone else’s?” Do you get images of bills piling up at home that are causing you stress? This indicates the emotion is yours. Or do you see a mental image of your spouse pacing the kitchen floor, venting about work stress that isn’t a threat to their job or your family’s stability? This would indicate the emotion mainly belongs to your spouse. Remember: The answer could also come to you as a voice in your mind (like hearing “Thailand” and realizing you’re upset by a recent world event), as a mental download (like having a breakthrough thought that you’re more worried about your teen than you realized and this emotion is yours as a concerned parent), or as a feeling (like thinking of a loved one who has been down lately and getting chills when you realize their depression may be affecting you in some way).

  5. Take action. If it’s your emotion, get support, let yourself feel it, lean in to your self-care, and discern what action step this emotion is asking you to take. If the emotion is someone else’s, this does not mean you have to avoid that person or situation—it might mean, though, that you need to have better boundaries. If it’s collective energy, take action by making a donation, saying a prayer, or doing anything else that’s appropriate, peaceful, and helpful.

  Sometimes just getting clear on how someone else’s emotions are affecting you helps to keep you more grounded in your own energy.

  If you ever feel out of control with an emotion, get help. Ask for support from loved ones, colleagues, and healthcare professionals. Being an empath does not mean you need to suffer silently. Your tender heart is needed in the world, so take good care of yourself!

  Tune In to Someone Else’s Good Vibrations

  Because empaths can easily absorb what’s in their environment, if you’re feeling bored, uninspired, or defeated, you can give yourself an energ
y boost by tuning in to the good vibes of others. It’s like taking your soul for a scoop of ice cream! Pick someone or something to tune in to that won’t be triggering. (If you’ve been trying to conceive for a few years and are frustrated, watching videos of cute newborns probably isn’t best. Watch videos of dogs being silly instead.)

  Here are some fun ideas for tuning in to good vibrations.

  • Go to your favorite inspirational Instagram or Facebook account. (Find me @tanyacarrollrichardson or Facebook.com/TanyaRichardsonBlessings.)

  • Call a friend who just fell in love, got a promotion or had anything else wonderful happen and let them gush.

  • Put on a fun, upbeat song and dance around the house for 5 minutes (this works wonders).

  • Visit a site that shares uplifting stories, like Ted.com, and hear about someone overcoming a big obstacle and finding success, peace, health, purpose, strength, forgiveness, or love.

  • Watch a documentary about an underdog sports team winning a big championship or watch a clip of someone giving an emotional acceptance speech at an awards ceremony.

  • Make a date to hang out with a loved one whose bubbly energy or positive attitude always uplifts you.

  • Play with a child and see how often you can make them smile.

  Find good-vibe sources and piggyback on their positivity.

  QUIZ: How Much Energy Do You Spend Tuning In to Others?

  Tuning in to others automatically, as opposed to mindfully, or having a pattern of not anchoring in to your own energy is like having a tiny, undetectable puncture in a tire that causes the steady leak of air. Just like that tire, over time your energy will leak out and you will become drained and deflated.

  Answer the first set of prompts with often, sometimes, or rarely. Answering often indicates you may be having trouble tuning out of others.

  ___________ I find myself trying to problem solve other people’s issues in my mind.

  ___________ When I interact with a client or loved one who is very anxious, I’ll often feel anxious after our interaction.

  ___________ When I see something upsetting on the news, it can be difficult for me to let go of it, even after I’ve processed my emotions, shared with someone, or taken an action step to try and help.

  ___________ When I’m concerned about a friend or loved one, or even a coworker I don’t know well, my heart goes out to them. But it can be hard for me to disconnect from that concern and heart energy, which can leave me feeling vulnerable and raw for hours or even days.

  ___________ Being in a crowded or busy area, like a packed store, subway, or movie theater, can frazzle my nerves to the point that I’m completely unsettled after.

  ___________ When I’m taking care of others or very busy with work, I forget to eat, exercise, rest, get my hair cut, go to the doctor, and perform other basic self-care tasks.

  Answer the second set of prompts with often, sometimes, or rarely. Answering often indicates you may be very good at mindfully tuning out of others.

  ___________ After I speak to someone who is upset, whether I know them casually or well, it usually doesn’t take me long to move on to another task or take my mind to another subject.

  ___________ When someone is hurting, my heart may go out to them, but other times my witnessing energy kicks in instead. I feel genuine compassion for them, yet their pain does not significantly alter my inner emotional landscape.

  ___________ I like to stay informed regarding causes I care about—whether it’s conserving natural resources, helping animals, or helping humans in need. As long as I practice balance, it usually doesn’t overwhelm me emotionally, so I can be present, involved, and helpful.

  ___________ I find that when my self-care practice is dialed in, I have a much higher tolerance for situations that could potentially be draining.

  ___________ If a friend is draining because they have a habit of always treating me like their therapist, always dominating the conversation, and rarely showing concern for or interest in me, I will lovingly try to change the dynamic by turning the conversation toward me, talking to them compassionately about the unhealthy pattern, or limiting my time with this person.

  ___________ I’m pretty in touch with what issues I’m trying to work on in my life and what my long-term and short-term goals are.

  Remember that there are no right or wrong answers; there is just self-reflection. Let your answers inspire you to take better care of yourself.

  Deal with People Who Dump Their Energy on You

  We’ve all encountered “energy dumpers.” It could be a manager who approaches your desk during big deadlines completely stressed out and scattered, or the loved one who lately seems to call only when they’re so worked up they’re screaming or hysterically sobbing. These are not bad or unkind people, and occasionally you might be considered an “energy dumper” by someone else! For an empath, being the recipient of an intense energy dump can feel toxic. Try this protocol.

  1. Stay calm.

  2. Enter observer mode by pulling back energetically and imagining space between your energy body and theirs. If you’re on the phone, grab a heart-shaped stone or other grounding object and hold it.

  3. Don’t mirror their energy. If you replicate their emotions, drama increases. Resist the tendency to mirror energies and emotions.

  4. Meet the other person with an even, grounded energy. Speak in a soothing or neutral way and keep your body language relaxed.

  5. Notice if not mirroring their intense or very emotional energy defuses the situation. Your calm energy might alter the other person’s. It’s an empath Jedi mind trick!

  6. Stay in witnessing energy if the other person is still dumping. Help or listen as long as that feels productive or healthy.

  If this behavior is frequent, ask a counselor or other informed third party for advice. Remember that the person dumping on you could be really suffering or feeling out of control and need help. Move forward in a thoughtful and kind way as you protect yourself.

  Work with Black Tourmaline

  Some empaths are very sensitive to the healing, grounding energy of crystals and rocks. Black tourmaline has a protective quality that can be particularly beneficial for empaths, as this stone can help keep unwanted or draining energies at bay. Luckily, black tourmaline is inexpensive and you don’t need a ton of it to reap its benefits. However, working with a larger piece might give you bigger results. You could:

  • Wear it in jewelry, like a necklace, ring, or bracelet.

  • Keep a smaller piece in your purse, backpack, or the fifth pocket of your jeans—what empath and spiritual teacher Tess Whitehurst refers to as the “crystal pocket”!

  • Put a piece near the entry to your home, like in the pot of a plant.

  • Place black tourmaline in a central common area of your home, where its energy can disseminate throughout your space, like on a mantel or kitchen countertop.

  • Hold a piece of black tourmaline in your hand while you speak on the phone to someone who drains you or can be triggering.

  • Keep this stone in your office if you’re a healer.

  • Store a piece in the glovebox of your vehicle.

  • Keep a piece of black tourmaline near your bed if you’ve been experiencing bad dreams.

  An empath friend who is extremely sensitive to energy—including the energies of wandering spirits or ghosts, which can sometimes inhabit spaces—finds black tourmaline so protective that he travels with a piece in his suitcase so he is never without it!

  CHAPTER 4 Nurture Your Own Energy

  Empaths may mistakenly feel responsible for other people’s energies and emotions. First, because empaths can so intimately experience the energies and emotions of others, it’s easy to then feel as if the next step is to try and help them. And sometimes helping is the right next step—but it is a step that should always be taken mindfully. Remember that as an empath you need to have especially strong boundaries. In this chapter, we’ll cover empath-
specific self-care techniques that help you maintain those boundaries when you’re tempted to feel responsible for other people’s energies and emotions.

  The second reason empaths may feel responsible for or want to control the energies and emotions of others is a sort of self-defense or self-protection. Empaths might subconsciously think that if they can calm someone down or make them smile, then they won’t have to feel any of this other person’s challenging or intense energies or emotions secondhand.

  That approach can work as a temporary fix, but in the long run only makes things worse for both parties involved. For empaths, it’s vital to remember that you really can have power over only your own feelings. Even then, feelings are more often meant to be felt than controlled. Trying to manipulate, hold, or manage someone else’s emotions takes you away from your center, from yourself, and from your power.

  Empaths can be amazing sources of emotional support for loved ones, clients, coworkers, and anyone else they come in contact with. Yet your unique empath ability to show up for others emotionally and energetically depends upon the balancing act of showing up for yourself first and staying mindfully grounded in your own energy. You do that primarily through your self-care practice.

  Taking good care of yourself is priority number one and helps you be even more supportive to others. In this chapter, we’ll go over mindful ways to nurture your own energy!