Ground Zero

by Jessica Meigs

  “But why?” Ethan persisted. In his frustration, he threw his arms into the air and let them flop to his sides again.

  “You look like Gray when you do that,” she commented with amusement, returning her eyes to the knife.

  Ethan gave her a dirty look and rolled his eyes. “Don’t you even compare me to that bastard,” he muttered.

  “Gray’s not a bastard,” she countered. She set the blade on the mattress beside her, tossing the dirty cloth on the floor, then reclined back on her hands, shifting to stretch out her bare legs, letting them hang off the edge of the bed. “He’s just very…strong willed. Kind of like you, hey?”

  Ethan paused in mid-step and gave Remy an odd look, raising an eyebrow. He appreciated the nice view of her long legs, but he couldn’t deny the niggling worry that poked at the back of his brain with a sharp stick. “You’re not sleeping with him, too, are you?”

  Remy’s eyes widened, and her mouth dropped open. “You seriously didn’t just ask me that.”

  Ethan sighed in exasperation and tugged up his too-big jeans as they threatened to slip off his hips. “No, no, never mind. Stupid-ass question, and I wouldn’t want to know the answer anyway.” He rubbed both hands over his face tiredly. “You’re deflecting.” The urge to throttle started to come back, and he dropped his hands, shoving them into his pockets. “Answer the question,” he ordered. “Why are you so eager to go on what even you know is a total suicide mission?”

  Remy was still obviously rankling over Ethan’s earlier question, but she answered anyway. “Maybe because I want to do something meaningful with my life.” She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, and Ethan’s hands itched to twist the strands around his fingers again. She wrapped his shirt around her more closely and pulled her knees to her chest. The position made her look innocent and lost, like she had no idea what she was doing or why she was doing it. Ethan’s heart hurt for her. But his surprise at her words overrode his urge to take her into his arms and hold her tightly.

  “Doing what we’ve been doing, helping us dig people out of trouble, that isn’t meaningful enough for you?” Ethan asked gently. This was news to him. On the group’s prior missions, the young woman threw herself into the act of helping people with as much enthusiasm and focus as the rest of them. And on the previous nights when they were together, Remy never mentioned any dissatisfaction with her lot in life, outside of the norm for any of them.

  “It’s fine, Ethan. It’s just…I think my parents would have wanted me to help Avi,” Remy said softly. She looked down at her hands, a faint quaver in her voice. “I feel like none of us has a future. That we’re all just living on borrowed time, you know? It’s only a matter of time before the infected get us all. And if not that, we’ll run out of ammunition one day, or maybe food or water or something else really important, and then what? What’s going to happen when there are no more supplies left to gather? If we hit that point, we’re dead. And I don’t want to go out like that without having done something I would be proud of, something my parents would be proud of.” She paused and swallowed hard, running a hand over her eyes. “I just…I guess I don’t want to be forgotten the minute I’m dead, like everybody else who’s passed on. If I do something really, truly meaningful, if I help what’s left of humanity in some big way, even if it’s just going into Atlanta to save as many lives as I can, well, maybe that won’t happen.”

  Ethan looked at her, his eyes wide and his jaw hanging slightly open. He snapped his mouth shut and flopped into the overstuffed chair in the corner of the room, slouching ungracefully, his head leaning back against the chair. He ran a hand through his hair and tried to process what she’d said.

  He had no idea that she felt that way; he hadn’t known that she viewed the world they lived in as hopeless. He’d always maintained hope that the Michaluk Virus would be defeated, that humanity would bounce back as it had from countless other decimations and diseases. Even if it didn’t bounce back for him—he readily acknowledged there wouldn’t be much left for him if life ever resembled normal again—then for the others. He constantly fought to instill that hope in the rest of the group. He didn’t like that Remy thought that way, that she didn’t have that nugget of hope that he’d tried to instill in everyone. She was so young; she had so much to live for and a drive to survive unlike that of anyone he’d ever met. Even if she did do stupidly risky shit more often than he cared to think about.

  “You really feel that way?” he asked. He dropped his hand to the arm of the chair and watched the brunette who sat nearly motionless at the end of his bed. She bit her bottom lip and stared at the floor, her back straight and her shoulders squared. The sad expression she wore reminded Ethan of one he’d seen on Cade’s face the year before, when the two of them hid in the basement of Cade’s house on the night Memphis began its fall. The sight made his heart hurt all over again, remembering that night over a year ago when his entire world turned over and he’d lost everything. “You really think all of this is hopeless?” He waved his hand to indicate the world at large. “That we’re just buying time until we all bite it?”

  “Isn’t that what everyone’s doing?” Riley asked. “Trying to barter for one more year, one more day? Even before Michaluk ruined us all, we did that.” She traced her finger along the edge of the blankets beneath her and spoke to the floor. “We’d get ourselves into trouble or receive some bad news, and we’d say, ‘Please, God, just let me live through this. Just let me see another day.’”

  “That’s human nature, Remy,” Ethan said. “It’s just human nature to wish and hope and pray for things we might not get.”

  Remy nodded and sucked in a deep breath. “I keep thinking to myself, if I could have one wish, what would I wish for? And I know I’m supposed to choose something selfless, like maybe the virus just going away or never having happened or whatever. But all I can think about when I try to answer it is my baby sister. I’d give anything to have Madeline back.”

  “And I’d give anything and everything in the world for Anna,” he admitted quietly. “But I know that’s not going to happen. So instead, I go out of my way to make sure other people don’t have to suffer any more of the same losses they already have, so that maybe they can have a chance at a little happiness in this shitty world we’ve got now.”

  Remy sat up straighter and finally looked at him. He met her dark eyes; they were oddly shiny, as if she was suppressing tears. The sight sent a slight pang of sympathy through his stomach. “Ethan, that’s exactly why I need to help Avi,” she said. “If we can save some people while we’re in there, and if we can do something about this outbreak, maybe find out where this virus came from and why, maybe someone can do something with the information and come up with a vaccine or a cure. Maybe we can save everybody left from the fear of contracting the virus. Maybe we can keep some little girl out there from losing her daddy or some woman from losing her husband.”

  Ethan didn’t know how to deny that appeal, not from Remy. Her words hit him like a sledgehammer, going to the root of his feelings on the situation, pressing every button on the way. It was the very essence of what he tried to do—save people from going through the pain he dealt with every day. He ran his hands through his hair again and broke his gaze from her face. He couldn’t look at her anymore. It hurt too much. “Remy,” he started.

  “Say you’re in this with me, Ethan,” Remy pleaded. She slid off the bed, her slender body moving with a catlike grace, and slunk over to him. She knelt on the floor so she could look him in the face, her hands resting lightly on his thighs, a position of total supplication. “Tell me you’re going to help, even if it’s just to give me and Avi supplies so we can help some people and try to put this thing to rest.”

  Ethan swallowed hard and forced his eyes to Remy’s once more. Hers were wide and dark, and he felt like he was falling as he stared into them. She bit her lip again, her eyes still wet and pleading, and he nearly leaned forward to kiss her; he’d have done anything
to get rid of the look on her face. He shifted his eyes to the space above her head, breaking eye contact so he could try to think clearly. For the first time since Avi Geller’s arrival, Ethan seriously considered the woman’s proposal and his participation in the attempt. If Remy was going into Atlanta, regardless of the reason, she’d need help. He cared too much about her to allow Avi to be her sole protection on the dangerous route to the city and in the city itself.

  Ethan swallowed again. She was still begging him with her wide brown eyes. He couldn’t stand the look on her face, the look he couldn’t say no to. It was the same look that put him in the position he was in, hiding important things about their relationship from his best friend. He blew out a soft breath and tugged gently at her upper arms. “Come here,” he said quietly. And once she was in his lap, he wrapped his arms around her and held her close, his forehead resting on her shoulder. She ran her fingers through his hair, and he lifted his head to kiss her softly. He knew that, deep in his heart, he’d already silently agreed to her proposal. All he had left to do was say it out loud.

  “Okay,” Ethan mumbled against her mouth once the kiss broke. “Okay, Remy. I’ll help you.”

  * * *

  The wintery air outside was brisk, sending a round of shivers roiling through Nikola’s limbs as she carefully slid out of one of the second-floor window onto the roof. Once she’d gained her footing on the rough shingles, she wrapped her jacket tighter around her, tucking her hands into her armpits, and scowled. She hated winter in the south; hell, she hated winter, period. She much preferred warm springs and summers, softball seasons, going out to the lake with her dad, and going out swimming with friends. Winter was just the pits.

  She made sure her footing was still secure then made her way around the roof, looking for the two men she knew would be up here somewhere. It was a beautiful, crystal-clear night, the stars above twinkling against a black background, the moon not quite full illuminating her path as she circled around to the other side of the house. It was the sort of night that, she was sure, was the kind of night that writers waxed poetic about in their books and poetry.

  Nikola found the targets of her search huddled together on the roof near the front of the house where they had a good view of the street below. She worked her way down to them, leaned backwards to counterbalance the slope of the roof, then slid down to a sitting position to Theo’s right, sandwiching him between her and his brother. “Hi,” she said, giving him a smile as she huddled right up against him for warmth.

  “Hey, chickie,” Theo greeted affectionately, wrapping an arm around her shoulders casually. “What are you doing out here?”

  “I couldn’t sleep,” she admitted, pulling her knees up to her chest and hooking an arm around them. “My brain won’t slow down and let me relax. I keep thinking about everything that’s going on, and I can’t put it aside like I usually can.”

  “I feel you there,” Gray said from Theo’s other side. “My brain keeps tumbling around like tennis ball in a dryer. It’s making me feel antsy.”

  Nikola nodded her agreement, staring off at the street below. There was no sign of any movement, thank goodness. The last thing they needed at the moment was yet another problem when they were already trying to figure out what to do about the issue they were already facing. “I don’t know what I’m going to do,” she said. “This decision is easy enough to make for you guys. It’s different for you. It’s a lot more complicated for me.”

  Theo looked down at her, his face creased with concern. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, you guys are adults. If some of you decide to go and some of you don’t want to go, it’s not a big deal. The group splits, some stay here, some go there, and that’s that.” Her nose was starting to run from breathing in the cold air, and she swiped at it with the sleeve of her jacket before asking, “What happens if I’m the only one who doesn’t want to go? I’m only fifteen. While I’m sure there are plenty of fifteen-year-olds out there who are surviving on their own, I really don’t think I’m cut out to be one of them. I don’t want to go to Atlanta, but I don’t want to stay here by myself, either. I don’t want my family to leave me behind.” To her embarrassment, her voice cracked, and she ducked her head, not looking at either of the men alongside her.

  “Oh, hell, Nikola, do you really think any of us would leave you behind?” Gray said. His words were followed by the scraping of shoes as he got up and circled around to sit on her other side. “There’s no way in hell we’d leave you anywhere by yourself. You know that, right?”

  “Yeah, I know, but I can’t help but worry over it,” she said. “There are so many different…levels to the decisions I have to make, and it feels like there are aspects of it that I have to think about that maybe you guys don’t. Because you aren’t kids. And while I’m not exactly a kid, I’m not an adult, either. And I don’t have the skillset to survive on my own for a long period of time. I did it for a month, and I’m not sure it’s something I’m willing to do again if there’s another option.”

  “I understand completely,” Theo said, giving her a one-armed hug that had so much affection in it that tears almost sprang to her eyes. “Things really are a lot more complicated for you. That makes decisions like this way harder for you than it is for us.” He sighed and reached over, grasping her left hand in his and giving it a squeeze just as affectionate as the hug from moments before. “I’ll tell you what. You make whatever decision you feel you have to make. And I’ll follow your lead. If you want to go, I’ll go. If you want to stay here, I’ll stay here with you. That way, you won’t be alone, no matter what you decide.”

  Nikola felt a surge of emotion in her gut, one that seemed to be a weird combination of hope and gratefulness and something that almost resembled happiness. She leaned over and rested her head against Theo’s shoulder, hooking an arm around his waist to give him her own version of a one-armed hug. “Thank you, Theo,” she said, her voice a little muffled by the thick jacket he wore. “It’s unbelievable the amount of weight that takes off my shoulders.”

  “I can only imagine,” he said. “I want you to know, though, that if you do decide to go, you know none of us is going to let anything happen to you there, right? You’re like a daughter to Ethan, I think. I’m pretty sure he’d throw himself in front of a moving train before he let something happen to you.”

  “And you’re like a little sister to us,” Gray piped up, grinning. “So we’ll do what big brothers do and not let anything touch our sister.”

  “Aw, I’ve never had big brothers before,” Nikola said with a giggle, leaning over to give Gray a hug of his own. “This isn’t the point where you start teasing me about boys and pulling my hair and playing bad jokes on me, is it?”

  “Well, I’m not sure,” Gray admitted. “I’ve always been the youngest, so I’m not sure exactly what my sibling duties are as an older brother. I might have to consult with Theo on what sort of teasing I’m supposed to be enacting over here.”

  “I’ll loan you my copy of the big brother handbook later,” Theo promised in a semi-serious voice, eliciting a laugh from all three of them and a swat from Nikola for both men.

  “You two are so ridiculous,” she said, grinning. She was surprised to find herself happy, genuinely happy, for the first time all day. She hadn’t realized just how much the weight of the decisions that had been thrust on her was pulling her down, not until after Theo and Gray had lifted that weight off her shoulders for her. “In all seriousness, thank you, guys,” she said, a little more somberly. “You have no idea how much better I feel after this little chat.”

  “I think I have some idea,” Theo said. He gave her another squeeze. “Don’t worry too much, okay? Everything is going to turn out just fine.”

  Chapter Four

  The following morning found the eight people clustered around the large dining table, watching Nikola slowly turn the pages in Ethan’s book of road maps. Remy hadn’t seen the battered paperback in almost three
months. Before the world went to shit, she’d been a religious user of all things Google for her directions. She wasn’t sure she knew more than the basics of map reading without some guidance and was still amazed that Nikola, who was a solid six years younger than her, knew how to do it.

  “We are…here,” Nikola announced. She used a red marker to draw a blood-colored dot on the Alabama map, not far from the capitol, Montgomery. Remy leaned over her shoulder and read the small, black-lettered label beside the dot. It said, simply, “Maplesville.”

  “So we’re on the border of the middle of nowhere,” Cade clarified. She unsheathed a knife from her belt and snatched the map book from Nikola’s grasp, using the edge of the blade to pry up the staples in the middle of the book. Nikola gave Cade a dirty look that made Remy laugh, but Cade ignored it and pulled the map free. She flipped farther back to the G section as the conversation continued.

  “Yeah, basically,” Nikola said. She grabbed the Alabama map, waiting until Cade pried the state of Georgia out and passe it to her before laying both maps out side by side. She smoothed them out and hunched over them, grabbing a scrap of paper and starting to do what appeared to be complicated measurements and calculations with her fingers. After a few minutes of silence, during which Remy watched attentively and impatiently, hoping to actually pick up something useful from Nikola’s messy scrawl, the teenager straightened and announced, “It’s about two hundred miles from here to Atlanta.”

  “That’s a long way,” Remy commented. She rested her hands on the edge of the table and squinted at the maps. Her eyes darted over the papers as she tried to decipher all the different routes and options laid out before them. The map was a colorful, tangled mess, and she had no idea where to start. “We’ll be traveling to Atlanta on our bikes, right? How long will that take?”