Maddox

by Lisa Helen Gray

  He places his hands on the table, and I flinch. “Because I had nowhere else to fucking go. I didn’t want to be like my dad. Like my mum. I wanted to try, but I couldn’t do it. She did nothing but cry. Then she learned to talk and walk, and it got worse,” he grits out. “I’m a man, goddammit, and I was changing fucking nappies and having some snotty-arse kid mess with my shit. I didn’t ask for that.”

  “You aren’t a man,” I snap, hating the way he’s talking about her. I had no idea he felt this way towards her. “You’re a boy who is yet to learn what it means to grow up. I asked you. I asked you what you wanted to do when I found out I was pregnant. You were over the moon.”

  “I lied.”

  I scoff at that. “You lied about a lot of things.”

  “I loved her, you know.”

  I grit my teeth. How could he think all of that and still say he loved her? “You’ve got a funny way of showing it with what you just said.”

  “Scarlett. Not her,” he bites out. “She made it easier, you know. Fucking her, the excitement of doing it while you were asleep in bed, while you were at work, it made it all worth it. It was a rush the drugs couldn’t give me.”

  I can’t speak for a moment. It should bother me that he loved her and not his daughter. It should bother me that he’s talking to me like this. But looking at the pathetic person in front of me, all I see is a worthless human being. I don’t see the Cameron I fell in love with. I don’t even see the one who beat me. I see him for who he truly is.

  And that’s nothing.

  Hell, he hasn’t even bothered to ask about Asher. As far as I know, he doesn’t even know his gender. I’m not sure what his family have been telling him, or if they’ve told him anything.

  “It was like that with you once too,” he tells me, shocking me to my core.

  I shake my head. “Maybe. Maybe not. I’m not here about that, about us, or about Scarlett. I came to ask you to leave the kids alone. Us alone. I’m not the same person I was. I’ll fight back next time. I’ll do anything to protect them.”

  He leans down on the table, and a guard taps him on the shoulder. “Lean back,” he orders.

  Cameron gives him a nod before turning back to me. “I’ll tell them.”

  I jerk my head and push back in my chair, looking down on him. “His name is Asher, you know.”

  “Your new boyfriend?”

  “No, my son,” I grit out.

  He shrugs, but I see a flash of emotion before he blanks it. “It doesn’t matter because I’ll never meet him,” he states, sounding callous. “Make sure they never coming looking for me when they’re older, because they won’t like what they’ll find.”

  I shake my head in pity. “I feel sorry for you.”

  He smirks. “Right back at you.”

  I pause after tucking my chair back in. “You were meant to be more than them. More than this. Don’t use me and Jasmine as an excuse for your failure.”

  When he doesn’t reply, I go to walk off, but then his voice stops me. “I’m sorry. For all of it.”

  I turn back, stopping behind the chair. “What?”

  He drops the façade, and remorse shines back at me. “For not being the person you needed me to be. For not loving Jasmine the way a parent should. For hurting you. All of it.”

  “I never asked you to be anything else, Cam. I never had high expectations. I didn’t have a list of what you should be doing. I just wanted you to be you before you started hitting me and hurting my daughter.”

  “It doesn’t matter now,” he tells me.

  I shake my head. “No, it really doesn’t.”

  “Don’t come back here,” he warns.

  I turn to leave, then glance over my shoulder and say, “Bye, Cameron.”

  He doesn’t say it back. He doesn’t need to. A smile lights up my face as I head back through security, never once turning back to him.

  That chapter of my life is over.

  It’s done. After today, I’ll hopefully never have to lay eyes on him again. I know there will be a day when the kids ask about him. When they’ll probably go looking for him. And as painful as that day will be, I’ll tell them everything they need to know. I’ll make sure they understand my love for them outweighs anything they’ll get from him.

  “Leaving already?” a guard asks as I step through the second security checkpoint.

  I turn to her, a smile lighting up my face. “I guess some things don’t take that long to say.”

  “Well, have a good day,” she tells me.

  She has no idea how good my day already is.

  I feel liberated. Stronger.

  I didn’t go there to cause an argument, to get confrontational. I went to get my point across, and I did. In fact, I was there longer than expected. I wanted to face him, to tell him face to face to leave me alone. I didn’t want it said through his family, through guards or a solicitor. I needed to do it.

  I quickly grab my belongings from the locker. It’s only a jacket and my phone, but I wasn’t allowed to take them in. I pull it on and leave, not looking back.

  I push through the doors, expecting to be blasted with rain, but it’s stopped. I glance up, a smile still on my face, but come to a sudden stop when I see Maddox sitting back on the bonnet of his truck, one leg cocked up on the bumper, his head bent, glancing down at his shoes.

  He couldn’t wait in the car like I asked him to.

  He is always there for me, no matter what.

  I watch him for a moment, soaking him in. In dark jeans and a black hoody, my man looks hot.

  He looks up, and his lips tip up in the corners. He pushes off the bonnet as I take the first step down.

  The first step to my future.

  The first step to freedom.

  When I get to the bottom of the stairs, I jump off, racing over to him and meeting him halfway. I jump into his arms, smiling up at him. “I love you.”

  “Love you too, babe.”

  And this is my forever.

  This is the thing Cameron never understood, that he never got.

  Love isn’t about what you can do for the other person. It isn’t a competition. It isn’t about control.

  It’s this.

  Pure and utter devotion and love.

  This is only the beginning. I have a feeling there is more to come, more to explore, and that this is only an inkling of what it feels like to love and be loved by a Carter.

  And I’m going to love every minute.

  EPILOGUE

  CHARLOTTE

  My phone feels heavy in my hand, the weight of it pulling me under a dark cloud.

  He hasn’t messaged me.

  I knew he wasn’t going to come, but I held on to the hope that he would change his mind.

  Love is meant to be a secure feeling. It means you’ve found your companion; your best friend; your life partner; your soul mate. It’s about opening up about your feelings, knowing they are safe and that they’re mutual. It’s about respect. It’s a journey, one I have daydreamed about for as long as I can remember.

  I never found love like that. Not until I met Scott. I had been leaving the strip club I was doing research in when I bumped into him. He had just finished work and was heading home. He asked me out for a drink, and I said yes.

  I said yes because I was always saying no.

  I said yes because it was something I’d never do without weighing the pros and cons.

  I said yes because I didn’t want to be alone anymore.

  I said yes because someone finally noticed me.

  But that yes is weighing heavily on my heart. It’s like there is something missing from our relationship, a void between us that others don’t have.

  We aren’t like Faith and Beau, Landon and Paisley, Aiden and Bailey, Hayden and Clayton, or Lily and Jaxon. But I don’t want to give up. I don’t want to give up on love or being loved.

  Because love is everything. It’s a fundamental part of life. I have family I love. A cat I
love. Even a job I love. But I want a man to love, a child to love. I want it all.

  Maybe I’m doing something wrong?

  “Are you okay?” Lily asks, keeping her voice low.

  I force a smile, and a thought occurs to me. “Lily, did you love Jaxon before or after you had sex with him?”

  Her eyes bug out. “Um—”

  “I mean, do you think that’s how you know you love someone?”

  “Charlotte,” she calls out softly, and I shake my head, tilting my head in her direction. “For me, loving Jaxon wasn’t about anything sexual.”

  “But he’s so hot to look at,” I tell her, bunching my eyebrows together. I mean, he is book cover hot.

  I think I’ve stared at him for way too long, far too many times. I’m worried that’s why he stays clear of me.

  Lily giggles and nudges my shoulder. “Husband, remember?”

  I grimace. “Sorry.”

  “Love isn’t just a feeling. Although I do feel it. I feel it so much that sometimes I’m worried my heart will burst. But it’s a connection too. I had that with Jaxon from the minute I met him. Nothing mattered to him but loving me and vice versa,” she explains, leaning in closer. “I know he’s been with other women. I’m not stupid. But he was happy just loving me. So no, I don’t think you need to have sex to know you love someone.”

  “Is he not very good at sex?”

  “Charlotte,” she lightly scolds, a pink tinge rising up her neck.

  “Sorry,” I answer, letting out a sigh.

  “Is this about Scott?” she asks softly, and I tense. “Do you love him?”

  “I do. I think I do. I want to be with him, but I don’t know. We haven’t had sex yet. I get too scared. We’ve done other stuff though.”

  “You ready? Maddox and Amelia have arrived,” Jaxon announces as he reaches us.

  My brows pull together. “I thought Maverick and Teagan arranged this family meeting?”

  I scan the room, finding the two over at the bar ordering a drink. We were told the other week to book today off and meet here. I assumed it was something to do with Faith’s engagement, but she had been tight-lipped about what the meeting was about when I asked.

  Lily nervously glances over at me. “We, um, we’ll explain in a minute,” she tells me, before turning to her husband. “Can you give us a minute?”

  He leans down, kissing her, and a wave of envy fills me. I want that. Scott never does that. But he says it’s because he doesn’t want to scare me, like I get when we go too far in the bedroom. “See you in a second. I’ll go stand by your dad.”

  Her lips press together. “For protection?”

  Jaxon shrugs, grinning. “Maybe.”

  She shakes her head as he leaves, before turning to me. “Charlotte, I love you. We all do. So, I’m saying this out of love. If you have doubts about Scott, then it’s for a reason. Listen to your heart. Okay?”

  “I will. I promise.”

  She wraps her arms around me, pressing her lips to my cheek, before heading off in search of her husband.

  I move a little further into the room, coming to stand next to Amelia and Maddox. Jasmine runs off as soon as she sees Madison. I, on the other hand, have eyes for Asher. I can’t wait for the day I hold my own child. I long for it.

  “Can I hold him?”

  Amelia beams at me. “Hey, Charlotte. And of course.”

  She hands him over, and he settles into my arms, smiling up at me. I smile back, my heart filling with warmth. I glance up at Amelia. “He’s getting big.”

  “He is. And he slept like a trooper last night.”

  “Thanks to me,” Maddox puts in.

  “Yeah, yeah,” Amelia mutters.

  “You’re so lucky,” I tell her.

  “Who wouldn’t be lucky to have all this in their life,” Maddox comments, gesturing to his body.

  Amelia rolls her eyes. “He’s such a comedian.”

  “Can I have your attention,” Maverick roars, and the noise from the bar quietens. We always use this space for family meals. With so many of us, it’s hard to fit into one house, so we use the bar/restaurant space downstairs instead.

  “Hurry it up, Mav, I’ve got shit to do.”

  Maverick’s gaze hardens on his younger brother. “I told you to take the day off, Max.”

  He snorts. “And I’m using it wisely with my wife, if you know what I mean.”

  A chorus of, “Dad!” echoes from three different parts of the room, making me laugh.

  “Lily and Jaxon have an announcement,” he tells the group, before his gaze lands on each of his brothers. “Remember your promises.”

  Intrigued, I step closer to where they are formed in a huddle. Lily fiddles with the hem of her shirt, her smile wobbly. “Me and Jaxon, we, um, we…” She pauses, gripping Jaxon’s hand.

  “We’re happy to announce, Lily is expecting. She’s due Christmas. If anyone has an issue with me getting her pregnant, take it up with someone who cares.”

  I stagger backwards.

  It’s happening again.

  I’m happy for her. Truly happy.

  But whilst they are moving forward in life, I’m rooted to the spot. I want a family. A baby. And while everyone is getting what they want, I’m still the same old Charlotte.

  Cheers ring out in the room, but it stops when Dad begins to yell. “Max passed out.”

  Laughter fills the air over people heading over to Lily to offer their own congratulations. I go next, beaming at her. “I’m so happy for you.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. We wanted to wait,” she explains.

  “I understand,” I reply softly.

  And it doesn’t hurt.

  Not really.

  Now Landon is gone, I’m used to it. I’m not needed. Hell, half the time it feels like I’m not wanted.

  And it isn’t a lack of love that makes me feel this way because I know each of them love me fiercely.

  But sometimes I wonder if it’s out of duty instead of them wanting to.

  I shake away the negative thoughts, wondering where they came from.

  Snap out of it, Charlotte.

  “For fuck’s sake,” Max roars, rubbing the back of his head.

  “Doing okay?” Dad asks, looming above him.

  Max narrows his gaze on his brother. “Laugh all you want, mother fucker, but did you forget the hell we went through when our other halves got pregnant? All the food they hogged? The tears? My God, I still hear her sobs at night.”

  Dad pales, slowly turning to face Mum. “I forgot about that.”

  “You’re being dramatic,” Lake scoffs.

  “I am not,” Max barks out as he gets to his feet. He goes to open his mouth to say something to Lily and Jaxon, but then stops suddenly, his face paling as he turns to his daughter. “Are you going to tell me you’re pregnant too?”

  “Do you want me to be?” Hayden asks wryly, leaning back when he gets in her space.

  His eyes bulge. “Are you?”

  I giggle at how high-pitched his voice goes. He’s always entertaining.

  “God, Dad, no. Now go say your congratulations to Lily and Jaxon,” she snaps.

  Closing his eyes for a second, he then turns to the glowing couple. “Lily, from the bottom of my heart, congratulations. You are going to make a fantastic mother, and nothing I say or do from here on out has anything to do with you,” he rambles stiffly, before turning to Jaxon. “You’re lucky you waited until she was married.”

  “You aren’t even religious,” Lake scoffs.

  “I am now,” he snaps, before storming outside, where he yells into the sky, “If you’re listening to me, don’t let me suffer the same fate. Don’t take my food away from me. It’s my joy in life. My joy!”

  “I thought I was his joy,” Lake mutters, as his ramblings slowly become muffled.

  “Did you lock the door?” Maverick asks, glancing at Mason.

  Mason nods. “He’ll probably be picked
up in an hour, after he finishes rambling about pizza.”

  “He got arrested once,” Mum mutters. “And in my defence, I was hungry.”

  “What are you talking about?” Lily asks.

  She lets out a sigh before answering, “When I was pregnant with Charlotte, I had mad cravings. It was how Max found out. He broke down and began to yell outside, just like he is now.”

  Dad chuckles, continuing the story. “He lost track of time and rambled for so long that one of the neighbours called the police. He acted like a lunatic when they showed up, so they took him in for drunk and disorderly.”

  “You okay?” Amelia asks, coming to step beside me.

  My smile feels heavy as I look at her. “Of course.”

  “Charlotte, you remember the day in the library, and we were talking about our happily ever after?”

  My throat closes up. “Yeah,” I croak out. Her words hit a nerve and have stayed with me. I don’t want her to be right.

  I know if I try harder, it will be perfect between Scott and me.

  I have to believe that.

  “The wait may be hard, but the result will make it so much sweeter. I found my forever after believing I’d never go near a man again. You will too.”

  My eyes fill with tears. “So, I just wait.”

  She jerks her head. “Whoever ends up with you will be lucky, and will feel the wait was so much sweeter too.”

  She’s wrong.

  No one wants me. Not like that.

  I glance down at Asher, who coos and blows bubbles at me. “This is all I’ve ever wanted,” I whisper.

  “And you’ll have it.”

  “I hope so,” I reply.

  Because I want my happy back. I want my life filled with roses and sweet kisses. I want morning hugs and late-night dinners. I want ‘how was your day’ conversations. I want the intimacy, the tension. I want passion and more.

  I want love.

  I want it all.

  Yet the burning in the pit of my stomach makes me feel like it isn’t on the cards for me. That it isn’t my time.

  That Scott isn’t the one.

  Maybe he doesn’t need to be the one. Maybe he just needs to be someone.