Irrelevant Jack 5

by Prax Venter

  “Not worth the cost.”

  “I can catch the stream of darts on my shield,” Lex said, hefting the medium-sized buckler she favored.

  “I can probably get close by weaving between the trees as cover,” Jack suggested. “Maybe I can get close enough to blast it.”

  “No,” Cabe said. “Let’s build me a big shield out of Jack’s items. I can’t equip a shield, and this angers me. I wish to rebel against that rule and hold the biggest shield I can manage.”

  The King, the Queen, and their advisor each shared a look before they got to work building a shield for Cabe. He’d spent his entire life struggling and training to fight demons as best he could as a Townsfolk, and his specific virtual biology had rewarded his physical hard work. The party pulled back and spent about thirty minutes working out the best configuration of Tower-dropped items for the Sun Striker to still move comfortably and settled on something about four feet high and about ten feet across.

  There was no way Jack could wield something this heavy in any meaningful way with one arm, but it wasn’t as heavy as it looked for all the metal shields and armor woven together with cloth pants.

  The normally stoic man smiled as he pushed forward with the whole team ducking behind his protective shield while countless pointed darts tinked off the makeshift gargantuan construct as if fired from a machine gun. As soon as they were able to see the small wooden totem with glowing green runes poking out from a tree, a second turret a little farther ahead started firing darts as well. If it hadn’t been for the ridiculous size of their barrier, the multiple turrets might have caused a problem.

  Haylee took out the first two with her Light Rays, but with their mobile fortress keeping them safe, Jack encouraged them to get close enough for him to tag one with his Mining Laser.

  “You never know when Infinite Dart Alt could come in handy,” he said with a grin.

  Eventually, after dispatching ten Flechette Sentries that dropped no items, they came to an impossible vertical stronghold standing in the center of a clearing.

  “A tower within the Tower,” Haylee said as they each scanned the structure before them.

  “More like many wooden towers shaped like a tree,” Lex said, and Jack had to agree. There was one central structure made of wooden boards with smaller towers jutting out and upward at random angles. It was as if a team of a thousand kids had all summer, access to five hundred tons of scrap wood, and freedom from the constraints of structural integrity.

  “A tree made of treehouses,” he said, his mouth hanging open as he gawked up at the structure.

  Angry Sun turned to face him. “Another tick mark under ‘utterly absurd trees’.”

  Cabe dropped his custom shield and unwrapped his arm from the cloth gear strapping him in.

  “The entry point is too small for this construct,” he said. “I’ve heard whispers that the Sage Thymus is working on lost magics that can increase the size of one’s Inventory. When we are not taking back Towns from the Corruption, I believe that is something I would like to help him achieve.”

  “He is looking for minions,” Jack said, pulling his eyes away from what was going to be a twisted nightmare of cramped hallways and hundreds of doors. He didn’t know for sure, but his instincts were telling him that there would be dozens of doors inside to open with monsters lying in ambush on the other side.

  “Welp, looks like this is one of the more straightforward layouts,” he said. “I want Lex and Cabe up front as I think he’ll have an advantage with melee in there. Haylee and Alt in the middle, and I’ll take up the rear this time.”

  Each in the party took their place behind their Bastion as they moved toward the entrance of this silent structure. The thing was immense, easily over ten floors, and Jack watched red banners with black trim flutter in the weak breeze above. He wondered why it seemed abandoned with no other defenders than those annoying dart turrets, and just knew there’d be multiple encounters set up in here designed to give them a disadvantage.

  “So, we’ll just have to cheat,” Jack whispered to himself as Lex stepped on a loose stone in front of the door. They all heard the click, but it was too late, and a wooden spike thrust upward from a mechanism buried below to pass clean through her leather boot.

  Lex -500 HP | HP 1.2K/1.7K

  “Demon’s asshole!” Lex cursed as she yanked her foot free and fell to the ground. The party spread out and covered her, but nothing happened as she healed herself back to full.

  “Traps,” Jack said with disgust clear on his face. Creeping through this annoying wooden treehouse filled with thieving birds sounded like a horrible idea.

  He looked up to his Party HUD to see Haylee and Alt’s HP’s lower than the others and if one of them got hit by a trap combined with a coordinated attack by these cunning bandits, things could end in tragedy. Losing Alt would kill their run, and Jack would lose over 42,000 value if they were forced to flee. Losing Haylee was not on the table.

  Movement drew Jack’s eye, but it was only Angry Sun Alt turning to face the Dark Prism at Jack’s dark thoughts- and his breath caught as he watched the summoned ball of fake fire hover near a structure built entirely from bone-dry, ancient tinder.

  “Everyone back,” King Jack ordered.

  “Are you sure about this?” his mentally linked minion asked, but Jack was already stalking forward.

  “Oh, I’m sure,” he said as he pulled out a spear. “I’ll regroup with you at the tree line. I’m about to try something new.”

  He used the spear to test the ground as he walked and made it close to the door without incident. There, Jack jammed his Floor-13 spear into the doorframe and accidentally triggered another trap of darts shooting from holes to above. As he wasn’t opening the door, they only hit the spear he’d jabbed forward from a foot away. With a twisted grin on his face, he repeated this process a few more times until he was sure that it would be difficult for anyone to use this exit.

  Then, Jack pulled out a permanently enflamed torch from his inventory and hurled it at the bandit hideout. After tossing out five torches near different walls and heights, the place was quickly going up in flames.

  “Jack…” Lex said, “I don’t know if I like this.”

  “Are you jesting?” Haylee said next to him. “This is the best idea ever! The whole layout might be taken down in one move! So beautiful…”

  He turned to see the fire reflected in her eyes and Jack felt some of the morally questionable issues Lex was having. He turned to check Cabe’s reaction but the Sun Striker remained quiet as he watched the flames rapidly spread to engulf the massive tower of treehouses.

  A few minutes later as black smoke billowed into the sky of this pocket dimension, Lex and Haylee each let out a surprised sound in unison and then looked at each other.

  “We both just hit 51,” his wife said, a smile finally replacing the frown that was there.

  Haylee started laughing, her cheeks pulling in to dimples Jack rarely saw.

  “The Boss must have been so confused! Three of us at our highest unlocked level merely standing around while billowing fames did all the work. Jack, blocking the door as you did is devious yet effective. That’s how you clear a Floor.”

  “We don’t play by the rules,” Jack said, pulling the components of Cabe’s Tower-drop shield into his inventory. “Let’s get back to the carriage and see what kind of rewards we get.”

  They left the raging bonfire behind them and began the long trek back.

  “King Jack,” Cabe began as they strolled through the yellow pines, “you wish to build impenetrable boxes out of Tower items and use them to assault Dark Towers, correct. But you say no animal will pull them into range.”

  “It’s just an idea,” Jack said. “But yeah. A better way might be to build one close by and undetected until it’s too late. Maybe at night or something. It needs to be big enough to hold multiple ranged heroes and take a hit from a Behemoth Demon.”

  “Or Velintanna,” Lex ad
ded. “She will enter the field if we attempt capturing a Dark Tower so close to her home.”

  “You sound sure of that,” Jack said.

  She turned her golden eyes on his as her right hand started rubbing her left wrist. “You once told me to follow my gut, and my gut led me toward this certainty. I will never forget her wrenching grip on my wrist as she hauled me into that life-draining tunnel, kicking and... The corrupted Orchid Oracle needs regular access to corrupted land. I am sure of it. If we push it back from the north edge of Ivyset Crag, safe access near her home will be cut off.”

  “Less like her home and more like her current assignment,” Alt corrected. “But I largely agree- that is taking into account what I know after Jack’s Data Mining scan on the eye in her underground lab. The Corruption would likely use such a strong piece on the board in open combat if it didn’t blow her cover. Especially if her value as an internal sabotage agent isn’t getting the job done anymore.”

  Jack sighed, updating his plans once again.

  “I don’t know if we’re ready to face her and an older Dark Tower combined.”

  The group grew silent again as Jack turned his thoughts toward how they would fabricate precise components for a steamboat when Cabe spoke again.

  “I must admit that I still lack that greater spark of creativity, but I began speaking of your mobile assault fortification because I was pondering why you don’t order me to pull it. Add Kron and our weight limit increases. Do you think we’d feel disrespected as beasts of burden?”

  “Beasts of… what?” Jack stammered. “No- I never thought of that, actually. I bet both of you working together could move some mass.” His mind bloomed with possibilities as Cabe continued.

  “Kron and I came to devise a competition as we helped the Combat Master amass building materials. In place of our morning training regimen, we’d wake early to find the biggest boulder we could drag back to Emberstone. We made it a contest.”

  “You’re a genius, Cabe,” Jack said, picturing Belda getting in on that. He’d seen her move a massive leather couch as if it were made of cardboard. “This mobile mini-fort idea might have legs after all.”

  Alt groaned, but none of the others born of Mother Sana had the frame of reference for the cheesy pun.

  “The problem,” Cabe continued, “was that the ropes kept snapping. Eventually, we had to spend almost equal time securing the boulders as we did hauling them. If we wove unbreakable rope from cloth drops, this problem is also solved.”

  “I feel you have underestimated your creativity,” Haylee said, flashing the big guy a small smile. “Given the hollowness of the proposed structure, its weight might very well be pullable by a team of Heroes. Especially so if the intended ranged attackers took their position atop after it was in place.”

  The Sun Striker smiled back. “I find these Tower-drop constructs interest me greatly. Such strength and versatility. I may fill a few Inventory slots with carefully chosen consistent pieces. With practice and patience, I could grow skilled with a set collected for many uses.”

  The team chatted about the shape and features for this mobile fortress until they reached the road and found the wheel had been restored while they were gone. Also, the Exit Orb was now in the ground behind the horse-drawn carriage and a single golden chest sat next to the freestanding door to Floor 51.

  “That was fast!” the worm driver said from his seat. “Glad to see all passengers safe.”

  Jack thrust out his chest. “We cleared out the difficult bandits. We’re here for our extra reward.”

  The giant worm creature in the straw hat seemed confused, but without a full face, it was hard to tell.

  “Hmm, the kidnapped princess held for ransom at the top a’their hideout should have shown you where the Cardinal Flock outlaws a’buried their hidden stash in the forest. You should probably ask her.”

  The driver then made a clicking noise with his human mouth and the two brown normal horses hitched to the carriage began pulling him down the road.

  “Oh no,” Lex said, her gloved hand to her mouth as they watched him go. Both Haylee and Cabe looked decidedly pale.

  “Yeah…” Jack sighed, turning to see a black plume of acrid smoke filling the sky over the forest. “And that’s why winning is sometimes losing.”

  - 21 -

  Three disappointing non-upgrades sat within the single Reward Chest, but in the end everyone was satisfied that with the fact they tried a blindly destructive path to victory at least once. The group said their goodbyes to Alt as Jack shifted the current Exit to Angelshade.

  “The Tower did not want this,” Cabe said, gazing at the column of black ash in the sky. “I completely understand what that means now. This has been a good day of growth.”

  With that, he touched the orb and vanished.

  Haylee was next up to the Exit, and she gave Jack a half smile as she stood bathed in its throbbing white glow.

  “We should have tied the driver to the carriage with some of Cabe’s indestructible pants-rope. Maybe then we might have been able to complete both the bandit and the wheel requests for ourselves without needing to split the party.”

  “Ha, well, there’s always next time,” Jack said. “Maybe we call them ‘cables’ after the guy that invented them. As King, I’m nixing the term ‘pants-rope’ here and now.”

  The Dark Prism nodded then turned to Alt.

  “Want to see something from you in my notepad before I go to sleep tonight.”

  Alt dipped his eyes, and Jack felt the AI’s virtual emotions swirling beyond his skull already devoting a portion of his core toward producing the perfect poignant phrase. And then she too was gone.

  A moment later, Lex aggressively grabbed his arm, and he spun to look into her wild golden eyes. On her toes with her small nose an inch from his, his wife spoke through clenched teeth.

  “I know how we’re going to cheese Velintanna.”

  Jack took hold of her hand currently clamped down his wrist and pulled her loose. The desperation felt as if she were dangling off a cliff.

  “Take a deep breath and tell me. We’re together, babe, and have all the time in this virtual world to talk.”

  Lex let him go and started pacing as she ranted.

  “It’s everything! And it all just snapped together when our Dark Prism darkly suggested imprisonment. I wanted to tell her we’d never do that if I was in the party, but the cluster of pieces in my mind- Cabe’s rope, dragging the boulder, automatic traps, a carriage, the driver chained to the wall! All of it became one.”

  Lex came back and grabbed the front of his leather aviator jacket in her fists. “My king and husband, I need you to help me weave a net. A net of cloth armor. The answer has always been trickery and we trick her into an indestructible prison! She won’t respawn if we tie her down. Nor can she fight the war or spread more of her lies!”

  Jack’s mind reeled at the options opening before him as the unmissable smell of smoke hit his nose. He looked over to see that the sunbaked pine forest was undoubtedly on fire. He bent to kiss her head and Lex relaxed in his arms.

  “You’re right. We could take her out of everything completely. It’s stupid, and risky, and we need to test the hell out whatever wacky trap contraption we dream up.”

  “I hate to say it,” Alt said from nearby. “But this is quite a valid solution to removing her from the equation. And the earlier you try it, the better chance of success you have. Once our foe faces one of your mobile fortresses, she may have time to think too much about how dangerous they could be for her. Now, she’s angry and likely still arrogant.”

  “Alright,” Jack said. “Let’s lock in our hold over the region and get her attention. We talk to some others who may be good at trapping or holding dangerous animals and roll out in maybe two- three days.”

  “The sooner the better,” his Bastion said with a firm nod and then Exited to Angelshade.

  Jack gazed at the empty virtual space she’d occupied and b
ecame viscerally aware of time aging his body clock with every passing tick of the second hand. Maybe if they pulled off this one ridiculous feat, he could finally sip cold fruity drinks on their royal yacht with Lex in a bikini instead of HP-stacked, heavy leather armor.

  “See you tomorrow, bud,” Jack said with a wave to his spaceship and then dismounted the Tower.

  The dry ashen air came alive with a windy chill and the sounds of conversation replaced the silence of the ruined Floor 50. His team reappeared mixed in with the normal climbing Heroes, and he was just finding his bearings when the Mayor’s daughter announced them.

  “King Jack returns!”

  Everyone gathered scattered away from the Fountain leaving only four of them together as Asarah pushed her way forward. Her metallic copper eyes searched the crowd then fell on Jack’s. “Where is my husband?”

  “He no longer wishes to age faster than his wife. My advisor has a note for your eyes only.”

  He turned to find Haylee already pulling the non-system letter from her silk bag. Jack then found the Mayor standing in front of his two identical brothers and raised his voice to address everyone.

  “The plan is for us to create a new road linking Angelshade to the rest of the world and then meet everyone in the middle so we can get a good idea of the path. This is Queen Lex and our Advisor, Haylee. With us is Cabe the Sun Striker here to help defend this Town.”

  At that, the big man bowed his head. Jack continued over some off the murmurs rippling through those gathered.

  “Traders will be coming from Brittlehorn with a rare commodity you’ll want. And once you join the Kingdom I can teach how to produce a commodity everyone will want. We have a lot of work and not a lot of time to do it.”

  “Believe him,” Asarah said from behind. She held Sevik’s letter pressed to her chest as she stepped forward to address her people. “This is our destiny. Our continuation, and our final laugh in the face of those that left us to die. I am with King Jack.”