Remember Me: A Calendar of Love Novel #4

by Parker, Lexy

  Jamie and I sat down at one of the tables, our goodies spread out before us as we munched on onion rings and sipped diet soda.

  “Spill,” she ordered.

  “What?” I feigned innocence.

  “What’s going on with you and Clay?”

  I grimaced, knowing I had to confess. “We went out a couple of times and had a really good time.”

  “A couple of times?”

  I looked down at the basket of greasy food, gathering my courage. “Jamie, I slept with him. Twice.”

  When I looked up at her face to judge her reaction, I was surprised to see her smiling. “I knew it.”

  “No, you didn’t.”

  “I suspected. I had a feeling that’s why you were avoiding me. Philip wouldn’t give me a straight answer either. I knew it. Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked softly.

  “I was ashamed,” I whispered.

  She reached over and grabbed my hand. “Don’t be. I like Clay. I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. He’s a good guy and I have no doubt in my mind he will treat you right.”

  “I’m not saying we’re in a relationship or anything,” I told her.

  “Just sleeping with him,” she said with a wink.

  “I can’t help myself. He’s a very, very nice man, in every way,” I said with a grin.

  She wrinkled her nose. “TMI. T. M. I.”

  “Hey, you gave me details about Philip and I still manage to sit at the family table and eat dinner with him without getting skeeved out.”

  She giggled. “Good point. So, do you like him? Do you think there is a future there?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. I thought he was a super nice guy, really mellow and kind of quirky, but we went to dinner last night and I saw another side of him I’m not sure I liked.”

  “Really? What side would that be? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bad side of him.”

  “He has a brother and he really, really doesn’t like him,” I told her.

  “Philip mentioned him.”

  “I don’t know if I am okay with that. It’s his brother. The way he was talking about him was pretty rough. You would think his brother was a serial killer,” I commented.

  “Have you met the brother?” she asked.

  “No, definitely not.”

  “I think if Clay is telling you he doesn’t like someone, there must be a good reason for it. Clay likes everyone or at the very least, he tolerates everyone. Clay wouldn’t hate someone for no reason.”

  “What if it’s because he’s jealous? He says he isn’t, but it certainly seems like there could be another reason for it,” I said.

  “I feel very lucky to have had a brother like Gage. We were close and had a good relationship. I don’t think it’s fair to think all siblings are going to have that same close relationship. Philip didn’t even know he had a brother until he showed up at the shop,” she informed me.

  “Really? And they’ve been friends for a while.”

  “Exactly. Something tells me there is no love lost between them,” she said with a smile.

  “I don’t know. I still am a little put off by the idea he could be so openly angry at his own brother,” I mumbled.

  “Dani are you looking for a reason to not like him?”

  “No. I don’t know. I don’t think so,” I replied.

  “I think you need to try and get to know him a little better. Don’t make a snap judgment on one little situation that you don’t really know much about. Did you ask him for details?”

  “Kind of. He just gave me a speech about how his brother was selfish and all about money. He said he wasn’t jealous, but I kind of got the feeling he was. I don’t want to date a man who is going to be envious of his brother and constantly worried about what his brother has and what he doesn’t have. He insists he’s a simple guy and he said all the right things, but I don’t know. I’m hesitant,” I confessed.

  She smiled. “Dani, you’re hesitant because you don’t know him. You knew Gage. You practically grew up together. You didn’t have to question his character or his intentions because you just knew. When you meet someone new, you have to go through the process of getting to know them. It’s a lot like peeling back layers. One layer at a time. If you like what you find, you go down another layer.”

  “I don’t know. It seems like so much work,” I groaned.

  “It is work but the reward is well worth it. You know how much I struggled with Philip in the beginning. I wouldn’t take any of it back. The struggles, the heartache and all the fights, the push and pull, it got us to where we are now. Relationships are not simple and easy. They’re a pain in the ass, but it’s all worth it,” she assured me.

  “It was kind of easy with Gage. I mean, we had our fights and stuff, but that was all silly teenage stuff,” I said, thinking about some of the ridiculous arguments we’d had.

  She looked at me, her eyes softening. “You guys had some pretty big fights in your adult life too.”

  “But we were married,” I reminded her.

  “It was still work,” she pointed out.

  “I’m not saying it’s a deal breaker, but I do want to know more about this situation. I like him, I really do, but I feel like at my age and this stage of the game, I don’t want to waste time on a man I will never have a meaningful relationship with.”

  She burst into laughter. “You make it sound like you’re pushing eighty.”

  “I’m not exactly young.”

  We went back to eating. I felt a huge relief getting everything out into the open with Jamie. I had felt like I was lying to her by avoiding her calls and texts. I felt my phone vibrating in my purse and fished it out. I smiled when I saw it was a message from Clay.

  “What is it?” she asked.

  I grinned. “It’s from Clay. He wants to know if I want to go bowling tomorrow with you, Philip and Sadie.”

  Her eyes were twinkling with mischief. “Hmm, sounds like he is asking you out on a double date.”

  “Is that weird?” I asked her with a grimace.

  “No, it isn’t weird. It will be fun. Clay hangs out with us on occasion and you hang out with us on occasion, so it makes sense we would all hang out together. Sadie will love having her Aunt Dani and Uncle Clay in the same bowling alley,” she said with excitement.

  “Fine,” I mumbled, quickly texting Clay back and letting him know I would see him tomorrow night.

  He texted back seconds later. I smiled, feeling all warm and fuzzy.

  “Now what? Is it a sexy text?” she asked, waggling her eyebrows.

  “No, he just said he was thinking about me,” I said, unable to stop smiling.

  Jamie clapped her hands. “This is exciting.”

  “Don’t get your hopes up. This might not go anywhere.”

  “You’ve had sex with him, twice. I think it’s going somewhere,” she said with a giggle.

  “This is so weird talking to you about this, but honestly, you know it’s been a while for me. Gage was deployed for eight months, and he’d been on base a month before that. I’m human.”

  She was still giggling. “I look at Clay like he’s my big brother. I never have thought of him in a sexual way, but I could see why you’d be attracted to him. He’s a good-looking guy, very unassuming.”

  “Yes, he is very attractive, and that’s all I’m going to say about any of that.”

  “If you went back for seconds, you must have liked it,” she said, her voice low.

  I could feel the blush. I looked down at my basket of food, shaking my head. “I’m not discussing this.”

  “You don’t have to say a word. I can tell by the way you’re reacting you had a very good time. I feel like I should high-five Clay,” she said, bursting into laughter when I looked up and glared at her.

  I couldn’t be mad. She knew me too well. I had enjoyed every minute with Clay. I knew I was probably making too big of a deal about the brother thing, but I was a little freaked out. I was afraid to
let myself fall for him. I wanted to keep things at a safe distance. Every time I was with him, he broke down the walls and threatened to worm his way into my heart. I didn’t want to get too close.

  I closed my eyes, telling myself I was getting way ahead of things. Clay and I had casual sex. Adults did that. It wasn’t anything groundbreaking but for me, I was certainly breaking new ground. I looked around the arcade, watching the kids running around, enjoying their day off from school. I had thought I would have my own baby by this time. That had been our plan. I saw Sadie coming toward us and in that moment, I realized I wanted a baby. I wanted a full life with a family. There was only one way I was going to get that.

  I had to let go of the past if I wanted to have a real future. That meant I had to say goodbye to that part of my life with Gage. But it hurt to think of leaving him behind and going on with the dream that we had once shared together.

  Chapter 25

  Clay

  I walked into the bowling alley, carrying my ball and my own shoes as I strolled toward the lane we had reserved. I wasn’t a regular bowler, but I did it enough, especially in the winter months, to invest in my own shoes. I really hated wearing the rented ones.

  “Uncle Clay!” Sadie hollered, rushing over when she saw me.

  “Munchkin!” I hollered back, dropping low and wrapping my arms around her.

  I spun her around, listening to her giggle. I carried her to the seats where everyone else was already seated, including Dani.

  “Hi,” she said with a shy smile.

  I sat down next to her, nudging her with my thigh. “Thanks for agreeing to come out.”

  “I didn’t do it just for you,” she said in a haughty tone.

  I laughed. “Of course not.”

  “Aunt Dani is here too,” Sadie announced.

  I smiled at her. “She is? Well, how about that!”

  “She’s not very good at this game,” Sadie whispered.

  I burst into laughter. “Hey!” Dani protested.

  Sadie shrugged her shoulders. “You would get better if you came out with us more often.”

  “You’ve been listening to your mom too much,” Dani retorted.

  Philip was punching in everyone’s names. I could tell he was listening to the conversation, but not saying anything. It had been his idea to have this little night out together. I had hesitated, not wanting to impose on him or use my connection to the family to get to Dani. It felt a little sneaky. He assured me it would be okay.

  Sadie got up to take her turn. She turned to look back at me. “Are you coming?” she asked.

  “Sadie, you’re old enough to do this on your own now,” I told her.

  “Uncle Clay,” she whined.

  I sighed, getting up and walking up to the line with her, going through the same instructions we’d gone through a hundred times before. I waited with her while we watched the pink ball roll down the lane, swerving right at the last minute and knocking down two pins. She turned to me, her bottom lip out.

  “Hey, that’s okay. You got the two hard ones out of the way. You bowl again and you’ll get the rest,” I assured her.

  She walked back to retrieve her ball. Jamie and Philip had their heads together, whispering like they were prone to do. I looked over at Dani and found her staring at me. I offered a small smile before turning back around to line Sadie up for another roll.

  I held her hand as we both watched the ball slowly roll down the lane once again. When it hit dead center and knocked down all but one pin, Sadie and I both burst into loud cheers. I picked her up, laughing and giggling with her.

  We moved back to take our seats while Jamie, then Dani bowled. Dani really was not very good at the game. I offered to help her but the glare she shot me told me she wasn’t interested in any help. It was cute and made me smile.

  Sadie came over and sat beside me, handing me my soda. “Here you go. Are we going to order pizza soon?” she asked.

  I nodded my head. “It’s about that time, huh?”

  “Yep. I’ll go with you,” she said, grabbing my hand.

  I got to my feet and let her lead me to the counter. It was our thing. We always ordered the pizza together. At first, the pizza ordering had been my idea, a way to give Philip and Jamie a few minutes alone. Almost two years later and we were still doing the pizza order.

  We ordered and headed over to play a couple of video games before rejoining the group. Dani’s eyes were on me the whole time. It wasn’t a sexual thing, but it was intense. She was scrutinizing me. “Everything okay?” I asked her in a low voice.

  She nodded, smiling. “Yes. You’re really good with her.”

  I looked at Sadie. “I love her like she was really my niece. We’ve spent a lot of time together. She’s a good kid, smart as a whip and I like hanging out with her.”

  “I think it’s cute and sweet,” she replied.

  I rolled my eyes. “Just what every man wants to be called: cute and sweet.”

  “You know it’s a compliment. It’s endearing and really, really sweet,” she assured me.

  I wrinkled my nose. “Can it be really sexy or really masculine?” I asked.

  “It is sexy. I find it very sexy. Most women are naturally drawn to a man that looks like a good daddy. It’s some biological thing. It’s our kryptonite,” she said casually.

  I winked. “I think I like the idea of having some kind of power over you.”

  “You might have a certain power over me, but that isn’t it,” she said in a low voice.

  The tone of her voice told me exactly what that power was. I shifted in my seat, my cock trying to rise to the occasion. It wasn’t the time or the place. Her eyes dropped to my mouth, just like they always did before she kissed me. When she kissed me, it tended to lead to a lot more.

  “Dani,” I whispered.

  She looked up at me with a heated look. I had to pull every ounce of self-control I had not to scoop her up and haul her outside to my truck to bury myself between her legs. I had no doubt in my mind she would be happy to go with me.

  She looked away. “Do you have any kids?” she asked.

  I almost choked. “What? No! Why do you ask? Did Philip say I had kids?”

  “No, he didn’t say that. Should he have?”

  I shook my head. “No. I swear, I have no children. If I do, I don’t know about it.”

  Her eyebrows raised. “Uh, that doesn’t sound all that good.”

  I put a hand to my forehead. “No, I mean, I don’t. I know I don’t. There’s no chance I have any kids out there.”

  She laughed softly. “Okay, point taken. Sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out.”

  “It’s fine. I know people talk and the rumors can be wild.”

  She put a hand on my thigh. “I have not heard any rumors. I don’t listen to rumors. I was only asking about kids because you seem very comfortable with her. Men tend to be kind of stiff and awkward around little kids. You’re a natural,” she said. “You are really relaxed with her.”

  “Thank you. She’s really the only kid I’ve hung out with. When Philip first moved here, he didn’t have anyone to watch her. I willingly offered to help,” I explained. “While he and Jamie were first dating, Sadie and I got to hang out a lot. It was a lot of fun.”

  “Do you want your own children someday?” she asked.

  I gulped down the soda. It was a heavy question. A question I would have expected much further into the relationship. I wasn’t necessarily afraid of the question, but it did catch me off guard. “I do,” I managed to get out. “What about you?”

  “Yes. Someday.”

  “How many?” I asked her.

  She looked up. “I don’t know. A couple. You?”

  “One. Only one. I don’t want the hassle of sibling rivalry. I don’t want my kids to hate each other and feel like they have to compete with one another for my love. I don’t want them to experience jealousy. I don’t want them fighting over who’s got the bigger room or who g
ets the most new clothes,” I told her, thinking back to some of the things Emmitt and I used to fight over.

  Everything had seemed so big back then, but looking back, I realized it had all been so trivial. At least, trivial from an adult’s point of view, but from my perspective back then, it had been one thing after another. My mom had not been good at hiding her favoritism. She very obviously favored Emmitt over me. He had been a mama’s boy my whole life. I felt like she loved him so much, she had no room left for me.

  “Really? One?” she asked with surprise.

  “Yes, one. I want one. I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, but I want one child I can devote all my time and attention to. I want that child to feel like they have all of me, not part of me. I don’t want one sibling to feel like they have to do better, be better in order to earn my love. I would never want a child of mine to feel like they weren’t worthy of being loved like the favorite sibling,” I told her, knowing I was probably revealing a lot more than I intended to.

  The way she was looking at me told me she wasn’t exactly on board with my idea. It wasn’t something I could explain in a way someone that didn’t know Emmitt, or our story would ever understand. Sadie bounced over, interrupting the conversation and saving me.

  We bowled for a couple of hours. There had been a lot of laughs and I couldn’t remember ever having such a good time. It was nice to hang out with Dani without it being anything sexual. It gave me a chance to see her in her natural state, fun and carefree. It gave me the chance to be just as carefree. It was more about getting to know each other while having the buffer of Philip and Jamie and most especially Sadie.

  Toward the end of the evening, Jamie and Philip took Sadie to play a few games, leaving Dani and me alone. She walked over and sat beside me, nudging me with her knee. “This was fun.”

  “Yes, it was. I enjoyed myself.”

  “What are you doing tomorrow?” she asked.

  I cringed. “I have to have dinner with my mom and brother. She is not going to let me get off the hook again.”

  “Oh,” she replied.

  “But I’m free tomorrow morning and all afternoon. I was planning on going fishing. I’d love to have you go with me. I know that’s probably not your idea of a good time, but I could make it a good time,” I said with a grin.