Mind Over Psyche

by Karina L. Fabian

  Her vulnerability struck him, and he had to fight a new desire, this one to throw his arms around her and protect her. Yet another part of him remembered the time she’d nearly overwhelmed him with her grief and fear, and he drew back from her instead.

  “It’s not your fault—” He stammered, but she cut him off.

  “Yes. It is. All of it. I never should have sought you out today. I never should have opened myself to you as I did, even if only for a song. I was supposed to be experiencing the Remembrance. I shouldn’t have had contact with anyone until I’ve completed it and been through a cleansing. A complete one, I mean. I thought that, because you were human—”

  He knew she needed him to understand, but between her words and his own conflicting desires, he felt very confused. “Taz, what happened was an accident—” He started, but she shook her head violently. The movement made her hair capture and absorb the starlight in sensual waves. For a moment the need to reach out and stroke it threatened to overcome his restraint.

  Instead, he ran his hands into his own hair, gripping and pulling at the crown. For some reason, it always helped him concentrate.

  “You do that?” She asked.

  “It’s a bad habit,” he said, continuing through his hair, brushing it back from his face.

  “It is Gardianju’s habit, I think. It is becoming mine since the Remembrance. What is your connection to the Remembrance?”

  He couldn’t meet her eyes, but again, she touched his face and drew his gaze to hers. The attraction between them was so strong. He leaned a little closer. He could feel Kanaan move beneath him, caught in its own dance of attractions.

  Attraction was good. Distance, necessary. Kanaan stays in balance with the moons, and all is well. Kanaan stays in balance with the sun and all is life. Destroy the balance—

  “Deryl?”

  He heard her voice, felt her concern, but mostly he was aware of the dark velvet of her hair, the starlight illuminating her face. Her eyes were darker than deepest night, yet he thought he saw a single light in them. A planet illuminated by the sun.

  The balance tips.

  Destroy the balance and life is destroyed. The Intruder comes. Its inhabitants want Kanaan.

  DON’T LET ANYTHING STAND IN THE WAY OF WHAT YOU WANT.

  Desire overcomes balance. He felt himself falling.

  A brilliant flash. Destruction falls upon Kanaan.

  With a gasp, Deryl jerked back from Tasmae, reflexively turning his eyes to Barin, breaking the spell. It shone bright and stable in the distance, but he knew that that stability was just an illusion.

  Tasmae followed his gaze. “It was in your dream,” She said with certainty. “I have tainted you.”

  “You taint me?” He wasn’t thinking clearly and couldn’t tear his gaze from Barin.

  “The Remembrances leave impressions. Like with healers, how they can be impressed with bits of a person’s personality. I have explained this to you.”

  “I remember.” He forced his focus away from the sky, fixed it on a point in front of his feet. He took slow, deep breaths. “Are you saying you’re tainted? And you think I picked up and transmitted something during your song?”

  “And the Remembrance of Gardianju is the worst of all. She had a mind illness as had never been known. I’m sorry, Deryl. I was proud. I thought I could handle it, and when I couldn’t, I refused to admit it. I’ve put you and Joshua in danger—”

  At the mention of Gardianju’s insanity, a cold wave washed over Deryl. If she was insane, he knew how she got that way. “I don’t remember her. What knowledge did Gardianju want from me?” He asked in a small voice.

  “I don’t know. So much of it doesn’t make sense, even to me. The Age of the Sister Suns was a terrible, violent time for Kanaan and for our people. It is thought even time itself became somehow confused. Gardianju, as Miscria, was caught in the thick of it. That is why her mind shattered into disorientation, but she never tainted anyone. God shielded her specially. But the Remembrance is not so shielded. I thought I had controlled her contagion, but Joshua’s experience, your nightmare—”

  “No, hey, don’t worry about us.” He grasped her shoulders. Now that he was reassured about Gardianju, he could look at Tasmae, offer her reassurance himself. “Humans are a pretty adaptable species. Joshua’s fine, and I’m sure my nightmare was just my mind’s way of releasing some stress. It’s not easy to be an oracle come to life, you know.” He smiled at her. He was glad to see a slight smile tease her lips.

  “I am glad you’ve come,” She said.

  “Me, too.” The attraction was there again, but its pull not nearly as strong. Ironically, that made it easier for Deryl to lean toward her and kiss her.

  “Do me a favor and don’t tell Joshua about this,” he murmured.

  “Or Leinad,” She agreed and kissed him in return.

  Chapter 15

  Joshua awoke from yet another nightmare of being stuck on Kanaan while Sachiko went on to marry Malachai, of all people. He sat up and rubbed his face, trying to dispel the image, but it didn’t ease the heavy ache inside. He cut himself shaving and went to breakfast in a bad mood.

  On the way there, he passed Leinad with a tall woman in green blouse and skirt. He couldn’t read the cool expression she wore when she glanced his way, but the look Leinad gave him as they passed made Joshua’s heart thunder and his feet quicken their pace to the cafeteria.

  As he neared, he heard laughter. He paused at the doorway, listening. Deryl sounded relaxed, happy…and flirtatious.

  Please, let me be wrong. Joshua took a breath and composed his features before entering.

  His friend and Tasmae sat alone in the large room. They’d pushed their breakfast plates aside, and were talking in low, warm tones. They weren’t touching, but they didn’t need to. The look on Deryl’s face said enough.

  Anyone else—back on Earth—and Joshua would have cheered him on. Here, now, with her—

  Joshua shoved the implications into the back of his mind, but he skipped the buffet and went straight to their table.

  “Well, this looks cozy.” He tried to keep the venom out of his voice. Please, let me be wrong.

  The two smiled up at him. Deryl leaned away from Tasmae, just slightly, but enough.

  Stay calm. Right now, you need to salvage the situation. He sat down. “So, saw Leinad on the way here. He didn’t look happy.”

  Tasmae shrugged. “He does not like my decision.”

  “Oh?”

  Deryl, either oblivious or shielded against Josh’s feelings or too love-struck to care, started, “Tasmae and I were talking last night—“

  “Talking? Really?”

  “—and we think we might have figured out what’s going on with the Remembrance. Tasmae may only be half-trained as a Miscria, but she completed her primary warrior training.”

  “I received my Miscria talent late,” She explained. “I would have been perhaps fifteen by your years.”

  “And we’re getting close to the Season of War, so there’s a lot for a warrior to do, plus their own talents rev up naturally about this time, anyway. But the Remembrance can’t take that into account—it’s pure Miscria.”

  Joshua shrugged. “So?”

  Deryl rolled his eyes. “So, Tasmae’s warrior talents are fighting it. That’s why she keeps getting thrown out.”

  Joshua felt the grip on his heart ease. “So it’s not us! That’s some relief, anyway. But why’s Leinad pissed?”

  Tasmae shrugged. “I will rejoin the warriors today. Salgoud wants to show me their innovations, anyway. I will exercise my warrior talent; tonight, I will use my Miscria talent to try to predict and perhaps prevent any natural disasters from occurring. Tomorrow, I will enter the Remembrance, but only for the day.”

  “Can you do that?”

  Again she shr
ugged, this time with uncertainty. “They have a limited intelligence; usually they know better than to demand attention in this season. This one is behaving badly.”

  Deryl giggled at her words, but Joshua didn’t find anything funny about it. “Maybe there’s a reason?”

  “That is what Leinad believes, yet I am thrown out, without control over the timing. I gain nothing but confused impressions. No understanding, no insight. I learn nothing. Perhaps this way, I can influence the Remembrance to show me the order in chaos.”

  “And I thought if we taught her how to create a control room…”

  Joshua nodded. The control room was a simple NLP concept: work with your subconscious to create a command center where it could watch out for certain situations and create and test solutions. Joshua had taught Deryl to make one for his telepathic shields. “Well, it’s worth a try. You’re not teleping?”

  “No. I am afraid to.” But she and Deryl exchanged glances.

  “Uh huh. Well, I’ll talk you through it when you come back.”

  Tasmae nodded, then stood. “We should go. It’s a long ride.”

  Joshua stood with them, but caught Deryl’s sleeve and held it until she was ahead of them.

  He leaned toward this friend’s ear. “You want to play with dynamite, you wait until you’ve gotten me home.”

  Deryl rolled his eyes. “Relax. I’ve got it under control.”

  Joshua released him, but he couldn’t help the sinking pit in his stomach.

  He’d told Rique the same thing about his relationship with LaTisha.

  *

  They rode at top speed to the high cliffs, stopping only once to share a kiss where no one was around. They might not be able to telep, but Deryl could feel her emotions strong against his shields. He could sense her, the whole of her, and he knew if he gave into his desires, they’d share more than just their bodies.

  He pulled away first. He had to keep his promise to Joshua.

  They found Salgoud and a small team waiting at the observation point on one of the lower cliffs. Salgoud nodded to them and sent a telepathic query Tasmae’s way. He nodded with satisfaction as it bounced off the shields Deryl had taught her to create last night. He’d also taught Salgoud; and Salgoud in turn taught the warriors playing the Barin side. Today, they would fight using only their five mundane senses, and Deryl had coached the team leader how to do that.

  I never did get any sleep after that nightmare, he suddenly realized. Didn’t matter; the excitement of being with Tasmae buoyed him, as did the energy of the warriors. Without realizing it, he drank it in, and as the exercise drew on, he felt the adrenalin of battle surging through him.

  Back off, he told himself when he found his hands clenching into the grass against the urge to jump in and join the fray. That’s not you. Perspective. You’re here to observe.

  Nonetheless, when he heard a yelp and saw a Barin-dressed warrior grab Tasmae by the hair, something in him snapped and he stood, roaring.

  *

  Joshua ate alone, grateful for the chance to get a hold of his temper. He still didn’t feel much better, however, and when he went back to the salle, he couldn’t focus on the routine. It was getting harder and harder to believe he would return in time for Chipotle’s audition. He missed his friends, his woman, even his keyboard.

  He tripped over a combination he’d had perfect before. He stopped, panting, resisting the urge to shout in frustration. As he stared at his reflection in the mirror, a small case caught his eye, and he went to it.

  It held daggers of varying lengths. He stood, building his nerve, then grabbed one and headed back to the bench, where he spent the next hour etching out a keyboard onto its surface. When it was done, he ran his fingers over it. The grooves were rough, the proportions not quite right, and he had to hollow out the black keys, but it was close enough. He’d have to rely on his imagination for the rest.

  Something soft and heavy fell on his head, and he blinked as the pillow tumbled onto his lap. He looked up in time to catch the second one that fell from Cochise’s claws. “Thanks, buddy! It won’t sound nearly as good, but I’ll sing the notes for you while I play, okay?” He arranged the pillows into a comfortable seat while Cochise settled where he could watch Joshua’s hands, and Joshua hummed the scales for him as his fingers moved over the makeshift keyboard.

  He’d progressed beyond scales and was describing more complex fingerings to the everyn when a warrior ran into the room. Both man and everyn looked up in surprise. Joshua recognized her as the woman who’d had her leg healed the day he’d met Terry. Her eyes followed his arms down to the vandalized bench.

  “Oh! Uh, I was…” He clamped his lips shut. He had no idea how to explain to her that he’d needed to play a piano, and any reasonable substitute would do; besides, a stubborn part of him said, it was none of her business, anyway. “Something I can help you with?” He asked instead. “Can you understand me? Or have you been sent to fetch me to some appointment no one told me about?”

  She paused, her head tilted as if listening. “I understand some.” She finally answered. “Walls help.”

  “Really?” So the walls have ears, too? Funny how no one’s mentioned that. Wonder if Deryl knows?

  The warrior was haltingly saying something about Deryl. “Pardon?”

  “The Miscria wants you, now,” She repeated. “The Ydrel has done something—” She paused, and Joshua got the impression she was asking someone—maybe even the walls—for the right word. “Something bizzaro,” She concluded.

  *

  An hour later, Joshua found Deryl sulking under the same tree where yesterday they’d been laughing and sharing songs. The young man’s back was to him, and he had his legs bent with his arms tight around them, but at least he wasn’t rocking.

  That’s something, anyway. Joshua got off Glory, and kissed her nose. After all she’d been through today, she still brought him here. She bumped against him affectionately, then wandered off to graze. He walked the rest of the way to the tree and sat down beside his friend.

  “She send you?” Deryl asked.

  “Uh huh.”

  Deryl didn’t answer, just reached out and picked a daisy-like flower. He began to pull of the petals, one by one.

  She loves me, she loves me not? Joshua thought. There were other mangled flowers around him. He sat next to his friend, and plucked at the grass.

  “She tell you?” He asked after a minute.

  “She showed me.” The warrior had taken Joshua to the spot where they had apparently been watching the battle. There, he’d found Tasmae waiting for him in the middle of what Joshua could only think of as “aftermath.” To one side, healers worked on several injured warriors. Two supported Glory in a standing position while they worked. He could feel a symphony of healing energy. Salgoud sat leaning against a large tree, a healer beside him with her hands hovering over his head. Concussion, Joshua had thought, though he didn’t know how he’d known that.

  A sword was buried six inches into the tree. A good distance away in several directions, swords were stuck in the ground to the hilt. Near the cliffs, arrows fanned out in a half circle, pointing in multiple directions. Tasmae looked a lot like she had the first time he’d seen her—wisps of hair coming out of a tight braid, clothes dirty and torn, and sweat and dirt on her face. Then, she had been grim and confused; this time, she was seriously pissed.

  “What is he hiding from me?” Was all she had asked.

  “So, you want to tell me about it?” Joshua asked Deryl.

  “She tricked me!” Deryl exclaimed, tossing the flower away as if it had dared to disagree with him. “We were up on the mesa, watching. Things were getting pretty serious; I mean, I could feel it, it was—I was leaning close to the edge, trying to see how the archers were faring, when Tasmae shouted. I turned around and there were three soldiers after her, a
nd she’s wailing away, but there were so many and others were coming. I, I thought they’d gone crazy! I thought they were Barin! I yelled at them to stop, but they didn’t, and—What was I supposed to do? I just wanted them to get away from her!

  “Next thing I know, they’re scattered everywhere, and there’s a unicorn on its side and it’s screaming and, and Tasmae—She just looks at me. No ‘Thanks for saving me,’ no ‘My God, what did you do?’ She teleps for me to teach her. I trashed the meadow, threw her people like rag dolls, and she wanted me to teach her!

  “She tricked me!” He repeated. “I can’t believe I trusted her, thought she wanted me for me. She planned this whole thing, put herself in the middle so I’d fight!”

  “Wanted me for me”? Oh, great. “Salgoud planned the attack on the two of you,” Joshua cut across Deryl’s rant. “He’d had it planned for a day. He told me when I was at the meadow.”

  “Great! So he’s also trying to—”

  “Come off it, Deryl!” Joshua’s patience snapped. “Not everything revolves around you and your precious psychic abilities. Tasmae’s a warrior, right?”

  “She’s the Miscria.”

  “She’s both, and didn’t the enemy try to kill her in the last war? Isn’t she a prime target?” Joshua demanded, eying Deryl expectantly.

  Deryl met his gaze, but dropped his eyes as he thought it through. “Salgoud sent some folks to surprise attack her to keep her on her toes. But she didn’t even try to tell me what was going on, just let me jump to conclusions!”

  “It was an exercise, Deryl.”

  “Those swords were real!”

  Joshua rolled his eyes and threw up his hands. “She’s in armor. So are you, for that matter.”

  “Whose side are you on?”

  “Yours, believe it or not! I agree, the whole set-up was whacked, okay? I just want you to think things through. Consider it from her side. All she wants is to protect her people, and if that means better fighting, so be it. I don’t really think she enjoys killing, do you? Okay, then. So here’s the Great Ydrel, font of all knowledge military, yet he won’t take her seriously when he’s sparring with her—her point of view, not yours—then when they get attacked, he lets loose with these amazing telekinetics he’s never told her about, and people go flying, swords embed themselves in trees and in the ground, arrows bounce off him like rubber balls—”