Mind Over Psyche

by Karina L. Fabian

  “Sweet! It’s a keytar!” When nothing happened but the continued clicking of the timer, Joshua hesitated.

  “Its shape and soul are determined by you,” Tamae pressed.

  “Right! Um, built in amplifier and power system with enough juice to last our mission, sturdy but lightweight, Yamaha SHS-10 body, special effect sound keys on the handle, silver, with a strap?”

  A flash, and Tasmae’s weapons cabinet transformed into a curtain, partly opened to reveal an the oddest instrument she had ever seen.

  “Yes!” Joshua pumped the air with his fist and snatched up the keytar. He caressed it lovingly before sliding into the strap and slinging it on his back. “Told you!” He said excitedly.

  “Shh!” She hissed.

  The Sphinx was speaking again: “Russian dolls. Celtic scrollwork. Gordian knots.”

  Joshua’s triumphant smile faded.

  “Are you saying the trap Alugiac has set for Deryl is like these other things?” Tasmae demanded.

  The Sphinx merely repeated himself.

  “Arrgh!” Tasmae ran her fingers through her hair. “He is worse than the Ydrel! Joshua, tell me what these things are!”

  “Russian dolls fit inside each other; Celtic scrollwork—” Joshua drew one in the air with his finger. “—complex design, no discernible beginning or end. Gordian knot, ancient legend, too complex to untie; Alexander the Great cut it with a sword.”

  “You’re describing Deryl’s trap,” Tasmae said with authority. “Illusion within illusion, each getting more tangled and complex, until he can’t get out by going through.”

  “Correct. Here is your reward. Listen well.

  “The Gordian’s knot could not be untied, though luck and skill had many who tried. Alexander cut it to keep his word. Deryl’s survival, and yours, rely on the absurd.”

  “What?” Tasmae started to argue, but Joshua gripped her hand.

  “We’ll figure that one out later,” he hissed. The Sphinx was speaking again.

  “The Master asks this of him, but it is not his Call. Ask this of him, and you endanger all. His spirit is strong, but not for this task. His purpose is set; beware what you ask.”

  Joshua looked at Tasmae. “Deryl told me the Master wanted to make him into a weapon. Sphinx, is it that we can’t ask Deryl to hurt anyone?”

  “To kill,” Tasmae said, suddenly regretting what had happened at the salle and the field. “We must never ask him to kill.”

  *

  When Clarissa got home from work, Deryl had the house clean, the candles lit and romantic music playing on the stereo, and was reclining on the couch, chuckling over The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

  “What’s so funny?” She asked as she set her purse on the side table and went to him. She set her hands on his shoulders and kissed the top of his head.

  He realized he couldn’t remember anything from the novel except the “Mostly Harmless” joke. He held the book so she could see the cover. “Joshua sent it to me years ago, but I’d never gotten around to reading it. Found it this afternoon when I was cleaning up.”

  “Yeah, I noticed. The place looks great.”

  “Thanks.” He set the book down and got up to put his arms around her. He kissed her lightly. “I cleaned the whole place, including that closet we never dare to open. And I hauled a bunch of junk to the Goodwill bin, took a long swim—”

  “Did you do any work on that program?” She demanded.

  He smiled proudly. “Worked, finished, compiled, and delivered. And I’ve made your favorite Chinese dinner.”

  She blinked at him with exaggerated awe. “Did you sprain your finger dialing?”

  He did his best to look affronted. “I ordered on-line, madam! Speaking of, Joshua e-mailed. He has a break in his touring schedule in June and Sachiko’s taking time off, so they’re coming up to visit for a few days.”

  She sighed and hugged him closer. “I could get used to this. We should have put you on that extra medication a long time ago.”

  “I certainly have more energy,” he replied, as he rested his cheek on her and started to shift his weight from one foot to the other, easing her into a slow dance. He really didn’t want to talk about it. It had been a week since Dr. Acker had shown them the MRI, which blazed with color and activity in the area that should have been dark and null, and had said that somehow, impossibly, his mind was rebuilding connections. They’d left with two new prescriptions and the warning that if these “seizures” Continued, they might have to completely remove that part of his brain.

  Since then, the days had been strange and full of holes. He didn’t remember finishing the program, only sitting at the computer with the intention of working on it. When he returned to himself, he was pressing “Send” to deliver the finished product to her parents. Even more, some of those blackouts resembled the “Callings” He’d had as a teen. The ones of Tasmae were hazy and shadowed, however; he could hear her, almost feel her, but not see her, and the feelings of incompleteness ate away at his soul. The Callings of the Master, equally distant and subtle, played a darker accompaniment: whispers of how Deryl was so much better, so much more than mere humans, gentle suggestions that he could get back his power, have anything—everything—he wanted, if only he would use that ability, succumb to the Master’s training, and follow through.

  The resurgence of his abilities frightened him more. Twice he’d picked up the phone before it rang, knowing who was on the other side, and when he’d opened the Closet of Doom and its contents had spilled out, everything had fallen around him, leaving him in a small clear circle.

  Through it all, a small but persistent voice insisted that none of this was real. The only time he felt truly normal was with Clarissa, and he had to fight his panic each time she left him for the fitness club where she worked as an instructor.

  After the second day, he’d forced himself to call Dr. Acker about it, though he told him only about the blackouts. The psychiatrist had told him that it would take time for the medications to build up in his system and that as long as the “seizures” didn’t last too long or become too intense, he should stay calm and busy and be patient. He’d hung up, only slightly reassured. He vowed not to mention anything to Clarissa. Thankfully, nothing happened when she was with him. He’d buried himself in activities he only half-remembered and tried to concentrate only on the present. It was helping, some.

  “You’re awfully quiet all of a sudden,” She murmured.

  He rubbed her back, reaching under her T-shirt. “Why are you talking?” He countered.

  She pulled back with a smile that made his heart skip. “Maybe I should change clothes? Walk into a little perfume?”

  “Only if I get to watch.”

  One of Joshua’s CDs started playing as hand in hand, they wandered into the bedroom.

  *

  Joshua smiled at Tasmae as he sat on the cushions, running his hands over the keys of the guitar-style keyboard, playing with the function keys. The game was over, and the Sphinx gone, and though they had not been able to make out all the riddles, they did well enough that Joshua felt rather pleased with himself. “I told you this was a good idea. Now, I’ve got this, and we also have a lot more information to make plans with.”

  “Do we?” She paused in her pacing to snap. “We still don’t know ‘where’ Deryl is or how to get to him. You have that thing, but do you know why? If the information is accurate, there’s supposed to be no way we can defeat Alugiac!”

  Joshua set his keytar aside and stood to lay a steadying hand on Tasmae. He could feel her quaking. “Calm down, Taz. You’re not going to be able to help Deryl if you get this upset. Think with me. The Sphinx never said we can’t defeat Alugiac. We just can’t kill Alugiac, and we can’t ask Deryl to kill him. Deryl is trapped, somehow, in the illusions Alugiac has set for him, and while we might be able to
help him, only he can break himself out. Us, too, because we’ll be in his ‘world’ once we find him. When we do find him, our talents will be at odds with Alugiac’s, so we can’t expect to do anything major. Am I right so far? What else?” He waited encouragingly as she took a deep breath and released it.

  “We need allies to help us find him—but I can’t Call anyone!”

  He flopped onto the cushions and picked up the keytar.

  “I can.”

  Her eyes widened with realization. “Yes, you can!”

  She knelt beside him. “Try, Joshua! Use your music to bring Deryl to us.”

  *

  On the CD, Joshua was singing about returning to his True Love, and Deryl found himself humming the melody. That awful sense of unreality threatened to sweep over him, but he drowned himself in Clarissa’s kisses.

  ENJOYING YOURSELF, DERYL?

  Go away! Deryl commanded the voice in his mind. You aren’t real!

  I AM THE ONLY REALITY, DERYL.

  The world around him dissolved and became dark fog, then sharpened again until he was back in the padded room at South Kingston Mental Wellness Center. He groaned. This time, he stood up and shouted, “Alugiac! Come out and fight me!”

  “Shh!” Joshua hushed from behind him. “That is about the last thing we need right now!”

  “Joshua?” Deryl whirled, and saw his friend was dressed in the loose tunic and pants of Tasmae’s world. “Taz!” He ran to her, but stopped before he got too close. “Are you real?” He demanded.

  “Is this real?” She asked, and flung herself into his arms, kissing him enthusiastically. He felt her mind flowing into his, filling him with wholeness. He responded with equal ardor.

  Beside them, Joshua cleared his throat loudly. “Can we save that until after we’re out of here?”

  “How?” Deryl replied.

  “Actually, it’s easier than you think.” Joshua grinned. “Turns out the Netherworld is all about teleportation. You just need the right key—and mine happens to be B Flat.” He hummed a note, then sang, “Be it ever so humble / There’s no place like home” As he pushed open the door. Beyond lay a landscape of rough plains, with low grass and small scrubby trees Deryl had only seen in books. Past them were tall mountains, green moving to blue-gray in the distance. The sky was a fantastically deep blue with white puffy clouds. A few cattle grazed under the hot summer sun.

  “Westcliffe,” Joshua said fondly. “Mom and Dad’s ranchland, in fact. I’ll have some explaining to do about how I got there, but at this point, I don’t really care.” He turned back to Deryl and Tasmae and asked wryly, “You’re not coming back with me, are you?”

  Deryl stayed in Tasmae’s embrace. “No.”

  Joshua shrugged. “Well, good luck. Taz? Tell everyone I said thanks.”

  He stepped through the door and was gone.

  Deryl watched the scene fade before him, then looked back at his love. “So what do we do?”

  “I Called you into the world. I simply need to Call you back.” She whispered in his ear, “Return to me.”

  A moment of blackness, then he was lying on a mattress on the ground in a dark tent. He sat up.

  “Tasmae?” He started to call, but she silenced him by placing her mouth over his. Soon, she had joined him under the blankets and the next time he called her name, it was with a moan of pleasure.

  *

  “What did you call me?” Clarissa’s soft high voice demanded.

  “What?” Deryl blinked and found himself back in their apartment, in bed, leaning over Clarissa. He pulled back from her hastily.

  Her softly worried look just as quickly turned into one of alarm. “Oh, no. No. Did you take your pills today?”

  “What?” He wasn’t sure whether he should wonder why he was here or why he should find that wrong. He ran his hand through his hair and rubbed the scar at the base of his skull. The headache was back, along with the fear.

  Clarissa didn’t answer, just threw on a robe and ran to the bathroom. After a few moments, he pulled on some pants and followed her. As he expected, he found her pouring out his pills and counting them into her hand.

  “You took them. You took them,” She said tremblingly as she poured them into the bottle. A couple spilled onto the floor. Calmly, he picked them up and put them carefully back into the bottle, then took her hands in his. She looked him, her eyes glassy with tears. “You took them,” She whispered, “so why is this happening?”

  She looked so scared. He didn’t want to hurt her. “Dr. Acker said it was going to take time.”

  “It’s been a week!”

  “He said it could take months. We have to be patient. Shhh. It’s going to be all right.” He tried to embrace her, but she resisted.

  “Were you with her?” She demanded.

  “No,” he lied, and he pulled her close.

  This time, she buried her face into his chest, shaking as she fought to contain her sobs. “I can’t lose you.”

  “You won’t lose me,” he whispered automatically. “I promise, you’re not going to lose me.”

  He kissed her hair, her forehead, traced her hairline with his lips to her ear. After a moment, she began to respond, her lips playing over his chest and neck. Soon, their kissing grew more urgent and they pulled at their clothing as they moved as one back to the bedroom.

  They made it out of the bathroom, but not to the bed, and when the time came, Deryl made sure to call her name.

  Chapter 27

  “It didn’t work!” Tasmae paced the small cave, her fists clenched. She rounded on Joshua. “Why didn’t it work?”

  “I don’t know!” He’d been singing almost nonstop for the past half hour. His fingers were sore from the activity after so many days without practice, and he could feel the tightness in his throat. He took a deep breath, forced himself to relax. “Maybe it can’t be that easy.”

  “Does Deryl know we’re here?”

  “I tried to get him that message. Making up stuff on the fly isn’t as easy as it sounds.”

  She stalked to where the weapons cabinet had once stood, turned and stalked back. He wished she would stop. He felt like he was watching a panther, with no glass wall to protect him if she decided to pounce. His neck reminded him of her strength.

  “Does Alugiac know we’re here?” She demanded.

  “I don’t know.” He closed his eyes trying to banish the fear that thought brought. “We need allies.”

  “How? So far, you have called up imaginary creatures and disembodied voices.”

  “And Lattie.”

  “Who tried to distract us from saving Deryl!”

  “Okay!” He jumped up to snap in her face. She froze in surprise, and despite her weapons and her status, she suddenly seemed very young and vulnerable.

  He backed away from her and brought the keytar in front of him. “Okay. I don’t think we can come at Deryl directly—maybe that’s good if that will put us in Alugiac’s sights. And I can call people—I just have to be more careful.”

  “You should have a weapon,” She said. Her voice trembled just a bit.

  He held up the keytar. “I have a weapon. I just need to use it better. This helps because there’s a lot of music on Earth that doesn’t have words, but has very specific associations—like the Twilight Zone theme. Certain sounds, too; things I can’t recreate with my voice but can with the keytar. It also helps me when I’m changing words. Staying with the melody and rhythm adds to the power of the song, but I can play the melody first while I check the scanning without influencing anything—I think.”

  “You think?”

  He nodded, his fingers playing scales, making adjustments. Just feeling the plastic of the keys reassured him. “I think I know what to do. We need an ally, and it has to be someone Deryl can trust, too. If he’s really trapped i
n illusions made from his memories, like we think the riddle said, there’s only one person I know who can help us.” He closed his eyes, pictured his fiancée clearly in his mind, and played the chorus of the song he’d written to propose to her not a week ago:

  I trust your heart

  I believe your words

  I really need your help now girl

  We need to save Deryl, please do your part

  So I can believe your words

  And trust your heart.

  “Joshua?” Came a voice from the narrow entrance of the cave.

  “In here!” He called, warning himself to stay cool. She’s no more real than Lattie was, he told himself firmly.

  Still, when he saw her at the entrance, his heart leapt. “Hey, beautiful!”

  But instead of smiling in return, her eyes narrowed. “Joshua, is that you?”

  His smile faded into confusion. “What’s wrong, ‘Ko, baby?”

  “Where are your bandages?” She asked as walked straight to him, running her hands searchingly over his throat. He could feel the tension in her fingers and in her shoulders as he set his hands over them. It still felt so good to touch her.

  “What’re you talking about, ‘Ko?”

  “Where are your bandages? Where are your scars? He slit your throat, Joshua; I saw him do it. I thought you were going to die, and the doctors said you’d never sing—” She stopped, suddenly noticing the cave room with its pillows and abundance of plants. “Oh, buh! This is a dream!” She relaxed, though her smile was sad. “Will you sing for me again?”

  “He what? No, babe, he…” A horrible idea occurred to Joshua. He’d somehow summoned the Sachiko from Deryl’s illusions. He placed his hands over his fiancée’s and drew them from his neck, fighting back the feeling of loss. He guided her to sit next to him. “It’s not a dream, babe. What I’m going to tell you is pretty unbelievable, but I swear to you, it’s true, and it’s real. And if we’re going to help Deryl, I need you to believe me.”

  He explained everything, starting with Tasmae and ending with Sachiko’s arrival in the cave. Her lips curled into a half-smile. “So this is the Twilight Zone? Funny. It’s more colorful than I’d expected.”