by Jerry Boyd
“Talk to you later, then.”
“Later on, Will.” I almost got the thing put away. “Captain Wilson.”
Topper said, “Joshua and Rikki just came out of FTL. They would like to talk to you.”
“Send them down, I’ll put on a couple of extra steaks.”
“I’ll pass the word. Thanks, Boss.”
“No sweat. How are things on the Gene?”
“Frank has decided to behave, since Scotti has Shorty and the Marines checking on Julie several times a day. Other than that, pretty mellow.”
“Frank coming up with anything on Shorty’s ideas about sensing normal space from FTL?”
“Not that I’ve heard, but you know Frank waits till his ideas are ready before saying anything.”
“Just curious, that sounds like something we could make good use of.”
“It does, doesn’t it? Really makes you wonder just how much the Squirrels were holding the Commonwealth back.”
“I want to know that story, and then again I don’t. As long as we’re not sure about all of it, we can give the Squirrels the benefit of the doubt. Once we know for sure, it might be hard to forgive them.”
“Some days, I’m glad I’m not organic, so I don’t have to deal with that sort of thing.”
“Some days, I wish you were, so we could go fishing and tell one another lies.”
“Lonesome, Boss?”
“All the friends I brought out here with me are off taking care of their own ships.”
“You can come back aboard whenever you want to, you know. The Gene is still your ship. I’m just keeping your seat warm.”
“I know that. I need to spend some time here while I can. You know, and I know, that this calm spell won’t last. Did you have any luck tracking that old friend of yours you lost touch with?”
“I figured out what ship he was last sold to, and when and where that ship was last seen, and where she was headed when she left. I haven’t found any further mention of her.”
“No reports of ships adrift, no sightings of pirate vessels that could be her in new paint?”
“None, Boss.”
“That’s plain flat weird. Ships don’t just vanish. That might make a good test of the new sensors, when we get them, as long as they’re able to pick up a ship adrift.”
“Boss, as long ago as they were lost, we’re talking cubic light-years of space to search.”
“That’s why we need the new sensors, so we can search at FTL. We could never cover that much volume, flying in normal space. Besides, there’s that brilliant algorithm you’re about to come up with that will cut the search by three-quarters.”
“Flattery doesn’t help, Boss. I’m a bot. I will see what I can do about narrowing the search, though.”
“Good enough. Need anything else?”
“A quiet afternoon, playing Frisbee with you and Snitz?”
“We could all use that, I think. Talk to you later.”
“Bye, Boss.” I laid out the fire, and lit it. Before it was burned down to coals, my comm rang again. “Bob Wilson.”
“Bawb, there are two of the little shit shovelers trying to get down to your house. Should I let them through?”
“Yes, Morning Flower. They are friends of mine. Thanks for looking out for me.”
“Any time, Bawb.”
“Bye.”
“Bye, Bawb.” Shortly, the ship Joshua and Rikki had left in came in for a landing out front. The two fighters escorting them peeled off. I waved at Morning Flower, and she waggled her wings. I went around the house to greet our guests, and found Nikki already taking care of it. Joshua saw me coming around the house, and said, “Hi Bob. Thanks for inviting us to supper.”
“Just easier than flying up to the Gene to get your report. Rank has privileges, you know.”
“Save that line of crap for somebody who didn’t live next door to you for twenty years. I’ve heard it all before, and I didn’t believe it then, either.”
Nikki said, “He has to try, Joshua. You know that, don’t you?”
“I do. I can’t even count the number of times I tried to pay him for helping me with something. He’s pure hillbilly, no doubt about that.”
Something clicked in my head. I said, “You never put up any antennas! Those waveguides and things you had me machine never had a thing to do with ham radio, did they?”
“C’mon, Bob, you just now figured that out?”
“I never really cared, to tell you the truth. You were a good neighbor, if you thought you needed those parts, they weren’t that tough to make, and it was a good excuse to get out in the shop.”
“I always wondered why you didn’t ask about them.”
“I didn’t figure you were going to hurt anybody with them, so whatever they were for was your business.”
Nikki was looking back and forth between the two of us. Finally, she said, “You mean you had him building parts for Galactic equipment for years, before I got caught in his garage?”
Joshua looked sheepish. “I suppose so. Is that a problem?”
“I guess not. It does help explain how he kept his cool when I showed up, though.”
It was my turn to be confused. “How do you mean, Space Cadet?”
“If you had been living next to an alien for all those years, helping him with parts for his equipment, finding a different alien in your garage wouldn’t be as big a shock.”
“I never knew Joshua was from out of town. What difference does that make?”
“You’re going to tell me Joshua never did or said things you didn’t understand, that you just let slide?”
“Of course, but that happens with everybody. Why should that be special?”
Joshua spoke up. “Ma’am, you’re forgetting that he isn’t what you would call normal. All his life, he’s been the one who’s odd, so whenever something a little off happens, he just assumes he read the situation wrong, and tries to fix it.”
I said, “I am still here, you know.”
Nikki touched my arm. “I know, Caveman. Sorry.”
“No biggie. I just don’t understand what you two are arguing about.”
Nikki said, “Joshua is saying that because you’re on the spectrum, you assume whatever happens around you that is strange is your fault.”
“Well, yeah, what would you expect? If I was smart enough, I would understand, and it wouldn’t be strange.”
Nikki pondered that for a minute. She looked at Joshua. “That’s really how he looks at life, isn’t it?”
“Yes, Ma’am, it is. If someone acts differently than what he expects, they must have a good reason, and if he can figure it out, he can understand them.”
Nikki looked at me, wonderingly. “Caveman, I never understood that about you. I’m sorry.”
I was confused by everything they were talking about, and now Nikki seemed upset. I didn’t like that, at all. I said, “Whatever I did to upset you, I’m sorry, Space Cadet. Could you explain what I did wrong?”
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Bob. You’re fine. I just understand you a little better now.”
That sounded like she was trying to make me feel better for doing something she couldn’t explain to me, because I was too dumb. I wasn’t happy about it, but I didn’t want to fight with her. I shouldn’t have had her take Steve’s cold reading course, I guess, because she could see I didn’t like that answer. “What’s wrong, Caveman?”
“You won’t tell me what I did, because I’m too dumb to understand. I’ll try and do better.”
She came and hugged me. She said, “No, I’m the one who was dumb. I didn’t understand how you see the world, I just expected it was the way I see it. Please don’t feel like you did something wrong, because you didn’t. Pregnancy hormones are making me a little weird, and I’m not saying things as well as I might, but it isn’t your fault.”
I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just held her for a bit. Finally, I said, “Thanks. Can we talk about it more when
we don’t have company?”
“Sure. Sorry I embarrassed you.”
“It’s okay. I’m just being too touchy about it.”
“No, you’re not. I shouldn’t have brought it up in front of company. Joshua just surprised me, I guess.”
“He is a little squirrelly.” I hadn’t actually meant to make a joke, but at least it broke the serious mood, and we all had a laugh. I asked, “You fellas want to come to the backyard? You can tell me about your trip while I grill the steaks.” They thought that was a good idea, and Nikki went in to bring out the food. Once I had the grill set up the way I wanted it, I asked, “You must have something important, to need to report right away. Lay it on me.”
Rikki spoke up. “Boss, you were right. Those nuts I remembered were walnuts. I left the hulling machine, and they think they can put out a ton or so a year. Not much, compared to what the Squatch collect, or what you can buy back on Earth, but it’s a start.”
“Did you tell them to be careful of the cartel?”
“I did. They told me that their ancestors told stories of how the cartel tried to drive them out of the walnut business, and they know how to keep a low profile.”
“You think they will be okay, then?”
“I do. They were glad to get the huller. I think you have more fans.”
“I do try to make friends with people. Did you have something else to tell me, or is Joshua the one with the bad news?”
“That’s on Joshua, Boss. I had a pretty good trip.” I looked at Joshua. And waited. Finally he said, “It wasn’t that bad, Bob. I just misplaced a decimal.”
“You mean that fellow with the warrant out for him was worth more than a measly thirty ounces?”
“Yes. I messed up the math. It was three thousand. Sorry, I really wasn’t trying to cheat you. I left the money with Topper, he said he would get it deposited in the company account.”
I asked, “Rikki, you’ve been cooped up with him for a while, what do you think? Was it all a mistake, or was he trying to pull one over on the stupid monkey?”
“I think he honestly screwed up the math. He did get sent to your planet, indefinitely. Not what you’d call the sharpest knife in the drawer.”
“There is that, but I’ve seen him do some fairly smart things, over the years. I have a hard time believing he just blew the math.”
Joshua said, “Honest, Bob, I wasn’t trying to steal from you! Please believe me?”
I had let the pain go on long enough. “Joshua, I’ve taken Steve’s course. I knew you were telling me the truth the first time. It was fun to watch you squirm, though.”
He looked at me, shocked. “You asshole! You scared the crap out of me! I thought you were going to send me for a walk without a suit.”
“I guess we’re even, for you stirring up trouble with Nikki.” She came out just then, and asked, “Talking about me, are you?”
I replied, “No, dear. Just getting revenge for Joshua upsetting you.”
“Really? What’s his new job? Scrubbing out the ships that hauled the outhouse shovelers? With a toothbrush?”
“I really need to ask you about these things before I do them. I like your solution way better than mine.”
Joshua was looking uncomfortable. Nikki asked, “Oh? So what did you do?”
“Made him think I was going to space him, for trying to cheat me out of most of the bounty money on that fellow he hauled to Oak.”
“Why did he try to cheat you?”
“He didn’t. It was just a math error, converting from Squirrel units to ours.”
“And you let him think you didn’t believe him?”
“I did. Probably didn’t make him suffer as long as I should have, but I got his attention.”
“You take such good care of me, Caveman. Thanks.” I put the food on to cook, and we all sat and talked till it was ready. We sat around eating, and drinking beer. I said, “You two go easy on that, we don’t have time for you to hibernate.”
Joshua looked confused. Rikki said, “I overindulged, when I was overdue to hibernate, anyhow. Took me two days to wake up.”
Joshua said, “What are you, a teenager, to lose track of your hibernation like that?”
“I had just come out of the autodoc, and lost track of my cycle. The alcohol tipped me over the edge.”
I said, “Tikki made it sound like that was a normal reaction to getting too drunk.”
Rikki replied, “Not usually. She was just trying to cover for me. In our culture, it’s embarrassing for a grown man to lose track of his cycle like that. She didn’t want to admit my failing to you.”
“That’s understandable.”
Nikki asked, “How were things back in Squirrel space? Have they put a bounty on Bob’s head, yet?”
Joshua said, “Not that we heard of. Why do you ask?”
I said, “I met a fellow who really wanted to take me to Oak for trial.”
Rikki asked, “Oh? What happened?”
“He had a nasty accident. Fell on his XO’s knife. Tragic, really. They couldn’t get him to the autodoc in time.”
Joshua asked, “I’m guessing he fell backwards, so that the knife entered his back?”
“Now that you mention it, I think he did.”
“I take it the XO was easier to get along with?”
“Much. I’m acquainted with his Uncle.”
Rikki asked, “His Uncle?”
“Fella by the name of Natti Dressi. We’ve done a little trading. He’s a nice enough guy.”
“You dealt with Captain Dressi, and you still have shoes? You are a better negotiator than I gave you credit for.”
“He’s just afraid I’ll sic the pros on him again, if he doesn’t behave.”
Joshua asked, “Pros?”
“Dee Sloan and Beatriz Cachi. They negotiated with him the first time he showed up. He’s wise. They scared him.”
Joshua said, “I’ve met Dee. If she thinks Beatriz is fit to ride with, I wouldn’t want to go up against the two of them.”
Nikki said, “They spent a week and a half in the armory, trying to figure out who was the better shot. Neither one of them missed, so they never got their answer.”
Rikki said, “Ladies who can shoot? Pity their ears are set so low.”
Nikki replied, “That’s all well and good for Beatriz. Dee’s husband is a better shot than she is.” I thought I was going to see something new, for a bit, but Rikki managed not to shoot beer out his nose. He said, “Oh! No offense was intended, I assure you.”
Nikki replied, “It would take more than that to get Grandpa mad.”
“Grandpa?”
“Yes, she is married to my Grandfather, Dingus Sloan. Also known as Dingolus Slongum, the Lost Guide.”
“I met him on the Gene. He is the Captain of his own ship now, is he not?”
I said, “He is. I got mouthy over the comm, and we had to wake up the Navy, before I really wanted to.”
Rikki replied, “That’s not going to make you popular with the folks back home.”
“Unless they send someone who actually knows how to fight a ship, I don’t think it will be a problem.”
Joshua asked, “What do you mean, Bob?”
“So far they have been sending dregs, who couldn’t fight their way out of a paper bag. If they send people who are actually trained to fight a ship, I may have more trouble, especially if they get here before the rest of the fleet gets back.”
Rikki asked, “The people they have been sending aren’t their best?”
“The first bunch certainly wasn’t. This last group was better, but they still seemed awfully easy to defeat. Give them something shiny to look at, and hit them from behind. No big deal. One thing I was curious about, though. How common is stunner resistance among your people?”
Joshua said, “Not common at all. Why do you ask?”
“The fleet they sent to the Navy yard had more resistant people than we had seen before. Two or three times as many.
We assumed it was a sign they were finally taking us seriously.”
Rikki said, “Most of the people with stunner resistance get recruited to work in intelligence. I’ve never heard of a ship crew having a large proportion of them.”
Nikki asked, “You mean the ships they sent after Bob had an intelligence presence, like they were trying to gather intel on him?”
“It sounds that way, yes.”
I replied, “We never did get around to seeing how many resistant people there were in that last fleet they sent. I hope young Snappi made it home all right.”
Joshua asked, “You mean you didn’t have to stun the last bunch?”
“Nope. Just killed their ability to maneuver, and told them to get out of my sky.”
“And that worked?”
“After young Snappi’s Captain had his accident, we didn’t have any more trouble.”
Rikki said, “Seems odd that they would come in force, and fold so easily.”
I replied, “I thought so too, but they didn’t try to sneak back into the system for a second round.”
Nikki said, “It almost sounds like the fellow who had the accident was the only one who wanted to come after you, Bob.”
“We have no way of knowing what happened on the other ships. It might be that all the Captains had accidents.”
Joshua asked, “Why would you say that, Bob?”
“Snappi didn’t seem the least bit worried that the other ships would take offense at his action. It seems unlikely that would be the case, unless the other ships had similar changes in management.”
He replied, “You think the junior officers of the whole fleet killed the Captains who were about to get them killed, at the same time?”
“That’s the conclusion that the evidence brings me to. It seems to me that something like that would have to be prearranged, in order to work.”
Nikki said, “How could they hope to get away with something like that? Surely, the higher-ups back on Oak would frown upon that sort of thing.”
Joshua said, “They most certainly would. They would have to take the fleet rogue to keep their freedom, I would think.”
I asked, “Do you have any contacts back home who could give you an idea what’s happening?”
