by Jerry Boyd
Rikki said, “I’ll call my sister. She’s always up on the latest gossip.” He wandered off by himself, and got out his comm. He talked for a bit, and then came back and joined us. He said, “It seems that the fleet that came to get you wasn’t the only thing that had a change of management. Several elder statesmen had, what did you say, ‘accidents’. It seems there is a new government on Oak.”
I asked, “Is there any way to tell if they will be more or less friendly to humans?”
Rikki said, “Humans, in general, I doubt there will be much change. Bob Wilson, in particular, well, you have been mentioned in speeches by the new government.”
“Do I want to know?”
“They say that the previous government’s attempts to capture or stop you were misguided, and that you have done nothing to show hostility toward the people of the Oak Empire. They say hostilities will cease, and they will send an ambassador to negotiate a treaty with you.”
Nikki said, “Good news, if true.”
I replied, “You’ve been hitting the culture pack. I agree, though. We have no way to verify that they mean what they say.”
Nikki said, “All we can do is wait for the next Squirrel ship to come out of FTL, and see how it acts.”
Rikki said, “Supposedly, the Ambassador is already on his way.”
I said, “I’m sure he’ll arrive at the most inconvenient time possible. I wonder what they want to negotiate for?”
Joshua said, “I would think a non-aggression pact would probably be the top of the list. They seem to be scared of this fleet you have.”
“Did you see a fleet when you flew in?”
“No, I didn’t. I presume that means you have them hidden somewhere while your crew brings them back to good condition.” I looked at Nikki. “I think he’s been around me enough to know how I work, don’t you?”
“So it would seem, Caveman.” I looked back at Joshua. “Besides, they’re not all being repaired. Some of them have already been brought up to operating condition, and are on a mission.” Shock, on a Squirrel’s face, is a hard thing to see, and not laugh. I nearly did it, but Nikki giggled, and I was done for. Joshua tried hard to look offended, but soon he was laughing, too. Rikki sat and waited, not understanding. Joshua said, when he was moving air again, “Rikki, you have to understand. Our relatives on their planet are small nut-eaters, and are commonly the subject of internet humor. When I looked shocked, it looked just like one of those jokes. I would still like to know about this mission you were talking about, though, Bob.”
“Nothing much, just relocating some colonists who had chosen their home poorly.”
“I guess I’m missing something. You’ve had plenty of freighters to do as big of a move as you wanted for quite some time now. Why move them now, just because you have the fleet?”
“First, the planet they were on made them mean, and they weren’t going to go peacefully, so we had to wait until we had enough Marines to round them up without hurting them. Second, until I talked to one of the ships we salvaged, I had no idea where to put them. Third, it’s a good opportunity for one of my new Captains to get some experience.” Joshua turned to Nikki. “He always makes it sound so simple, doesn’t he?”
She replied, “Just because it is simple, doesn’t mean it is easily accomplished. I think maybe you are confusing simple with straightforward. Just because there aren’t many steps to accomplish, doesn’t mean that the individual steps are easy.”
“Maybe. But it just flows when he does it.”
“He’s been worrying about what to do for those people for a few weeks, now. He knew what he needed to have to fix their problem, but not how to get it. Suddenly, everything he needed to make his plan work fell into his lap. He just set the plan in motion. From the outside, it looks really quick, but when you’ve seen him sweat the details for weeks, it just looks like it happened the way he planned it.”
“You mean he worked out all the problems in his head, beforehand, and then just worked the plan?”
“Yep. He usually works that way.”
I said, “You two talking about me like a lab rat isn’t really my favorite thing, you know?”
Nikki said, “Sorry, Hon. You just do things differently than most people, that’s all.”
“I’m supposed to wait till the crap hits the fan to figure out what to do, when it does? All that does is make me make bad decisions in a hurry, and mess up. I don’t like to mess up.” We talked for a while after that, enjoying the company and the downtime. I should have known it wouldn’t last. My comm rang. “Commodore Wilson.”
Topper said, “Boss, we have company. Biggest Squirrel ship I’ve seen. They aren’t attacking, but I would feel a lot better with you in the big chair.”
“Keep them occupied, I’ll be there ass-ape.” Ozzie’s Toy lit up, as Ace got her ready to fly. The four Marines of my protective detail appeared out of the night. Suddenly, Nikki was growing out of my hip, saying, “You’re not leaving me behind again, Caveman. Let’s go! Snitz saw what was happening, and beat us all to the ship. I called over my shoulder, “See you guys later.” We were barely through the hatch when Ace lifted, shouting, “Get that hatch secured. Vacuum in thirty seconds.” Ace pushed the limits a bit, because we could feel some acceleration, over the compensators. Nikki and I grabbed seats, and the Marines braced. Snitz jumped in my lap. Ace put Morning Flower on the speaker when she called and said, “Fly safe, Bawb.”
“You, too, Morning Flower.” Right after that, I felt us go into FTL. Good thing there were no Patrol regulations in this system. The next thing I felt was the ship docking aboard the Gene. The hatch started to open, and I ran for it, Nikki and Snitz right behind. I recognized Launch Bay 2, and ran for the passage to the bridge. Nikki and Snitz were right behind me. I blew through the door of the bridge, and Saucy hollered, “Commodore on the bridge!”
I responded, “As you were. Report!”
Topper said, “They jumped in, and they have just been waiting. No threats, they haven’t charged any weapons.”
Sue said, “Transponder code, Boss. It’s the one you gave Captain Dressi, the Elder.”
“Saucy, see if you can raise him. My ship, Topper.”
“I stand relieved, Boss.” Natti came on the screen, in fancier clothes than I had seen him wear before. He said, “Sorry to disturb your downtime, Commodore. It is good to see you again, though.”
“Good to see you, as well. Do you have a new title, to go with your new clothes?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. I am the Ambassador from the Oak Empire to Bob’s Saucer Repair.”
“Nice to meet you, Ambassador. What sort of agreement are you hoping to get, while you are here?”
“A non-aggression pact is my number one goal. You tear through our fleets with only the one ship. We have no desire to see what you can do, now that you have the Navy at your disposal.”
“Let me assure you, Ambassador, neither do I.”
“Are your negotiators available to start on the treaty?”
“As it happens, they are both away at the moment. I’ll get ahold of them, and have them here as soon as possible. Would it be acceptable for you and me to discuss things, informally, until they arrive?”
“I would enjoy that very much, Commodore.”
“Where do you propose we meet?”
“I have yet to get a tour of your ship. Would you mind if I came over there?”
“Not at all. Just follow the blinking lights.” Saucy cut the connection. I said, “Your ship, Topper. I’m going to see the Ambassador.” Nikki said, “Do you think you ought to go by the cabin and get your dress uniform? I can keep him busy for a few minutes.”
“Good idea. Topper, tell Jeeves I’m coming in hot, and I need the uniform he made for me.”
“On it, Boss.” I kissed Nikki and said, “I’ll catch up to you in a few minutes. Thanks for keeping him busy.” The transit was standing open, and I jumped in. When it stopped, I ran across to the
cabin. Jeeves had things laid out, and I was able to dress with no fuss at all. I said, “Good work, Jeeves”, as I ran back out the door. Back on the transit, I asked, “Gene, could you connect me with Commodore Sloan, please?”
“I don’t think so, but let me make certain. No, Boss, he is still in FTL.”
“How did you know he was in FTL, Gene?”
“Neil told me they were leaving to come back here, night before last. If they are flying as fast as I can, which they should be, they will be here in an hour or so.”
“What kind of range do we have on that beacon-communicator, so far?”
“Not much, Boss, but we can try. What do you want us to tell them?”
“To come out of FTL outside the system, so they don’t look like an attempt to intimidate the Squirrels.”
“You want the ‘Gun Grannies’ aboard as soon as possible, correct?”
“I do.” The transit opened, and I stepped out on a bad scene. Natti’s escorts had taken offense at the fact Nikki had come to greet him. Some of Andre’s boys were between the escorts and Nikki, with stunners drawn. I figured the only way to calm this down was to take charge. “Marines, Tenn-Hut!” I walked around in front of them. “What is the meaning of this? Why have you elected to insult my wife? Do you think that just because she is pregnant, she couldn’t handle this rabble all by herself?”
The Sergeant in charge of the squad said, “No offense intended, Boss. They moved toward Mrs. Wilson, and I reacted, without considering the implications. My responsibility, Boss.”
“Thank you for your diligence, Sergeant. I will leave it to Mrs. Wilson whether or not she wants to change your uniform to frilly dresses for a week or two.”
Nikki said, “I don’t think that will be necessary, Commodore. Thank you for the offer, though.” I did an about face, and looked at Natti’s escort. “You are guests on this ship, and will comport yourselves appropriately. If you wish to spar with someone, we have a student coming in shortly who would be more even with your skill level. If your only goal is a little nap, these fellows here will be more than happy to stun you.”
Their Sergeant spoke up. “You sent a female to greet our Ambassador. It is a deadly insult.”
“Hmm, diplomacy, the art of learning to tolerate and cooperate with foreign cultures. You did realize what your job was before you exited your ship, didn’t you? The only reason my wife got here before me, was that I stopped to change out of my work clothes, in an attempt to show your Ambassador some respect. Obviously, I should have saved myself the trouble, since you are only here to find something to be offended about.”
“You talk big, monkey, with your Marines to back you up.”
“That’s the way you feel about it, huh?” I turned to the Marines. “Sergeant, has Pete’s gym been repurposed yet?”
“No, Boss. Topper thought you might like to make another movie.”
“Excellent idea. Let’s do that.” I turned back to the mouthy escort. “Care to see whether I can back it up, or not?”
“What are you babbling about?”
“You and me, in a gym, we’ll see who can back it up, and who can’t. I’m feeling generous today, you can have that nasty little hideout knife your people seem to like, or your buddies, but not both.”
“You think you can defeat four trained Squirrel warriors? Perhaps we should be the ones making a movie. I will take your stupid challenge, monkey.”
The Ambassador spoke up. “You’ve done it now. He will humiliate you beyond belief.”
“Quiet, old man. Your silly revolution won’t last forever. Order will be restored.” I had figured that Natti would have some people with him trying to sabotage his mission. I hadn’t thought they would be so open about it, though. We went to Pete’s gym. It seemed so quiet without Greg in it. I handed my weapons to Nikki, then asked, “Did you decide which option you preferred?”
“We all want to humiliate you, uppity monkey.”
I looked at the Marines. “Be sure you get their knives this time. Don’t embarrass yourselves again.” They came up with a ceramic hideout from each of my opponents. I turned to Natti. “Those are nice knives, and evidently hard to detect. Do you suppose you could make some sized for monkey hands?”
He looked at me, grinning. “We would have to have all new molds. The tooling for that kind of ceramic isn’t cheap. We would have to have a lot of walnuts, before we could afford to do that.”
“Sounds like something I need to leave for Dee and Beatriz, then.” His face fell. “You don’t play fair, Commodore.”
“Did you expect me to?”
“Not at all.”
“Enough blather. Are we going to do this, or not?” I stepped onto the mat and said, “Whenever you feel lucky.” I didn’t want to do much in the way of damage, so I decided to throw them, rather than striking. After they made their first mad rush, and failed, Ambassador Dressi said, “Now you’re just showing off, Commodore.” I turned and looked at what he was talking about. My opponents were stacked, two one way, and two the other, like cribbing. I said, “I wish I could say I did that on purpose.” Nikki shouted, “Bob, lookout!” I let my legs fold, while I was trying to figure out where the threat was. One of those Squirrel throwing knives nicked my ear, on the way down. Two of the Marines grabbed the offender. I said, “Sergeant, front and center!” Once he had arrived, I said, “I thought you searched these idiots?”
“He had it hidden in his cheek, Boss. It won’t happen again.”
Dixie came through the door, and made a beeline for me. She handed me a vial, and said, “Drink it all, Boss. Right now.” I took the top off, and knocked it back. I said, “It has a nice kick, but it’ll never be popular with that taste.”
“Was anyone else exposed?”
“Check the fellow the Marines are holding. He drew from his cheek, he may have cut himself in the process.” She went over to where the Marines were holding him. “Open his mouth, boys. I need to have a look.” They pulled his jaws apart, and Dixie said, “Sure enough, Boss. Hold his nose, fellas.” She made him drink a vial of her antidote. She turned back to me and said, “That should keep him from dying before you can get a story out of him.”
I asked, “How did you know?”
She replied, “Mr. Branham never informed you he had given you an implant? That’s strange.”
“What kind of implant?”
“It sends out a distress beacon if it detects serious injury, or a poison in your system. It also has a locator beacon, if we were unable to find you for some reason.”
“Oh boy! I’m chipped like a stray dog, and nobody bothered to tell me.”
“Look on the bright side, Boss. If I hadn’t started this way until Gene told me you were in trouble. You would have been in the autodoc a couple of days.”
“That is nice. Thanks for the prompt service.” I turned to the Ambassador. “We have a problem. Your man committed a crime on my ship. You are here on a diplomatic mission, so technically, he has immunity. I would very much like to question him, and find out just who he works for.”
“Luckily, Commodore, I have a solution. As head of mission, I have the authority to revoke the immunity of any of my personnel at any time. I do so revoke him, at this time.”
The mouthy one started in. “You can’t just revoke him, because your friend asked you to, traitor.”
I said, “Pardon me, but is your hearing faulty? The Ambassador just said he has the authority to do exactly that, for any reason, or no reason at all. I don’t know the Ambassador all that well, but I doubt he would lie about something so easily checked.” He just fumed. I turned to Ambassador Dressi. “Who did you annoy to get saddled with such helpful staff?”
“The rebels have had to make concessions to the old guard to stay in power. This was the only way they would let this peace mission go forward. I told them they had no idea who they were up against, but they wouldn’t believe me.”
“One question. How heavily is your crew sprinkled wi
th these fine specimens?”
“Roughly half, I’d say. What do you have in mind, Commodore?”
“Do you think a demonstration would adjust their thinking?”
“I shudder to think what you might have in mind, Commodore, but that might be just the thing.”
I said, “Gene, get me Topper, please.”
“On it, Boss.” Topper’s voice came out of the speakers. “Yes, Boss?”
“Our guests have proven less congenial than I had hoped. Is it too late to change that beacon message?”
“Not quite. We are expecting them soon, however.”
“Provide our guests with a show, if you would. Points for precision flying.”
“Understood, Boss.” I turned to Natti. “Mr. Ambassador, if that doesn’t get their attention, nothing will. You might want to get a grip on something. Topper and Ruth won’t want to be left out.” Topper wasn’t kidding when he said it was nearly too late to change the message. It was only a couple of seconds before I felt the ship begin to maneuver. Gene was thoughtful enough to give us a view of the action, on one of the walls. Someone had figured out a way to bounce a message off the beacon, and back into FTL, because the entire fleet emerged together, something that the old-time Navy thought to be impossible. The carriers cycled through, each looking straight at the front of the Squirrel ship, with fully charged mains. We rotated through last, of course, since we had to charge our mains. When the front view of their ship came up on the screen, one of the fellows who had been giving me trouble fainted dead away. Another one decided it was an opportune time to have another look at his lunch. The Ambassador said, “I dread going back to my ship, now. The odor of urine and feces will be rather strong, I should think.”
“Sorry to inconvenience you.”
“No you’re not. I saw you grinning.”
“Guilty as charged, your honor.”
The one who tried to kill me said, “I had no idea, Commodore. They told me all the stories were just propaganda, that you were just another dumb monkey, who stumbled onto the mothballed fleet.”
I replied, “You did the best you could with the information provided to you. It’s hard to see how you could have figured out you were being lied to. You do, of course, realize that attempted murder is still going to be a little hard for me to overlook?”
