by Jerry Boyd
“I think that would be a nice way to get acquainted. I do have other things to worry about at the moment, however.”
“Really? What would they be?”
“Well, let’s see. The Ambassador was put into chemically induced hibernation, and we’ve yet to figure out how to wake him safely. I’ve gotten word that several of your Navy’s ships in this region have had mutinies, with the implication that they are headed here to put a stop to negotiations. That’s all I can think of, off the top of my head.”
“How many ships are headed this way?”
“That’s a good question. The report I got said there were nine mutinies, of which six were put down. There exists the possibility that some of the six were just cases where the mutineers managed to get the Captain’s comm codes so that they could report the mutiny as failed, when in fact it wasn’t. There also exists the possibility that there were other mutinies that happened so quickly that no message was sent. So we expect at least three ships, perhaps more, depending upon the competence of the mutineers.”
“You don’t look on the bright side, do you, Commodore.”
“Our company motto is ‘Murphy is our shepherd’, Captain. Surely the Ambassador has explained it to you.”
“He has. This is just the first time I’ve seen it in action.”
“I suppose your ship is generating some sort of beacon, that those ships can home in on?”
“All of our ships are so equipped, yes.”
“Very difficult to disable, I assume?”
“Nearly impossible, is my understanding, and a court martial offense to try.”
“The Ambassador could give you some cover there, if he was awake.”
“Is there anything we could do to speed that up?”
“Not unless your medical people have a handy test to figure out which drug he was given to induce his hibernation. I’m told if they try the wrong antidote, it could make things worse.”
“Your people have everything we know about those drugs, Commodore. Unless they can come up with something new, I’m afraid we’ll just have to wait for it to wear off.”
“Not what I wanted to hear, but what I expected. Is there anything we can do for you today?”
“No. I just wanted to check in, and see what all the battle prep was about.”
“Now you know as much as I do. Nearly nothing at all.”
“Is there anything in particular you need us to do, when these ships arrive?”
“Refrain from maneuvering, if you can. It’s likely that my ships will be all over the place, and if your ship is someplace predictable, that will help a great deal.”
“I can’t guarantee that, Commodore. If my ship is attacked, I will do whatever I think best, to protect her.”
“I would expect nothing less, Captain. We hope to protect you well enough so that doesn’t become an issue, but I can’t guarantee anything, either.”
“Hopefully, our best will be good enough. I’ve bothered you enough, you no doubt have things to take care of. Goodbye, Commodore.”
“Goodbye, Captain.” Nikki came onto the bridge. She said, “I brought you a cup of coffee, Caveman. Thought you could probably use it.”
“Thanks. What I could really use is a way to get rid of this feeling that I’m missing something.”
She sat down at a console, and checked the state of the fleet. When she finished, she said, “Caveman, the only thing I can see that I might have done differently, is to send Natti down to the planet, and I’m not sure that’s the best idea, anyway.”
“Either way, it’s too late to risk him, with the chance they will show up at any time.”
“You’re right there, Bob. I think you’ve got it set up as well as you can.”
“So all we have left is the hard part?”
“Hard part?”
“Waiting.”
“Yep.” We all sat around shooting the breeze for a couple of hours. Then a strange thing happened. Snitz came running onto the bridge for all he was worth, and jumped in my lap, like he did when I did simulator training. I wasn’t sure it meant anything, but I called out, “Look sharp! I think they’re on their way in.” Nikki gave me a heck of a look, but she found a seat and strapped in. Saucy answered, “Commodore Sloan reports five contacts, inbound.”
“Ask him to hold position, in case they have friends.”
Sue said, “I have them now, Boss. Looks like they’re homing on the beacon from the Squirrel flagship.”
“Mr. Topper, I would like destroyers between their exit points and that ship.”
“Orders sent, Boss.”
“Arrange the carriers to hit them from behind.”
“On it, Boss.”
Tex asked, “What weapons, Boss?”
“Drive killers and stunners, unless and until they fire lethal weapons. Attempt to disable, but do NOT put the Squirrel flagship in peril doing so. Clear?”
“Be nice unless they aren’t. Don’t kill anybody unless they are about to damage the Squirrel flagship.”
“Good. Send that to all carrier weapons officers. The folks on the destroyers are going to have to use their own judgment.”
Saucy said, “Orders sent and acknowledged, Boss.”
Sue said, “Five seconds.” I felt us jump, and saw the flagship ahead of us, with destroyers around it.
Sue said, “Three…, Two…, One.” The mutineers jumped in, weapons hot. The destroyers chewed up their weapon emplacements. The only shots they got off were toward the carriers. Every turret that fired, ceased to be soon after. When the shooting stopped, I asked, “Report.”
Topper said, “We took minor damage, Boss. The Shepherd reports a compartment open to vacuum, but there were no humans in it, and bots have already started repairs. The Aldrin reports no damage.”
“I’ll have to find out what John’s secret is.”
Topper replied, “Mostly, the way the Squirrels came out of FTL. The Aldrin only had to face one of them, while the other two carriers had two to deal with.”
Saucy said, “Commodore Sloan reports five more ships inbound.”
“Ruth, bounce.”
Ruth said, “Bouncing, Boss. I sent the order to the other carriers.”
“Good work. Jump us into weapons range when they come out. Sue, did we get good stunner hits on our two targets?”
“We did, but both of them had large contingents of stunner resistant individuals. It looked like they weren’t part of the regular crew, though. They weren’t at crew stations.”
“Saucy, tell the Marines aboard the Squirrel flagship that they may be facing boarders.”
“Their Lieutenant says, ‘No shit, Boss. They’re coming across now. Expect contact soonest.’.”
“Mr. Topper, do we have anyone we could send to help out?”
“No, Boss. We already sent everyone we could spare.”
“What about the Puller?”
“Already maneuvering to the aid of the Squirrels, Boss.”
“I would have to think we have very little to worry about, then.”
Saucy said, “The Lieutenant aboard the Squirrel ship says the Marines from the Puller captured all of the boarding parties except one, and his people were able to deal with them easily.”
“Tell him excellent work, and stand ready for more.”
“He acknowledges.” The second wave jumped in, facing outward, hoping to catch us unawares. Ruth and the other two pilots jumped our carriers in, but not where the Squirrels expected. All of their ships were missing the mains they had charged, in short order. As I had expected, these ships had boarding parties as well. Chesty’s boys saw to it that it wasn’t one of their better days. Saucy put Shorty on the speaker. “Boss, we just saw a couple of ships go by that looked an awful lot like ours. Heavy stealth, not much of anything in the way of emissions. I sent the tracks to Sue.”
“Thanks, Shorty. Let us know if you see anything else.”
“Will do, Boss.”
“Topper, are all the destroyers
busy guarding the Ambassador’s ship?”
“No, Boss, there are a couple that don’t fit into the formation around it.”
“Do they have enough Marines left to board those scout ships?”
“Nope.”
“What sort of personnel do they have?”
He looked at some data. “Hmm, says here they have boarding teams, who aren’t Marines. Let me check into it, Boss. I’ll get back with you in a minute.” He worked at it for a bit, and said, “I think they have people who could handle taking those ships, Boss. They would probably fit into a tight little ship like that, anyhow.”
“Do they have enough flashbangs to do it without too much drama?”
“They do.”
“Tell them to go catch us a couple of slippery eels, then.”
“On it, Boss.” We waited a few minutes, and Saucy said, “Eels in the basket, Boss. The destroyers are bringing them aboard.”
“Good work.” Tikki came running onto the bridge. I asked, “What’s wrong?”
“I was just talking to Captain Dressi. He said they were coming into the system, and he would be here soon. Then, all of a sudden, he shouted, and it sounded like he passed out.”
“How long ago was this?”
“Not long at all. Gene gave me priority.”
I looked at Topper and said, “Oops!”
“Yes, Boss. Big oops. Should I have the destroyers deliver those two ships to us?”
“I think that might be best.”
Tikki asked, “What just happened? I’m confused.”
Nikki said, “Shorty found a couple of ships sneaking into the system. The Commodore sent ships to capture them, thinking they were more mutineers. It would seem, however, that we managed to capture Captain Dressi.”
Saucy said, “Commodore Sloan for you, Boss.”
“On speaker, please.”
“The cavalry is here, Boss. A big old fleet just came out of FTL out here, and they’re friendly. They do seem a little concerned about their man Dressi, though. Seems he got it into his head to sneak into the system and have a look-see, and they lost contact with him a few minutes ago.”
“Tell them he’s just stunned, and we’ll have him call home as soon as he wakes up.”
“Nice catch, Bob.”
“We got lucky. Shorty had Midnight in just the right place to see them go by. I didn’t expect Captain Dressi and his cavalry this soon, the thought those ships could be friendly never even crossed my mind.”
“Do you suppose Snappi will wake up angry?”
“He’s the one who tried to sneak in. How is it our problem, if we thought a Squirrel vessel trying to sneak in during a battle probably wasn’t friendly?”
“I understand that, and you understand that. Do you think the Squirrels will?”
“I don’t have a clue, Dingus. I’ve nearly given up trying to figure out how the Squirrels think.”
“Bob the Great, first Emperor of Snitzelvania, stumped? Say it isn’t so!
“Hush up that kind of talk, unless you want to have to design the flag.”
“Pierre the Painter is indisposed?”
“If I actually wanted it to happen, I would ask him. Since I don’t want that, I haven’t asked, and I won’t.”
“Nikki’s right, it is fun to wind you up.”
“That’s right, I’m only here for amusement purposes.”
“Funny, your sense of humor doesn’t seem to work on the Squirrels.”
“You’ve noticed that, have you?” Topper said, “Sorry to interrupt, Boss, but the two spy ships just came aboard. Abe says, and I quote, ‘Tell the Boss to get his organic heinie down here, if he wants to be here when Captain Dressi wakes up.’ He doesn’t seem to think it will be very long.”
“Bye, Dingus. Your ship, Topper. Gene, get me priority.”
“Bye, Bob.” “My ship, yes, Boss.” “Your transit will be waiting, Boss.” I’m not sure how much time in the autodoc Nikki really needed. She made it to the transit right behind Snitz, and they both got there before I did. The closing doors nearly pinched my hind end. It must have been because Nikki was aboard, but we didn’t get the full treatment, just all the speed Gene could get without overloading the compensators. When the doors opened, I saw Captain Dressi on a gurney, beginning to rouse. I ran to get there before he woke up. “Captain Dressi, so nice of you to come visiting. Your Uncle would have been here, I’m sure, but he’s having a little nap.”
“Playing nice isn’t going to make me forget that I was captured by your ships, Commodore. It is nice to see you again, though.”
“Let me pose you a hypothetical, Captain. You’re engaged in battle against members of a species known to do all manner of sneaky things, when some of your people notice a couple of spy ships, built by those same people, trying to sneak into the system the battle is happening in. What would you assume? ‘Oh, that must be my friend, who couldn’t possibly be anywhere near here yet’ or ‘That must be my enemy, trying to set some sort of trap for me.’ Take your time, you have all of twenty or thirty seconds to decide.”
“All right, Commodore Smartass, I see your point. That still doesn’t do anything for my embarrassment, though, does it?”
“Aww, c’mon. ‘I was once captured by that infamous monkey, Bob Wilson.’ That ought to get you a few free beers.”
“Now that you put it that way, I suppose you’re right. Still burns that you caught us. Who is this lady? Is she the most patient woman in the known galaxy, the famous Mrs. Wilson?”
“That she is. I live in fear of the day she realizes what a horrible mistake she has made.”
Nikki said, “A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Captain Dressi.”
“Yours as well, Mrs. Wilson.”
“Please, call me Nikki.”
“As you wish. I am Snappi.” Nikki wagged her finger in my face. “Don’t you do it, Caveman. You just got him talked down from the last insult.”
Snappi spoke up. “Nikki, I’ve been to Earth with my Uncle on buying trips. I am accustomed to their humor. And I agree, I have been a little snappy since I woke up.” Then, I had to do one of the harder things I’d been called on to do, lately. Odie and Velma came sneaking out of Snappi’s ship, and Velma flashed me the ‘Okay’ sign. I had to try and play it off like I hadn’t seen anything. I wound up coughing to cover my giggle. Nikki asked, “You okay, Caveman?”
“Fine. Not sure what that was about. I’ll try not to embarrass you any more.” She looked like she wanted to slap me, but she decided not to. Snappi asked, “Did the rest of my fleet make it?”
I said, “Last I heard, they were waiting outside the system, and waiting to hear from you.” He pulled out his comm, and called them. “Yes, this is Captain Dressi. … I was captured by Commodore Wilson’s forces before they realized I was friendly. … Oh, yes, they’ve been very friendly. The Commodore himself was here to greet me when I came back to my senses. … Too late to secure the ships, I’m afraid. They’ve been aboard the flagship while we were still asleep. If the Commodore’s people don’t know everything there is to know about them, they will when they finish going over the scans they took. … I’ll talk to you again when I know more, Sir.”
I asked, “Did we get you in trouble?”
“No more than I already was. It was my idea to try and sneak in, to get some ideas about how you fight your ships.”
“I’m afraid it wouldn’t do you much good. Most of the advantage I have, comes from letting the bots do what they are designed to do. No organic is going to be able to keep up with them.”
“You aren’t worried about telling me how you do it?”
“I’ve seen how Squirrels feel about bots. For your folks to do it our way, would take way too much change to be practical.”
Nikki said, “I can tell you don’t believe what he’s telling you, but it’s the truth. I’ve been through the records of the old-time Navy Captains. They were a lot like your Captains, thinking they could do it all without
help. He does it a different way.”
Snappi looked at Nikki. “You mean to tell me that the only real advantage he has, is that he lets the bots think for themselves?”
“That, and a lifetime of watching the popular entertainment on his planet, where they have many portrayals of how space battles would be fought. One of his favorite maneuvers is from one of those entertainments.”
“I never had time when I was there with Uncle Natti to learn much about the culture. It sounds interesting.”
Nikki replied, “It’s different than anything in the Commonwealth, that’s for sure.” Before they got too deep, I said, “Do you want to go see your Uncle, see for yourself that he’s alright?”
“I better. My superiors would not look kindly on me just taking your word for his condition.”
“Nor should they. They don’t know me from the monkeys on video, who are always the butt of the joke.”
“You’ve seen our video, then?”
“Afraid I have. Sometime I’ll have to show you some squirrel videos on YouTube.”
“You know about our people?”
“Nope, but you have a small, semi-intelligent cousin who can be rather amusing, given the right circumstances.”
“This cousin of ours, what do they do?”
“Collect nuts, and hide them for the winter. Most of the amusing stuff comes from them trying to get into bird feeders, and the owners attempts to keep them out.”
“Bird feeders?”
“My planet has several species of pretty birds. Some people like to put out food for them, so that they can sit and watch them while they eat. The squirrels eat the food, and the birds quit coming around for the people to look at.”
Snappi asked, “So, the people devise ways to feed the birds, without feeding the squirrels?”
“They try. Your cousins are bright enough that none of their solutions work for very long. Some people even make a game out of it, building obstacle courses to see how long it takes them to get to the food.”
“The animals keep trying, even when they could get food easier some other way?”
“They are stubborn. Much like your people.”
“I wish I could dispute that.”
“My folks are going to be stretched thin, holding all those ships the mutineers brought. Do you suppose your fleet could start taking them back into Squirrel possession?”
