by Jerry Boyd
“I’m sure they want the ships back, but I doubt they want to come into the system to get them. If you took out this many ships, what’s to keep you from taking down the whole task force?”
“Let’s see. For starters, I don’t have anywhere to keep that many prisoners, or personnel to guard them. I already have more ships than I have a good use for, why would I want more? Besides, your ships are built too small for humans to be comfortable in.”
“But it would open up the Oak Empire. You could conquer us easily, after you took this fleet.”
“What would I do with your Empire if I had it? Squirrels are never going to be happy, being ruled by a monkey, no matter how kind and just he is. More trouble than it would be worth, as far as I’m concerned.”
“You almost make me believe that. But my superiors won’t, regardless of what I tell them. They will just think you have somehow influenced me to do your bidding.”
“What do you suggest? Should I deliver them to your fleet one at a time?”
“That would probably make the brass as happy as they are likely to get.”
“You realize there are a great number of prisoners, which will mean I will have to send Marines to guard them, and a freighter to bring them back.”
“I think that will be acceptable, Commodore.”
“I only have one pilot who is truly comfortable flying your equipment. It will take a few minutes to get him here. He is a close friend of mine, and I would take it as a personal affront, if anything were to happen to him, understood?”
“Yes, Commodore, I understand completely. None of us have a desire to see you angry, let me assure you.”
Snappi got on his comm, to make sure the arrangement we had worked out would be satisfactory. I called Charlie. “Hey, Uncle Commodore, how are you doing? You coming to supper any time soon?”
“I just don’t know about that, Charlie. Right now I’m up to my neck in Squirrels. Maybe if I can get them on their way, I’ll have time to come by. How are you liking your motorsickle?”
“I like it just fine. Grandpa says another few months, and he’ll ask you to have the bots build me one with more power.”
“You’re talking Ozzie’s language, now. I need a favor, if you’re not too busy.”
“Nothing here that won’t wait. What can I do for you, Uncle?”
“I need a pilot experienced at flying Squirrel ships. You know anybody?”
“Sure do. How soon?”
“As soon as you can get your skinny butt up here.”
“Be there in a few minutes. Bye.”
“Bye, Charlie.” Nikki asked, “Do you think he will be able to fly something so big?”
“This is Charlie we’re talking about. You really want to bet against him?”
She thought a minute. “No, I don’t suppose that I do. He gets things done, doesn’t he?”
“That he does. I just hope he can show Gus how it’s done, when the time comes.”
“What about you, Caveman?”
“He ain’t going to listen to his Pop, not after he’s eight or so. Gonna need somebody else to show him the ropes.” Snappi finished talking to his people. He said, “They like that plan, how soon can your man be here?”
“Shouldn’t be that long, considering who taught him to fly. He seemed excited about the prospect, so he won’t waste any time getting here.” As I finished speaking, a saucer emerged from FTL not too far from the ship, and eased in to dock, not far from where we were standing. I said, “I think that’s him now.” Sure enough, the hatch opened, and Charlie came running out. I got the flying hug. “Howdy, Uncle Bob.”
“Hey, Charlie. Slick landing, Morning Flower taught you well.”
“She says I can fly fighters, as soon as Grandpa says it’s alright.”
Snappi said, “He’s a child. Are you sure he’s a good pilot?”
I replied, “You just saw him bring in that saucer, what do you think?”
“I think I’m an idiot. Can you tell me why he’s the best pilot for the job?”
Charlie said, “I’m the one who is small enough to fit your control stations. We’re already training Leelee, for when I get my growth spurt, in a year or two.”
I said, “Lordy, how you kids grow up. I remember when it was about all she could do to put a saucer on remote, so Nikki could bring it in.”
“Her Grandma still gets misty-eyed when somebody brings that up.”
Snappi asked, “Brings what up?”
Nikki said, “We had to rescue Leelee and her Grandma. Someone poisoned Ginny, and she wasn’t able to fly. She hit the controls when she fell, and knocked the saucer into a tumble. The only way to get them aboard our ship so we could help Ginny was for Leelee to put the saucer on remote, so that I could fly it aboard the freighter.”
Snappi replied, “You folks always make these things sound so routine. ‘I woke up, had my coffee, and went and saved some lives.’, like it was no big deal.”
I said, “Well, it isn’t, if I get my coffee before I have to go out.” Nikki giggled, “He’s right, you know. He’s just not at his best if he has to rescue someone before he gets his coffee.”
Snappi said, “Now I think you are having fun at my expense.”
I replied, “Not at all. The comedy is free, and worth every penny. You only pay if we have to rescue you.”
“Now I see why my Uncle likes doing business with you, Commodore. Is your pilot ready?”
Looking at Snappi’s ship, Charlie asked “Do I get to fly this beauty?”
I replied, “Nope, sorry. Those big fellas outside.”
“Oh well. Where do they need to go?”
“There’s a Squirrel fleet out about a light-year, waiting on them. You get to ferry them out, and get hauled back on a freighter, and do it all over again.”
He studied on that for a minute, and said, “They don’t want to come in and get them, because they’re afraid you’ll capture them, too?”
“That’s the way I heard it.”
“No offense, Uncle Bob, but I get the feeling there’s something you haven’t told me yet.”
“Prisoners, and lots of them. The Marines are aboard to keep them under control, but you are hauling a bunch of folks who don’t much like us.”
“That’s why I’m coming back on a freighter, and not just taking a saucer with me. Now it makes sense.”
Snappi said, “He’s sharp, for a kid.”
I said, “He’s sharp, for anybody. Don’t trade with him, unless you’re willing to get an education.”
“If I am to believe my Uncle, that means a lot, coming from you.”
Charlie said, “Gee whiz. Borrow a bicycle to get to the library to use the internet, get ahold of you from the license plate on your truck, and you think I’m some kind of operator. C’mon, Uncle Bob, you didn’t have to blow my chances with the mark from out of town.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Charlie. I need to be able to do business with this mark. If I let you skin him, he’ll never trust another human.”
Nikki said, “C’mon, Charlie. I’ll fly you over, and bring your ship back. You can pick it up when you get back.”
“Yes, Ma’am.” They climbed aboard, and took off. Snappi asked, “That young man is really that good a ship handler?”
“He is. Comes recommended by one of the best organic pilots I know.”
“Bot pilots are better?”
I reflexively looked around for Nikki. “Since my wife isn’t here, I can give you a straight answer to that. Yes, they are. Nikki is pretty good, herself, though. I’ve seen her do things that are against the rules because so few pilots can actually pull them off. She never had a bobble. She’s more inventive than a bot could ever be, but the bot will always have a faster reaction time. As long as a bot has a course of action planned out ahead of time, they will always be faster. If a situation requires creative thinking, then an organic may have an advantage.”
“I notice you say organic, rather tha
n human. I wouldn’t have thought you would have picked up that habit so quickly, no longer than you have been dealing with us.”
“That’s a slick way to phrase that question, but I don’t know you well enough to answer it for you.”
“We got some odd reports from people who came back from being prisoners here. Large, furry people, not human or Squirrel. Very loyal to you, apparently. As soon as our ships admitted to being here to take you into custody, these people captured them, and put them to work, as punishment.”
“Quite a story. Amazing what people will say to stay out of trouble.”
“So, you deny the existence of a sentient race on the planet?”
“I believe you could play back your recording of that conversation, and never find me saying any such thing. Nor did I confirm the existence of such a race.”
“How did you know I was recording?”
“I didn’t know, until now. I just assumed it would be a precaution you would take.”
“I wish my Uncle was awake.”
“Believe me, so do I.” Nikki slid Charlie’s ship back into its berth. She climbed out and said, “He’s running some checks, and getting acquainted with the ship. He should be pulling out with the first one, shortly.” I looked at Snappi. “Do you need to let your people know to expect him?”
“Might be best.” He pulled out his comm, and said, “The first of our ships will be arriving at your coordinates soon. Please do not be alarmed. The Commodore is fond of his pilot, and doesn’t want him damaged.” He hung up. Nikki said, “I almost hope they do try something. He’s been doing a lot of work in the sim when he isn’t tilling his garlic. I looked at his scores. By the time he’s old enough, you need to have a command ready for him, Caveman.”
Snappi looked at her strangely. “You think that child could have a chance against our fleet, when he only has the one ship to use?”
Nikki replied, “He would also have surprise, and it would take your officers a bit to believe that a dumb monkey could fly as well as he can. Outnumbered as he is, he wouldn’t be able to defeat them, but he would have a very good chance of upsetting them long enough to get back here without any damage.”
I said, “I hope he has a quiet flight. We’ve had enough drama.” My comm rang. I looked to see who was calling. “Yes, Dingus. That ship is supposed to be rendezvousing with the Squirrel fleet. I should have called to let you know, and I didn’t. Charlie is flying it. From what I hear, it might be better for your health not to mess with him while he has a decent ship under him.”
“Okay, smart guy, I’m thinking of a number between one and ten. What is it?”
“I’ll play your silly game. How about seven?”
“Nope. I thought you could read minds, Bob? What’s wrong?”
“I can’t read minds, I just figured out why you were calling when I saw who it was. You need anything else?”
“A ton or two of walnuts, to calm the neighbors down?”
“Call Will. I’m sure he has some around.”
“Any suggestions on delivering them?”
“The last time we had to, we put the sacks in rescue balls, and threw them across. You sure don’t want to give them any crew members for hostages. They say they are friendly, but I’d just as soon not tempt them.”
“That sounds like a good plan, Bob. I’ll get on it. They’ve yet to do anything hostile, but I definitely get the feeling they would rather we weren’t in their sky.”
“Hopefully, it will build a little good will. At the very least, their turret gunners will get some practice.”
“Just what I need, an optimist. Talk to you later, Boss.”
“Later, Commodore Grandpa.” I clicked off before he could get wound up about that one. Nikki said, “You are going to get me in so much trouble, Caveman.”
“You can handle it, Sweetheart.”
“Someday, I’m going to figure out how to stay mad at you, asshole.”
“I’m sure you will. I live in fear of that day.”
Tikki came wandering through the bay, nonchalantly. I said, “Get over here, you’re not fooling anybody with that act.”
She came over and asked, “What act, Boss?”
“The one where you were trying to convince us you just happened to come down to this bay, and weren’t here to meet Captain Dressi.”
“That obvious, huh?”
Nikki said, “You could have worn a sign, but other than that, it was about as obvious as it gets. Since you’re here anyway, let’s get you introduced. Captain Snappi Dressi, I would like to present Tikki Natti. Tikki, this is Captain Dressi.”
Snappi said, “You’re even prettier than you sound over the comm.”
Tikki replied, “I hope you still feel that way, when Dad lets me start dating.”
Snappi said, “Excuse me, I didn’t realize you weren’t grown.”
“No offense taken, Captain.” I didn’t know if we should give them a little privacy, or stay as chaperons. Luckily, Rikki came wandering into the bay about then. He strode up, and I asked, “Rikki, have you met Captain Dressi?”
“No, I don’t believe I have. Nice to meet you, Sir.”
Snappi stuck out his hand to shake. “Nice to meet you as well. Tikki and I have been talking over the comm, since the Commodore doesn’t have one that connects to our network. Let me assure you, I meant no offense. I wasn’t aware she was under age.”
“Just until next month. I can’t believe she used that on you. She must think you’re something.” Snappi looked at Tikki, with a perturbed expression. She said, “Oops, busted.”
Snappi looked over at me. “What do you have the ornery one here doing?”
“She’s my Deputy Chief Engineer.”
“That much responsibility, at such a young age?”
I said, “No offense, Rikki. If you saw the rust bucket she was keeping in the black for her Dad, this is actually less of a job than that.”
Rikki said, “Hurts to admit it, but I think you may be right.” My comm rang. It was Dixie. “Yes, Dixie, what do you need?”
“I just wanted to tell you, Boss, that the Marines over on the flagship found enough evidence to confirm which drug was given to the Ambassador. I’m ready to wake him up. I thought you might want to be here for that.”
“Yes, I do. Do you mind if I bring a few people with me?”
“Not at all. His nephew?”
“Yes, and a few others, if you’re sure it’s okay.”
“The procedure isn’t dangerous, Boss. Bring whoever you want.” I turned to the crowd, and said, “Dixie is ready to wake the Ambassador. Anyone want to come watch?” Suddenly, we were all headed for the transit. When we got to medbay, Rhonda directed us to a darkened room. The Squirrels with us all nodded approvingly. I asked, “Why does the room need to be dark?”
Tikki said, “It eases the transition from hibernation to the waking state, just makes the whole thing more pleasant.”
Dixie said, “I’m glad I got it right, then. The translations of your medical manuals aren’t as helpful as I hoped.”
I asked, “But you’re sure you have the right antidote?”
“Yes, Boss. One hundred percent.”
“Proceed, then.” She gave Natti a shot, and his breathing began to change. Slowly, he opened his eyes. I said, “Dangit, Natti, you’re not going to get out of our agreement that easily. Trying to hibernate, so I have to deal with somebody else. I’ve seen it all, now.”
I got him. He started in, “It wasn’t like that at all, Commodore. I didn’t do this to myself. Someone did it to me without my permission. I was assaulted.”
Snappi said, “He knows that, Uncle. He is just, what is their expression, ‘yanking your chain’.”
“Snappi? What are you doing here?”
“Came to rescue you, Uncle. Seems the Commodore here beat me to it.”
“I’ll have to get all the details, but can that wait? I need to find the little Squirrels’ room, and I’m more than a
little hungry. Going into hibernation without any prep is not good.” Dixie guided him to the facilities, and then we headed for the galley. Once he had gotten himself around some breakfast, Natti said, “A fellow I thought was loyal to the rebel cause snuck up behind me, and dosed me up. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in your medbay, Commodore. How did you figure out you needed to rescue me?”
“We thought something must be wrong, when instead of you, a shipload of troops showed up for the second negotiating session. They seemed to want that fellow whose diplomatic immunity you revoked. After we took care of them, we went ahead and recaptured your ship for you, but we weren’t sure which chemical they had used to put you to sleep, so we had to wait to wake you until our Marines found out what was used. Several of your ships on patrol nearby had mutinies, and they came here to punish us for taking your flagship. Your nephew let me know that they were on their way, and we were able to receive them properly. Snappi showed up with a fleet to take the ships back, and decided to be cute, and slip into the system in a surveillance ship. We had him stunned and caught before we realized he was friendly. I think that about catches you up.”
The Ambassador said, “Commodore, there are holes in that story I could drive one of your semi-trucks through.”
Snappi said, “I can fill you in on the details later, Uncle. He’s telling the truth.”
“I have no doubt of that, Snappi. He isn’t telling nearly all of what happened here, though.”
Nikki asked, “What is it that you wanted to hear, that he didn’t tell?”
“For one thing, what possessed him to take the flagship?”
Nikki replied, “One of the boarders claimed to have cut your throat. As soon as the boarders were stunned, he said, ‘I want the Ambassador, or his remains, on this ship ASAP.’ The Marines decided it was a good day for a boarding exercise.” Natti looked at Snappi. “They always make it sound so matter-of-fact, don’t they?”
“Yes, Uncle. Like boarding and taking over a ship of the Empire was something they did every day.”
I replied, “Not every day, but the walnut vendors seem to send ships fairly regularly. At least, this time you sent some folks to fly them home. Seemed like people got upset when I showed up in orbit at Oak.”
