Let's Make a Deal (Bob and Nikki Book 11)

by Jerry Boyd

  Snappi said, “You make it sound so matter-of-fact. We saw you get wounded, and keep right on fighting.”

  “To tell you the truth, I didn’t know I had been hurt until Charlie pointed it out to me.”

  “Your young friend, you mean?”

  “Yes.”

  “How did he come to be part of the battle?”

  “He was at the armory, begging for a weapon, when I got there. I figured he was safer with me, than scrounging a weapon, and going off on his own.”

  Ambassador Natti said, “Keep him close, so you could keep an eye on him?”

  “Yessir. That boy can find all kinds of trouble, left on his own.”

  Nikki asked, “Where is he? Still in medbay?”

  “Nope. Chasing ladies down in Engineering, is where he said he was going.”

  “He’s changed, since he doesn’t have as much responsibility.”

  “For the better, I think.”

  The Ambassador asked, “I thought young ones in your society took more responsibility as they got older, not less?”

  I replied, “Charlie’s Grandfather was very sick, and Charlie had no one to lean on but himself. He was taking care of the two of them, when he found us. Things have gotten better for the two of them, since his Grandpa went in the autodoc.”

  “I can see how that would be a burden for a young boy.”

  I said, “I do hate to spoil this fine conversation, but I do need to go over some things with the Ambassador.”

  Natti asked, “Anything we can’t talk about here?”

  “I suppose not. I seem to be in possession of your rather large fleet that I, truthfully, have no use for. Is there any way you could exert enough control over those folks that I would be able to release their ships?”

  “Well, Commodore, that is a complicated question. I thought I had that kind of control before all this happened. I don’t know how I could be sure that they weren’t just putting up a good front.”

  “I do see your problem, but I don’t want to hold these ships any longer than I just have to.”

  Snappi asked, “Don’t you want more time to figure out our secrets?”

  His Uncle, the Ambassador, replied, “You obviously haven’t spent much time aboard the Gene. If this crew doesn’t already know all they can without detail stripping our ships, I’ll be very surprised.”

  I said, “I’ll be sure and pass the complement along to the crew, Ambassador. Still yet, we spent a lot of time and effort working out that non-aggression pact. Are you telling me you don’t have the juice to back it up?”

  “I certainly thought I did, when we were negotiating. Now, I can’t be so sure.”

  “How do you suggest we proceed, then? I enjoy talking with you, but if we can’t be sure the results will be recognized, we could talk about something less important, don’t you think?”

  “I’m not sure I understand, Commodore.”

  Nikki said, “He means that he likes your company, but negotiating treaties is hard work, and he’d rather have a beer and shoot the breeze, if the treaties aren’t going to be upheld, anyway.”

  Natti said, “That’s reasonable, indeed. Would it be acceptable for me to spend some more time trying to get a straight answer out of the folks back home, before we give up on negotiations altogether?”

  “Take all the time you need, Ambassador. I didn’t mean to rush you, I just don’t want to spend a bunch of time working out something that your superiors are going to ignore anyhow.”

  I looked at Snappi. “Do you have any idea how many of the folks in your fleet are old-school, and how many want a peaceful settlement?”

  He replied, “Not now, I don’t. I thought the whole fleet was ready for the change. Obviously I was wrong.”

  Nikki said, “We have something that might help with that, if you’re willing.”

  “What do you have in mind, Ma’am?”

  “We have a training course that will enable you to tell when someone is lying to you. Of course, it is designed by monkeys, to be used on monkeys, so it may not work perfectly for you, but it would have to be better than nothing.”

  “That sounds very helpful. How soon would I be able to take it?”

  I said, “Let me check with a few people, and I’ll be able to tell you. Excuse me.” I pulled out my comm, and called Haffi. “Yes, Boss?”

  “Do you know enough about Squirrel physiology to know how to set up one of our teaching machines for a Squirrel to use?”

  “No, but Dixie has been through all those medical files we captured. I’m sure she could make it safe.”

  “Thanks, sorry to bother you.”

  “No bother, Boss. Talk to you later.”

  “Bye.” I dialed Dixie. “Hi, Boss. Get yourself banged up again already?”

  “No, I didn’t. Do you think you could set up one of our training machines to be safe for a Squirrel?”

  “Not a problem. The biggest issue is the head harness. Their ears lay right under one of the straps.”

  “Can you fix that?”

  “Already did. I figured this problem would come up sooner or later, so I went ahead and had some harnesses printed that will be more comfortable.”

  “Good work. You want him in medbay, so you can monitor his responses better?”

  “Might be best, since this is the first time we’re trying it.”

  “I don’t remember this much fuss when I tried a Squirrel course. What’s different?”

  “You were using a machine designed for a human, and a course that Lakki had carefully gone over to make sure it wouldn’t hurt you. This is a machine designed for a human, and the course hasn’t been gone over.”

  “I’m sure Captain Dressi has a machine aboard his ship. Could Lakki go over the course for him, too?”

  “I’ll get with her and see for sure, but I don’t see why not. Thanks, Boss. That makes more sense. I wasn’t thinking the problem through.”

  “Couldn’t be you’re a little busy, getting used to your new job, could it?”

  “I suppose that could be it. How soon do you need this?”

  “The sooner the better. We can’t do much with the Squirrel fleet until the good Captain figures out who he can trust.”

  “Can I get access to his ship?”

  “Velma didn’t seem to have much trouble. Ask her.”

  “Will do, I’ll call when it’s ready.”

  “Thanks, talk to you later.”

  “Bye, Boss.”

  I turned back to the group. The Ambassador asked, “What did you find out, Commodore?”

  “My Chief Medical Officer would be happier giving him the course on a machine calibrated for your people. I told her to use the one aboard the ship he came in on.”

  Snappi spoke up, “My ship is secured. I’ll have to go let her on.”

  I replied, “Keep your seat, my people have already been aboard. I’m sure they can get in again without damaging anything.”

  “How did they get aboard?”

  “I honestly don’t know, Captain. I do know she waved at me on her way off the ship, while you were waking up.”

  Natti said, “I told you his crew was efficient. They had your ship figured out before you even woke up from being stunned.”

  “So, they will have sensors as good as ours before long?”

  The Ambassador replied, “His Engineering staff will look at the principles we use, see where we aren’t being as efficient as we think we are, and he’ll be trying to sell us the improved model, the next time we see him.”

  “Why do you say that, Uncle?”

  “You saw those weapons his people were using to repel the boarders, didn’t you?”

  “Yes, I did. What of it?”

  “They are based on our weapon technology. His engineers only came into possession of one of our weapons two or three weeks ago. Our similar weapons are incapable of, what do you call it, Commodore, ‘rock and roll’?”

  “That’s one name for it, yes.”
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br />   “And it is fully operational?”

  “One of the Grannies tested it, and couldn’t find anything else to improve. What do you think?”

  “I think I slept better before I learned about you and your organization, Commodore.”

  “You make it sound like we’re out to get you, Ambassador.”

  “You surely don’t make my job any easier. You’ve got the folks back home so shook up, they can’t decide if you must be an idiot, like the videos all say the monkeys are, or some kind of evil genius.”

  “Now, Natti, I ain’t nothing but an old hillbilly, trying to make a living out in these here wild stars.”

  “How is it you say, Commodore? I was born at night, but it wasn’t last night.”

  I looked at Nikki, all hang-dog. “He don’t believe me, darlin’. What should I do?”

  Nikki said, “Give him points for being smarter than the average kumquat, and go on.”

  The Ambassador laughed. “She has you figured out, Commodore.”

  “And yet she stays around. I don’t understand, at all.”

  Natti replied, “Just thank your lucky stars, I think.”

  “That’s probably for the best. Back to the problems at hand, though. I don’t think there are enough outhouses on the planet to keep all these prisoners busy shoveling. Even if there were, we would have to print out shovels small enough for them to use. The locals were okay with making a few, but this many would be more than they would want to mess with.”

  Snappi asked, “You would send the fleet to shovel outhouses?”

  “It’s what we have been doing with the prisoners we catch. Do you have a better solution? It keeps them out of trouble, and gets the point across that they might not want to return with bad intent. Besides, the locals tend to make an impression on people they don’t like.”

  Nikki said, “That they do. I’ve yet to understand why some of my people thought it would be a good idea to use them for slave labor.”

  Snappi asked, “Slave labor? Your Government allows that?”

  Nikki replied, “No, they don’t, but the slavers had enough friends in high places that they got away with it.”

  The Ambassador asked, “I notice you said ‘had’. Have things changed?”

  “They have. Bob helped the Patrol figure out where the slavers’ base was. They went in and cleaned it out. Of course, the fact that the planet now has a constant fighter patrol helps, too.”

  “Do you supply that?”

  I said, “We supplied the fighters, and the training, but Morning Flower and her people fly all the patrols.”

  Snappi asked, “You mean you trained the locals to be pilots?”

  Nikki said, “Morning Flower asked, after she saw me fly. Turns out, she’s one of the best organic pilots we know.”

  Snappi asked. “You mean, as good as a human?”

  “Better than most. Ruth and Ace are better than anybody made out of meat is ever going to be. Even me, as much as it hurts to admit it.”

  I said, “I think you’re still smoother at catching tumbling ships than Ruth, hon.”

  “That would be about the only thing.”

  Snappi said, “You not only let the bots fly, but you admit they are better than you?”

  I said, “It isn’t a matter of admitting it, it’s just the plain fact, Snappi. I’ve seen Ace do things with a ship I would have sworn were impossible.”

  “Your fleet is so different. It’s hard for me to get used to.”

  The Ambassador said, “You have to believe what you see, not what you were taught at the Academy.”

  “You make it sound so simple, Uncle.”

  “You forget, Snappi, that I traded with these people for years. I’ve had an opportunity to come to understand them better.”

  “They are all like the Commodore?”

  “Not at all. The Commodore is one of a kind. He is, however, a product of a culture I have come to understand. He cares more about skill than he does about what sort of person you are.” Snappi still looked like he had bitten into an unripe persimmon, but he didn’t ask any more questions. We were saved from any more deep conversation when my comm rang. “Commodore Wilson.”

  Dixie said, “Boss, we have the course Captain Dressi wanted, set up on his ship, whenever he is ready.”

  “I’ll bring him right down. Thanks, Dixie.”

  “See you in a few minutes.”

  “Later.” I turned to Snappi. “Your course is ready, whenever you are.”

  “Already?”

  The Ambassador said, “Nephew, you need to get your mind around your circumstances. You’re not on Oak anymore.”

  We headed down to the bay where Snappi’s ship was. Tikki was there waiting. She said, “Haffi and Dixie are inside, ready to monitor you, in case you have a reaction to taking a human course. Lakki said the probability of that was very low, but not zero.” She led Snappi on to the ship. I turned to Natti. “Ambassador, it’s beginning to look like your crew is out of luck where she is concerned.”

  “I do believe you’re right, Commodore. Not like I’m going to have time to do any trading any time soon, anyhow.”

  “You ever get tired of being an Ambassador, you could always come to work for Bob’s, running walnuts into Squirrel space.”

  “I can’t even think that way, Commodore. Conflict of interest, don’t you know.”

  “Didn’t mean to put you in a bind. Do you think you’ll be able to get the fleet back, and continue the negotiations?”

  “I’m not positive, but I think it’s the other way around. The folks back home aren’t going to back me, unless I can get control of the fleet.”

  “And accepting help from the infamous monkey isn’t going to help your case a bit, is it?”

  “I’m afraid not, but thanks for the offer.”

  Nikki asked, “Could you accept help from another race, not human?”

  The Ambassador replied, “I’m afraid the bots are associated with Bob, as far as the folks back home are concerned.”

  Nikki said, “That wasn’t who I had in mind.”

  I asked, “How do you plan to get Bugling Elk aboard one of their ships?”

  “Don’t they have cargo hatches?”

  Natti said, “Yes, they do, but what is it you have in mind, Ma’am?”

  “I’m not sure. Something along the lines of having Bugling Elk come and explain the joys of shoveling outhouses, and how that will be their future, until you and Bob decide they have discovered the error in their ways.”

  I said, “I doubt it will do much for the enlisted, they seem to be used to being treated like crap. The officers seem to resent being assigned manual labor, though.”

  The Ambassador said, “I bet they do. Most of them haven’t done a lick of hard work, their whole lives. I’m still amazed they let Snappi into the officer corps.”

  I asked, “Are you saying it is the privileged twits in the officer corps, who are giving us trouble?”

  “I think you could play back the recording of our conversation, and never catch me saying that, out loud.”

  “I think I might be beginning to understand, Ambassador.”

  Charlie came out to get aboard the saucer he had come in, and head back. He came up and shook my hand. He said, “Please don’t forget what we talked about, Uncle. It’s important.”

  “I won’t. I’ll handle that, as soon as we get the Ambassador squared away. Gene, please tell Jeeves to remind me, if it slips my mind.”

  “On it, Boss.”

  I looked Charlie in the eye. “Satisfied?”

  “Yes, Uncle Commodore, I’m satisfied. Good luck.”

  “Fly safe, Charlie.” He got aboard and eased the saucer out of the bay. The Ambassador said, “If you have other things to take care of, Commodore, it’s going to take Snappi and me some time to get things straightened out, you might as well go ahead.”

  “Are you sure? Feel free to use my ready room, if you need it. I’m sure Gene could find you
some quarters, if that would be more to your liking. If you need privacy, just ask Gene to seal whatever space you’re in.”

  “Thank you. I’ll get in touch when I know more.”

  “Good luck.” I turned to Nikki. “I need your help with this one, Space Cadet.”

  “Okay, Caveman. You look serious, should I be scared?”

  “I don’t think so, but we’ll see.” I led her to a room we had used for secure conferences before. Once we were inside, I said, “Gene, tile the lodge, and please leave us alone.”

  “The lodge is tiled, Boss. Bye.”

  Nikki looked at me, and asked, “What is it, Bob? You’re scaring me a little.”

  “Apparently we gave someone hope, when we didn’t mean to. Janet is out here among the stars, with no family. Charlie says she needs some folks, and she speaks fondly of the time she spent in our cabin. He thinks we should adopt her. I told him I would talk to you about it, but I wouldn’t promise him anything. How bad did I screw up?”

  The seriousness on her face melted, and she hugged me. She said, “We can’t be doing that all in one bed stuff all the time, though. We need to get her a bed of her own.”

  “So, you’re okay with it?”

  “I almost brought it up, when she was staying with us, but you didn’t seem like you were thinking that way, so I held my tongue.”

  “The thought never crossed my mind, to be truthful. I just thought she needed a little help to get over a rough patch. I figured she was wanting to get back on her own two feet.”

  “You hillbillies and your independence. Everybody needs someone to lean on, even you, Caveman.”

  “So, you’re telling me that I was the only moron that didn’t think this was a good idea?”

  “I’m sure I never used the word moron. Out loud, at least.” After the tickle fight, I popped the door, and asked, “Gene, could you page Janet to this room, please?”

  “On it, Boss.” She must have been close, because she was there in nothing flat. “Yes, Boss?”

  “Come inside, please.” After we closed the door, I asked, “Gene, resume privacy, please.”

  “Bye, Boss.”

  Janet asked, “What did I do wrong, Boss? Are you putting me ashore?”