Let's Make a Deal (Bob and Nikki Book 11)

by Jerry Boyd

  “Neither has he destroyed very many of them. Most of them have turned up back home, no worse for wear. If he can’t damage our ships, why should we fear him?”

  “Your Majesty, the information you have been given is in error. He could damage our ships, if he so desired. His restraint is the only thing that is keeping your Navy from being a collection of smoking hulks, dying in the black. As quickly as he stops our ships, without harming them, he could just as easily destroy them, without breaking a sweat.”

  “Mr. Ambassador, you make our situation sound hopeless. Do you have any good news?”

  “The Commodore doesn’t want to make war on us, Majesty. He has no interest in it whatsoever.”

  “So, why do you tell me so much about the prowess of him and his crews?”

  “Because, Majesty, if you force him to make war, he will show you no mercy. None.”

  “What do you recommend then, Ambassador?”

  “I recommend that you sign the peace accords we have worked out, and begin learning how to live in a world with his company in it.”

  “I will go over the accords, and tell you my answer later today. One more thing before you leave, if you please. Could you have your escort space the Admiral who threw those knives? I don’t trust the rest of the Admirals not to get lost on the way to the airlock.”

  The Marine who had spoken before said, “Let me clear it with the Boss, and we will be happy to take care of your problem for you, Majesty.” A voice came over the speaker. “I assume you’ve been listening in, Boss? Is it okay if we take out this fellow’s trash for him?”

  “Proceed. Try not to look too happy about it, if you can.”

  “Yes, Boss.” The connection dropped. A couple of Marines grabbed the fellow, who was just waking up from his second round of getting stunned. Crikki came running in, saying, “Yes, Majesty?”

  “Show these fellows where they can find an airlock. The Admiral is going for a walk.”

  “Yes, Majesty.” One of the other Admirals reached for cheek knives. The Marine closest to him managed to grab both of his wrists. He said, mournfully, “Sorry, Your Majesty, I seem to have damaged your Admiral.” He let go, and it was plain that both of the Admiral’s forearms were broken. The Emperor said, “Quite all right. I don’t have any further need of that one, either. Could you take him for a walk, as well?”

  The Marine replied, “No problem, Your Majesty.” Two more Marines broke out of the escort, and took charge of the new prisoner. Crikki started toward the door, motioning for the Marines to follow. The Emperor looked at his remaining Admirals. “Would any of you gentlemen like to join them on their little jaunt?” He got no takers, but I would have expected the Imperial yacht to have better climate control. I noticed a couple of puddles had formed over where the Admirals were standing. Then the Emperor asked, “Would one of you like to explain how it is I have been so misinformed on these events?” No one spoke up. He continued, “Aren’t you the brave Admirals of the Imperial Navy? Perhaps I should send you out with your comrades, and start from scratch. I don’t think I could be more poorly served.” One of the fellows who had managed to hold his water stepped forward, and took a knee. He said, “Your Majesty, I can offer no excuse. We thought the Commodore was as incompetent as the monkeys from the Commonwealth. We had no idea he could actually do the things our front line troops were reporting. We thought they were making up stories to cover their incompetence, since they had failed to best a silly monkey.”

  The Emperor asked, “And when you found out that you were wrong, it was too late to come clean, without showing your incompetence?”

  “Indeed, Your Majesty.”

  “That sounds reasonable, why don’t I believe you?”

  Natti spoke up. “Your Majesty, I believe that is because he is leaving out an important point. Some of the leadership in the Navy is being influenced by a cartel that exists to keep the price of walnuts artificially high. The cartel wants the Commodore out of the way, so that they can continue doing business as they have been for centuries. The Commodore can, and will, if allowed, supply the Empire with vast quantities of walnuts, at reasonable prices. The cartel would lose much of their power and influence, if that were to happen.”

  The Emperor looked at Natti, stunned. “You mean to say that the Commodore could supply the wonderful walnuts to our people at affordable prices? That our people could have had them at any time, had this cartel not have been so greedy?”

  “Exactly, Your Majesty.”

  “And these, my Admirals, are in the pay of these cartels, even though they are sworn to me?”

  “I have no way of knowing if all of them are, but it is nearly certain that some of them are.” There was a ruckus, and we heard several clangs, like something hard hitting metal. Then Dixie said, “Good job, fellas. None of them got through.”

  The Emperor said, “Once again I am in debt to you people for saving my life. It looks as if I am in the market for some new Admirals, since all of these are more loyal to the walnut cartel, than to me. Would you mind escorting them outside?” The lead Marine spoke up again, and that reminded me that I needed to learn his name. He said, “We don’t have a problem with that, as long as we can wait till the fellow that guided the other bunch gets back. We wouldn’t want to be wandering around this big old ship with dangerous prisoners. That’s a good way to get somebody hurt.”

  “That’s wise. I’m sorry, but our bots aren’t as sophisticated as you. I’m amazed at how well you handle things.”

  “Well, Your Majesty, I’ve been in charge of my unit for fifty thousand years, give or take, while we’ve been marooned. Even a dumb bot like me picks up a thing or two, after that long.”

  The Emperor startled. “Fifty thousand years, you say?”

  “Fifty thousand in Earth years. That’s what we’ve been using since we got recovered. Somewhere around 43,000 in Commonwealth, and I don’t have any idea what you folks use for years.”

  “Close enough. How did you manage to stay functional all that time?”

  “We had a freighter we were able to scrounge for some things we needed, and a small printer that lasted us quite a while before it quit working. Several of my people weren’t functional anymore when we were recovered, but with the printers on the ships that picked us up, we were able to get everyone up and going again.”

  “Sounds like quite an adventure. Here’s Crikki, now.” The Marines collected the Admirals, and headed out. The Emperor said, “Well, now I need different Admirals, but I thought those were trustworthy. How will I do better this time?”

  Snappi said, “Your Majesty, I may be able to offer a solution to your problem, but it would involve getting a favor from the Commodore.”

  “What sort of solution, Captain?”

  “The humans have a method of detecting whether a person is being deceitful, or not. One of the Commodore’s Captains is a master at the method, and has made a training program to be used with the teaching machine. It is made for humans, of course, but I have taken it, with no ill effects.”

  “You think the Commodore would let me take this course?”

  “If he thought it would help to make peace between our people, I don’t think he would hesitate.”

  “Please see if you can arrange it, then.”

  Saucy said, “Incoming call from Snappi, Boss.” I jumped up, said, “Your ship, Topper. Route that call to my comm, Saucy.” and ran for the ready room. I didn’t want echoes from the screen giving away the fact that we had been listening in to their conversation. Once I was inside the ready room, I answered, “Commodore Wilson.”

  Snappi said, “Commodore, something has come up I need your help with.”

  “I’m not on the bridge right now, but I can relay firing instructions to Topper for you. What do you need destroyed?”

  “Nothing. The Emperor would like to take the cold-reading course that I had.”

  “That’s a bit of a problem, Snappi. I don’t have a problem with him having
the knowledge, but I don’t quite see how to administer the course.”

  “I don’t see the issue. Just send the course and operator over on a small ship.”

  “That is the issue, Snappi. Lakki is the only tech I trust to administer the course. She was given a hitch in the Navy, instead of time in jail when she was caught hacking. Before her term was up, I captured the ship she was on, and she decided to come to work for me. So, technically, she is a fugitive from Imperial justice. Her setting foot on the Imperial yacht would amount to surrendering to serve out her sentence.”

  Snappi said, “I see. Isn’t there anything that would change your mind?”

  “Well, I suppose the Emperor could pardon her, so that she needn’t worry about serving out the rest of her term, if he really wants the course that badly.”

  “Let me put you on hold, while I confer with His Majesty.”

  “Certainly.” The line went quiet, and I said, “Gene, put the feed we were watching on the bridge up in here, please. Be sure and mute it when Snappi comes back on the line. Oh, and page Lakki to the ready room, if you would.”

  “On it, Boss.” The feed came up on the wall screen. Snappi was saying, “Your Majesty, there seems to be a slight hiccup in that plan.”

  “What might that be, Captain?”

  “The tech that administered the course to me, who the Commodore says is the only tech he trusts to administer it to one of our people, is a fugitive from Imperial justice, and therefore cannot set foot on this ship, without being taken into custody.”

  “What does the Commodore suggest, then? Does he want me to come over to his ship?”

  “No, Majesty. He suggested you could pardon her, thus negating the problem.”

  The Emperor thought that over for a second, and called, “Crikki, come here.”

  “Yes, Majesty.”

  “Get this woman’s name, and see what vile deeds she did that the Commodore wants me to pardon her for.”

  Crikki asked, “Who is she?”

  Snappi said, “Lakki Witti. She is a computer hacker.” Crikki fiddled with his tablet for a moment, and said, “Majesty, it would appear she was poking around in one of the recently deceased Admiral’s finances. He saw to it that she got the maximum sentence, and was sent on a mission to rid the galaxy of the ‘impudent monkey’, that he thought to be a suicide mission. She has already served more time than she would ordinarily have been given for the offense she was convicted of.” I hadn’t noticed Lakki come in. She said, “Why is the Emperor researching my criminal record?”

  I replied, “Deciding whether or not to pardon you, so that you can go over and give him the cold-reading course, to help him pick new Admirals.”

  “That course is completely safe for Squirrels. We proved that with Snappi.”

  “I know that, and you know that. Snappi doesn’t, and neither does the Emperor. Are you saying you would turn down a pardon, just because I stretched the truth a bit to get it for you? I thought you wanted to be able to go see your family and friends?”

  I’m not sure which emotion was stronger on her face, joy or shock. She said, “You’re scamming the Emperor of Oak, for me? Thanks, Boss!”

  “No problem. Just remember, after you give him that course, it won’t work again.”

  “Yes, Boss. Straight and narrow, from here on out.”

  “Now who needs the blue contacts? Just don’t get caught again.”

  “Understood.” My comm made the tone to tell me I was off hold, just as Gene muted the display. I said, “Yes, Snappi?”

  “The Emperor agrees to your terms. A certified copy of her pardon will be there shortly.”

  “Thank you, Snappi. As soon as it arrives, I will send her over.” I hung up. Lakki asked, “What did he say?”

  “He said your pardon will be here shortly. Be sure and put on a good show for the Emperor. After he takes the course, he’ll be able to tell we fooled him, but till then, put on a good act.”

  “I can do that. You don’t think he’ll be mad, when he figures it out?”

  “He seems like he has a sense of humor. If he doesn’t, his ship is already full of our Marines who can get you home.”

  “Either way, it sounds fun.” Gene said, “The paperwork Snappi promised is here, Boss.”

  I said, “Send it to Lakki, and if you can, keep a copy for our records.”

  “Done, Boss.” I turned to Lakki. “Go grab a saucer, and give the Emperor what he needs. I expect you back here, one way or the other.”

  “Yes, Boss. Understood.” She headed out, and I went back over to the bridge. Saucy said, “Commodore on the bridge.” I replied, “As you were.”

  Topper said, “You want the ship, Boss?”

  “I suppose I better, in case the Emperor goes back on his word.”

  Topper asked, “You think he would do that?”

  “I don’t know, so it pays to be prepared, either way.” Saucy had split the screen, so that we could watch Lakki’s saucer make the journey to the Imperial yacht. I didn’t know the Emperor well enough to trust him yet, but I hoped I wasn’t sending Lakki into a trap. Topper saw the concern on my face and asked, “What’s wrong, Boss?”

  “Just hoping I didn’t guess wrong. If I did, Lakki is in a lot of trouble.”

  “I don’t know if it helps, Boss, but Gene had us all go over the document when it came in. None of us could find anything wrong with it.”

  “Thanks, Topper. So long as the Emperor feels bound by honor to uphold it, we’ll be fine.”

  Topper asked, “Are you using this as a test, to see if you can trust the Emperor’s word?”

  It hit me that was exactly what I was doing. I had sent Lakki into danger, just to find out if the Emperor was trustworthy. I needed to talk that one over with Nikki, to see if I was letting power go to my head. I said, “You know, Topper, now that you mention it, I suppose I am. We do have plenty of Marines over there to extract her if things go sideways, though.”

  “That we do, Boss. Hopefully he’s a man of his word, and we don’t have to find out if we sent enough.”

  “Well said, Topper.” Lakki docked and went aboard the yacht. Saucy gave us a view from different bots as she made her way to the throne room. Once she was inside, she genuflected, and said, “Your Majesty, I am here to help you with the course you want to take.”

  He pulled a teaching helmet up over the back of the throne. I don’t know why, but that caught me by surprise. I expected him to want to do his learning more privately. Lakki installed the course and asked, “Are you ready, Majesty?”

  “Yes, Lakki. Begin whenever it is convenient.” She lit him up, and watched the readouts, as if she really was concerned about the outcome. We watched, until finally he had finished, and woke up. He said, “Thank you, Lakki.”

  She replied, “My pleasure, Majesty. I will return to the Gene Cernan, now, if you don’t need anything else.”

  “Just one thing. Did you really need to watch the machine? Would your Commodore really let me use an untested procedure?”

  She was busted, and she knew it. She said, “No, Majesty. We were certain it was safe for Squirrels after Captain Dressi tried it. The Commodore just wanted me to be able to go home and see my family and friends.”

  “You must give him good service, for him to be so loyal to you.”

  “I’m not all that useful to him, he’s just loyal to all his people. If you want to know the truth, I think he was testing you, to see if you would really let me off the ship or not. He needs to know if he can trust you, and this was a good test.”

  “You don’t seem all that upset to be used in such a scheme.”

  “Your Majesty, you do see all the Marines around me, don’t you? There are many more on the other ships of the fleet. I have no doubt that they would all be here to get me back, if you went back on your word.”

  “You trust your monkey Commodore a great deal. Are you sure he is worth it?”

  “Without a doubt.”

 
“Why is that?”

  “I have seen the lengths he has gone to, in order to keep from harming any more of our people than he must. He is a good man, monkey or not.”

  Crikki spoke up. “If he is so good, why does he mistrust the Emperor?”

  Lakki replied, “Because those of our people he has met so far have not dealt with him honorably. He has no reason to believe the Emperor is any different, begging your pardon, Majesty.”

  “You already have that, Lakki. I can see why the Commodore would be cautious, if he has been dealing with people like the Admirals recently in my employ.”

  “He is cautious, but he sincerely wants peace. I hope that you can come to an agreement with him, Majesty.”

  “Why is it so important to you?”

  “I have seen and heard the things the Commodore can do. I do not want him to be forced to do them to our people, Majesty.”

  “The course you gave me is working. I can tell you sincerely believe what you said.”

  “I am glad to be of service, Majesty.”

  “To me, or to your Commodore?”

  “Both, I hope.”

  “A noble goal. Go in peace. The Emperor has spoken.”

  Lakki curtsied, and said, “Yes, Majesty.” Then she headed back to the saucer she flew over. The Emperor said, “Ambassador, I think we should retire to my study, and go over the agreements you brought.”

  Natti said, “Yes, Majesty. Let me dismiss these Marines, and I will be right with you.”

  The Marine in charge spoke up. “Mr. Ambassador, I should leave you an escort, just because the Admirals are no longer a problem, doesn’t mean there aren’t bad actors still aboard the yacht.”

  Dixie said, “Likewise, Ambassador, I should stay until we are sure there is no longer a threat.”

  Natti wound up with Dixie and eight Marines. The rest returned to the Puller. Saucy asked, “Would you like me to switch our feed to one of the Marines staying behind, Boss?”

  “No, thanks. Give them a little privacy. I’m sure the Marines will let us know if something important comes up.”

  “Okay, Boss.” I turned to Topper. “Anything else happening in our corner of the galaxy today?”