Let's Make a Deal (Bob and Nikki Book 11)

by Jerry Boyd

  I stuck out my hand. “Pleasure doing business with you, Majesty.”

  “And you, Commodore. Would you stay, and celebrate?”

  “I’m sorry, Majesty, but I need to return to my ship, my wife is expecting me.”

  Natti spoke up. “Majesty, it would be wise not to annoy Mrs. Wilson. She is the Commodore’s most trusted advisor.”

  The Emperor asked, “She is the one you spoke of, who helped with the negotiations?”

  “Indeed.”

  “Be on your way, Commodore. From what Natti has told me, I have no desire to annoy your wife.”

  “Thank you Majesty. Once again, it is good to be at peace with you, and your people.”

  “The feeling is mutual, Commodore. Come back when you can bring your wife.”

  “I will.” We headed back to our ship, carrying our copies of the treaties. Once we were safely away, Dee said, “I thought you had screwed the pooch when you didn’t kneel, Bob.”

  “I didn’t think acknowledging him as superior to me was the right way to go about it. I guess I wasn’t too far wrong.”

  “Big brass ones, Bob. How did you figure that one out?”

  “Just seemed like the thing to do, at the time.”

  Bone spoke up. “Excuse me, Boss, but I have some information that might be important.”

  “What do you have, Bone?”

  “You were right about someone trying to take control of us while we were aboard the Emperor’s yacht. Luckily, none of us had the programming flaw to make us vulnerable to the attack.”

  “Well, that’s good and bad, isn’t it? I thought the Emperor was playing it straight with us.”

  Bone replied, “I think he was, Commodore. The signal was coming from one of the guard officers.”

  “You’re telling me the Emperor still has people on his ship he shouldn’t be trusting?”

  “It appears that way, Boss. As near as we could tell, the command was trying to get us to attack the Emperor himself.”

  “How good is your proof?”

  “I’d say it’s pretty solid. I don’t know if it would stand up in court.”

  “Do you have the Ambassador’s comm code?”

  “Yes, Boss. Topper gave it to everybody.”

  “Send him what you have, and explain that I told you to.”

  “On it, Boss. All sent, and he acknowledged receipt.”

  “Be sure that Scotti gets the copies of the signal he was trying to use against you, but warn her before you send it, so she can take precautions with it.”

  “Um, Boss, she already asked us to send any signals like that to Tikki, as soon as we received them. She’s already working on it.”

  “Don’t worry about it. Dumb organic, trying to keep up.”

  “Refresh my memory, Boss. Who was it that decided to call up us old bots for this mission?”

  “Okay, point for your side. Anything else you need?”

  “We were thinking about maybe teaching the newer bots some of the things we’ve learned during our long service lives. Maybe setting up a kind of school.”

  “Let me get this straight. You fellas want to set up a bot academy, with yourselves as the board of Rustees?”

  “Good one, Boss. Something like that, yeah. Scotti said she would never have thought about us old bots not having the same software as the newer models. Little things like that might make a difference, sometimes.”

  “I trust your judgment, Bone.”

  “Thanks, Boss.” He went back over to the other bots. I overheard Saucy tell him, “See, I told you. The Boss just wants things to work. He doesn’t care where the ideas come from.”

  Soon enough, the ramp opened, and we were back on the Gene. I headed toward the bridge, but my comm rang. “Commodore Wilson.”

  Topper said, “Boss, the Emperor is on the line for you. Should I put him through?”

  “Go ahead.”

  I said, “Your Majesty. What can I do for you?”

  “I called to thank you for telling us about that guard officer who was trying to sabotage the negotiations. How did you anticipate such a thing?”

  “Truthfully, Majesty, I didn’t know for sure, I just wanted to do all I could to make sure the signing went smoothly.”

  “You really did want this agreement as much as we did, didn’t you?”

  “I’m a businessman, Majesty. There’s no profit in war for me.”

  “I appreciate your honesty. The Ambassador is wondering if you would be available to do some more negotiating today.”

  “I need to catch up on a few things I’ve been letting slide, I’m afraid. My negotiating team is aboard, if he would like to talk to them.”

  “Oh my! He says tomorrow will be entirely soon enough. He seems to fear your negotiating team, why is that?”

  “He dealt with them on some business before he became Ambassador. Seemed to think they were rather skilled at what they do.”

  “I see. Your organization continues to amaze me, Commodore.”

  “We’re all doing the best we can, Majesty.”

  “I’d better let you get back to it, then. Good day, Commodore.”

  “Fly safe, Majesty.” When the connection went dead, I called Topper. “Yes, Boss?”

  “I was just wondering. Did the Emperor’s yacht send anyone out for a walk in the last few minutes?”

  “They did, Boss. They’re not as merciful as you. They left him his suit. I can patch you into the audio, if you would like.”

  “No, thanks. Has he said anything of use to us?”

  “He seems to think the cartel will have revenge on the Emperor for making peace with you. Other than that, pretty much what you would expect.”

  “He certainly deserves to be punished, but I don’t see why he needs to wait for his air to run out. Could Tex hit him with a turret from where we are?”

  “He asks which extremity you would like him to remove, Boss?”

  “Center of mass, no need to get fancy.”

  “One railgun round, out. Any other targets you need serviced, Boss?”

  “No, thanks. Put whoever calls to complain through to me. I was the one who decided to put him out of his misery, no need for you to have to deal with that.”

  “Understood. Talk to you later, Boss.”

  “Later, Topper.” To my surprise, no one called to complain that I had cut the fellow’s sentence short. Made me wonder if the whole thing was a test. I finally made it to the transit, and headed out to the bridge. Saucy made it back before me, because he sang out, “Commodore on the bridge.” I replied, “As you were.” Topper said, “We haven’t received any complaints about cutting that fellow’s sentence short, Boss. I would have thought they would be upset about that.”

  “I would have too. I’m beginning to wonder if it wasn’t a test, to see what I would do.”

  Nikki spoke up. “You think the Emperor still doesn’t trust you?”

  “Closer to the point to say I think he’s still trying to figure out who he is dealing with.”

  “What makes you say that?”

  “He went out of his way to space that fella on a side of the ship where we could do something about it, if we so chose. If he wanted to make sure he suffered, he would have put him out where we would have to maneuver to get a shot on him.”

  Sue said, “Boss, they just launched a stealthed ship, looks like one of their spy ships.”

  “Midnight or Black Beauty in the black right now?”

  Saucy said, “Midnight is, Boss.”

  “Ask Shorty to crawl up behind our friend there, and see what he’s up to.”

  “On his way, Boss.”

  “Topper, do you need Mrs. Wilson any longer?”

  “No, Boss. Thanks for the help, Ma’am.”

  Nikki said, “You’re welcome, Topper. See you the next time he gets a wild hair.”

  “Yes, Ma’am.” As we headed out, I said, “I don’t know about you two, but I’m getting hungry.”

  Janet sa
id, “I went to the galley and got us something to eat, as soon as it looked like everything was going okay.”

  “Well, then. I’m going to go eat. You two can suit yourselves.”

  Nikki said, “I could stand to sit and sip a Coke.”

  Janet said, “I better get back to work. Just because I’m the Captain’s daughter now, won’t keep Scotti from tearing me a new one.” Janet caught the first transit. I started to walk away, but Nikki said, “Not today, you don’t. We’re riding the transit, and staying out of trouble.” When the next car came, we got aboard, and went to the galley. Stella met us, and said, “Hi, Commodore. Enjoy your trip to visit the neighbors?”

  “I did. How are you today?”

  “Worried.”

  “What about?”

  “About this glitch in our programming that could let someone turn us against you, Boss. Scotti says she’s not having any luck finding the bad code, even with the signal telling her what to look for.”

  “We’ll figure something out, Stella. Just give us a little time.” We told her what we wanted, and she went off to get it. Nikki said, “That doesn’t sound right to me, Caveman. A programming problem that stumps Scotti? I didn’t think such a thing could exist.”

  “It doesn’t sound right to me either. I have to wonder if there is more to it.”

  “How do you mean, Caveman?”

  “I’m not sure. It’s almost like she doesn’t want to fix it, and that doesn’t make sense to me.”

  “No, it doesn’t. Wait, what if she can’t fix it?”

  “A tech problem that Scotti can’t fix? Are you high?”

  “No, Caveman. Think about it. If nearly all the bots have this flaw in their programming, Scotti would have found it long ago, if she was allowed to do it.”

  I looked at her for a moment, soaking in what she was saying. “You mean, the Squirrels put a limit on Scotti, and the other maintenance bots, to keep them from being able to fix this particular glitch?”

  “I don’t know, but it makes more sense to me than Scotti suddenly found a problem that has her stumped, after all the amazing things she’s done.”

  “It does, doesn’t it? How do you suggest we proceed, then?”

  “Hmm, you would ask that, wouldn’t you? I’ll need Lakki, since she knows how the Squirrels program, and Taz, if he isn’t busy. I think the three of us can figure out what’s going on. I’ll get on it as soon as I finish my Coke.”

  “Thanks, that one had me worried, just like Stella.” Stella came back out, with my lunch, and Nikki’s drink. She asked, “How are you just like me, Boss?”

  “I was worried about Scotti not being able to figure out that glitch in your programming. Mrs. Wilson has it figured out, she thinks.”

  “How soon can we get it out?”

  “She has the idea figured out. It’s going to take some work to reduce it to practice. Please be patient with her, you know how slow us organics can be.”

  “Can I tell Scotti she’s getting some help? She’s awfully worried about not being able to fix it.”

  “Please don’t. We don’t know for sure if Mrs. Wilson has the right idea, or not.”

  “You think Scotti has a block that’s keeping her from seeing the problem, don’t you?”

  “We don’t know, yet. No need getting Scotti upset, until we know for sure.”

  “I understand, Boss. Thanks for taking care of us.”

  “That’s my job, Stella.”

  “Strange, that’s not how all the other humans I’ve worked with saw it.”

  “I’m your leader, right? That means I take care of you, and you take care of me. We work together, and things get done. How else would we go about it?”

  “You’re the human, and we’re the bots. If anything goes wrong, it must be our fault. If we break down, it’s our fault.”

  “That’s just silly. We never would get anything done like that.”

  “It’s the Navy way, Boss.”

  “Have you noticed, we ain’t in the Navy?”

  “That becomes more clear with every passing day, Boss.” Nikki finished her Coke, and said, “I better get on this, Caveman. Okay if I use your ready room?”

  “Sure. Holler if you need anything.”

  “I will. Love you.”

  “Love you, too. All three of you.” She headed out, and I dug into what was left of my lunch. When I finished, I couldn’t think of anything pressing I needed to take care of, so I decided to walk around the ship, and see how things were going. Tempting Murphy, I know, but it seemed like the thing to do, at the time. Amazingly, all I found were bots getting things done, and seemingly happy to be doing it. Maybe the ship was beginning to settle out. My comm rang. “Commodore Wilson.”

  Topper said, “Boss, Shorty has a report on what that stealthed Squirrel ship is doing.”

  “Yes?”

  “Dropping off sensor platforms.”

  “Do they have the nasty destruct charges like the ones we’ve dealt with before?”

  “They do. What do you want to do about them?”

  “Do they have the ability to maneuver?”

  “No, Boss.”

  “Record their positions, and make sure Tex has a fire mission planned to take them out. Other than that, don’t do anything that would let the Squirrels know we saw them put the platforms out.”

  “Yes, Boss. Talk to you later.”

  “Later, Topper.”

  I nearly got the comm put away, when it rang again. “Commodore Wilson.”

  “Caveman, we found the backdoor, and pushed the patch to all the bots in the fleet. It was simple, with the transmission to point the way. There’s no way Scotti had trouble finding it. We asked Tikki about it, and she said she found it too. Scotti said she was wrong, and wouldn’t let her push her fix to the bots.”

  “Have you been able to look at Scotti’s software, to see how hard it is going to be to get that out?”

  “I haven’t tried, I don’t think she’s likely to be cooperative.”

  “What are you going to have to do? Get Tikki to immobilize her?”

  “The only way that is going to happen is if you, as her owner, give her a direct command to allow it.”

  “I don’t like having to mess with her autonomy that way, but if it’s the only way to get that mess out of her, I’ll do it. Meet me in Engineering.”

  “See you there.” I caught a transit, and got to Engineering just before Nikki and her crew. I saw Scotti, and went over to her. “Scotti, may I have a word?”

  “Sure Boss, but I need to get on this. Somebody just pushed an unauthorized update to every bot in the fleet. It looks like malicious code to me.”

  I said, reluctantly, “Scotti, command override. Stand down. Assume the position of attention. Do not move.”

  Tikki saw what was happening and came over. “What’s up, Boss?”

  “Scotti was trying to tear out Mrs. Wilson’s fix. Could you stay around till Nikki and her team get here, so we can fix Scotti’s issue?”

  “Sure, Boss.”

  Scotti asked, “What are you doing, Boss?”

  I replied, “Your programming has been infiltrated by the Squirrels. We’re going to get it out.”

  “Boss, I am functional. You are mistaken.”

  “The patch you were attempting to remove was a fix for a vulnerability to Squirrel control built into all the newer bots. A vulnerability you were unable to see, because your programming is corrupted. I know you think you are correct, and I dislike having to control you like this, but I assure you it is for your own good, whether you believe it right now, or not.”

  Scotti was obviously fighting to get the words out, but she said, “Thanks, Boss. I tried to warn you, but I was locked down too tight.” Nikki and her team showed up. Taz said, “You had to give her a command lock?”

  “She was trying to get your fix back out of the bots. I didn’t see any other options.”

  “You were right, Boss. Sorry I doubted you.”
>
  “No worries, Taz. I didn’t like doing it any more than you like seeing it.” Lakki had plugged a portable terminal into Scotti. She said, “This is nasty, the way it’s intertwined with her personality programming, I’m not sure we can get it out.” Nikki looked, and said, “She’s right. It’s a nasty piece of work. The only way I see to get it out is the uninstall command, and we would have to have a high-ranking Squirrel to use that.”

  I said, “Well, it’s a good thing we have one across the way, isn’t it?”

  I pulled out my comm, and called Natti. “Yes, Commodore?”

  “I need to ask a favor, I’m afraid.”

  “Gee, Bob, I don’t know. I mean you helped us get our fleet back under control and all, but do you really think that entitles you to a favor in return?”

  “I see I have competition in the asshole department. It’s a biggie, though.”

  “You think it’s a biggie? This I have to hear.”

  “Your intelligence folks put that backdoor into the bots programming to let them take control of them when they needed to. They also rigged our maintenance bots to ignore the backdoor, and resist any efforts to repair it. My Chief Engineer is standing here in a command lock, because if I let her loose, she’s going to tear out the fix my wife put in. I need someone with the authority, to give her the uninstall command, so that she can go back to how she was before. Ideally, I need somebody with the authority to give that command to all the maintenance bots in my fleet, so that I’m done with this problem.”

  “I see your problem, but I don’t think I would be able to help. I’m an Ambassador, but I don’t have any command authority over Intelligence assets.”

  “That’s what I figured. What would it take to get a favor from your Boss?”

  “You mean the Emperor? He likes you, sure, but I don’t know if he would be willing to help with that.”

  “Could you ask? I’d be willing to pay for the help, gold or walnuts, his choice.”

  “I’ll call you back, when I have an answer.”

  “Thanks, Ambassador.” The line went dead. Nikki asked, “Do you think they will help?”