Coming Undone

by Lauren Dane

  “Are you all right?” Brody asked, concern on his face as she returned to where they’d been waiting.

  “Fine. Just had a run-in with Bettina in the bathroom.” All she could hope was that the judge didn’t think she was a cold-blooded killer. The argument in the bathroom had made her angry, yes, but it had also settled things inside her. She was right to be doing this; they didn’t care about Rennie at all. Once she got it all straight in her head, she might talk about it, but now, that shared moment of eye contact with the judge was something she held tight.

  Half an hour later, they were called back in.

  “I’ve given this a lot of attention because a child’s well-being is at stake. I never take the removal of custody or visitation lightly. A child surrounded by loving family is a child who has a leg up in life. Some serious allegations are being made against the mother by the paternal grandparents. I’ve looked over all the evidence and do not find myself compelled. In fact, this child, by all accounts, including the experts hired by the grandparents, is bright, well adjusted and happy. I do not find any significant change in circumstances that would warrant the removal of the child. As to the allegations the mother makes regarding contact with the paternal grandparents, while the child is well adjusted and happy, the only problems occur on and around the day of the month the grandparents make their visitation call. Given the reports in the file, I’m compelled to make the decision to halt any further contact of the child by the Sorensons. The child may decide on her own to seek out contact as she ages, but it’s clear to me after a read of the material here, and after witnessing the behavior of the grandparents today, that this child would only benefit from their absence. Further, I am issuing a no-contact order with this finding. The Sorensons are ordered to refrain from contacting Elise Sorenson or the minor, Irene Anne Sorenson, in any way. Violation of said order will result in civil and criminal penalties.” She banged the gavel and Elise stood, head held high, as the judge exited the courtroom.

  The sound of dramatic weeping cut through the silence, but Elise felt nothing but release and joy as she walked out, surrounded by her family and friends.

  Once they’d all driven back to her house, she took Brody’s hand. “I need to go to Rennie. Pick her up from school.” She needed to see her baby so much she had to force herself not to run down the street to the school. Brody smiled at her, a smile so beautiful she caught her breath. “Thank you. Thank you for being here for me and Rennie.” She hugged him and he hugged her back, holding her body to his as he breathed in slow and sure. It calmed her even as things began to quiver low and deep in her belly.

  “Will you come to me later? I know you need to see Rennie now, but can we see each other later today? I want to talk.” He kissed her and she smiled.

  “Am I in trouble?”

  “The best kind.”

  “I like the sound of that. My parents are taking her out for library time after school today. I’m trying to pretend nothing special is happening. Will you be at the shop? I can come by later if that works for you.”

  “I’ll be waiting for you. Can I take you and Rennie to dinner tonight? Red Mill burgers and onion rings with milkshakes? We can take it to the park, eat it there.”

  Dear god, he was something so special. She loved him so much and having this court stuff over and done brought it all into sharp focus. If her parents were standing right there, she’d have blurted it out just then.

  Now she had to see her little girl and know everything was all right.

  27

  Brody watched her rush off, tears on her face, joy absolutely spilling from her. It made him smile, made the part she held inside him grow. For the first time in months, since he’d realized he loved her, he was free of the nagging fear that she’d lose Rennie and be devastated.

  Whistling, he went into his house to change and then head over to the shop.

  He grinned as he entered the shop. Everyone turned to him, expectant looks on their faces, and he realized he wasn’t the only one who loved Elise. “Everything is fine. Elise won the case and even kept her former in-laws from having any contact with Rennie. She’s over the moon. I’m pretty freaking jacked too.”

  “Hi.”

  It had been over a month since he’d seen Raven last. She’d headed out of town after the confrontation with Elise at Erin’s place. Admittedly, things had been smoother without her around, but Brody had worried. He didn’t have romantic feelings for her and she’d tried to hurt Elise, which made him pissed off and defensive. But he worried for Raven because, as Elise had very intuitively pointed out, Raven was a wounded bird. Damn, he loved Elise even more than he’d thought possible.

  “Hey, Raven.” He hugged her, happy when she didn’t hang on too long or make any inappropriate comments. “You here to work?”

  “I’m here to apologize. Your Miss Perfect was right. I hate that.”

  He laughed. “She’s right a lot, just so you know. She also seems to think there’s something worthy inside you somewhere.”

  Raven made a face. “It sucks that she’s so nice.”

  “It’s one of my favorite things about her. I love her, Raven. I love her and her kid and I want her to marry me. That’s what’s going to happen, and if you can deal with it and make your peace with it, you’re welcome in our lives. If you can’t, it’s your choice, but I’m going to have to choose Elise and Rennie. I care about you and I don’t want to not have you in my life, but it’s time you grew up and accepted reality.”

  She cocked her head and looked up at him. “I wish things had been different. I blew it between us.”

  He shook his head. “You act like it was just yesterday. It was years ago. We can still be friends, just like we were before, only without the sex, Elise would frown on that.”

  “She might be able to take me. She’s little and all perfect and shit, but she’s got a mean streak. I don’t want to lose you. You’re a big part of my life. So I guess I can make nice with her and not flip out in front of her kid too. That was out of line. I know it was.”

  “My kid too. I want to adopt her. And I want you in my life too.” He hugged her, kissing her cheek.

  It got quiet, and when he looked around to see what had happened, everyone was looking toward the door, where Elise stood, a horrified look on her face. She must have seen the last bit between him and Raven.

  “Elise, wait!” he called out, but she turned, her movements jerky and uncoordinated as she tried to hurry away. That’s when he knew for sure she loved him back. Seeing his normally ridiculously graceful Elise reduced to that sort of clumsiness shocked him even as he rejoiced.

  Elise knew her face was red, knew her tears would smear her makeup, and yet she couldn’t seem to care. She needed to be away, needed to wash away the shame and humiliation of coming to tell a man she loved him and walking in to see him tell another woman he wanted her in his life as he hugged her.

  “Wait, damn you, Elise!” He ran up behind her and she braced for his touch. But he didn’t touch her. Instead he ran in front of her and dropped to his knees, bringing her to a surprised halt.

  “Damn me? You’re joking right? Your hands are all over another woman and you dare to say that to me?” Tears thickened her voice; she knew she’d feel better if she kicked him extra hard. She stifled the desire though. For now.

  “It wasn’t at all what you think. I love you. Do you hear me? I love you, Elise. I was telling Raven that. She was apologizing for how she’d been. I was telling her I loved you and that I was glad she could be part of my life because she accepted that.”

  “You love me?” she squeaked, and he grinned in response.

  “How can you not have known that before now? I love you. I love you. I’ve loved you since before the block party earlier this year. I wanted all this legal stuff out of the way before I told you. I knew you needed to keep your focus on Rennie.”

  She blinked as her world turned on its ear.

  “Marry me.”

&nbs
p; “Marry?” The squeak again. “Why not just dating? You can sleep over now.”

  He laughed. “That’s so not the response I imagined. First, can we—?”

  “I love you too. I’ve loved you since New Year’s when you kissed me at midnight, and I’ve wanted to tell you so many times but I didn’t want to spoil our deal. I knew you didn’t want love and forever and all that. I came here today to tell you that and to ask you to do the tattoo, the big one, mark the occasion.”

  He stood and pulled her to him. Her feet left the ground and she wrapped her legs around him, holding on tight as he kissed her silly.

  “Okay, now that we’ve established how stupid we’ve both been in not just telling each other our feelings earlier, let’s get back to marriage. I can’t just date you. I’ve been dating you. I need to be married to the mother of my child. I know you and Rennie are a package deal. Marry me. I love that kid. I want to make a home with you and Rennie. I want forever and I want it with you.”

  The tears came freely now, but they were good tears.

  “Yes. Yes, I want to marry you. But you know Rennie has a part in this too. She’s my first priority and I want to be sure this is okay with her.” She loved that he loved Rennie too, but this was important; his understanding that Rennie needed to be an active participant in this, this most important decision, was paramount.

  “I made some reservations out at the coast for this weekend. I thought we could all go out there, play in the sand. It’s a twobedroom suite. The weather is supposed to be nice. What do you say?”

  “I say I’m lucky.” She held on, held on until she knew he wasn’t going anywhere.

  “And, um, I’d really like to adopt Rennie. Make her mine officially. If that’s okay with you.”

  The tears started again as she threw her arms around his neck, tightening her legs. Her tears had morphed into sobs, and he worried until she began kissing his face and lips. “Are you for real? You want to be her dad?”

  He laughed. “Good thing you’re so light, because I’m not letting you go anytime soon. Yes, baby, yes, I love you and I love Rennie. I already love her like she was my own. I want us to be a family, I want her to know I think of her as my daughter. We all belong to each other, and I just thought it would be the best way to go about it. If you’re uncomfortable, we can wait.”

  “I’m not uncomfortable. When I think of the things I want the most in the world, you’re it. All of it. A best friend and partner for me and a dad for Rennie. I can’t believe you’re real.”

  He kissed her again and nipped her bottom lip. “I’m real and we’ll be a family. Just like you two deserve and I’ve wanted for a very long time.”

  “I love you like cupcakes,” she said, laughing.

  “Wow, that’s a lot of love. And as a plus, you can lick me anytime. Now, what do you want and where do you want me to do it?”

  “That sounds dirty.” She didn’t even complain when he carried her back into his shop and people cheered.

  “That can be arranged. The dirty part. But just now I mean the tat.”

  He sat her on the table.

  “I was thinking a swan, you know, from Swan Lake?” She drew up her shirt. “Right here on my belly and side.”

  “Hm. Yes, that would be nice. Can I make a suggestion?”

  “Of course.”

  “You’re a phoenix. You’ve been down and have risen up, survived. You’re beautiful and fierce and ethereal.” He traced over the skin of her belly and side. “I have something I drew up.” He reached over and pulled a sheet of paper from a drawer and opened it. It was amazing. Beautiful.

  “Oh. Brody, this is . . . Wow. I’m blown away.”

  He smiled. “Good. I’m glad you like it. I’d put the head here.” He touched her left side. “And trail the wings across and up your other side. It would be mostly red, with some black and gray. It’ll take some time to get it all finished, but I think it’ll be gorgeous.”

  So much better than a swan. “And it matches yours. I mean, the design is different, but . . .” She shrugged, blushing again.

  “I hope you never stop blushing. It makes me so hot. And yeah, I thought the connection was nice. I got mine when I started raising Erin and Adrian.”

  “And mine will be about you too. And about Rennie and new steps. A new life you’ve been part of since nearly the first. I don’t . . . I don’t want me and Rennie to be yet another thing you have to take care of. I don’t want to be a burden to you.”

  He kissed her in front of the whole shop and she didn’t care one bit. “There’s a difference between a burden and a responsibility. A family is a responsibility. You’re my family. But you’re not a burden. I love taking care of you, I love it. It makes me happy.”

  “Okay. Okay, I just wanted to be sure, because once we’re married, you’re not going anywhere.”

  “No kidding. Now, let’s get moving.” He looked at his watch. “It’s nearly dinnertime and Rennie will be home. You go on back and I’ll stop by Red Mill and grab everything.”

  “Why don’t we just spread out a blanket on your back deck then? You know how much Rennie loves your tiki torches.”

  “Oh, Rennie loves them.” One of his eyebrows rose and she hugged him.

  “Okay so I love the tiki torches. Sue me. Or don’t, I’m pretty done with courts.”

  “How much time do we have before Rennie is back?”

  She sighed happily. He was hers. For real. “Not enough time for sex.”

  He cursed. “Okay, tonight then.” He kissed her again and her toes curled. “Here.” He handed her a key. “To my house. Let yourselves in if I’m not back. I’m going to stop and get champagne too. We have a lot to celebrate.”

  Brody heard her before he saw her. Heard Rennie’s laugh, full of joy, totally unaware that anyone had tried to do her mother harm. And he closed his eyes a moment, sending out thanks for that.

  He came into the backyard and saw his girls there, laughing, kicking a ball, all that pretty pale hair flying as they ran. His, and nothing had ever felt better.

  “I hear some ladies might be hungry.”

  “Brody!” Rennie ran across the yard and up the steps of his deck. He had to drop the bags quickly to grab her instead, hugging her close.

  “Hey, sunshine. I missed you today.”

  She held his cheeks and gave him a kiss. “Your mustache tickles. Mom said we’re all going to the beach this weekend. Can we fly kites? There’s a kid in my class who flies kites. I think it sounds cool. Do you think it sounds cool? Do they have pink kites with sparkles on them? If not, I could probably be okay with a yellow kite. As long as it’s not green. I don’t really like green unless it’s pickles. I like pickles.”

  Elise shrugged at him as if to say, Get used to it. But he was, and all that droning chatter was just fine with him.

  “We will find you a pink kite with sparkles. I think kite flying sounds like a wonderful idea.”

  He put her down and sat on the blanket as Elise began to set out all the food. How wonderfully fucking normal it was. He kissed Elise’s cheek and stole an onion ring from her plate. She whacked his hand but laughed.

  “Rennie,” he said, looking to Elise, who nodded, understanding he planned to broach the subject of their getting married.

  “Yep?” She had ketchup on her chin. Elise handed her a napkin and she mopped it up with a grin. Brody wondered if it was possible to love anyone as much as he loved Elise and Rennie just then.

  “What would you say if I asked your mom, and you of course, to marry me? We’d live together and you two would be my family.”

  Her eyes widened and she jumped over the food into his lap. “For reals? Would you be my dad? I had one, but he wasn’t very nice. He made Momma cry. Mom and I are good.” She tipped her chin up proudly, and his eyes stung to hold back his own damned tears. “We’re good, but we could make you happy in our family.”

  He hugged her, love making it hard to breathe. “Will you be my dau
ghter? Officially? If it’s okay with you, I’d like to make it official. We can file papers that make me your dad. Your last name would be Brown like mine.”

  She looked up at him. “Really?” She turned to her mother. “Did you hear that? He’s gonna marry us both.”

  Elise laughed. “I heard it. It’s pretty cool, huh?”

  “Can I have a horse?”

  Startled laughter broke from his belly.

  “Get used to it. That’s how she rolls.”

  “You can have a horse doll. And we can go horseback riding. But a horse won’t fit in the backyard.”

  “Oh.” She pursed her lips as she sat back at her place and began eating again. “A few dolls would be good, I suppose. And a pink sparkly kite.”

  28

  “Christ. If the day before I met you, someone had said I’d be head over teakettle in love with a ballerina and her eight-year-old, going on forty, daughter, I’d have told them they were crazy. I wasn’t looking for you, Elise. That I found you anyway is sort of a miracle to me.”

  They stood on a balcony overlooking the ocean, newlyweds for less than twelve hours. The wedding had been in Adrian’s backyard. It had snowed, and Elise had never seen anything as beautiful as Rennie in her little pink dress, dancing with Brody at the reception.

  Her parents had taken Rennie back to their house, where she’d spend the next week with them while Elise and Brody had a honeymoon in the San Juan Islands, at a vacation house belonging to a family friend. The house sat on a cliff with the Strait of Juan de Fuca spread out under the clear sky, the waters cold and dark.

  “I tried not to fall in love with you. I did. But you’re irresistible. Each time I thought I had it in check, you’d do something else to make me love you more,” Elise said and shrugged with a smirk.

  He drew her back inside to the bed. He’d built a roaring fire so the space was warm and a pretty glow flickered over the walls.

  “It was my cock, wasn’t it?”

  She tossed her robe and got on the bed. “It’s one of your finest features.”