Courage

by Kristen Proby

  “I’ll sack out here. No sense going home for just a few hours, only to turn around and come back. Besides, I hate my rental. It’s full of wall-to-wall boxes between my stuff and Monica’s. It’s not homey like this.”

  “I’m sorry.” I shake my head when he narrows his eyes at me. “I know, you don’t want or need my apology, but I’m sorry anyway. That you had to pass on the other job, right after you sold your house. And that you had to hurry up and rent something else. It’s just a big mess.”

  “I didn’t pass on the job,” he says, surprising me.

  “What? But you’re still here.”

  “Of course, I am.” He runs his hand through his hair and pitches the empty chip bag into the trash. “Like you said, it’s been a mess. I don’t know what’s going to happen, or how it’ll all shake out, but they held the job for me for six months.”

  “Oh.” I swallow the lump in my throat. I thought that with us co-parenting the kids, Sam would have passed on the job.

  Does this mean he’ll take off in a few months to live a new life in Spokane, leaving me here with the kids?

  He could.

  And it sounds like he might.

  “Like I said, I don’t know what’ll happen. But I didn’t want to close that door completely.”

  “Sure.” I nod and offer him a fake smile. “I get it. I’m headed to bed. There are extra blankets and pillows in the hall linen closet.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Of course. Just tired as always, these days. And the medicine is probably kicking in. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  I hurry out of the kitchen and make a beeline for my bedroom. I never shut my door all the way because I want to be able to hear the kids.

  But I want to tonight. I want to close it and have a good cry. If Sam leaves town for that job, I’ll lose one more person who means something to me. Maybe not permanently, but if he doesn’t live here, it won’t be the same.

  It’s another thing to grieve.

  And I’ve had my fill of grief—enough to last a decade.

  It takes me longer than usual to change into a nightgown because of my sore hand, and when I finally get into bed, I discover that Kelsey has managed to angle herself over the entire King-sized mattress.

  How that’s possible, I have no idea.

  I nudge her over to the side and slip between the sheets. Thanks to the medicine, my eyes are heavy, and my brain is foggy. I’ve just turned over to drift off when a little arm slips around mine, and Kelsey rests her head against my shoulder.

  “Night, Mama.”

  My eyes open, and I stare at the ceiling for what feels like an hour.

  I know she’s asleep and didn’t know what she was saying. She won’t remember it tomorrow.

  But man, it breaks my heart.

  I miss your mama, I think to myself. I miss her so very much.

  “Shh, Uncle Sam said not to wake her up.”

  “But we have to. We have to go to school.”

  I wait just a heartbeat and then sit up really fast and yell, “Boo!”

  The twins giggle, and Kevin jumps up onto the bed with me, bouncing a couple of times.

  “You’re already dressed.” I frown at them both. “And your hair is combed.”

  “Uncle Sam helped,” Kelsey says. “He said we should be quiet and let you sleep because of your hand. Does it still hurt?”

  Like a bitch.

  “Yeah, a little.”

  “You didn’t follow orders,” Sam accuses as he marches into the room. “I turned my back for twenty seconds.”

  “It’s okay.” I tousle my hair with my hands. “I have to get up. I don’t want to miss the first day of school.”

  “We have donuts,” Kevin announces as he jumps off the bed. “I want another one!”

  “That explains the energy level,” I say dryly as Kelsey follows her brother out of my room. “You took them for donuts?”

  “No, I got up before everyone else, so I went and got a dozen. There’s plenty left for you, as long as we don’t leave the kids to their own devices for too long. I’ll let you get dressed into something more decent.”

  I scowl and look down. “It’s a nightgown. I’m not showing anything.”

  Sam rubs his hand over his lips and then leans in to whisper in my ear. “I can see your nipples pressed against the cotton of that thing. And it makes me want things, Tash, that aren’t appropriate with two five-year-olds waiting to go to school.”

  Without another word or touch, he turns and leaves the room.

  Leaving me all hot and bothered. Damn him.

  “It’s just a simple cotton nightgown,” I grumble. “It’s not like I’m wearing something from Victoria’s Secret or anything.”

  Still, I wiggle my way into leggings and a T-shirt with a blue flannel shirt over it, teasing my hair into a ponytail. I only wince a little when the motion makes my hand sing in protest.

  “We’re ready for pictures,” Kevin announces, holding up his chalkboard. Every slot is filled in on both of them, and I turn my eyes to Sam.

  “You filled them out.”

  “Yeah,” he says with a nod. “I guess they didn’t come out too bad.”

  “They look great.” The writing isn’t fancy like Monica’s would have been, but the letters are perfectly legible. I can tell he put a lot of effort into this. “Thanks.”

  “Let’s go outside for some pictures,” Sam suggests.

  The kids pose with their chalkboards on the porch, their little backpacks slung over their shoulders and wide smiles on their faces. I pose them together and separate.

  And then we pile into the truck and head the short distance to the elementary school.

  “We’ll be here to get you when you’re done,” I remind them as we walk hand-in-hand to their classroom. We visited last week so they could meet their teacher and see the room they’ll be in. We all thought it was a good idea for them to be in the same classroom this year as the twins tend to act out when they’re on their own.

  “Okay,” Kevin says and doesn’t even bother to wave at us as he hurries off to see his friends.

  “I don’t want to,” Kelsey says and turns to me with tears in her eyes. “I want to go with you.”

  “You’ve been looking forward to school,” I remind her gently and squat next to her. “There’s your friend, Trinity. And Lucy. You know the other kids, Kels.”

  She grabs my leg, but Mrs. Delgado hurries over with a wide, welcoming smile on her pretty face.

  “Hi there, Kelsey. Welcome. I’m so excited you’re here. We’re going to have such a fun day.”

  “I love you, and I’ll see you very soon.” I kiss her cheek, and Mrs. Delgado seamlessly takes the little girl’s hand and leads her away, giving me the nod to go.

  Sam and I leave the classroom and walk out to his truck.

  But when we climb inside, he doesn’t start the engine.

  “It should be Monica,” I say and wipe away a tear. “Monica should be here to take her babies to school, take pictures, and fill out their chalkboards.”

  “I know it.” Sam sighs. “But the thing is, Tash, she’s not. She’s not here. No matter how unfair it is. You can’t feel guilty every time there’s a new life event in the kids’ lives over the next thirty years because there will be dozens of them.”

  “I know.” I wipe my nose on the handkerchief he offers me. “I know that. But, Jesus, Sam, it’s only been a few months. I’m still adjusting to this. Monica was excited for today. She prepared for it months ago. She should be here to see it. It pisses me off that she isn’t.”

  “Me, too, honey. Me, too.” He kisses my hand. “Rich and my sister were good parents. They waited a long time to have kids, and they loved it. All we can do is make them proud of us. And of the kids.”

  “Yeah.” I swallow the last of my tears. “You’re right. I think I need a donut.”

  “Coming right up.”

  Chapter 4

  ~Sam~


  “I see Isha!” Kelsey exclaims, pointing at Noah and Fallon’s daughter playing in a field with puppies. “Can I go?”

  “Go ahead,” Tash says with a smile. “Have fun. Try not to get too dirty.”

  “We’re at a ranch,” I remind her as we glance around the Lazy K Ranch, owned by the King family, outside of Cunningham Falls. I’ve been here plenty over the years, from helping with medical emergencies to enjoying barbecues like this one. “They’re gonna get dirty.”

  “I know, but I have to make an effort to keep them clean.” She grins and looks around. “There must be a hundred people here. Maybe more.”

  “And you know them all, so don’t get shy on me now.”

  “I’m not shy. I’m surprised. I haven’t been to a King BBQ in many years. They’ve grown.”

  She’s not wrong.

  As the kids married and had children of their own, along with making new friends in town, the parties have gone from smallish get-togethers of a few dozen people to huge events with big white tents and rented tables and chairs.

  And with this being the end of summer, it looks like the whole town made a point to show up.

  “There you are,” Cara King, one of the owner’s wives says as she approaches with a big smile. “As you can see, we have a zoo going on here. I’ve been told a fishing party is getting ready to walk to the creek out back. I stay away from there.”

  She winks at me, and I immediately remember that early summer day all those years ago when she and her nephew, Seth, got into trouble in the creek.

  “We have food over that way,” she continues and points to the tent surrounded by mosquito netting. “Drinks are in there, too. In the field over there, we have a friendly game of horseshoes and cornhole. Zack and Josh have been swearing at each other all day, so enter at your own risk. Make yourselves at home. Let me know if you need anything.”

  “Thanks, Cara,” Tash says. “I think you’re going to need help with cleanup when all of this is over.”

  “I outsourced this year.” Cara winks. “Have fun, guys.”

  She strolls away to welcome others who just arrived, and Noah and Fallon walk our way, holding out cold drinks to us.

  “You look like you could use this,” Noah says as he passes me a beer.

  “Thanks.”

  “I see the kids found the puppies,” Fallon says with a grin and rubs her round, pregnant belly. “Isha is not talking me into one.”

  “No, ma’am.” Noah winks at her. “No way.”

  “I’m serious, Noah King.” Fallon frowns. “I have enough to do. Puppy training is not on that list.”

  “Let’s get out of the sun,” Tash suggests, and we walk over to some Adirondack chairs set under a pair of umbrellas.

  “What happened to your hand?” Fallon asks her.

  “Oh, I had a run-in with a knife a few days ago. It’s not as bad as it was.” We all sit and enjoy watching the people around us; then she points at a group of teenagers hanging out by the above-ground swimming pool. “Who is that?”

  “Miles, Sarah, Layla, and Kimberly,” Noah says, pointing at the teenagers. “Miles and Sarah are Zack’s twins. Layla’s Ty and Lauren’s daughter, and Kim is Cara and Josh’s daughter. They’re all in the same age range and attached at the hip.”

  “Who’s the dude draped all over Layla?” I ask, narrowing my eyes.

  “New kid in town,” Fallon says. “And that makes him mysterious and incredibly attractive to sixteen-year-old girls.”

  “And what does her daddy have to say about that?” I ask.

  “Her daddy isn’t happy.” I glance up to find Ty standing nearby, watching the kids with the eyes of a protective father. Ty’s a successful attorney here in Cunningham Falls, but he’s not in a suit today. He’s in a Megadeth T-shirt, his sleeve of tattoos showing. And as the boy in question leans in to plant his lips on Layla’s cheek, Ty’s jaw clenches. “Little son of a bitch better watch himself.”

  “We could kill him,” Josh says as he and Zack join us. “There’re plenty of places to dispose of the body on the ranch. No one will find him.”

  “Let’s not rush into homicide,” Ty says but crosses his arms over his chest when the boy pats Layla’s ass as she stands to walk to the drink tent. “Layla, come here.”

  Her smile dims as she approaches her dad. “Yeah?”

  “Let him touch you like that again, and I’ll take his hand off.”

  Layla rolls her eyes. “It was harmless.”

  “Like hell,” Ty growls. “I’ve been that kid’s age. It wasn’t harmless.”

  “Fine.” She stomps away, her red hair flying as she flips it over her shoulder.

  “I want my baby back,” Ty says with a sigh. “And she reminds me every day that that’s never gonna happen.”

  “At least, she’s not pregnant,” Zack says with a helpful smile, and Ty turns to pull Zack into a headlock, only to end up on his back in the dirt.

  “Men are violent,” Tash says, sipping her hard seltzer.

  “Hey, what’s going on?” Seth King, Zack’s eldest son, says as he jumps into the mix, hurling himself on his dad’s back.

  “Oof,” Zack says, under the weight of his adult son. “Get the fuck off me, kid.”

  The jumble of pure male testosterone untangles itself, and the three men grin at each other, heaving in breaths.

  “You may be twenty-eight,” Zack says to his son, “but I can still take you.”

  “In your dreams, old man.” Seth turns to me with a grin. “Hey, Sam.”

  “Hey, yourself. Stay away from the creek today, okay? No more broken ankles.”

  “I’m never gonna live that down,” Seth says and shakes his head. “Trust me, Aunt Cara would kill me if I tried a stunt like that again. So, I just learned not to tell her.”

  “How are things in the park?” I ask him. Seth’s been a ranger up in Glacier National Park for several years. He has a degree in wildlife biology and loves the park and the animals.

  “Busy. Busiest summer to date for tourist traffic. Had an idiot put a bear cub in his car to warm it up.” He snarls in disgust. “Asshole. We aren’t a petting zoo. Anyway, it’s good. Oh, wait a sec.”

  He looks over the crowd and then whistles and gestures for someone to join us.

  “Tash, Gage is here,” Seth says to a surprised Natasha. “He just got to town.”

  Natasha’s eyes go wide as her brother joins us. Gage offers his sister a small smile.

  “Hey.”

  “Hi.” She stands, and they embrace in the most awkward hug of all time before she steps back and tucks her hair behind her ear. “Back in town, huh?”

  “Yeah, just got here last week. I meant to call, but I got busy. You know how it is.”

  “Right.” She nods once. “I know how it is. Glad you’re here safely.”

  “You know, if you ever want to have dinner with the parents—”

  “I don’t,” she cuts him off. “But tell them hi for me.”

  She sits down once more and sips her drink. Gage shrugs.

  “Sure. I’ll tell them.”

  “Welcome home,” I say. Gage is in the Army and has been God knows where for the past few years. He’s also Seth’s best friend.

  I should have known he’d be here today.

  I don’t know the story behind the tension between Tash and the rest of her family, but I’ll be asking about it later.

  Now isn’t the time or place.

  “I think I’ll go harass Layla’s new boyfriend,” Seth says with a grin. “He looks way too comfortable over there.”

  “Good boy,” Zack says as Seth and Gage saunter over to the pool, pull off their shirts, and sit right next to Layla.

  “Here’s hoping they scare the little asshole off,” Ty mutters. “I’m gonna go find my wife.”

  He stalks off.

  “Speaking of wives,” Zack says. “Mine will kill me if I don’t check the list she gave me this morning.”

  Zack hur
ries off, and then Josh’s parents call him away.

  When it’s just the four of us, Fallon turns to Natasha.

  “If you ever want to talk about it, I’m a good listener.”

  Tash glances at Fallon and taps her can to the other woman’s water. “I’m good. But thanks.”

  “Mom! Mom!” Isha comes running and flings herself into Fallon’s lap, having no regard whatsoever for the belly between them. “Can Kevin and Kelsey come to our house tonight? We could have a sleepover and everything.”

  Isha grips Fallon’s face in her little hands and presses her nose to her mother’s.

  “Pweeeeeease?”

  “It’s a long weekend,” Noah says and glances at me. “Fine with us, if it is with you.”

  “If you’re sure,” Tash says. “They’re a handful, and—”

  “It’ll be great,” Fallon assures Tash easily. “Don’t even worry about it. We’ll bring them home Monday afternoon.”

  “Wait, you’re going to take them for the rest of the weekend?” Tash asks.

  “Sure. It’ll be fun.”

  “Yay!” Isha exclaims and hurries off her mother’s lap so she can go tell the others.

  “If you need or want to bring them home early, it’s no problem,” Tash assures Fallon.

  “Stop worrying.” Fallon pats Tash’s shoulder. “We’ve got this.”

  “I guess this means we can have a date night.” I waggle my eyebrows at Natasha. “You in?”

  “Sure. I’m in.”

  “Oh my God, I ate too much bread.” Tash sits back in her seat and pats her flat stomach. “I have a food baby.”

  “Worth it, though,” I say as I polish off my tiramisu. I brought her to Ciao for dinner, one of her favorite places. We walked here from her house, anticipating eating all the carbs in the world and needing a walk afterward.

  “No one approached us today. Not even at the BBQ.”

  I set my green napkin on the table and nod. “You’re right. Is that good or bad?”

  “It’s good, I think.” She eyes the last piece of garlic bread in the basket. “I mean, I was sick of it, and it drove me nuts, so it’s a good thing.”