Into the Deep

by Samantha Young

  Awesome.

  Brett stared at me, his features taut, his eyes hard. It was not a good look on him, but it was a familiar one. “He’s playing with you.”

  Knowing exactly what this was, I sighed heavily and walked around him. Unfortunately, Brett fell into step beside me as I strode down the hall toward my next class.

  “He’s slept with every girl in our class, Charley. He’s just using you.”

  “Well, that’s a gross exaggeration,” I replied dryly. “I assure you it’s only half.”

  “You think this is a joke,” Brett snapped. “This guy is going to seriously hurt you.”

  I turned around and started walking backward away from him. “I’m Supergirl, remember? I don’t get hurt.”

  His face screwed up. “You’re acting like a slut and an idiot.”

  “And you’re an asshole,” I replied cheerily and spun around, ignoring my gossiping classmates as I headed for class.

  As soon as I took my seat, my cell buzzed and I looked at it as everyone settled in. It was from Jake.

  You called Brett an asshole? Everything okay?

  Jeez, news really did travel fast in this school. Dude killed my erection. I retaliated. Xoxo

  Ten seconds later: LMAO. And two seconds after that: I’m so into you.

  I smiled, probably looking like the idiot Brett had just accused me of being. Good xoxo

  “Who? What? Who? How?” Andie’s hazel eyes, identical to mine, were wide as she stared into the camera.

  That was pretty much the reaction I’d been expecting when I told her via Skype that Jake was in Edinburgh.

  “You heard me,” I replied, gazing past her to her office. Light spilled in from a window somewhere, reminding me I was five hours ahead. It was almost midnight in Scotland but Andie was always so busy with grad school and her internship that we could only talk on her schedule. I didn’t mind. I really wanted to talk to her.

  “Jake, your ex-boyfriend Jake? The Jake who knew that you were always planning to spend your third year studying abroad at the University of Edinburgh?”

  And that was exactly why I really wanted to talk to my big sister.

  She knew mostly everything about my relationship with Jake, not because she’d been there to witness it (she’d only met him once during her Christmas break home from Dublin), but because I’d told her probably every little detail. This meant she knew that Jake was privy to all my thoughts and feelings and plans and dreams.

  I’d talked to Jake a million times about studying in Edinburgh because Andie was always calling home from Dublin talking about what an amazing time she was having. I wanted to study in Europe too, and while Ireland struck my sister’s fancy, for me, it was Scotland. Jake had said he wanted to come with me.

  “Yes.”

  “So,” Andie scrunched up her nose as she ran her hand through her hair, a habit we shared and a tell that we were trying to work something out, “he obviously came to Edinburgh because he knew you’d be there. Why? To apologize? To get you back?”

  And this more specifically was why I wanted to talk to Andie. It was the question I’d been too scared and confused to ask, so I wanted someone else to ask it because I knew if they did, it would make me feel less crazy for thinking it. I still felt crazy. Because of Melissa. “He did apologize. But he’s here with his friends and … his girlfriend.”

  “He brought another girl? What!” Andie slammed her hands on the desk and leaned closer into the camera so her nose and mouth looked huge. “He knew you’d be there, that little …”

  I sat back and let Andie have her rant, expelling all the questions and anger I too was feeling. When she was done, she sat back, exhaling.

  “Uh, everything okay in here?” a masculine voice I knew well asked from off camera.

  Andie twisted her head around to stare in the direction of the voice and her face got soft. “Yeah, baby, I’m just raging on behalf of Supergirl.”

  “What happened?”

  “Boy problems.”

  “Thanks,” I mumbled sarcastically. That made it seem so trivial.

  “Do I need to kick someone’s ass?” The voice got closer and then Rick’s handsome face appeared beside Andie’s. “You okay, Charley?”

  “Hey, Rick, good to see you.” I wasn’t lying. My sister’s fiancé was the shit. He was ten years older than Andie and a Chicago police detective. They met a year ago when Andie’s friend’s car got stolen and Andie had driven her to the precinct. To Andie’s friend’s annoyance, Detective Rick Pertrard, who’d overheard the complaint to the officer on duty, had taken an immediate shine to the damsel-in-distress’s friend and not the damsel herself. He’d asked for Andie’s number and the rest was history. They moved in together after only six months and got engaged two months after that. I loved the changes I saw in my sister. She was far less concerned with being perfect all the time, and she’d definitely loosened up.

  As for me, I kept trying to make Rick my mentor but since my parents still weren’t happy with the cop idea, he was fighting me on it, more concerned with being a good son-in-law than encouraging me down a career path he knew would piss off my parents. That sucked, but he was still the shit.

  “You too, sweetheart, but I repeat: are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.”

  He frowned and looked at Andie. “Then what’s with the raging?”

  “She’s not fine. She’s very far from fine but she’s Charley, so she’s fine.”

  Rick’s gaze flickered between us. “As long as you understand each other, I guess.” He kissed her cheek and waved goodbye to me before heading out of shot.

  Andie turned as soon as he was gone. “So what’s your plan?”

  I shrugged. “No plan. It looks like we might have to be around each other because Claudia is hanging out with Jake’s best friend. A lot. I need to suck it up.”

  “Charley, despite what I just said to Rick, this is me you’re talking to. I came home from Dublin to find my baby sister a wreck. What happened with Jake changed you and I never got my old Charley back, so you can say you’re fine to everyone else, but not to me. Okay?”

  Her words automatically called on the lump in my throat and I looked away from the screen, fighting tears. I failed and swiped at them. “I’m not doing this again,” I told her harshly. “I already sobbed my guts out to Claudia after the party.”

  “Good.”

  I looked at my sister as if I’d just discovered she was the devil incarnate. “What?” I snapped.

  “I know you think tears make you less badass but screw that. You can’t bottle that stuff up. I know everyone told you to get over him, that he was just puppy love, but your family—never. We never said it because we never believed that. You were young but it was real, and I wanted to hunt him down and kill him for breaking your heart. A heart, I might add, that has never quite been the same since. Look at you and Alex.”

  “I’m not talking about Alex,” I groaned.

  Andie held up her hands in surrender. “Okay, we won’t talk about Alex. But I will say that I think you are crazy if you spend time with Jake. It would be crazy anyway, but even crazier because he’s there with his girlfriend.”

  I nodded glumly. “You’re right.”

  “Of course I’m right. I’m a psychiatrist.”

  “You’re not a psychiatrist yet.”

  “I know. Only two more years.” She grimaced. “God … I don’t think I’m going to make it.”

  I thought of the next nine months and spending it avoiding Jake and the knifelike feeling in my chest every time I saw him. “I know what you mean.”

  It was almost the end of week one of classes and I was already feeling the weight. Papers were due, tutorial materials were needed. I would actually have to do school work while I was here. The induction week in a foreign city had kind of lulled me into a false sense that I was on vacation.

  With classes up and running, Claudia and I had agreed to put our heads down and get organized.
We could go back to having fun once we were settled into our academics.

  Settling in for me would usually mean my brain was too cluttered with thoughts on classes to be able to concentrate on anything else, but not this time. I hated to admit it, but Jake Caplin was taking up way more of my thoughts than I’d like.

  While running my finger along the books in the reserve section of the university library in search of material I needed for an upcoming tutorial, I heard his voice right beside my ear. I jumped, thinking I’d actually conjured him.

  “Jesus,” Jake cried out softly, dodging my flailing arm.

  I glared up at him, my hand now pressed to my chest as I tried to get my heart rate to normalize. “Are you trying to kill me?”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know the words ‘Hey, Charley’ were considered lethal.”

  “They are if you sneak up behind me and practically whisper them in my ear. It’s creepy. Creepiness often precedes death.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” he replied in a strangled voice.

  “You do that.” I turned back to the bookshelf so I didn’t have to look at his gorgeous face, which happened to need a shave. When Jake needed a shave, he looked beyond hot. It was so unfair.

  I felt his head dip close to mine. “Whatcha looking for?”

  “The equation for time travel. Some guy just gave me permanent heart failure and I’d like to go back in time and change today so that I’m lying on a beach in Guam being waited on by a hottie named Han with heavy footsteps and an aversion to whispering.”

  Jake chuckled and I felt the deep sound in every one of my erogenous zones. “Still a smart-ass, I see,” he said.

  I looked up at him and ignored the fact that he was wearing another tight-fitting, long-sleeved shirt and that he obviously worked out. His shoulders and biceps were broader than they used to be and I realized belatedly that even his face was a little different. It was sharper, harder, the softness of youth having melted away.

  He was quite possibly more beautiful than he used to be. Wonderful.

  My gaze shifted past him and I shrugged casually. “Some things change. Some things don’t.”

  “You have and you haven’t.”

  His comment brought my eyes back to his. I frowned. “What do you mean?”

  It was now Jake’s turn to shrug. “You’re still a smart-ass, still cocky, but you’re quieter about it, more reserved. You’re not … you don’t seem as open to people as you used to be.”

  Finding myself in dangerous territory, I deflected his observation with sarcasm. “I was never open to people, but I live in a small town and was given little choice in the matter.”

  Jake ignored the sarcasm. “Come grab a coffee with me.”

  I felt an uncomfortable flip in my chest. “Now?”

  “Yeah. There’s a café across the main forum of the library. It’s two seconds away. We’re here. It’s there. We could be drinking coffee or juice or soda, milk even, or tea, or you know they have food there too …”

  “Jake Caplin, are you rambling?”

  He nodded, his warm eyes alight with humor. “I’m rambling. I’m a rambler now.”

  Crossing my arms over my chest, I tilted my head with an arrogant smile. “Are you nervous around me?”

  His mouth curled up at the corner and he gave me a little nod. “I’m nervous you’ll say no. Our last coffee didn’t go so well.”

  I hadn’t thought it had gone poorly. I made a face. “Didn’t it?”

  “You walked out after taking three sips.”

  “I was making a statement.”

  Jake shrugged, all humor suddenly gone from his expression. “Well, I didn’t like it. I don’t want you to repeat that statement.”

  I knew by the rapid fluttering in my chest that agreeing to have coffee with Jake was a bad idea. Andie would also think it was a bad idea. However, the whoosh in my belly—a consequence of Jake’s intense focus on me and worry that I’d reject his friendship—was something I hadn’t felt since we’d been together. It was a sudden reminder how addictive the belly whoosh I got from Jake’s attention was.

  And I found myself giving in to temptation. “I could do coffee.”

  His slow smile caused another big whoosh and I told my belly to get a grip as I walked out. I followed Jake across the crowded main entrance of the library, a forum that students had turned into a hangout, and we let ourselves into the perplex security gates to the library café. The place was packed, so I found us a spot to sit near brightly colored bean cushions while he got us coffee.

  Five minutes later I looked up and watched him coming toward me with the tray in his hands. The belly whoosh went to war with the ache of the loss of him in my chest. I forgot how much I loved the way his tall body moved. The pleasure of watching him was so familiar.

  It amazed me that the residual feelings from our eight months together felt like an album of memories compiled over years.

  Taking a seat across from me, Jake smiled. “So, it looks like we’re going to be seeing a lot of each other over the next few months. I think we should try to get past the weirdness.”

  What a conversation opener. “Straight to the point.”

  “The Charley I knew was a straight-talker. Has that changed too?”

  I blew over my hot coffee and replied before taking a sip, “What do you think?”

  Jake snorted. “I’m thinking that hasn’t changed.”

  We drank from our mugs, silence falling between us. I knew Jake was waiting for me to lead the way, telling me that the ball was in my court and he was happy to go along with whatever I wanted. In the interest of keeping our new group sweet, I put my mug down and relaxed back into my chair. “How are your mom and dad?”

  Relief visibly traveled through Jake’s body and he too relaxed. “They’re good. We moved back to Chicago and Dad got his old job back. Mom was happy to be back with all her old friends. They’re doing a lot better. What about your family?”

  “They’re okay. Dad’s busier than ever at work but Mom’s store hit troubles. The basement has some really dangerous mold growing in there, so she’s had to close down while they deal with that. It’s expensive in a lot of ways but you know Mom, you can’t keep her down. She’s working from the house. It’s driving Dad nuts.”

  Jacob’s eyes brightened and he nodded. “I’ll bet. What about Andie?”

  I smiled now as I thought of Rick. I was so happy my sister had found the right guy. “She’s great. Living in Chicago. Postgrad psych, doing her internship, and she’s engaged to a rugged police detective.”

  “Who you’ve bribed into being your mentor,” Jake guessed drolly.

  I felt another pang in my chest at the reminder of how well he knew me. I shrugged it off as if it wasn’t a big deal he knew all the simple stuff about me that made me me. “I tried. He’s too concerned with impressing Mom and Dad to commit, but I’ll wear him down.”

  Jake gave a huff a laughter. “I have no doubt.”

  Brushing off the moment, I asked about his brother Lukas.

  Jake instantly grinned. “Oh, he says hi.”

  “Tell him I say hi back.” It occurred to me Jake must’ve mentioned he’d run into me, and I wondered if his whole family knew. I also wondered how they felt about that.

  “He said to say that he saw the picture of you and Lowe on Facebook and you’re looking, and I quote, ‘hotter than ever.’”

  Remembering Lukas’s crush on me, I laughed. “He hasn’t changed. He was worse than you. I imagine he’s breaking hearts all over a college campus as we speak.”

  “Well, yeah, but he tells me he’s met ‘the one.’ He slept with her first week in and she’s an even bigger player than he is and doesn’t feel like settling down with the first freshman she banged. So Lukas’s game plan is to outplay her in some weird, modern mating ritual.”

  Laughter bubbled between my lips as I attempted to ignore the fact that I had a new ache from missing Lukas too. In my intense pain over
losing Jake, I’d almost forgotten how much I cared about his little brother.

  We yammered on for a while about family and then somehow, the conversation got turned around to my dating life.

  “Am I in a relationship?” I repeated Jake’s quiet question and then slowly shook my head. “No. I was back in freshman year. Since then, though, I’ve not really been looking for anything serious. I’m just focused on college and my friends.”

  Jake nodded thoughtfully and then asked, “What happened to the guy from freshman year? Were you together long?”

  “About ten months.”

  This appeared to surprise Jake, and not in a good way. I still knew him well enough to know that the flicker of hardness in his dark eyes meant he didn’t like something. I pushed it aside. “That’s a while,” he finally responded, taking a long sip of his cooling coffee.

  “Yeah.” I didn’t say anything else because I didn’t want to talk about it. Especially not with Jake. “So,” I drew in a deep breath, hating that my stomach churned just at the mere thought of my question, “how long have you and Melissa been together?”

  He stared at me a moment, perhaps trying to gauge if I could really handle the answer to my question. He put his empty coffee mug down and sat back. “We were friends first. We met sophomore year at the study abroad meeting, actually. Our friends started hanging out and uh, Melissa wanted to date but … um, well, we finally got there at the end of sophomore year so that takes us to six months of actual dating.”

  “She’s beautiful. And she seems really nice, Jake,” I said. And I meant it. I didn’t like it, but I meant it.

  Jake’s expression softened. “I almost forgot how kind you are.”

  “Our history is not her fault.”

  Our eyes locked and the air around us grew so thick and hot, it felt like even my skin couldn’t breathe. I stood up, exhaling heavily, like I’d just come out of an oppressive sauna after being trapped inside for days. “I’ve got to go. I need to hit the gym.”

  “You work out?”

  I nodded, watching as he unfolded himself from the chair and stood to tower over me. “I still haven’t given up on the idea of applying to the police academy after college, and I think a cop should be in good shape.”