Into the Deep

by Samantha Young

  “Beer.” I smiled back at him and headed around the table to sit in the empty seat beside the one he’d just vacated.

  While Jake was at the bar, Denver joined the band just as the manager of Milk hopped up onto the stage and scratched his thick beard with an amused curl to his lip. “If ye don’t know who these guys are by now, then ye’re definitely no regulars. There has been a fair amount of women visiting Milk these last few months, which I think has more tae dae wi’ the effect these guys have on their knickers than ma inexhaustible charm.”

  We laughed and I felt an immense amount of pride rush through me for The Stolen. My friends really were awesome and glancing over at Claudia sitting across the table grinning up at the stage, I knew she felt that pride too.

  “Don’t let their pretty boy façades fool ye. These guys are phenomenally talented. So without further ado, back from their trip home tae the States, Milk presents The Stolen.”

  We whooped and catcalled as the manager smiled at the guys and then bounced offstage. Matt hit the drums, leading them into one of my favorite upbeat tracks that Beck had co-written with Lowe. Listening to Lowe’s smooth, deep voice, I was lost for a while until I sensed Jake’s eyes on me. Turning my head ever so slightly, I met Jake’s gaze as he approached with beers in hand. He carefully handed Claud hers, eyes still on me, and then he rounded the table. Jake sat down next to me and casually shifted his chair closer. He draped his arm around the back of my seat and just like that, I lost my focus, Lowe’s voice becoming a muffled hum in my ears.

  Jake wasn’t even touching me and every single part of me was absolutely aware of every single part of him. We sat like that for four songs and then the guys stopped for a break.

  By this point I was having difficulty breathing and when I chanced a look at Jake, his dark eyes were burning. Being close, knowing we both wanted to be closer, and doing our best to be respectful … well, it was a sick kind of torment.

  “The guys sound great tonight,” I said loud enough for him to hear.

  Jake nodded and leaned a little closer. “They always sound great.” I gave him a teasing smile at his devotion and he shrugged. “I’m a groupie. You know … without the sex.”

  “Well, that’s a shame. They’d be lucky to have you.”

  He smirked. “That’s true. And they do all want me. I’ve remained strictly friends with all of them so I don’t upset their band dynamic. It’s been particularly difficult for me. They’re all very handsome.”

  Lips trembling with laughter, I nodded gravely. “Quite the temptation.” I leaned closer. “But let me in on the secret. Who would you have chosen … groupie.”

  Deadpan, Jake quirked an eyebrow. “I thought that would be obvious.” He nodded to the stage where the guys were chatting and taking sips of water. “Matt. Look at him. That’s all raw animal magnetism right there.”

  When I turned to look up at Matt, he was rubbing a hand towel under his sweaty pits.

  I threw my head back in laughter and turned to Jake to find him smiling at me in that way—that way he used to. That way that said he adored me completely.

  Terrified of that look melting every single one of my defenses, I turned back to the stage … and immediately frowned. Beck had jumped off the small platform to talk to a blond girl who’d approached the band. Beck said something with a flirtatious tilt to his mouth and the girl leaned her hand on his chest and laughed, stepping into his body. Eyes lit up Beck continued to chat with the girl, and his hand dropped to her hip to hold her close.

  I looked at Claudia. Uneasiness moved through me at the sight of Claudia’s pale cheeks and lowered gaze.

  If I, a person on the outside of their bizarre relationship, thought that Claudia and Beck had only grown closer over the winter break, then it came as no surprise that Claudia must’ve been feeling that way too. Unfortunately, Beck was a tool, and I would never understand him. For a guy who seemed so concerned about Claud’s feelings, he sure had a nice way of trampling all over them.

  “She terrifies him,” Jake’s deep voice murmured in my ear and despite my anger at Beck, Jake still managed to make the hair on the back of my neck rise.

  I turned sharply to him, frowning. “What?”

  Jake nodded at Beck. “He cares about Claudia more than any girl. Ever. I know that for a fact. I also know he’s pretty messed up when it comes to women. He doesn’t mean to hurt her.”

  Shaking my head, I shot my friend another worried look. “She’s going to have to walk away before he breaks her heart.”

  Strong, warm fingers threaded through mine and tightened. “I hope she gives him a chance first.”

  Staring up into Jake’s sincere eyes, I knew then he wasn’t just talking about Beck and Claudia. Swallowing past the lump of emotion in my throat, I nodded gently. “I know she’ll try.”

  It became quickly apparent that Jake and I had very little self-control. Or at least we weren’t good with temptation.

  Our decision to take things slow meant we hung out with our friends like we had for the last few months. There was no kissing or cuddling or anything remotely sexual. Okay, not going to lie … there was a lot of eye-fucking going on.

  The first week passed quickly and without incident. Kind of. We’d returned to classes and every day at the university, I’d dreaded bumping into Melissa. I knew from my roommate Gemma that Melissa was having a hard time. I knew this because Gemma hostilely informed me of her condition before endeavoring to treat me like Hester Prynne from The Scarlet Letter. If I walked into the kitchen and Gemma and one or both of the other girls were there, she’d cease talking as though I wasn’t good enough to be privy to her conversations.

  On campus I passed her between classes and she glared at me before murmuring something to her companions that made them wrinkle their nose at me, as if I smelled bad.

  I ignored this bitchy, childish behavior because frankly, I couldn’t give a shit what she thought. Unfortunately, I did care what Melissa thought, so when I turned down one of the book stacks on the third floor of the library and came face to face with her, I pretty much wished I were anywhere else in the world.

  Our eyes met as Melissa looked up from her book. As I stared into her wounded, broken expression, I felt like she’d punched her fist into my chest and squeezed my heart.

  Feeling sick, for the first time in as long as I could remember my bravado failed me, and I trembled a little as Melissa put the book back on the shelf and walked slowly toward me. Not once did I think about dropping my gaze. I owed her that much.

  She halted in front of me and I stopped breathing as I took in the dark circles under her eyes, the sharpness in her cheekbones that hadn’t been there before Christmas break.

  It felt like forever we just stared at one another, the sounds of pages turning, computer mice clicking, hushed murmurings, and soft footsteps all seeming incredibly loud in the taut atmosphere.

  Melissa blinked, the corners of her pretty mouth dipping. “I …” She shook her head, her eyes dim with pain as she continued softly, “I really want to hate you.”

  Remembering the days after my breakup with Jake, remembering the ache and needles of pain in every nerve, bone, and muscle, remembering the stifling feeling that came over me as I had to pay witness to Melissa’s relationship with Jake, the only thing I could say was, “I know.”

  A tear slipped down her cheek at my response and before I could say anything else, she quickly swiped it away and brushed past me.

  At her departure I sucked in a huge gulp of air and leaned back against the shelves, wishing life wasn’t so goddamn complicated.

  Later that night I told Jake about the encounter as we walked to the movies. The two of us were quiet all that night, and for the next week it was a little bit easier not to give into the temptation of one another.

  That wasn’t to say the pull wasn’t still intense.

  In order to somehow avoid the pull, Jake and I had actually stopped spending so much time together. It
was three weeks after our return from Fort William, the end of January, and we’d decided to spend yet another date at the movies because it meant at least two hours of time where we could pretend not to be focused on one another.

  We’d both fallen in love with this small art deco theater in an area called Morningside, about a thirty-minute walk from the university. The theater offered leather recliners and large, comfortable leather sofas as well as ordinary cinema seats. Jake and I usually got recliners so we weren’t sitting too much in each other’s space, but on the eventful night when we kicked off our five-day ban, we could only get a sofa together.

  As soon as we sat on that small sofa, I knew it was a bad idea. We’d spent the last few weeks ignoring the sexual chemistry between us, which meant we’d pretty much been ignoring our relationship and continuing on as we’d done before the Christmas break. Claudia told me she got that we were trying to be kind to Melissa, but whether or not we were sleeping together wasn’t going to change the fact that Melissa assumed we were.

  Honestly, by this point I was with Claudia, but just as Jake was willing to prove himself to me, I was willing to respect the memory of his and Melissa’s relationship for him.

  That’s why the sofa thing was such a bad idea.

  The tension was so thick between us, it was like our attraction had physically manifested into a large elephant sitting on and crushing my chest so I couldn’t breathe properly.

  Our arms brushed and Jake’s might as well have been a flame licking my skin. My cheeks blazed and I murmured, “Sorry.”

  When the lights went down for the movie, it was unbearable. I could hear Jake’s shallow breathing racing to find rhythm with mine. In the dim light, I saw his hands flex into tight fists on top of his thighs. And because I was trying my best not to think about sex, all I could think about was sex with Jake and how good it had been and how much better it would probably be now.

  I found myself beginning to sweat. My body was like a furnace.

  “Fuck it,” Jake suddenly whispered and turned to look at me as the light from the screen flickered over his face. “There’s taking things slow and then there’s taking things glacial.”

  My lip curled up at the corner. “Done with the glacial?”

  His eyes burned in the dark. “I think we’re doing a pretty good job of melting the glacial right out of us.”

  “You feel it too?”

  “Fuck yeah,” he leaned in close, his lips millimeters from mine. “Baby, I’ve been feeling it with you since I was sixteen.”

  He breached the gap between our mouths, his warm lips brushing over mine, tingles rushing south. He grazed his lips over mine once, twice, and then he nipped my bottom lip gently, before sweeping the tip of his tongue over the bite. I gasped, the erotic noise swallowed in his mouth as he closed it over mine. Jake slid his hand around my neck and into my hair, gently tugging me so I fell into his kiss, my hands resting on his chest.

  His kiss was soft at first, almost hesitant, but as soon as I began moving my lips against his, telling him that I wanted this, the kiss changed. I felt his tongue flick lightly against mine and my fingers curled into his T-shirt in response. He teased me with those flicks until I was squirming in the dark for more, my arms sliding around his neck, my fingers tightening in his hair as I opened my mouth wider against his and licked his tongue in a deep, wet kiss that shattered what little thread of control he was holding onto.

  Our kiss turned hard and hungry and Jake’s arms slid around my waist so he could crush me against his chest.

  The leather of the sofa creaked at our movement but I would’ve barely noticed it if it hadn’t been for the harsh female voice from my left that whispered admonishingly, “This isn’t a hotel room.”

  Jake and I pushed away from one another, our breathing heavy, my cheeks burning, as we gazed into each other’s wide eyes.

  We both knew then that we were so screwed.

  Somehow we got through the movie and then Jake walked me back to my building. We didn’t talk much and the entire time I was wondering if we were done with the whole moving slow thing and finally restarting our relationship. It occurred to me, now that I had a reminder of how combustible things were between us, I wasn’t sure if that was what I wanted or not. Moving slow meant we didn’t really discuss the things that mattered or the problems that still existed between us. If we finally entered into something serious and real again, it would mean opening myself up completely to Jake.

  That was a worrying thought.

  However, when we reached my apartment, Jake stopped and ran a shaky hand through his hair. “If we’re going to keep up this whole taking-it-slow thing, maybe we shouldn’t hang out alone for the next couple of days.”

  Part of me wanted to ask him why we were suddenly not just taking things slow but coming to an almost halt. At the cinema he’d seemed to be pretty adamant that glacial was bad.

  I felt my brow pucker. He’d broken up with Melissa almost two months ago. Wasn’t that a respectful amount of time already?

  And yet … the other part of me was almost relieved. It was a reprieve from having to let Jake in.

  So I nodded, gave him a shaky smile, and walked up to my apartment feeling more confused than ever.

  It all came to a head five days later.

  The Stolen were playing at one of the student union venues—The Pleasance. It was a ten-minute walk down and then up from the Cowgate. Although I’d talked with Jake on the phone, I hadn’t seen him in days. In a way, it was nice for me and Claudia to hang out uninterrupted from the boys for a while, but I had to admit, walking into the bar and seeing Jake laughing with Rowena while the band set up caused a flurry of excited nerves.

  When I reached Jake, he grabbed my hand and pulled me into him. He bent down to murmur in my ear, “God, I’ve missed you.”

  I smiled and as I pulled back, I nodded to let him know I’d missed him too.

  As the guys began to play, Jake put his arms around my waist and I leaned into him, my back to his chest. He rested his chin on my shoulder, tracing ticklish patterns with the tips of his finger on my stomach through my thin T-shirt. I was lost in the feel of him, of the scent of his cologne, of the sound of his voice vibrating through me as he sang softly along with Lowe. It was no wonder I didn’t hear Rowena’s warning at first, not until she was tugging Jake back from me saying loudly and edgily, “Guys, the door.”

  We jerked back from each other at the interruption, our breathing a little harried, and when we turned our heads toward the doorway, Jake instantly dropped my hand at the sight that greeted us.

  Melissa.

  She stood like a beacon in the crowd, flanked by two friends. The pain in her features made me want to crumple inside myself. I glanced up at Jake for direction but he was already making his way through the students toward his ex-girlfriend.

  When he stopped beside her, she snapped at him, her eyes filling with tears as she gestured angrily toward me. Jake reached out to soothe her and she pulled on his shirt, her expression suddenly pleading. He ran a hand through his hair and nodded, nudging her toward the exit. Before he left with her, he mouthed an apology my way and held up his hand as if to say, “I’ll be five minutes.”

  Just like that, our reunion was destroyed and all my happy was being eaten alive by guilt.

  “Ye okay?” Rowena asked softly. She stood by Claudia’s side and the two of them were gazing at me in concern.

  I shrugged. “I’m fine. He’ll be back soon.”

  Unfortunately, Jake wasn’t back soon and I never got a text or a call as to why. By the time The Stolen’s set was finished, I still hadn’t heard anything from him and I was beginning to worry.

  “I’ll walk Claudia home,” Denver offered as we were getting ready to leave the now-quiet bar. “You go back with the guys to their place. I’m sure he’s there.”

  Deciding it was the best thing to do or I’d end up having another sleepless night, I followed Lowe, Beck, and Matt back
to their apartment. Their common room was surprisingly clean considering a bunch of guys lived there, but then I remembered Beck telling me that Lowe was a bit of a clean freak.

  Jake wasn’t there in amongst all the clean.

  Lowe shrugged and pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge and handed it to me. “Just hang out here with us until he gets back.”

  Feeling my annoyance building, I nodded but pulled out my phone and shot a text off to Jake asking him what was happening.

  No reply.

  The guys attempted to keep my mind off where they knew it was wandering—into irrational jealousy land where Jake was hooking up with his ex—but by one o’clock in the morning, I was starting to get pissed. And more worried. “Do you think something has happened to him?”

  Beck frowned and shook his head. “Nah. They’re probably just hashing shit out.”

  “They hashed shit out weeks ago. What else is there to say?” My shoulders slumped when they all looked anywhere but at me. “Look, I’m not a bitch, okay? The expression on Melissa’s face tonight … yeah. I hate that I’m a part of that. But we’re not even together, barely, and he’s already …” Shutting me out. I waved my phone at them, not saying out loud the words I was thinking.

  When it hit two o’clock, I’d gone past feeling bad about being angry and was just plain mad. What the hell was he doing with her at two o’clock in the morning?

  I shot to my feet. “I’m going to go,” I muttered, grabbing my coat.

  “I’ll walk you,” Lowe insisted.

  “No, it’s fine. It’s two minutes away.”

  “I don’t care if it’s five seconds away. I’m walking you.”

  Deciding to give into his chivalry, I was brittle as I marched out of the building. I couldn’t believe how terrible the night had been, a night I’d been looking forward to all week. A month into our “relationship” and Jake was already letting me down.