Lauren Weisberger 5-Book Collection

by Lauren Weisberger

  She was trying to think of something else – the weather, her upcoming trip, the fact that her parents were discussing the possibility of moving back to the States – but Adriana’s mind refused to focus on anything other than the gorgeous contrast between Yani’s rough, ropelike dreds and the milky texture of his skin. Each time he stretched or straightened that beautiful midsection, her pulse quickened. She watched covertly as a droplet of perspiration traveled from his forehead to his neck and tried to imagine what it tasted like. When he placed his huge hands over her hips, it was all she could do not to groan. A coarse dreadlock brushed against her shoulder; he smelled like moss, overpoweringly green, but it was pleasant, masculine. He placed two fingers in the small of her back and nudged her pelvis forward. ‘Right there,’ he said softly. ‘Just like that.’

  His voice got louder, but only slightly. ‘Gently place the left palm on the floor and rotate your body into plank position. Feel the energy flow from your hands to the earth, from the earth to your hands. Don’t forget to breathe. There; hold it right there.’

  Adriana tried to block out the sound of his voice and, when that wasn’t possible, to reconfigure his words so that they sounded slightly saner. The class moved like a choreographed dance troupe, a collection of sinewy limbs and tight torsos that made the movements appear almost effortless. She loved yoga and she lusted after Yani, but she had minimal tolerance for the touchy-feely stuff. Correction: The touchy-feely stuff was great, as long as it was Yani touching her. All the lecturing about energy and karma and spirit made him just a little less appealing, and that was a real shame – but nothing she couldn’t overlook. She shifted her body into plank pose, her triceps quivering with effort, and glanced up to locate Yani. He was standing over Leigh with a foot positioned on each side of her extended legs, pressing the spot between her shoulder blades closer to the floor. Leigh met Adriana’s gaze and rolled her eyes.

  As usual, the class consisted exclusively of women. Adriana had expertly scanned the room upon entering and, after determining herself the most fit and attractive woman in attendance, laid out her mat and saved a space for Leigh. She felt proud that in this room of beautiful women – all in their twenties or early thirties, all but one at or under their ideal body weight, all groomed to within an inch of their lives despite the early Sunday morning and the physical nature of the activity – she was the most beautiful. This realization no longer surprised or delighted her the way it had when she was younger; rather, it gave her a little added confidence bump that helped smooth along the day. The fact that Yani wouldn’t sleep with her most likely indicated that the problem was his and not hers, a theory she wanted her friends to confirm at a post-yoga breakfast.

  ‘It just doesn’t make any sense,’ Adriana said, placing her mouth delicately around a spoonful of granola. ‘What do you think is wrong with him?’

  Leigh sipped her coffee and smiled at the waitress for more. The diner at the corner of Tenth and University wasn’t the best brunch place around – the servers were always surly, the eggs were sometimes cold, and the coffee ran the gamut from watery to bitter – but it was close to the studio and both girls could be certain that they would never see anyone they knew. There weren’t many places in downtown Manhattan where you could dine sporting yoga pants and sweaty ponytails without raising eyebrows, so they persevered.

  ‘I don’t know. I don’t suppose you think he’s gay?’

  ‘Of course not,’ Adriana snapped.

  ‘And there’s no chance that he’s just not that into you …’

  Adriana gave one of her cute mini-snorts. ‘Please.’

  ‘Well, then it’s got to be one of the usuals. Erectile dysfunction, mid-herpes outbreak, freakishly small member. What else could it be?’

  Adriana considered these options, but none of them felt quite right. Yani seemed peaceful, accepting, completely self-assured in that strong, silent way. No man had ever not responded to her. And it’s not that she wasn’t trying – it had been years since she’d needed to make an effort like this, and that time the boy’s reluctance had been tied to his upcoming wedding – but it sometimes seemed like Yani didn’t even see her. The more she swung her hair or thrust out her perfect breasts, the less he noticed.

  ‘What else? Why, isn’t it obvious? He’s a total bed-wetter and he’s terrified of being found out.’ Emmy seemed to materialize out of nowhere, and for the briefest moment Adriana was irritated to have the attention shifted away from her.

  ‘Hey! We didn’t know if you’d make it. Here, give me your stuff,’ Leigh said, holding out her arms.

  ‘What, don’t you want me to sit next to you? I promise I’ll sit really close, maybe rub my shoulder against yours. It’ll be fun.’

  Leigh sighed.

  Adriana patted the seat next to her; she knew Leigh had ‘space issues’ and she tried to be understanding, but it was annoying always having to be the one who got crammed inside booths and crowded in banquettes. ‘How does Russell deal with the fact that you can’t stand being near anyone?’

  ‘It’s not that I “can’t stand being near anyone.” I just like a little buffer zone. What’s wrong with a little personal space?’ Leigh asked.

  ‘Yeah, but seriously: Does he get it? Accept it? Or does he hate it?’

  Leigh sighed again. ‘He hates it. I feel bad. He comes from a huge, happy family of mouth-kissers! I’m an only child with parents as affectionate as ceramic statues. I’m working on it, but I can’t help that all that closeness and touching seriously freaks me out.’

  Adriana raised her hand in defeat. ‘Fair enough. As long as you recognize the issue.’

  Leigh nodded. ‘Definitely aware. Constantly, neurotically, miserably aware. And working on it, I promise.’

  Emmy collapsed onto the bench beside Adriana; the padded vinyl heaved a bit with the extra ninety-five pounds and then settled. ‘How was yoga? Still no love from the Y-man?’

  ‘Not yet. But he will succumb,’ Adriana said.

  Leigh nodded. ‘They always do. For you, at least.’

  Emmy clapped her hand on the table. ‘Girls, girls! Have we forgotten so soon? Adriana is no longer seeking casual encounters. Of course, she’s welcome to become Yani’s girlfriend, but according to the rules, she cannot be his one-night stand.’

  ‘Ah, yes. The rules. Agreed to after one too many cocktails and, at least as of today, not settled yet. I think that still makes Yani fair game.’ Adriana made a point to smile cutely, not sexily, focusing on deepening the dimples that appeared when she was acting her most girlish.

  Emmy blew her a kiss. ‘Honey, save those dimples for your future boyfriend. They’re worthless at this table. And besides, I have news.’

  ‘Duncan news?’ Leigh asked automatically, forgetting for a second that they’d now been broken up for nearly three weeks.

  ‘No, not Duncan news – although I did run into his sister, who told me that he and the virgin cheerleader are going in on a Hamptons share with three other couples for July and August.’

  ‘Mmm, sounds great. They can pay twenty grand for a small bedroom and shared bathroom and bumper-to-bumper traffic, all so they can spend the summer not having sex. Sounds dreamy. Do I have to bring up summer of ’03 again?’

  Adriana shuddered. Just the thought of that summer was enough to make her feel on edge. It had been her idea – what could be so bad about a mansion in the Hamptons with a pool, a tennis court, and forty to fifty single, professional twentysomethings? – and she’d campaigned Emmy and Leigh vociferously for weeks until they finally agreed. All three had been so miserable with the 24/7 noise and partying and drinking-till-you-puke theme that they’d spent each weekend of their half-share huddled at the far end of the pool together, clinging to one another for sanity’s sake. ‘Please, no! Don’t go there. Even all these years later, it’s still traumatic.’

  ‘Yeah, well, Duncan and the trainer can go hang themselves for all I care. I had a long talk with Chef Massey this week and
he’s still interested in having me do some work abroad. He’s planning to open two new restaurants this year alone and needs people on-site to oversee the progress, help with hiring, stuff like that. And of course, menu ideas whenever possible. I start a week from Monday.’

  ‘Congratulations!’ Leigh said.

  Adriana squeezed Leigh’s hand and tried her hardest to appear pleased. She wasn’t unhappy for Emmy – after all, the girl had had a shitty go of it lately – but, selfishly speaking, it was hard sometimes hearing about her friends’ career successes. She knew they envied her free time and would kill to have the funds and time to enjoy life a little more, but it no longer made her feel good to hear it. And of course it was not like she wanted either of their jobs; that was for sure. Emmy’s tirades about egomaniacal chefs and impossible restaurant personalities were scary enough to turn anyone off a career in the food-service industry, and Leigh’s hours were insane. She complained constantly of lunatic authors and oppressive reading schedules, and Adriana wondered if she wasn’t just a little bit envious of those who actually got to write the books instead of edit them. But if Adriana was going to be completely honest with herself, she knew that both girls found a certain satisfaction in their jobs that she would never know from her daily schedule, however rigorous, of grooming, lunching, exercising, and socializing. It’s not that she hadn’t tried working – she’d given it a fair shot. Right after graduation she’d signed on for the buyer training program at Saks but quit as soon as she realized that she’d have to start with makeup and accessories and it would take years to work her way up to premier designer apparel. There was a brief stint at an advertising agency that she’d almost enjoyed, at least until her boss asked her to go outside in the snow to buy him a cup of coffee. She had even worked a few weeks for one of the famous Chelsea galleries, before realizing how naïve she’d been to think she could meet eligible straight men in the art world. Right after that job Adriana realized it just didn’t make much sense to work forty hours a week and neglect so many other aspects of her life for a couple thousand dollars here or there. So while she knew from experience that she’d never trade the freedom of her situation for the drudgery of a nine-to-five, of course, there were times when she wished she was good at something besides bedding men. The exception being the current case with Yani.

  ‘… so I’ll be traveling one to two weeks out of every four. And he’s going to start looking for a new GM for Willow so I can focus even more on the new restaurants. I’ll get to do a bit of everything: scouting, hiring, menu consultation, and then, once they open, stay on for a few weeks to make sure everything runs smoothly. How awesome is that?’ Emmy beamed.

  Adriana hadn’t heard a word. ‘What’s going on?’ she asked.

  Leigh glared at her. ‘Emmy was just saying that Chef Massey’s offer is still on the table. And Emmy’s going to take it.’

  ‘The salary isn’t quite what I hoped for, but I’ll be traveling so much that I’ll barely have any living expenses. And – are you ready for this? – my first trip is to Paris. For “training.” How amazing is that?’

  Adriana tried not to resent the ebullient look on Emmy’s face. It’s just Paris, she thought to herself. It’s not like everyone hasn’t been there a thousand times. It took every ounce of willpower not to roll her eyes when Leigh breathed, ‘So amazing.’

  Emmy accidentally sipped from Adriana’s coffee cup and it was all Adriana could do not to stab her hand with a fork. Why on earth was she so upset? Was she really such a jealous, petty person that she couldn’t be happy for her own best friend’s success? She forced herself to smile and utter some sort of congratulations in the only way she knew how. ‘Well, you know what that means, don’t you, querida? Looks like your first affair will be with a Frenchman.’

  ‘Yes, I’ve been doing a bit of thinking about that.’

  ‘Backing out already?’ Adriana said coyly. She cradled her coffee cup and pressed her lips to the edge.

  Emmy cleared her throat and pretended to smooth her eyebrow with an extended middle finger. ‘Backing out? Hardly. I was going to clarify a few rules, is all.’

  ‘You’re all about rules today, aren’t you?’ Adriana sniped.

  ‘Hey, don’t take it out on me that you’re losing your touch. It’s not my fault Yani couldn’t be less interested,’ Emmy said.

  ‘Come on, guys.’ Leigh sighed. No matter how many years passed or how much responsibility each assumed, they still managed to bicker like bitchy teenagers on a regular basis. In some way, though, each found it comforting; it reminded them how close they really were: Acquaintances were always on their best behavior, but sisters loved each other enough to say anything.

  ‘Can I help it if I’m eager to get started? As neither of you has been shy about pointing out, I’m way, way behind,’ said Emmy.

  Adriana reminded herself to play nicely. She clasped her hands together and said, ‘Okay, let’s do it. How many men are you thinking of this year?’

  Leigh, desperate not to remind the girls that she hadn’t agreed to any changes, anxiously chimed in. ‘I think three sounds fair, don’t you guys?’

  Adriana made a noise as though she were choking on her coffee. ‘Three? Please! That’s a good month, not a good year.’

  ‘For once, I’m going to agree,’ Emmy said. ‘With all the traveling I’m going to be doing, I don’t think three is realistic.’

  ‘So, what, are you going to screw a guy in every country you visit?’ Leigh laughed. ‘Like, “Here’s my passport and here’s my hotel key, come on in”?’

  ‘I was actually thinking more like a guy on every continent.’

  ‘Shut up!’ Leigh and Adriana said in tandem.

  ‘What? Is that sooo impossible to imagine?’

  ‘Yes.’ Leigh nodded.

  ‘Ridiculous,’ Adriana agreed.

  ‘Well, I’ve decided. One man for every continent I visit. Foreign, sexy men. The less American, the better. And no strings attached. No relationships, no emotional entanglements – just pure, unadulterated sex.’

  Adriana whistled. ‘Querida! You’re making me blush!’

  ‘What about Antarctica?’ Leigh asked. ‘I don’t think Adi has managed to sleep with a guy from Antarctica.’

  ‘I thought of that. Antarctica does seem a little unrealistic. Which is why I think Alaska can count for Antarctica.’ Emmy pulled a crumpled paper from her messenger bag and smoothed it flat on the table.

  ‘Is that a chart? Please don’t tell me you made a chart.’ Adriana laughed.

  ‘I made a chart.’

  Leigh looked toward the ceiling. ‘She made a chart.’

  ‘I’ve got it all figured out. Obviously, I already have North America, so that leaves six more. And, technically speaking, Mark – Otis’s daddy – was born in Moscow, so he really could count for Europe.’

  ‘I call bullshit on that,’ Leigh said. ‘It has to be within this year.’ The waitress frowned when she laid down their check.

  ‘Seconded,’ Adriana said. ‘We’ll give you America – North only – but Mark is a no-go. Why would you even want him to count for Europe? You’re going to Paris in a few weeks!’

  Emmy nodded. ‘Fair enough. One down, six to go.’

  ‘What if you meet a Japanese guy in Greece, or an Australian in Thailand?’ Adriana asked, looking perplexed. ‘Do they count as Asia and Australia, or does the sex have to take place on the actual continent?’

  Emmy’s eyebrows furrowed. ‘I don’t know. I hadn’t thought of that.’

  ‘Let’s give the girl a break,’ Leigh said, looking to Adriana. ‘I think nationality or location should count. My god, it’s amazing enough that she’s even going to attempt this.’

  ‘I’m fine with that,’ Adriana agreed. ‘And in a demonstration of goodwill, I think you should have a free pass as well.’

  ‘Meaning?’

  ‘Meaning that you should get to skip one continent. Otherwise, I think you’re just setting yourself
up for failure.’

  ‘Which one?’ Emmy asked, appearing slightly relieved.

  ‘What if Swiss guys counted as a wild card?’ Leigh asked. ‘It’s a neutral country. I think if you sleep with a Swiss guy he can count for anywhere.’

  The girls laughed and laughed, the kind of laughter that happens all too rarely after college.

  Adriana pulled a blue tin tub from the front pocket of her yoga bag and rubbed a bit of clear salve on her lips, aware that both her friends and nearly every patron at every surrounding table appeared transfixed by her little ritual. It made her feel a little bit better. She’d had trouble ridding herself of the thoughts that had been plaguing her lately, namely that her looks wouldn’t last forever. She had known this intellectually, of course – the way a teenager knows death is inevitable – but she was completely unable to comprehend the reality. Her mother had been reminding her of this very fact since the day Adriana had, at the age of fourteen, agreed to two dates with two different boys on the same night. When asked which one she would choose to see that night, Adriana gazed at her still-beautiful mother with uncomprehending eyes.

  ‘Why would I break plans with either one, Mama?’ Adriana had asked. ‘There’s time enough for both of them.’

  Her mother had smiled and cupped Adriana’s cheek in a cool, open palm. ‘Enjoy it now, querida. It will not be like this always.’

  Of course she was right, but Adriana hadn’t counted on ‘always’ coming so soon. It was time to utilize her beauty for something more important than attracting a steady stream of lovers. Her pledge to find a boyfriend was a step in the right direction, but it wasn’t far-reaching enough.

  With great flourish, Adriana held her left hand up and sighed dramatically. ‘Do you see this hand, girls?’ Both nodded. ‘By this time next year, there will be a diamond on it. An extraordinarily large diamond. I hereby declare that I will be engaged to the perfect man within twelve months.’

  ‘Adriana!’ Emmy shrieked. ‘You’re just trying to outdo me.’