Lauren Weisberger 5-Book Collection

by Lauren Weisberger

  I am a vile human being, Leigh thought as she examined herself in the ladies room closest to her office. It was almost seven and she’d only just ended her final phone call with one of her least favorite agents. Her hair hung in limp, frizzy strands, its flatness accentuated by the dark bags under eyes and the angry redness of a forehead pimple that had neither hair nor foundation to conceal it. She’d forgotten that Russell had once joked that she looked ‘lesbian chic’ in the blazer she was wearing, and although she’d always loved its shrunken fit and its chunky gold chains and the fact that it was Chanel – the only article of haute couture she owned – she had never noticed until this very moment that it made her look like a linebacker. ‘Don’t worry,’ she mumbled, unaware that she was talking to herself. ‘Russell’s a sports commentator. He works for ESPN. He dedicates his life to professional sports. Russell loves football players!’ And with that, clutching the gorgeously wrapped gift box from Barneys, trying not to worry about the fact that its contents were a complete mystery, she gathered her unkempt self and hustled downstairs to hail a cab.

  Russell stood outside Daniel, looking relaxed and fit and happy. Like he’d just returned from a month in the Caribbean, where he’d done nothing but treat his body like a temple. His charcoal gray suit hugged every toned muscle. His skin glowed with the health of someone who runs six miles a day; he was freshly washed and shaven. Even his shoes – a pair of black lace-ups that he’d bought on their last trip to Milan – literally shined. He was groomed to perfection, and Leigh resented him for it. Who on earth managed to work a full day and keep their tie that clean or their shirt that crisp? How was it always possible to match that well, to have coordinated cuff links with trouser socks, shoes with briefcases?

  ‘Hi, gorgeous. I was starting to worry.’

  She pecked him on the lips but moved away before he could open his mouth. ‘Worry? Why? I’m right on time.’

  ‘Well, you know, I just hadn’t heard from you all day. You did get the orchid, right? I know the purple ones are your favorite.’

  ‘I did. It was beautiful. Thank you so much.’ Her voice sounded strange to her own ears – it was the higher-pitched, polite tone she used with her doorman or dry cleaner.

  Russell placed his hand in the small of her back and guided her through the front doors. They were immediately greeted by a tuxedoed man nearing the end of middle age who appeared to recognize Russell. They conferred momentarily in whispers, the maître d’ leaning in toward Russell, the two men clapping each other on the shoulders. A moment later, he motioned for a young girl in a tight but conservative pantsuit to show them to their table.

  ‘Football fan?’ Leigh asked, more to appear interested than because she actually was.

  ‘What? Oh, the maître d’? Yeah, he must have recognized me from the show. What else could explain this table, right?’

  Only then did Leigh notice that they had easily the best table in the whole restaurant. They were facing the entire gorgeous room from their perch under one of the dramatic archways. The lighting was so soft and perfect that Leigh thought she might even look good under it, and the heavy brocade and acres of rich red velvet felt soothing after such a hellish day. The tables were adequately spaced to keep people from sitting on top of one another, the background music was unobtrusive, and there didn’t appear to be a single person talking on a cell phone. From strictly an anxiety standpoint, this place was heaven on earth – a particularly good thing tonight, considering Russell would be even less thrilled than he usually was if she made a fuss over the table selection.

  She relaxed even more after a glass of pinot grigio and some delicately caramelized sea scallops, but Leigh still couldn’t completely switch gears from work to romantic dinner à deux. She nodded her way through Russell’s description of a companywide memo he was thinking of authoring, his suggestion that they try to make it to his college buddy’s Martha’s Vineyard home sometime that summer, and his recap of a joke one of the show’s makeup artists had told him that morning. It wasn’t until the waiter delivered two flutes of champagne and something called a coconut dacquoise that Leigh felt alert. There, resting casually next to the plate of poached pineapples and surrounded by berries, was a black velvet box. She was surprised and a little disconcerted that her first feeling upon spying the jewelry box was one of relief: Its long, rectangular shape indicated that it wasn’t – thank god – a ring. Of course she’d probably want to marry Russell someday – there wasn’t a friend or family member who’d ever met him and not immediately referenced his superior husband potential, kindness, handsome looks, successful career, charisma, and obvious adoration of Leigh – but she definitely wasn’t ready to marry him now. There didn’t seem to be any harm at all in waiting another year, or maybe two. Marriage was, well, marriage, and she wanted to be absolutely sure.

  ‘What’s this?’ she asked with genuine excitement, already envisioning an initial pendant of some sort, or perhaps a pretty gold bracelet.

  ‘Open it and see,’ he said softly.

  Leigh fingered the plush velvet and grinned. ‘You shouldn’t have!’

  ‘Open it!’

  ‘I just know I’m going to love it.’

  ‘Leigh, open the box. You may be surprised.’

  The look in his eyes gave her pause, as did the way his hand tensed around his champagne glass. She snapped open the lid and, just like they do in every bad rom com she’d ever seen, she gasped. There, nestled in the very middle of the necklace-sized box, was a ring. An engagement ring. A very huge, very beautiful engagement ring.

  ‘Leigh?’ His voice shook. Gently, he took the box from her and plucked the ring out. In one swift movement, he took her left hand in his own and slid the ring onto the proper finger. It fit perfectly. ‘Leigh, honey? I’ve loved you since the moment I met you, one year ago today. I think we’ve both known from the very first night that this was something special – something forever. Will you marry me?’

  Emmy’s first meeting the next day with a local culinary staffing company wasn’t until two o’clock – one of the many benefits of the hospitality industry – but she was really starting to feel the jet lag. When she’d arrived at the hotel that morning at ten, she had ordered a light room-service breakfast of coffee, croissant, and berries (after a quick conversion from euros to dollars, she realized the cost was $31, not including tip) and then bathed using the three-ounce bubble bath she found in the minibar ($50). Following a quick nap and few hours spent confirming the next day’s appointments, she’d had a Niçoise salad and a Coke in the restaurant’s outdoor garden ($38). None of it felt particularly extravagant, though, when compared to dinner, a simple steak-frites she had eaten alone in the hotel’s lobby lounge two hours earlier. Steak, fries, and a single glass of red wine. (‘House wine? What do you mean by “house wine”?’ the waiter had asked with a barely suppressed sneer. ‘Ah,’ he said after a moment of intense thought. ‘You mean “inexpensive,” yes? I will bring it to you, madam.’) The bill had come to a whopping $96, and the wine tasted like Manischewitz. He hadn’t even called her mademoiselle!

  Occupying a prime sliver of real estate on chic Rue du Faubourg in the 1st arrondissement – just steps from the Ritz and Hermès – the Hotel Costes was legendary for its celeb-heavy clientele and ultra-chic late-night lounge scene. When the travel department asked if she had any hotel preferences, Emmy couldn’t work up the nerve even to suggest the Costes. It wasn’t until the agent had given her a choice between there and a gorgeous riverfront hotel on the Left Bank that she practically shrieked with excitement. What better place to get started on Tour de Whore ’07?

  Emmy had spent a full week anticipating her stay at the Costes. One hour after arrival she was awed by its coolness; two hours later she was intimidated; three hours after that she was ready to check out. The Costes might be the best place in town to be seen, but it seemed impossible that anyone actually stayed there. Either she had gotten really, really old or the Costes had a major atti
tude problem. The hallways were so dark that she’d taken to running her hands along the corridor walls to keep from walking into them. The music from the lounge reverberated through the rooms, and the noisy bustle of models sipping skim lattes and various nationalities of modelizers slurping Bordeaux in the central courtyard bounced off every window. Her charming claw-foot tub had no curtain, so the floor flooded when she turned on the handheld showerhead. There was no electrical outlet in the bathroom (probably because everyone brought their own stylist), so Emmy had been forced to dry her hair, sans mirror, at the desk. So far she’d been patronized, ignored, and mocked by the hotel staff. And yet, irritatingly enough, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she should feel honored to stay there.

  So she sat as unobtrusively as she could manage in the lounge, reading e-mails on her laptop and savoring an espresso (a flawless one, she grudgingly conceded). Her sister wrote that she and Kevin were planning to come to New York for the Fourth of July, and asked if she’d be in town. She had just written back to say that they could have her studio and she’d stay at Adriana’s when her new company-provided international cell phone rang.

  ‘This is Emmy Solomon,’ she said as professionally as possible.

  ‘Emmy? Is that you?’

  ‘Leigh? How did you get this number?’

  ‘I called your office here and said it was an emergency. I hope you don’t mind?’

  ‘Sweetie, is everything okay? It’s two in the morning there.’

  ‘Yeah, everything’s fine, I just wanted you to hear it from me before the word got out over e-mail. I’m engaged!’

  ‘Engaged? Oh my god! Leigh, congratulations! I had no idea you guys were even thinking about it. This is so exciting! Tell me everything.’ Emmy saw a uniformed staffer shoot her a nasty look, but she glared right back.

  ‘I, uh, guess I wasn’t really expecting it, either,’ Leigh said. ‘It just sort of came out of nowhere.’

  ‘Well, how did he do it?’

  Leigh described what was supposed to be a simple anniversary dinner, how haggish she’d looked and felt, and what each of them had ordered at Daniel in measured, factual detail. By the time she got to the dessert-time proposal, Emmy had started interrupting in a desperate attempt to get to the good stuff.

  ‘I don’t care how you looked – what does the ring look like? And let me remind you that now is not the time for modesty.’

  ‘It’s huge.’

  ‘How huge?’

  ‘Very huge.’

  ‘Leigh!’

  ‘Just under four.’

  ‘Just under four! Carats? Four carats?’

  ‘I’m worried it’s too big. How can I wear something like that to work? I work in book publishing.’ Leigh sighed.

  Emmy wanted to scream. ‘I won’t even dignify it with a response. Did you tell Adriana that you think it’s … I can’t even bring myself to say it.’

  ‘Yes. She told me if I think it’s too big I don’t deserve it.’

  ‘I’ll second that. Now stop being a goddamn idiot and tell me more. Have you set a date yet? When do you think you’ll move into his place?’

  The silence on the line was so complete that Emmy thought they’d been disconnected. ‘Leigh? Can you hear me?’

  ‘Yeah, sorry about that. We haven’t even come close to picking a date yet – I don’t know, next summer, I guess? The summer after?’

  ‘Leigh! You’re thirty years old and not getting any younger. You think we’re going to let you be engaged for two years? If I were you, I’d have that boy at the altar in five months. What are you waiting for?’

  ‘I’m not waiting for anything,’ Leigh said, sounding peeved. ‘I just don’t see what the big rush is all about. We just met, for chrissake.’

  ‘You met a year ago, Leigh, and as you’ve pointed out yourself on numerous occasions, he fits every checklist of everything you’ve been looking for in a man. And more. You’d be insane not to lock this up at the earliest possible date. At the very least, you need to get yourself situated in his apartment. Stake your claim.’

  ‘Emmy, you’re being ridiculous. “Stake my claim”? Are you kidding? You know how I feel about living together before marriage.’

  Emmy shrieked a little and then, remembering where she was, slapped a hand over her mouth. ‘Don’t tell me you’re actually going to abide by that absurd idea? My god, Leigh, you sound like some religious freak!’

  ‘Oh, Emmy, save it. You know it has nothing to do with any religious or moral reason. It’s just the way I want it. It’s a little old-fashioned. So what?’

  ‘Does Russell know?’

  ‘He certainly knows how I feel in general.’

  ‘But he doesn’t know that now, even though you’re engaged to be married, you’re not going to move in with him?’

  ‘We haven’t gotten there yet. I’m sure he’ll be totally understanding.’

  ‘Good god, Leigh. You know you’re going to have to live with him at some point, don’t you? Even though he’s a boy and he’s gross in the bathroom and might want the TV on sometimes when you don’t? You have thought about this, haven’t you?’

  Leigh sighed and said, ‘I know. In theory that all sounds okay, but in reality … I’m just used to living alone. I like living alone. The noise, and the stuff all over the place, and the always having to talk even when you just want to sit on the couch and zone out … it’s terrifying.’

  Slightly relieved that Leigh had, at the very least, opened up about her fear of cohabiting, Emmy eased a little. ‘I know, sweetie. It’s scary for everyone. Hell, Duncan and I dated for five years and never made it official. But you love him and he loves you and the two of you will figure it out. If you want to wait until you’re legal, well, who am I to tell you what—’

  ‘I’m not in love with him, Emmy.’ Leigh’s voice was unwavering and their connection was crystal clear, but Emmy was certain she hadn’t heard correctly.

  ‘What did you say? I can’t hear a goddamn thing here.’

  Leigh was silent on the other end.

  ‘Leigh? Are you there? What did you just say?’

  ‘Don’t make me say it again,’ Leigh whispered, her throat catching on the last word.

  ‘Sweetheart, what do you mean? You two seem so happy together! You’ve never uttered a negative word about Russell, only told us over and over how sweet and kind and thoughtful he is,’ Emmy coaxed.

  ‘None of that changes the fact that sometimes I’m bored to tears when I’m with him. I know I shouldn’t be, but it doesn’t change the fact that I am. We don’t have anything in common! He loves sports; I love reading. He wants to go out and network and meet people, and I just want to hole up at home. He’s not the least bit interested in current events or the arts – just football, weight training, nutrition, stats. His college injury. I’m not denying that he’s a terrific guy, Em, but I’m not sure he’s terrific for me.’

  Emmy liked to think of herself as fairly intuitive, but she hadn’t sensed this for a second. Nerves, she thought to herself. Nothing more than Leigh’s inability to accept that she deserved a great guy and had actually found one. Everyone knew that crazy passion or great love affairs cooled after the first few months, maybe a year. What mattered was finding someone who would be a good partner for the long haul. Who would stay by your side, be a good husband, a good father. And if Russell wasn’t that guy, she didn’t know who was. She began to explain exactly this to Leigh but she was interrupted by the scowling hotel employee, who tapped her roughly on the shoulder. ‘Madam? Kindly remove your shoes from the furniture.’

  ‘Who’s that?’ Leigh asked.

  ‘Excuse me?’ Emmy peered at the man; she was momentarily intimidated, but that quickly shifted to irritation.

  ‘I requested that you please remove your shoes from the chair. We don’t sit like that here.’ The man stood rooted to his spot and peered at Emmy.

  ‘Emmy, what’s going on? Who is that?’

  Emmy, usually uncomfo
rtable with any type of confrontation, felt a wave of anger course through her. She forgot all about Leigh and glared at the man. ‘We don’t sit like that here? Did you really just say that to me?’

  Leigh laughed. ‘Tell him how it is.’

  Emmy made a point of speaking loudly into the phone. ‘I’m sitting in the lounge because it’s too goddamn dark to read in my own room – just sitting, mind you – and I have one of my legs tucked under me. And you want to know the type of shoes I’m putting all over the furniture? Ballet slippers. Like, not ballet-style flats but actual sole-less ballet slippers. I’m a guest of this hotel, and he has the nerve to reprimand me like a child?’ She flashed her eyes upward to meet the man’s. He shook his head as if to say Ignorant American and turned – pirouetted, really – away.

  ‘Got to love French hospitality,’ Leigh said. ‘Am I to assume that you haven’t snagged yourself a lover yet?’

  ‘Nice try. Don’t think you’re changing the subject that easily.’

  ‘Em, I really appreciate your listening, but I don’t want to talk about it anymore, okay? I’m sure everything will work out.’

  Now that’s the spirit! Emmy thought. Leigh just needed a little time to work through her thoughts, to realize what was important. It was a mere case of overthinking, and Leigh would see she was just being silly. ‘Okay. Back to the ring. Tell me more.’

  ‘It’s really beautiful,’ Leigh said softly. ‘So classic. I don’t know how he knew I liked that – I’m not even sure I knew I liked that. We never went shopping or looking; we never even talked about it.’

  ‘That’s Russell for you. What shape is it?’

  ‘A larger emerald-cut stone in the middle flanked by two smaller emerald-cuts on the side of a very thin platinum band.’

  Emmy whistled. ‘Sounds gorgeous. Did you really not have any idea?’

  There was a long pause. For a moment Emmy again thought that they’d gotten disconnected, but then she heard Leigh breathing heavily.